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Anxiety is Killing Me

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by DannyKing, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. LionL

    LionL Believer in God, doubter of religion

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    I fear dying - it's in my instinct to preserve my life and I'm not a great fan of pain either. But death itself I regard as a friend. It relieves us of our agonies...
     
  2. MountainPine

    MountainPine Biblical Vegan

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    If you want to combat the cancer, or even cure it, you need to get rid of all the ROS in your body. Change your diet to a plant-based diet (vegan). Download this book and read chapter 2. Give this a read as well.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2016
  3. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    Definitely afraid of death/dying for sure. I think that is what started my first real anxiety/fear symptoms 5 years ago. I'm kinda like you Danny. I believe in Christ, what He did for me, etc, but, at the same time I get really anxious about dying or the process of it. And IF I let myself think about it too long, it can perpetuate itself in an instant, which leads to anxiety flare ups, OCD thoughts/actions and just an over-all sense of dread/fear and worry, pretty much throughout the day. I personally think SOME of the best ways to conquer this is to focus on God's Word/promises. Meditate on His word. Just a couple of versus. That music I posted earlier also helps me "tune" in to His presence. Lastly, do you work out AND are you on medicine? I do both now, again, and it REALLY helps.
     
  4. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    Thank you for your prayers. I really need them.

    It wasn't too long ago when I could treat death lightly and even joke about it. My mother has a life-long fear of death and I used to always reassure her about how much better heaven would be compared to this earthly life. The change in the way I treat death has been huge. I guess when death was merely a remote, hypothetical construct, it held little fear for me but certain events in my life have made death look horrifyingly scary. Death is on my mind all the time and I examine it from every angle. It's a scary thing to look at. I know what I say contradicts my faith but I just cannot explain it. It's like there are two different streams of consciousness in me: there's one that holds on to divine revelation but there's another parallel stream that only focuses on this existence.

    Yes, I know, I'm going crazy.
     
  5. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    Hello, kodadog1024, always nice to hear from you. Can I ask if you're a man or a woman? I have always assumed you're a man, probably from your handle and the pic (though that's probably of the Lord)

    No, I'm not on medication. I used to work out quite a lot but in the last 6 months, I have been having trouble with my routine. I used to do weights and ride a stationary bike between 6pm and 7pm but that's usually the period fear reigns at its strongest, so it's hard to find the motivation. I find that light exercise works very effectively in calming me down. Nowadays, about 5 times a week around 9pm, I walk around my neighborhood for about 45 minutes. It feels really good and soothing.

    There's something I would like to share with you. One of the biggest struggles I have had to deal with in the past 6 months is the fact that we are asked to trust in the Lord and to cast all our cares unto Him, yet He makes no promise to deliver us from earthly troubles.

    I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
    John 16:33

    This verse should be reassuring but it troubles me terribly. The Lord, in the same breath, promises us both His peace and trouble! This is explained by Paul in this way:

    That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
    2 Timothy 1:12

    So our peace should come from the fact that God will keep us safe for the Day of Judgement. My mind understands all this but my heart is cast into fear.
     
  6. Wolfe

    Wolfe Pack Leader

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    Focus all that energy into Jesus, and eventually your fear of death will subside. We're all always going to have an innate fear of it, we're humans.
    I could die at any moment, any of us could really, but I've got heart problems, weight problems, diabetic issues. Multiple things that could end me at any moment. I find strength in Jesus, even if I am scared of dying, I'm not scared of where I'm going.
    You shouldn't treat death lightly, but you shouldn't treat it too strongly. It's nothing to joke about for sure, but it's nothing to live your life in fear of.
    I've come close to death, a couple of times, and I can tell you with confidence, for a believer, it's nothing to be scared of.

    I've got a feeling your test results will come back negative anyway :)
    12 random biopsies, no trace of cancer found? It's either really small and insignificant, benign, or it isn't there.
     
