Interesting. It would take guts for me to go!
I expected that it would, but it’s probably just a larger version of the singles ministry you’ve been going to, with more girls.
Right now I see you talking about “things that aren’t working”. Anxiety and fear aren’t things, in my experience, that are just solved by quick fixes. They are things you have to fight, monsters you have to defeat and pull apart.
So my recommendation is that you need to ease into this. Go to the seminar at first, but don’t approach any of the girls unless you feel up to it. Note what you’re most scared of and deal with the event situation first, because there is going to be problems and surprises the first time you go. You don’t want to be dealing with the additional pressure of approaching a girl when you’re first navigating an unfamiliar situation. Once you’ve dealt with the event anxiety and can navigate that situation with some confidence, then you can move on to approaching a gal.
Your anxiety may want to make you rush into the approach of the girl because it wants to escape from the seminar lol, and that might actually work, but probably not. I would focus on thwacking the mental health problem first instead of coming off terrified to your future girlfriend. You don’t want to seem out of control. Yes, the girl is a valid goal - let us not minimize that - but in dealing with your anxiety you are making progress in dating and toward the marriage you seek.
No matter what, regardless if you get the girl or not, confronting your fear and anxiety is the right answer.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
May the Lord bless you for not letting your fear hold you down in misery. Through all of your so-called “failed attempts” I see you improving against your fear. You are making progress, and attending a marriage seminar would further that progress, I think.
I also would let a trusted male friend come with me, if I were you, and let my therapist in on this. I used to have horrendous panic attacks, and it always helped me to have someone to talk to me about whatever I was scared of at the moment, because they could provide me with another perspective which was closer to reality than what my warped intuition was seeing. Up to you though.
A lot of people don't recognize that, they just want me to brush it off.
Yeah, those people aren’t doing anyone any favors. They are probably responsible for why I didn’t figure out my orientation until I was 26. The key is to
listen. Human sexuality is a highly complex experience and there are so many factors that play in, and it’s highly emotional. You don’t know them all without listening to what the other person has to say and letting them talk without judging them.
Family first means closeness to family. This includes parents, in-laws, siblings, etc.
Given that my dad was screaming at me on the regular and threatening eviction and starvation against me if I didn’t magically become a computer programmer, it’s a work in progress. He’s much better now, but I’m still not feeling very happy about inviting him over. I still wouldn’t feel good about leaving him alone with my kids. My mom was/is codependent, but at least she loves kids and is a decent human.
I’m reasonably close to my brother who I live with, but he’s an introvert. My favorite aunt and uncle died of cancer and the grandparents are unbelievers. Everyone else lives far away so I haven’t kept track - one depressed aunt with cancer and another with type 1 diabetes who keeps dancing with the grave. So like idk, not much practice, I guess?
I meant not liking edgy things bc they are edgy & having a preference for those.
No way. If I like something that is edgy, it’s for another reason than the edginess. But I do like edgy things.
So when me & others say we're finding a lot of non traditional girls, we're finding girls who swear like sailors, like raunchy music, don't go to church, don't care for their families, are really into drinking & drugs, etc.
That’s not me at all.
(I go to church every Sunday and wouldn’t drink alcohol if you paid me to do it. Fam’s got a history of alcoholism.)
There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to better your appearance. But I hate the idea that we have to be perfect, shiny specimens before anyone will give attention. It's just not realistic. The acne and not-so-perfect wardrobe is realistic. If you are going to be married to someone, get used to that stuff.
I wasn’t expecting my husband to have an encyclopedic knowledge of moisturizers lol. Though I would prefer that he didn’t have large zits because I enjoy squeezing them and I would rather not do that to someone else against their will. Seeing them on guys for me is actually tempting in a dark way…it’s best not to feed my sadistic self, heh.
But that’s my issue, and it’s not a dealbreaker.
I agree that we don’t need to be perfect to get married, but my wardrobe isn’t even trying for average. You don’t know what’s up, so don’t worry about it.
lol. Regardless, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about this since you likely won't be dating anyone with such views anyway. The right person will come along and then none of what the others thought will matter anymore I am sure.
I appreciate the education, and I won't be using that word to describe myself when it's not what I'm looking for.
