Do looks matter to you?

[HisGraceAbounds]

This thread has been very illuminating for me to read. I read the other replies and see how incredibly shallow of a person I am (or was since I've remained single for almost 15 years).

I'm not sure what to do with this new info

 

[bèlla]

To be honest, they weren't much to look at themselves either. Cute, but average.

Most people are average. That’s especially true in Christian circles. I suspect appearance is a bigger deal than many admit.

But they'd honestly would have to consider travel a good distance geographically from a po-dunk town to meet people an hour away at the nearest big city if they weren't going to compromise on settling on locals.

The dichotomy between attractiveness and the limitations its absence imposes is difficult. I think it’s best to face your bias and shortcomings.

From my observation, Christian singleness (in many cases) has little to do with lack of opportunities, bad prospects, or waiting on God. They’re common excuses. In most instances, it’s an unwillingness to ‘settle’ and accept what’s before them. They’ve set their sights on something better. And aloneness is the result.

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

Shes' 5'6", wears 4 to 5 inch heels, thus...making her taller than a guy that's 5'8"

There’s a difference between desiring someone tall and consistently attracting and dating the latter. The women you’re addressing in this thread are probably guided by fantasy than experience. We routinely attract a certain type. If he’s tall there’s little reason to emphasize its importance.

Most women aren’t enamored with height or have lengthy discussions about its absence. My aunts are 5’9, 5’10, and 5’11. They’ve never mentioned the subject for either sex. But my mother has (in respect to herself). She’s the short one.

I think it’s wise to acknowledge what’s working against you. But dwelling on it is another matter.

~Bella

 

[exitstageright]

Balanced

Looks matter to an extent, but it's more difficult to find a woman who is also friendly, smart, and and cooperative in ways that are meaningful to me.

You have gotten that right!

 

[MehGuy]

Thing is, nothing can be done about height, but something can be done about weight.

Also, there are attractive short men out there just as there are attractive tall and short women. If you see a picture of a guy in good shape and he's got it going on for him career wise, but when a tall gal sees him in person and he's say 5'6"...that can immediately make him unattractive.

Flip it...and to a man it wouldn't really matter. I've seen 6 feet tall women turn my heads just as much as shorter women. If they have a nice figure, the height isn't even an issue for men.

Honestly.. most men over the age of 25 place much more emphasis on youthfulness than weight. I know plenty of older men who prefer to date chubby younger chicks than thin ones their own age.

Feminism just wants to make it sound like a weight issue, because they want the easier burden that can be fixed with proper diet.. not the harsher reality of something they can't really change.

 

[bèlla]

Honestly.. most men over the age of 25 place much more emphasis on youthfulness than weight. I know plenty of older men who prefer to date chubby younger chicks than thin ones their own age.

I have never encountered anyone with that philosophy while dating or mentoring women. A desire for physical fitness is a constant. The men I’ve known who preferred younger women found companions who were young and fit.

And the same holds true here. The men who’ve shared their beauty standards and desires have similar statements.

That has nothing to do with feminism and hails from men themselves. The challenges of finding companions for women outside that range has been echoed by ladies in their twenties and above.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

I have never encountered anyone with that philosophy while dating or mentoring women. A desire for physical fitness is a constant. The men I’ve known who preferred younger women found companions who were young and fit.

Well I certainly have. Men want the young and fit, but if they can't get the fit they'll settle with the young.

 

[MehGuy]

It's just simple biology... fatness is unhealthy and it's understandable that both sexes will find it a turn off generally.. but youthfulness is much more important. It doesn't make any sense for men to evolve to value thinness over youthfulness. Both are ideal, but the latter is going to win out.

What you're probably seeing from men is the result of shaming. Feminism has done a good job trying to shame men from being open about liking youthful women. Many men don't want to bother, and will just settle with a woman around their own age.. even though their desires speak differently. Of course I think this is changing. With the rise of atheism and free thinking.. I notice these men tend to date younger than the general population. Men in my generation are also put back about how vocal women are becoming about height.. and in return we'll feeling less and less charitable about being gentle about our physical desires in what a woman looks like.

 

[bèlla]

If young women were plentiful and willing to entertain the advances by the opposite sex without concern for their physical shortcomings, we wouldn’t have a barrage of threads bemoaning the slights received.

Women have always known that physical appearance matters. You aren’t accustomed to being judged for your appearance and the comments attest to this.

