Confidence issues...need help building up my confidence/self esteem

[Pink Angel]

Hey everyone!


I have been introduced to a problem that I have that i HAVE to fix or else i am in deep trouble..

I have low self esteem issues and confidence issues...i need help i need some pointers. I have learned that if I dont love myself who will. So i need to learn to love myself for who I am. I have been reading Dr. Phil's new book Love Smart, bc it tells you how to build "The Character of You" which is realizing who you are and how to love yourself so others can love you. However, it is hard to take advice when he doesnt knwo my situation, bc in the book the advice is great but i feel its hard to fully take it in when it is a general topic meant to fit all women and not just me individually.

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Do you exercise? Exercise produces endorphins, which help to give feelings of well being. Regular cardio exercise might help with the crying spells and might also improve your self esteem.

 

[Blank123]

Find your confidence in God first and foremost in order to start putting the concept of dying to self into action. I've noticed the less i focus on myself the less self confidence problems are an issue to me and thats really because God never made us to focus inwardly - He made us to love Him first and foremost and the people around us.

 

[God Child]

but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life

I can connect with an idea of that. I don't have the degree or the job i should have, don't have the life i should have. But, then it enters my mind to replace the word should with the phrase "i want to". Comes to something like I don't have the life "i want to" have. Then I add the word "yet" at the end. Helps me think clearly, and feel a little better to think that though i'm not there yet i can be there and can work towards it.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

I understand how your feeling because this is exactly my struggle to. I'm scared of relationships and I don't know who I am either. everything you've stated, I deal with on a daily basis. However I have found great confort in knowing who I am in Christ..... but it's hard to do because it's not personal enough. So you gotta make it personal Think about the fact that God created you just as you are..... that he's in control of your life.... and that he loves you warts and all.... let it sink in and touch you. You'll start to feel more confedent in yourself. this takes practice.... but it's worth it. It's helpped soooo much during my battle for self-worth.

 

[2scoops]

The advice I would have for you is to read God's word and pray without ceasing. From past expereince, worry is no good. Read Matthew 7, god provides for the birds, and and we are so much more important. Find verses that speak to you, write them down, read them daily until they find a place in your heart and mind. Also, try and find verses about God's love for you. god also want you to ask Him for anything your struggling with. If it'd elf esteem, ask Him for more self esteem.

i'm not sure if Dr. Phil can help you, but the Great Physician can. Jesus loves to hal broken hearts, in fact that was one of the reasons He gave His life. Confess your cares to Him, for He cares for you.

I hope this helps, and I'll try and find some verses for you to meditate on.

 

[sampa]

Do you exercise? Exercise produces endorphins, which help to give feelings of well being. Regular cardio exercise might help with the crying spells and might also improve your self esteem.

maycontainnuts, that was my first thought. I know for myself if I'm feeling down or I have trouble sorting through issues, if my health is ok, I run. I'm a lot more clearheaded afterwards and for the next few days.

VEggies and water are also biggies. I push this on my 23yr old sister that's handling a lot in her life right now. Anytime I feel like crying over irrational stuff I'll grab a bottled water and force myself to drink it, sometimes I've not had enough hydration. And regulating sleep is another if possible, I struggle with this a LOT.

 

[sampa]

The advice I would have for you is to read God's word and pray without ceasing. From past expereince, worry is no good. Read Matthew 7, god provides for the birds, and and we are so much more important. Find verses that speak to you, write them down, read them daily until they find a place in your heart and mind. Also, try and find verses about God's love for you. god also want you to ask Him for anything your struggling with. If it'd elf esteem, ask Him for more self esteem.

2scoops I agree on this one also. That's what has spoken volumes to me in past valleys. Matt 11:28 also is good.....
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now,

Not like I'm an old salt but I can tell you that at 30, I myself have no idea who I am nor do I really "love" who I am. I can see how much pressure and doubt I introduce into my life by thinking this way and I'm reminded of something I read about picking your career path (college wise) when you're coming out of HS. Problem is, when you're coming out of HS you're JUST getting to an age where you're starting to find out who you are and the person had said "some of the most interesting and successful peopls I've met are in their 40's and still have no clue what they want to do with their life".

