29 & Never Dated

[Cute Peonies]

The desperation in your last post is real. I'm not saying it to be mean but you need to change your attitude first.

Sometimes we want things we're not even ready for. Don't make a relationship an idol.

My only tip is pray ... that's what I'm doing and it's been good so far.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know this thread was made a year ago but I just turned 29 this week. I understand exactly how you feel and I agree some of the things people have said don't seem very sympathetic or encouraging. But don't listen to those thoughts or even hurtful things people might say thinking they're helping. You are just as much capable of being in a relationship as anyone else! You don't have anything wrong with you. You are seen. You are just as good as anyone if not more. I think it's a good thing (when I finally do meet someone) that they were single before they met me instead of being with a bunch of girls. That alone is something so precious to a woman especially if she's a real Christian. Also it's really frustrating how our society has conditioned us to think we have to be married in our early twenties. It's actually better to get married when your a little bit older and you're relationship will be better and less likely to divorce. Also don't feel bad or guilty for desiring a relationship just like everyone else. You are human and it's perfectly normal to want a spouse. I used to have people make me feel guilty for crying about it. And that is wrong on their part! It's a real hurt to us singles. You are not alone. Another thing I want to add that helps me personally is that you could meet someone any day. Not trying to sound like the old obnoxious "you'll meet them when you least expect it" but that with new people we meet may come new opportunity. I know it hurts. And it's okay to admit it hurts. But it won't always be like this.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

Anime. Anime will help you forget. Not really, but it's better than nothing....

Heh. I'm trying to make a funny while suffering from depression myself. Sorry. Humor is how I cope. So here's a dumb meme to maybe make you laugh for a second or two.

 

[DragonFox91]

I feel horrible.

Anime. Anime will help you forget. Not really, but it's better than nothing....

Heh. I'm trying to make a funny while suffering from depression myself. Sorry. Humor is how I cope. So here's a dumb meme to maybe make you laugh for a second or two.

I am watching One Piece. I am almost caught up w/ the dub. It is AMAZING.

 

[pc_76]

I am feeling very bad right now spiritually and emotionally. I feel like I almost don't want to be part of existence at all right now, I feel like I am either a slave to the force of good or evil without a way out option, like I have to make one of two mutually exclusive choices against my will. If I give into temptation and choose to knowingly betray the standards of God, I go to Hell and suffer for eternity. Yet if I don't take any self-initiative and follow God I may never get what I desire either for now or for eternity. It is a dead-end to me. And God doesn't want to just wipe out or reverse the factors and trends in this society making it hard or impossible to fulfill my chosen desire in a God-friendly way.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am feeling very bad right now spiritually and emotionally. I feel like I almost don't want to be part of existence at all right now, I feel like I am either a slave to the force of good or evil without a way out option, like I have to make one of two mutually exclusive choices against my will. If I give into temptation and choose to knowingly betray the standards of God, I go to Hell and suffer for eternity. Yet if I don't take any self-initiative and follow God I may never get what I desire either for now or for eternity. It is a dead-end to me. And God doesn't want to just wipe out or reverse the factors and trends in this society making it hard or impossible to fulfill my chosen desire in a God-friendly way.

I know what you mean. I think the same a lot. Minus the going to hell & suffering for eternity bit. I fell confident I'm not going to hell. But I've said in the past, I actually don't think that's eternal. Hell AKA Hades & the evil in it is thrown into he lake of fire in the end times.

Revelation 20: 14-15 "Then Death & Hades were cast into the lake of fire.....Anyone not found in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire."

The fire burns eternal. I'm not convinced the souls do.

 

[pc_76]

Especially since we are on the brink of War with Russia or China, I am getting more anxious about wanting to find somebody.