  7. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    Your post means a lot to me. Your words of reassurance bring comfort to my troubled soul. Thank you very much. The Lord will bless you for this.

    I am also amazed you have had encounters with death and still remain unfazed. From my previous experience, I thought people who do not fear death have yet to peer into its scary face. I used to be, like most people, in a state of denial about death. I acknowledged that I was going to die but I always thought of it as an event far into the remote, foggy future. Now I live with the constant thought that death is just waiting to pounce on us at any moment.

    Such an awareness of death should make us deny the world and live in renewed commitment to the Lord. But in my case, it just leaves me shaking in fear and renders me almost non-functional. I used to study New Testament Greek on my own and was studying the New Testament using the Greek text with the help of technical commentaries. But now I can't even get myself to continue my studies. The most I can do is to read the Psalms. I no longer attend prayer meetings because news updates of people suffering from serious diseases fill me with dread and fear for days.
     
  8. Wolfe

    Wolfe Pack Leader

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    Sounds like you're in the process of accepting your mortality.
    Everyone goes through this, maybe even multiple times in their life, me included.
    Always comes out the same way though, you accept it. You come to the realization that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. It may sound bad, but with it, comes an unexplainable peace. You enjoy life more when you know you're going to die, pushes you to be happy, because you know you aren't go to be here forever, as the expression goes, life is too short to worry.

    With the way you say you used to be able to make light of death, the sudden realization you might be close to dying, scared you, and rightly so, you'd be a strange person if it didn't.
    You may be familiar with the five stages(Usually tied to grief but it works in a lot of situations)
    Denial - You've been through this one already
    Anger - I think you're in this one now, hard to tell.
    Bargaining - some people skip this one, depending on the situation. If your test comes back positive you'll most likely go through it.
    Depression - The worst part, it'll feel hopeless, nothing will matter to you, you'll be at the lowest point you've been in your life. (sorry if I'm being blunt, but sugar coating it aint gonna do you no good)
    And finally, acceptance - peace, at last.
    Life isn't a pleasure trip, for sure.

    Ultimately, I think it all stems from your condition (or fear of one). After your test results come back, positive or negative(I'd like to reiterate to slim possibility of someone missing cancer on 12 biopsies on a prostate, they aint exactly big), I think you'll feel much better. But I aint no therapist, just a normal guy... But sometimes that's what you need.


    Pray, and spend time with God, even if it feels like he isn't listening, he is. and he knows whats best for you.
    God bless! You'll be in my prayers :)
     
  9. JesusIsTheeFaith

    JesusIsTheeFaith New Member

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    I just wanted to reassure you that you ARE NOT crazy. Peculiar as Peter refers to us Christians in 1 Peter 2:9 but not crazy. God has you, you just have to let go and accept, giving God full control.

    I posted a thread last week about starting a video chat support group. When you have a sec, read it, pray about it, then let me know if you're interested.

    Godspeed!
     
  10. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    10 more days before I go in for follow-up tests. I'm experiencing mood swings from near-panic to nonchalant calm. What do I do? I fear that as the day draws nearer, the fear is going to get more intense. It already can get almost unbearable, as it is.

    I keep praying to the Lord to take my fear of cancer and death away and to let me fear only Him. I feel close to the Lord and calm after praying but it doesn't last long.

    Please pray for me. Please, I need help. Life is torture.
     
