29 & Never Dated

[trophy33]

It's sad that it seems to be more common for young men to be celibate and single than young women.

Which is actually an interesting shift in our society. Just few decades ago, women were the more decent gender, keeping the moral standards.

But currently, they seem to be the more decadent one, even in (at least evangelical) churches.

 

[pc_76]

Which is actually an interesting shift in our society. Just few decades ago, women were the more decent gender, keeping the moral standards.

But currently, they seem to be the more decadent one, even in (at least evangelical) churches.

But it also puts more pressure on men staying sexually moral.

And it sounds kind of sexist to think that one gender is less 'decent' than the other. I thought God created men and women equally.

 

[Saucy]

I don't think there is a "trend" really. Both Christian men and women are having sex outside of marriage. It has always happened and will always happen. The difference is that women are somehow seen as tainted if they have sex where guys aren't. I've seen too many crybaby men on here just devastated because a woman isn't a virgin as if that is the most important thing in the world.

 

[trophy33]

And it sounds kind of sexist

If its true, it does not matter how it sounds.

You Americans are afraid to say anything about any group. Self-censorship imposed by activists and social media on you is really intense, there.

 

[trophy33]

I've seen too many crybaby men on here just devastated because a woman isn't a virgin as if that is the most important thing in the world.

Its a biblical requirement. It has evolutionary, sociological, psychological and spiritual reasons.

They "cry", because they are still young and are still hurt by things like relationships. They grew up expecting women to be clean, meek, exclusive and beautiful like a princess in a fairytale.

They will grow up, they will leave the dating scene and will be content with being single. Which is another trend seen in almost any country with a lot of emancipation - single/divorced working mothers and single/divorced men.

 

[SarahsKnight]

I've seen too many crybaby men on here just devastated because a woman isn't a virgin as if that is the most important thing in the world.

Aaaaaaaand winner.

 

[DragonFox91]

I don't think there is a "trend" really. Both Christian men and women are having sex outside of marriage. It has always happened and will always happen. The difference is that women are somehow seen as tainted if they have sex where guys aren't. I've seen too many crybaby men on here just devastated because a woman isn't a virgin as if that is the most important thing in the world.

Wrong. Guys are called to it too. The guys are just as tainted if not more b/c a lot of times they are the ones who initiate it.
A lot of guys believe abstinence is important. We get upset when we see so many girls think it's not. If they don't think it is, what else might we believe the girl doesn't? Similar beliefs are VERY important to me in a partner. A lot of stereotyping is going on so I think it's only fair I do some too: The Christian girls are finding non-Christian or lukewarm-Christian men so I don't completely buy the 'both Christian men & women are doing it outside of marriage.' This is evidenced by the 3 churches I attend where the single guys to single girl ratio is so poor. The Christian girls are out flirting w/ the world, the Christian guys want biblical truths. & these aren't your dweebs either, but masculine rancher type men I'd probably gush over if I was a Christian girl.

 

[Saucy]

Wrong. Guys are called to it too. The guys are just as tainted if not more b/c a lot of times they are the ones who initiate it.
A lot of guys believe abstinence is important. We get upset when we see so many girls think it's not. If they don't think it is, what else might we believe the girl doesn't? Similar beliefs are VERY important to me in a partner. A lot of stereotyping is going on so I think it's only fair I do some too: The Christian girls are finding non-Christian or lukewarm-Christian men so I don't completely buy the 'both Christian men & women are doing it outside of marriage.' This is evidenced by the 3 churches I attend where the single guys to single girl ratio is so poor. The Christian girls are out flirting w/ the world, the Christian guys want biblical truths. & these aren't your dweebs either, but masculine rancher type men I'd probably gush over if I was a Christian girl.

I wouldn't make a call because it has happened at a few churches I went to. That is such a small snapshot that might not reflect what is going on in the broader picture.

According to a 2011 article from the Christian Post:

As many as 80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults have had sex, according to an analysis of a study on sexual activity in the upcoming October issue of Relevant, a Christian magazine.

Young adults between the ages of 18 and 29 who identify themselves as evangelicals are almost as sexually active as their non-Christian peers, according to the article “(Almost) Everyone’s Doing It.”

What’s perhaps even more disturbing, Charles noted, is that 65 percent of the women obtaining abortions identify themselves as either Protestant (37 percent) or Catholic (28 percent). “That’s 650,000 abortions obtained by Christians every year.”

A 2014 Christian Post article found:

A new study on Christian attitudes toward dating and marriage reveals a broad acceptance for cohabitation, premarital sex and a rejection of traditional gender roles. Experts believe that many Christians are following cultural trends over scripture when it comes to sex and marriage.

"Christians are perhaps more influenced by the culture than they are by the teachings of scripture or the church," Peter Sprigg, senior fellow for policy studies at the Family Research Council, told The Christian Post in an interview on Friday.

According to this 2020 article from the Pew Research Center:

Half of Christians say casual sex – defined in the survey as sex between consenting adults who are not in a committed romantic relationship – is sometimes or always acceptable. Six-in-ten Catholics (62%) take this view, as do 56% of Protestants in the historically Black tradition, 54% of mainline Protestants and 36% of evangelical Protestants."

Sadly, we live in a different time. Sex is pushed very hard everywhere. I recently read an article that shared 1/10th of 12 and 13-year-olds are reaching out to hotlines fearing they have a porn addiction and it's causing all sorts of confusion for them. The abundance of free porn, the sexualizing of children and our culture, etc, leads to a lowering of moral standards. It's much harder to avoid it in today.

