- Feb 19, 2017
- 610
- 1,222
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
Trauma really did a number on my mental health. When it comes to my personality and the things that make up the very core of who I am, I couldn't really tell you much about who I am because I, honestly, don't have a very good sense of self... That is to say, I don't know who I am. I know basic information about myself, like my name, age, and other things that are concrete and can be verified. Anything else, though is difficult for me to put my finger on. I don't really know what my own hobbies are a lot of the time, what my likes and dislikes are, or even what my own beliefs are.
Growing up, I had to adjust my personality to fit whatever the person in charge wanted me to be. In essence, I created a lot of different masks for myself. All of the masks are superficial and lacking in much depth. As a result, I don't think I ever really developed a real personality to call my own. Instead, I just cycle through my many masks, hoping that they'll stick, but they never do. I'm in my mid-twenties now and it feels like I'll never gain a true personality. This is a terrible experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
But at the same time, I've been trying to pray more recently, that God may cure me of this horrible trauma response. It will take time, but perhaps in time I will finally have a true personality to call my own. And before anyone asks, yes I have a therapist... Although I've cycled through my fair share of therapists as well, mostly due to insurance issues, but also because of general impulsivity issues within myself.
Growing up, I had to adjust my personality to fit whatever the person in charge wanted me to be. In essence, I created a lot of different masks for myself. All of the masks are superficial and lacking in much depth. As a result, I don't think I ever really developed a real personality to call my own. Instead, I just cycle through my many masks, hoping that they'll stick, but they never do. I'm in my mid-twenties now and it feels like I'll never gain a true personality. This is a terrible experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
But at the same time, I've been trying to pray more recently, that God may cure me of this horrible trauma response. It will take time, but perhaps in time I will finally have a true personality to call my own. And before anyone asks, yes I have a therapist... Although I've cycled through my fair share of therapists as well, mostly due to insurance issues, but also because of general impulsivity issues within myself.