People say that having opposite-gender bonds and reproduction is a condition only in this life and that when we get to Heaven (assuming that's where any of us go instead of Hell) that part of our life is going to be nullified or abolished because everything would be perfect. If God wanted a plan where everything and everyone was perfect, he could have not created earth at all and just made us in Heaven instead of being born in this world, and get to grow up and experience the pain of things never fulfilled, having this futile attraction to members of the opposite sex. It is useless. God could have also made humans reproduce asexually or made humans completely by himself without other humans if planned, but here we are.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

Especially since we are on the brink of War with Russia or China, I am getting more anxious about wanting to find somebody.

People say that having opposite-gender bonds and reproduction is a condition only in this life and that when we get to Heaven (assuming that's where any of us go instead of Hell) that part of our life is going to be nullified or abolished because everything would be perfect. If God wanted a plan where everything and everyone was perfect, he could have not created earth at all and just made us in Heaven instead of being born in this world, and get to grow up and experience the pain of things never fulfilled, having this futile attraction to members of the opposite sex. It is useless. God could have also made humans reproduce asexually or made humans completely by himself without other humans if planned, but here we are.

Fun fact: all that "no sex in Heaven " stuff came from one verse, Matthew 22:30, which says:
"For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven."
Christians are just so acclimated to their own culture that they assume that if there is no marriage, there is no sex or romantic attraction. They forget that God's reasons for marriage as we know it are 1: to help us understand love and devotion so we can understand Him better, 2: to help us understand righteous jealousy and why He cannot abide us turning away from Him, and 3: because we flawed humans tent to pick favorites and cannot share the same level of intimacy with everyone as we do with just one special person. Also 4: because health is a problem in this fallen world.

Well, the first two won't be a problem in Heaven, where we literally can talk to God in person, and if we are made perfect, then we will love one another with all our hearts; love may be different, but no weaker for that. And naturally, Heaven won't have disease or any sort of physical maladies.

Ultimately, the phrase "as the angels of God in Heaven" may have been intentionally vague so as not to cause confusion; Zechariah 5:9 describes female angelic figures, so masculine and feminine angels exist, at least. And if it turns out are actually male and female, it would only follow reason that they would breed; note how the "sons of God" lusted after the women of Earth and made the Nephilim; God could have said "demons" but He didn't, and the term "sons of God" is a weird term to use for the demons, who are exiles and generally agreed upon being disowned. This also implies that angels fell apart from the battle with Satan, which opens up a whole new can of worms I'm not going into here. Suffice to say, angels appear to have sex drives.
Here is my personal theory: angels are capable of having open relationships that are every bit as loving and intimate as our marriages, and when we get to Heaven, we shall be the same. After all, why would God just delete sex? He didn't say things were "very good" until sex was invented when He made Eve, and despite Christian prude culture, the more I study into sex and God's plan for it, the more I see how incredible and sacred it is, and how Satan has tried to corrupt it more than anything else save the Word of God itself. I believe, when we get to Heaven, sex and romance will be made perfect, and each and every relationship will be as deep and meaningful as a lifelong romance.
Hence the phrase "as the angels in Heaven". Promiscuity here on Earth is forbidden because it is destructive rather than constructive. People feel less loved the more lovers they have. So Jesus intentionally leaves the phrase vague so that people won't be confused and say that promiscuity is okay because "that's what goes on in Heaven."

Of course, these are all my theories, and I could be wrong, and I know some touchy folks who put the letter of the law before the spirit of it are going to call me a blaspheming heretic, but honestly, God's no prude, He made sex and romance so wonderful for a reason, and I see no reason that they shouldn't exist in Heaven. And I think, as a Christian, I too have the Holy Spirit of God.

 

[DragonFox91]

I went to church today. I was too sad to stay for Sunday School, I usually do stay for it. One of the girls in a relationship did say Hi to me so I guess that was good.

Especially since we are on the brink of War with Russia or China, I am getting more anxious about wanting to find somebody.

People say that having opposite-gender bonds and reproduction is a condition only in this life and that when we get to Heaven (assuming that's where any of us go instead of Hell) that part of our life is going to be nullified or abolished because everything would be perfect. If God wanted a plan where everything and everyone was perfect, he could have not created earth at all and just made us in Heaven instead of being born in this world, and get to grow up and experience the pain of things never fulfilled, having this futile attraction to members of the opposite sex. It is useless. God could have also made humans reproduce asexually or made humans completely by himself without other humans if planned, but here we are.

