30s & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

I am early 30s & have never dated. I've wanted a girlfriend since middle school. I have been waiting a long time. I get sad & frustrated. It never changes & doesn't seem like it ever will. All I get to do is watch other people get relationships. Even other late-bloomers I know are starting to date now. The only advice people give me is to keep trying & meeting girls, but that gets harder & harder b/c it seems like a lot of girls are in relationships already. Singles seem to be few & far between. How would I even find one that's compatible w/ me & I like her & she likes me? It might as well be impossible.

Church groups have 12-2 guy-girl ratios. There's not any at my work. No friend ever has a single sister/niece/friend/etc. they know. Online dating is completely useless.

I'm completely stuck. I don't really have a question. I just want to vent. My situation never gets better.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I am early 30s & have never dated. I've wanted a girlfriend since middle school. I have been waiting a long time. I get sad & frustrated. It never changes & doesn't seem like it ever will. All I get to do is watch other people get relationships. Even other late-bloomers I know are starting to date now. The only advice people give me is to keep trying & meeting girls, but that gets harder & harder b/c it seems like a lot of girls are in relationships already. Singles seem to be few & far between. How would I even find one that's compatible w/ me & I like her & she likes me? It might as well be impossible.

Church groups have 12-2 guy-girl ratios. There's not any at my work. No friend ever has a single sister/niece/friend/etc. they know. Online dating is completely useless.

I'm completely stuck. I don't really have a question. I just want to vent. My situation never gets better.

Would you date someone with kids? Someone who has a genetic disorder? Someone who is broken or sick? How narrow are your parameters?

I just posted this and instead of spamming it I thought it might be helpful to you in some capacity or another: Single and lonely.

 

[DragonFox91]

Would you date someone with kids?

Probably wouldn't be a good match w/ someone who's never dated.

Someone who has a genetic disorder?

Maybe. I guess I don't know what genetic disorder means. I'd date someone w/ psychological disorders.

Someone who is broken or sick?

I don't know. I never thought about that. Everyone I meet is healthy.

How narrow are your parameters?

If I'm not even meeting singles, that's not the issue.

I just posted this and instead of spamming it I thought it might be helpful to you in some capacity or another: Single and lonely.

Good post! I replied to the thread, to the original OP.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Probably wouldn't be a good match w/ someone who's never dated.


Maybe. I guess I don't know what genetic disorder means. I'd date someone w/ psychological disorders.

I don't know. I never thought about that. Everyone I meet is healthy.

If I'm not even meeting singles, that's not the issue.


Good post! I replied to the thread, to the original OP.

I was trying to be kind when I said genetic disorder but I'm one of those people who when they try to do it go super vague for absolutely no reason and end up having to explain what I meant anyway. I meant blind or disorders with limbs & etc.
I know the advice "get out there" is neither helpful nor desired BUT if there are literally no single people around you in any of your situations, it seems like the only solution is to change the situations or get involved in more, for example have you tried volunteering? If it seems like a statistical problem then in theory you already have the solution. Though we shouldn't pretend like marriage is based on probability given that God is The One who weds people together (Matthew 19:6). Also online dating isn't useless if you're honest with your desires from the start (in regards to what you're seeking). It's all about casting a wider net so if you're really interested in dating then keep the online profiles up and active.

Good post! I replied to the thread, to the original OP.

Thank you but I have to inwardly reject your compliment otherwise my head will grow too large .

God bless.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was trying to be kind when I said genetic disorder but I'm one of those people who when they try to do it go super vague for absolutely no reason and end up having to explain what I meant anyway. I meant blind or disorders with limbs & etc.

Maybe. A girl who has everything together & has had life pretty easy wouldn't be a good match for me.

I know the advice "get out there" is neither helpful nor desired BUT if there are literally no single people around you in any of your situations, it seems like the only solution is to change the situations or get involved in more, for example have you tried volunteering? .

Right. Doesn't help. But right.

If it seems like a statistical problem then in theory you already have the solution. Though we shouldn't pretend like marriage is based on probability given that God is The One who weds people together (Matthew 19:6). Also online dating isn't useless if you're honest with your desires from the start (in regards to what you're seeking). It's all about casting a wider net so if you're really interested in dating then keep the online profiles up and active.


Thank you but I have to inwardly reject your comment otherwise my head will grow too large.

God bless.

I don't even try online dating anymore. Haven't in a year. It's a waste of time & just makes me upset.

 

[dzheremi]

Didn't you already start a thread on this a little while ago? Or do you start a new one every time a new year passes with no change in your situation?

I dunno, man...if it's the latter, maybe you're focusing on this too much to approach it in a healthy way. Watched pots, y'know?

 

[DragonFox91]

Didn't you already start a thread on this a little while ago? Or do you start a new one every time a new year passes with no change in your situation?

I dunno, man...if it's the latter, maybe you're focusing on this too much to approach it in a healthy way. Watched pots, y'know?

It got locked. The mods said I could start a new one. No sexual talk!

 

[dzheremi]

Ah. I wasn't aware that the previous one had veered into sexual talk. Good thing it has been replaced, in that case.

 

[sampa]

it seems like the only solution is to change the situations or get involved in more, for example have you tried volunteering?

@DragonFox91 I like this idea. This year I have decided to go organic and no online dating but I will be volunteering. It puts me in a public space. Same with going to the gym puts me in a public space to interact with others and possibly make new friends that have friends and potential for a relationship. Volunteering also makes you feel a little bit better, the less we focus on ourselves, the more the Lord can work in and through us.

Think of things that you would like to do or learn and volunteer for those things. Myself it is with running. Or it could be my church that has an event. And then I have a friend whose father runs a botanic garden that I get asked to help out with around Halloween. If you go into something not expecting it to have some kind of end, you could benefit.