Atheism and a penchant for evolutionary biology doesn’t alter the necessity of securing her agreement. I’ve known men with similar mindsets. They were chosen for attributes that had little to do with the concepts you’ve proposed.

Theories are great. But they don’t beget a yes. When the rubber meets the road, that’s what matters most. If they aren’t leading you to the result you seek, they’re useless.

You’re overestimating the impact the truth will have. We are groomed with the knowledge we’re judged by appearance. You aren’t.

I think our hides are a wee bit tougher in that respect.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

If young women were plentiful and willing to entertain the advances by the opposite sex without concern for their physical shortcomings, we wouldn’t have a barrage of threads bemoaning the slights received.

Women have always known that physical appearance matters. You aren’t accustomed to being judged for your appearance and the comments attest to this.

What are you talking about? My short height has been a big deal ever since I was a teenager. Even before then, I knew my small stature would be a problem.

Atheism and a penchant for evolutionary biology doesn’t alter the necessity of securing her agreement. I’ve known men with similar mindsets. They were chosen for attributes that had little to do with the concepts you’ve proposed.

Theories are great. But they don’t beget a yes. When the rubber meets the road, that’s what matters most. If they aren’t leading you to the result you seek, they’re useless.
You’re overestimating the impact the truth will have. We are groomed with the knowledge we’re judged by appearance. You aren’t.

I think our hides are a wee bit tougher in that respect.

Results I seek? I can date younger women pretty easily.. if I don't marry a woman at least several years younger than myself I'll be an outlier in my family of short men.

 

[MehGuy]

Men understand appearance matters.. might matter less for us when we get older.. but as teenagers.. we're well aware that tall men with muscles are the ideal with women. Body image issues was extremely rampant with my male friends.

 

[MehGuy]

edit posted in the wrong thread..

 

[bèlla]

What are you talking about? My short height has been a big deal ever since I was a teenager. Even before then, I knew my small stature would be a problem.

I was not addressing your personal experiences. I responded to the perspective you’ve put forth.

Body image (for men) has never been a topic of discussion in my connections or friendships. I’ve known men of various statures. They devoted themselves to being worthy suitors few could resist.

Physical attractiveness and height aren’t the lone qualities women seek. And I doubt most are being rejected on those grounds. In all likelihood, she didn’t observe other qualities that sparked or deepened her interest. Citing height is an easy out.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

I was not addressing your personal experiences. I responded to the perspective you’ve put forth.

Body image (for men) has never been a topic of discussion in my connections or friendships. I’ve known men of various statures. They devoted themselves to being worthy suitors few could resist.

Physical attractiveness and height aren’t the lone qualities women seek. And I doubt most are being rejected on those grounds. In all likelihood, she didn’t observe other qualities that sparked or deepened her interest. Citing height is an easy out.

~Bella

Height probably becomes less of a factor for men as we get older.. if I didn't I'd still be stuck in my teenage years.. lol.

 

[MehGuy]

Most of my negative experiences with height are from my teenage years..

Women have been more into me the older I get, yet the anger for how I was treated in the past understandably isn't going to go away and probably shouldn't.

 

[bèlla]

Height probably becomes less of a factor for men as we get older.. if I didn't I'd still be stuck in my teenage years.. lol.

I date tall men. Most average 6 feet and the tallest was 6’6. But it’s not a subject I give attention to. I don’t think I’m alone in that.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

I date tall men. Most average 6 feet and the tallest was 6’6. But it’s not a subject I give attention to. I don’t think I’m alone in that.

~Bella

And I generally date women younger.. and it gets younger the older I get..

Let everyone date who they want, I'm just saying there are troubling statistics that should bother both genders.. not just men..

 

[MehGuy]

You find taller men more masculine, and I find younger women more feminine..

I just want equality on the matter.. if I have to be subjected to talk about certain men being more masculine than other men.. I want to be free to talk about certain women being more feminine than other women.

 

[bèlla]

Women have been more into me the older I get, yet the anger for how I was treated in the past understandably isn't going to go away and probably shouldn't.

Why would you maintain it? They’ve come and gone and you’ve encountered better suitors.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

Why would you maintain it? They’ve come and gone and you’ve encountered better suitors.

~Bella

It became enflamed again when I got into my 20s.. because I started running into feminists complaining about body image issues and pretending that it was just a female problem and not a male one. Plus arguing that those who once rejected me should be pitied by those who were rejected.