And it may sopund contrarion, but if you want to feel better about yourself, I think you'll gain more by making other people feel better about themselves. Volunteer, get involved, be there for someone, build other people up, etc...

When you make a differnece in other people's lives your own life gains more meaning and purpose, and eventually you'll find that your efforts will be returned.

 

[2scoops]

Rom 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Jo 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
1Jo 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
1Jo 4:9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
1Jo 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
1Jo 4:11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
1Jo 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
1Jo 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Pro 8:17 I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.
Jer 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
Joh 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
2Th 2:16 Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace,
2Th 2:17 Comfort your hearts, and establish you in every good word and work.

 

[GuacaMolly]

Find your confidence in God first and foremost in order to start putting the concept of dying to self into action. I've noticed the less i focus on myself the less self confidence problems are an issue to me and thats really because God never made us to focus inwardly - He made us to love Him first and foremost and the people around us.

Now that is really wise advice

 

[2scoops]

PEACE

Isa 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isa 26:4 Trust ye in the LORD forever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
Rom 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
Phi 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Phi 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Phi 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Rom 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
Rom 5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Rom 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
Rom 5:4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
Rom 5:5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Psa 29:11 The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.
Joh 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Joh 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

I know what you're going through. I've been struggling with this same thing ever since my childhood. It's so hard. I don't have any friends but one and I get soooo lonely but often times I choose to be alone because the thought of being around people scares me at times. I make up excuses about going places and don't go.

I'm also overweight. I have been most of my life. It affects me so much. I often feel like nobody wants me because I'm overweight. Nobody wants to be around me because I'm overweight etc. I'm also terribly shy which makes it hard for me to be confident.

I'm 24 and still have no idea what to do with my life or who I am either. I'm currently in school but it seems like no matter what I do it's never good enough.

But you're so right when you say if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else too. I've had this same thought in my head for quite awhile now. I think it's a great start but that first step is always the hardest to actually break out of my shell. If you want to talk feel free to PM anytime. God bless. Just know that you are NOT alone!

 

[2scoops]

You may want to read Our Unmet Needs by Charles Stanely and God's Remedy for Rejection by Derek Prince.

 

[RonnyRulz]

if it helps, I looked at your pic and honestly I think you're attractive

Cute and pretty

Oh, and I do not say this just to say this. I only say it if it's honest. I do not have it in myself to tell a girl she is physically attractive if I don't honestly think she is. I feel like a liar and I feel I'd be doing the girl an injustice and a disservice to tell them something that isn't true. I believe in honesty above making ppl feel good.

With that said, I like your pic and honestly think your pic is attractive

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

What has helped me quite a bit is just spending time with God, reading His Word, and what he thinks about me, listening to Christian music, things that build up who I am in Him. I still have my own difficulties too, but the best way is to find your confidence in Jesus, as others have said. We must be extremely special, that Jesus actually died to save us...

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

If you were the only person on earth Jesus would still have died for you, that is an incredible thought, that He loves you that much.
The Bible says that you have to love your neighbours as much as you love yourself. How can you love your neighbours if you don't love yourself?

Is there a specific reason why you don't like yourself? Maybe you could try to find out what it is and then turn it around so you can start loving yourself.

I struggled with not liking myself for years and it was only last year that I actually started to like myself so don't think you should be at a certain place right now because of your age.
I'm still studying towards a degree and it was only in March last year that I got a job in the field that I'm studying in. I had dead end jobs for three years until I got to a position where I had enough money and time to start studying, it was another three years of dead end jobs after that until I got my present job.

 

[Carrye]

Do you exercise? Exercise produces endorphins, which help to give feelings of well being. Regular cardio exercise might help with the crying spells and might also improve your self esteem.

This is an excellent suggestion!

I wonder too, if you're a self-declared worry wort, how much do you trust in providence? We need not worry about those things that are out of our control; we should only work (and worry that we are doing just that) on those things that we can actually influence.