This doesn't mean God's rules on sex have changed. The standard IS to remain a virgin until marriage, but there is no data to suggest the blame is with men or women. It takes two people to have sex, so for every Christian man who had sex, there is also a Christian woman. Both Christian men and women are probably dating non-Christians and not holding up that standard.

As a male, it is too easy for us to blame women and think they are tainted, but any person who made a mistake, repented, and changed their behavior is no longer impure. It is not right to lump every single person who has ever had sex into the same box and treat them as if they are less than human for giving into a basic human desire.

 

[DragonFox91]

Sad stats. I think it confirms my belief just b/c people aren't marrying, that doesn't mean they aren't dating (or exploring more intimate options)
I guess it's a gift.

 

[DragonFox91]

115 months till I'm 40. The countdown is on.

 

[Saucy]

What does being 40 have to do with anything? I'm almost 40 and single. Am I doomed? Is it the end for me?

 

[DragonFox91]

What does being 40 have to do with anything? I'm almost 40 and single. Am I doomed? Is it the end for me?

I had started a countdown to 30 at one point. It's just another milestone to be aware of.

 

[Saucy]

You have such a bad attitude towards dating and relationships. You blame God and say he won't allow you to date, but you are doing it to yourself. In my experience, women aren't interested in desperate men who whine every single day about being single. Maybe you should spend your time approaching 40 by changing your mindset, having a bit of faith, and growing up a bit.

 

[DragonFox91]

I feel so terrible. I was doing good, I really enjoyed church & fellowship this morning, but this afternoon I just feel so bad. Dating is impossible for me. I wish things would change. I feel like I'm not good enough. It never changes. I don't even both w/ dating sites any more. That's apparently how people date nowadays It's so sad. I don't even get to meet singles. I haven't met one single girl all year.

 

[DragonFox91]

You have such a bad attitude towards dating and relationships. You blame God and say he won't allow you to date, but you are doing it to yourself. In my experience, women aren't interested in desperate men who whine every single day about being single. Maybe you should spend your time approaching 40 by changing your mindset, having a bit of faith, and growing up a bit.

The bad attitude is a culmination of my struggles & it not changing. It's been built over time. I feel like I improve & work on myself but all it gives me in the end is endless circles. It's like running on a treadmill that is providing benefits to me but not getting me to my destination.
Yes, I understand women aren't interested in desperate men but I'm not even meeting single women.
What mindset do I need? (other than trying to be thankful w/ the blessings singleness gives)

 

[bèlla]

Stop allowing the devil to run roughshod over you. He’s exploiting your fear of being alone and exacerbating your anxiety. Rebuke the lies.

Start affirming your position in Christ. When you wake in the morning look in the mirror and say aloud, “I’m fearfully and wonderfully made” no devil in hell can change that.

You are not your circumstances. They don’t define you. When uncertainty rears its head stand against it. God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear. Don’t allow it to rule over you.

Every time your mind returns to this topic you become despondent. Heaviness will vex your spirit. Put your mind on Him. It sounds counterproductive. But its truly the remedy.

You can’t do it on your own. You need His input. His guidance and assurance. Cry out and ask Him to help you. Confess the loneliness and frustration. Give it to Him.

Rebuke its presence every time it returns. Don’t engage the negativity or sadness. They’re your enemy and the avenue for your undoing.

He will brig you to this place as long as you allow it. You’re a man of God. Stand and fight.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I wouldn't make a call because it has happened at a few churches I went to. That is such a small snapshot that might not reflect what is going on in the broader picture.

According to a 2011 article from the Christian Post:


A 2014 Christian Post article found:


According to this 2020 article from the Pew Research Center:



Sadly, we live in a different time. Sex is pushed very hard everywhere. I recently read an article that shared 1/10th of 12 and 13-year-olds are reaching out to hotlines fearing they have a porn addiction and it's causing all sorts of confusion for them. The abundance of free porn, the sexualizing of children and our culture, etc, leads to a lowering of moral standards. It's much harder to avoid it in today.

This doesn't mean God's rules on sex have changed. The standard IS to remain a virgin until marriage, but there is no data to suggest the blame is with men or women. It takes two people to have sex, so for every Christian man who had sex, there is also a Christian woman. Both Christian men and women are probably dating non-Christians and not holding up that standard.

As a male, it is too easy for us to blame women and think they are tainted, but any person who made a mistake, repented, and changed their behavior is no longer impure. It is not right to lump every single person who has ever had sex into the same box and treat them as if they are less than human for giving into a basic human desire.

The thing is, it was a thing for people to marry at a very young age, and 18 to 21 year olds that got married at that age were likely to be virgins. Plus they usually lived with their parents, which would detain them from having sex.

Since people are staying single longer, marrying older, etc....sometimes well into their 30s and 40s, this isn't likely to be a thing anymore.

Remaining a virgin until marriage was a young person thing. Outside of pre-marital sex, if they are avoiding that...if anything, they are having lustful thoughts the longer they stay single.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

What does being 40 have to do with anything? I'm almost 40 and single. Am I doomed? Is it the end for me?

If you're still a virgin or haven't been "close" with a woman by that age, you're seen by other women as flawed or there must be something mentally wrong with you that you may actually be doing something to turn women off.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Women seem to be more traditional in their thinking, having biological urges to have children or to find a provider.

Actually, a lot of women are no longer traditional in their thinking as they've become more indepedent and don't have any real use for men anymore. They are more self-sufficient than ever, some have even opted out of not only marriage, but having a man in their lives (romantically) whatsoever. The drive isn't there for some of them.

 

[Cute Peonies]

If you're still a virgin or haven't been "close" with a woman by that age, you're seen by other women as flawed or there must be something mentally wrong with you that you may actually be doing something to turn women off.

This may be true but it's just plain rude.