  11. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    Hey Danny, yea, I'm 43. I think I can relate to you a bit, since I had my first mild heart attack nearly 6 years ago. After that, I was in CONSTANT worry, daily, feeling my pulse in my neck (all the time), calculating when I might die, IF I lived to 80-85 years old, any "slight" twinge in my chest would send me in a HUGE state of worry and panic, which would eventually lead to me to my very first panic attack at night, after that I experienced HARM-O thoughts, etc. It was brutal, I would worry from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I was free of thoughts and worry for the most part until I recently went to my heart doctor and my BP was high. It was only a few short days after that which I am now experiencing these thoughts all over again. They are NOT as bad and I can function as a husband and father and at work, BUT it still looms on me, EVEN though I know I have experienced these EXACT same thoughts in the past. I guess what I am trying to say is, I (and You) need to know that God has my thoughts, your thoughts, my life and your life under His control. I could die this very second while typing this message. When He wants us home, he'll bring us home. We can't control that, NOR should we fear it, because when we take our last breath here, that next one will be in Heaven AND no more worries. Everyday, we should be trusting in the Lord, for that day only. We are told NOT to worry about tomorrow. Easier than said than done am I right? lol. It's one day ta a time Danny with Christ. He will give you the strength to get through it. It's hard to trust, I know, especially when you're in the thick of it and you feel like crap. My suggestions, KEEP working out, think about getting on medicine, it really helps. AND I think what many of us HAVE to do is let the fear/worry/anxiety/OCD/HARM-O" just be. As bad as it makes us feel, we have to let it just be there with us. Persoanlly, I think it helps condition out minds to take away that fear, and although sometimes it doesn't fully go away, you learn to say, "yup. it's another crappy thought/feeling". Praying for you and others man. Hang in there. God has this. And if He is for you, WHAT could be against you? He loves you way too much man.
     
  12. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    You think I should be medicated? Which one do you recommend? I know nothing about anxiety medicines.
     
  13. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    I would see a christian therapist and have them recommend a Psychiatrist who can best prescribe what is right for you.
     
  14. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    I shall be going to the hospital soon for follow-up tests. Please pray for me. Please pray that the Lord will show me His gracious love and compassion, that all the tests will produce good results and, in particular, my prostate tumor marker will drop down into the normal region. Thank you very much.
     
  15. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    Hey D-

    Just thinking of you and praying for you. Don't want you worrying too much!
     
  16. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Praying for you. I hope your tests come back clear and that your anxiety subsides.
     
  17. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

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    Hey Danny- How did your tests results come back?
     
  18. John Davidson

    John Davidson Well-Known Member

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    Hi brother,
    Yes, I am terrified of death. I have health problems and I struggle with fear and anxiety all day long. I try to meditate on all the scriptures about eternal life like this one:

    John 12:24
    Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.

    You may also find 1 Corinthians 15 helpful.
     
  19. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    All the ulcers (in the esophagus, stomach and duodenum) - probably caused by my intense, stressed-out lifestyle - are healed. Biopsies taken from these parts show no sign of pre-cancerous cells. In other words, all perfect except for the one thing that gave me the anxiety in the first place: my prostate tumor marker remains the same. My urologist said that he had hoped it would drop but the fact that it did not rise further probably showed that there was nothing to be concerned about. To most people, these results would be excellent. But the thought of having to wait for another 6 months to see what the marker does is really disconcerting.

    But I thank God for the results and pray that He would continue to sustain me. I also thank Him for the brothers and sisters who prayed for me, including those in this forum. May the Lord bless you all and give you peace.
     
  20. DannyKing

    DannyKing New Member

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    My brother, it is really good to hear from you. Thank you for your honesty. One negative thing about being with other believers in church is that whenever I try to unburden myself to another believer, instead of sharing their own vulnerabilities, they start spewing Scripture. It's like they are hiding behind the verses. I know that lots of believers are troubled by illnesses and death but, somehow, they feel the need to hide it. It makes me feel very lonely.

    Can I ask if your anxiety was triggered by a particular event? Beside prayer and Scripture, do you seek counseling and/or medication? I find that a Christian counselor really helps especially one you can relate to. I was thinking of getting anxiety medication but my anxiety seems to have taken a huge plunge. I was extremely worried for a month before the check-up but on the day itself, even while waiting to be wheeled into the surgical room, I was amazingly calm. It's like I'm now experiencing the anti-climax. My mind had built up a catastrophic scenario in my head but reality just wasn't that horrifying.

    May the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard your heart and your mind as you meditate upon His Word and live for His glory.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2016
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