I'm not sure how long you are involved with singles ministry, but I think it was about 5 months before there was a guy that struck my interest and mutually. Unfortunately our schedules did not correlate and he picked a girl that he never thought he would have, she had kids. The point of this is not about some disappointment as much as it is about things taking time. You can't try something for just a short time, it has to be something that you are involved in. Meaning you're going to have to find something that drives you with a purpose beyond looking for a mate.

With singles ministry I was so focused on helping others and bringing leadership to the ministry. It was a 40 minute drive from my house to get to the singles ministry because we didn't have it locally, but I felt a sense of purpose and bringing together other singles with the purpose of fellowship. To this day I have five good friends from that ministry even though it folded in 2013.

 

[Saucy]

Still praying for your brother. I'm 38 and still single. The desire is still there, but it gets easier to handle the older you get. Hang in there!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

@DragonFox91 I like this idea. This year I have decided to go organic and no online dating but I will be volunteering. It puts me in a public space. Same with going to the gym puts me in a public space to interact with others and possibly make new friends that have friends and potential for a relationship. Volunteering also makes you feel a little bit better, the less we focus on ourselves, the more the Lord can work in and through us.

Think of things that you would like to do or learn and volunteer for those things. Myself it is with running. Or it could be my church that has an event. And then I have a friend whose father runs a botanic garden that I get asked to help out with around Halloween. If you go into something not expecting it to have some kind of end, you could benefit.

I'm not sure how long you are involved with singles ministry, but I think it was about 5 months before there was a guy that struck my interest and mutually. Unfortunately our schedules did not correlate and he picked a girl that he never thought he would have, she had kids. The point of this is not about some disappointment as much as it is about things taking time. You can't try something for just a short time, it has to be something that you are involved in. Meaning you're going to have to find something that drives you with a purpose beyond looking for a mate.

With singles ministry I was so focused on helping others and bringing leadership to the ministry. It was a 40 minute drive from my house to get to the singles ministry because we didn't have it locally, but I felt a sense of purpose and bringing together other singles with the purpose of fellowship. To this day I have five good friends from that ministry even though it folded in 2013.

One thing I have noticed about singles ministries or these singles groups at church, they tend to fizzle out and stop happening after a year or 2 mainly because.

1. Most everyone coupled up and left
2. Simply lost interest and found community/friends by other means, perhaps even a secular means

I recall a Christian woman on a dating site that told me that even though she tried a singles group, she wasn't particularly crazy about the people there. Apparently, they were socially awkward personalities, thus her reason for being on the site.

 

[DragonFox91]

One thing I have noticed about singles ministries or these singles groups at church, they tend to fizzle out and stop happening after a year or 2 mainly because.

1. Most everyone coupled up and left
2. Simply lost interest and found community/friends by other means, perhaps even a secular means

I recall a Christian woman on a dating site that told me that even though she tried a singles group, she wasn't particularly crazy about the people there. Apparently, they were socially awkward personalities, thus her reason for being on the site.

I hear that a lot but don't see it in my experience. It's all 'normal' people. It's a stereotype at worse, but most likely just an excuse.

 

[Juan777]

I am early 30s & have never dated. I've wanted a girlfriend since middle school. I have been waiting a long time. I get sad & frustrated. It never changes & doesn't seem like it ever will. All I get to do is watch other people get relationships. Even other late-bloomers I know are starting to date now. The only advice people give me is to keep trying & meeting girls, but that gets harder & harder b/c it seems like a lot of girls are in relationships already. Singles seem to be few & far between. How would I even find one that's compatible w/ me & I like her & she likes me? It might as well be impossible.

Church groups have 12-2 guy-girl ratios. There's not any at my work. No friend ever has a single sister/niece/friend/etc. they know. Online dating is completely useless.

I'm completely stuck. I don't really have a question. I just want to vent. My situation never gets better.

The sequel to the last thread. Next it will be asking for advice about handling your nagging wife at 31.

 

[DragonFox91]

On Reddit it's trending men only want Christian girls b/c they're easier to take advantage of.

That is what we Christian men are up against.

 

[KJ91]

men only want Christian girls b/c they're easier to take advantage of.

.

In what way?

 

[Juan777]

In what way?

This is talked about allot on secular boards. Lets not be naive. I don't want to see another thread locked, so all I can say is you should look at the reddit threads, and secular sites and read what they are saying about Christian women. You discuss it here then the mods will lock this thread and I don't want to see the OP's second thread get locked.

 

[DragonFox91]

They say they're told God has 'the one' for them. So they think it's the first guy they fall in love w/. Guys know this & use it to their advantage. For example they abuse them. Then they won't get out of the relationship b/c God wouldn't want that.

This is what they were saying on Reddit. I don't even know why I go to Reddit other than there's a couple sub-Reddits I really like. For the most part, it's a pretty secular site.

 

[KJ91]

They say they're told God has 'the one' for them. So they think it's the first guy they fall in love w/. Guys know this & use it to their advantage. For example they abuse them. Then they won't get out of the relationship b/c God wouldn't want that.

This is what they were saying on Reddit. I don't even know why I go to Reddit other than there's a couple sub-Reddits I really like. For the most part, it's a pretty secular site.

There is no bible verses that say that God will bring together a man and women. Nor is there any verse about "soulmate" or "the one". So dont listen to people like that.

 

[timewerx]

My situation never gets better.

It will get better when you reach the age of 40 with less raging hormones.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

On Reddit it's trending men only want Christian girls b/c they're easier to take advantage of.

That is what we Christian men are up against.

Why are Christian women easier for boys to take advantage of? You would think it would be the other way around.