BF-GF relationships sinful?

[ilovesendai7]

After all, they are not in the Bible, and are not part of the Biblical model for finding a marriage partner.

I believe that they have no place in Christian life.

In my opinion, there should be no commitment until marriage is proposed and decided. The BF-GF relationship is just pointless, and is a false commitment. It wastes time if you're not actively seeking a marriage partner. God never meant for a couple to not know where their relationship was headed.

Therefore, I believe that dating should begin with the man stating his intentions (getting to know the woman and assessing their compatibility for the purpose of marriage), so there will be no guessing games, and there should be no exclusivity or conveyance of affection until engagement.

This is definitely not a popular view, so I welcome any comments!

 

[Gnarwhal]

After all, they are not in the Bible, and are not part of the Biblical model for finding a marriage partner.

I believe that they have no place in Christian life.

In my opinion, there should be no commitment until marriage is proposed and decided. The BF-GF relationship is just pointless, and is a false commitment. It wastes time if you're not actively seeking a marriage partner. God never meant for a couple to not know where their relationship was headed.

Therefore, I believe that dating should begin with the man stating his intentions (getting to know the woman and assessing their compatibility for the purpose of marriage), so there will be no guessing games, and there should be no exclusivity or conveyance of affection until engagement.

This is definitely not a popular view, so I welcome any comments!

Saying they're sinful because they're not in the bible is kind of an argument from silence, which is a fallacy. You simply cannot walk in off the street and establish a meaningful romance that culminates in marriage without an intermediate step (ie. dating/boyfriend-girlfriend relationship).

You're welcome to screen for a guy who's going to play the game your way, but you're results are going to be disappointing. Being in a committed relationship before engagement is how a couple figures out whether they are even compatible for marriage.

 

[quietpraiyze]

After all, they are not in the Bible, and are not part of the Biblical model for finding a marriage partner.

I believe that they have no place in Christian life.

In my opinion, there should be no commitment until marriage is proposed and decided. The BF-GF relationship is just pointless, and is a false commitment. It wastes time if you're not actively seeking a marriage partner. God never meant for a couple to not know where their relationship was headed.

Therefore, I believe that dating should begin with the man stating his intentions (getting to know the woman and assessing their compatibility for the purpose of marriage), so there will be no guessing games, and there should be no exclusivity or conveyance of affection until engagement.

This is definitely not a popular view, so I welcome any comments!

No it's not popular but nothing about God ever really is. I like it though soooo...

 

[James of Arc]

.

 

[GQ Chris]

Somebody's been reading Joshua Harris again.

 

[SnowyMacie]

After all, they are not in the Bible, and are not part of the Biblical model for finding a marriage partner.

This in an argument from silence, which as Darth said, is a fallacy. There are plenty of things not found in the Bible since it it's last content was written 2,000 years ago. The actual Biblical model for marriage was an economic exchange, according to Jewish custom, there would be a contract signed designating the price the husband-to-be must pay and he would pay the wife, it was more about economics and family than a

In my opinion, there should be no commitment until marriage is proposed and decided. The BF-GF relationship is just pointless, and is a false commitment. It wastes time if you're not actively seeking a marriage partner.

There has to be some step between complete strangers and engagement, even in cultures that practice arranged marriages, there is a still a period before the wedding where either person can back out if a major issue arises. You cannot just walk into a relationship and immediately declare marriage. Furthermore, most people I know who date are dating because they are actively seeking their marriage partner, it is not a false commitment, which to be honest, I'm not even sure what you mean by that. I don't really buy that it's a false commitment that shouldn't exist because it's wasting time by not actively seeking a marriage partner when I've never met a couple who were not sure their relationship was going to end, and the ones that were, it was because their relationship was ending.

God never meant for a couple to not know where their relationship was headed.

I would say that in the grand scheme of things, not even married couples truly know where their relationship is headed.

Therefore, I believe that dating should begin with the man stating his intentions (getting to know the woman and assessing their compatibility for the purpose of marriage)

This is really something that comes down to the individual guy, not necessarily the dating culture.

there should be no exclusivity

Unless I'm misunderstanding what you mean by this, but I strongly disagree with you. If you are going to be getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage, the two of you should be exclusive as you will be exclusive in your marriage.

or conveyance of affection until engagement.

If you don't want to kiss or hold hands until your engagement or wedding day, that's perfectly fine, I'm a very physically affectionate person in a relationship and so I couldn't date someone who wanted to wait to kiss on our wedding day.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Somebody's been reading Joshua Harris again.

I think I read, on here actually, that he basically recanted his whole book or something.

 

[Goodbook]

meh if you are engaged, that is the only time when you are recognised as a couple who are going to be married, and then when you are married when you are actually physically 'coupling'.

anything else is brother-sister friendships and that is also relationship eg relating to each other as brother and sister, not husband and wife or fiance.

Why don't people ever get this I don't know.

 

[James of Arc]

.

 

[Cearbhall]

After all, they are not in the Bible

Neither are Pringles.

 

[Citanul]

meh if you are engaged, that is the only time when you are recognised as a couple who are going to be married, and then when you are married when you are actually physically 'coupling'.

anything else is brother-sister friendships and that is also relationship eg relating to each other as brother and sister, not husband and wife or fiance.

Why don't people ever get this I don't know.

I think no one ever gets it because they don't want a brother-sister relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm certainly never going to interact with my sister the way I would with a girlfriend - even just thinking about it for the purposes of this post feels icky.

 

[ilovesendai7]

No it's not popular but nothing about God ever really is. I like it though soooo...

I'm glad I'm not alone in this, lol

 

[ilovesendai7]

I feel the need to clarify here.

I am not against GOING ON DATES. It of course would be absurd to just propose marriage to a total stranger!

What I am against is the "he's my boyfriend" or "she's my girlfriend" thing.

I guess there is likely a difference in how I and others perceive what boyfriends and girlfriends actually are. I do not believe that just having gone on some dates with a person makes them your boy/girlfriend.

 

[com7fy8]

We need all our brothers and sisters. So, I think we need to share with our senior and mature examples, so we can learn how to be with God and how to relate in love. So, it is important not to isolate ourselves with some one person or only ones our own speed and with our own interests.

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

And learn how to relate in love so we are not arguing and complaining >

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain." (Philippians 2:14-16)

So, arguing and complaining, along with immorality, are unfaithful to our Groom Jesus.

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

I find that in God's love it is easy to have self-control . . . against immorality, arguing, complaining, and unforgiveness. And love does not have me only using any person, but caring for any and all people. So, our relating needs to be helping us to love any and all people the way God desires. A companion is for helping me get closer to God and to learn how to love any and all people; but it looks like we can have love idols who are our companions, family members, only certain members of a church, or children. So, our companionships which are of God are for learning how to relate and be all-loving.

Also, if we have really Christian companions, I understand that God wants us to love others as ourselves, by sharing our people who are good for us with others so they can be good for others, too.

 

[ReesePiece23]

After all, they are not in the Bible

Well, neither is eating doughnuts and watching Netflix, but you still do it.

I just don't understand these linear thought patterns that some Christians have. I mean, are you just used to having all of the decisions being made for you? (Serious question!)

 

[CherubRam]

It has always been understood that women are a part of Mankind. Therefore, the same laws also apply to women. The "wo" in woman stands for womb. Womb Man. Woman was taken from Man. Eve was created from Adam's rib.

 

[pdudgeon]

Whoa dude, take a step back and chill for a second. Which do you think is more likely: 1) You're misinterpreting him or 2) Some guy on the internet who you've never talked to before is actually seriously threatening your life for posting in the wrong area.

#2, and it has been known to happen---even here.

 

[blackribbon]

x

 

[pdudgeon]

Well, neither is eating doughnuts and watching Netflix, but you still do it.

I just don't understand these linear thought patterns that some Christians have. I mean, are you just used to having all of the decisions being made for you? (Serious question!)

serious answer:
God has our best intentions at heart, and He is known to give good gifts because He loves us.
With those two things in mind, (and considering that He does know the future) it makes perfect sense to be led by God.
And to avoid the traps and snares of satan on the way!

Second part of the serious answer:
so what do we do in the mean time? Prepare and strive to be worthy of the mate that God has in mind for us. For some reason no one ever thinks about that part of marriage, but if they want to have a good marriage they should be thinking about it.

That means study and learn how to be a good husband/wife before you take on the job. and that in turn means learning how to care for another person, how to sacrifice for their benefit, learning about budgeting, household repairs, cooking, cleaning, etc. and learning how to anticipate another person's needs.

 

[blackribbon]

I feel the need to clarify here.

I am not against GOING ON DATES. It of course would be absurd to just propose marriage to a total stranger!

What I am against is the "he's my boyfriend" or "she's my girlfriend" thing.

I guess there is likely a difference in how I and others perceive what boyfriends and girlfriends actually are. I do not believe that just having gone on some dates with a person makes them your boy/girlfriend.

So when you start to realize that you really find potential in someone, you are still okay with him going on dates with someone else because you haven't committed to marriage yet? Time couples people together and that is what makes them boyfriend/girlfriend. It isn't like kindergarten when kids ask "will you be my boyfriend"? I don't believe a couple dates mean you are commited or BF/GF but I do believe that there is some time between casual dating and getting engaged .. and that is the time you really start to focus on each other and find out if you can trust the other one in a one on one relationship before you marry them.