As hard as that is about marriage possibly going away, isn't that wonderful the desire of earthly passions could be gone? Isn't being free of the desire just as good as having the desire fulfilled?

Also, I don't know for sure it's going to go away. After the End Times, a New Earth is created. We don't go to heaven, we are given a new earth. Read the end of Revelation.

 

[pc_76]

I wouldn't know if I want anything to do with God if he created such a thing that is so pleasurable and great down here and then disestablish it when we cross over into the next world to come. And it is unfair that some people get to be married and have kids on this earth but others have to remain perpetually single, and not have this unique wonderful experience. Is this one thing that the devil has destroyed that God can not restore? If so, then the devil has succeeded.

Add to this it is becoming more challenging or impossible to find and satiate a desire for an emotional and physical connection without sinning, so we are faced to either sexually sin or remain perpetually celibate involuntarily for our whole life here, and neither do we get to experience and live it in Heaven?

Do most believers have any idea how this "no sex or marriage in Heaven" seems so unfair to some people? My spirit is very discouraged about this.

 

[DragonFox91]

I wouldn't know if I want anything to do with God if he created such a thing that is so pleasurable and great down here and then disestablish it when we cross over into the next world to come. And it is unfair that some people get to be married and have kids on this earth but others have to remain perpetually single, and not have this unique wonderful experience. Is this one thing that the devil has destroyed that God can not restore? If so, then the devil has succeeded.

Add to this it is becoming more challenging or impossible to find and satiate a desire for an emotional and physical connection without sinning, so we are faced to either sexually sin or remain perpetually celibate involuntarily for our whole life here, and neither do we get to experience and live it in Heaven?

Do most believers have any idea how this "no sex or marriage in Heaven" seems so unfair to some people? My spirit is very discouraged about this.

I was pondering the passages in Mark & Matthew where Jesus discusses this yesterday. I'm not too familiar w/ End Times theories, but "At the time of the resurrection" stood out to me. That could be a very different spot from the New Earth we are given for eternity in the very very end. The resurrection of the dead? Jesus's return resurrection? Perhaps he is talking about one of those times & in the New Earth there will still be sexual intimacy and/or marriage.
Do not despair, friend. Personally, I'd rather see the flesh conquered but maybe there is room for it somewhere down the line. We are given new bodies after all (bodies are good therefore) & Adam & Eve even before the Fall were created male & female. I can't see something so intregal to the whole race & considered good by God just being wiped out. There's got to be something.

Also "like the angels in heaven". But we know from Genesis part of the reason for the Flood was b/c the 'sons of God' (traditionally angels) were lusting after ' 'daughters of men' (traditionally women).

 

[trophy33]

I wouldn't know if I want anything to do with God if he created such a thing that is so pleasurable and great down here and then disestablish it when we cross over into the next world to come.

Spiritual bodies have different pleasures than animal bodies.

And it is unfair that some people get to be married and have kids on this earth but others have to remain perpetually single, and not have this unique wonderful experience

Its not about fair or unfair. We all have some given things from God. We cannot have all the same gifts, because each of us has a unique purpose.

Do all people have cars? Do all people have sons? Do all people have parents? Do all people have siblings? Etc.

 

[bèlla]

Its not about fair or unfair. We all have some given things from God. We cannot have all the same gifts, because each of us has a unique purpose.

This should be a sticky.

 

[DragonFox91]

Do all people have cars? Do all people have sons? Do all people have parents? Do all people have siblings? Etc.

Spiritual bodies have different pleasures than animal bodies.


Its not about fair or unfair. We all have some given things from God. We cannot have all the same gifts, because each of us has a unique purpose.

Do all people have cars? Do all people have sons? Do all people have parents? Do all people have siblings? Etc.

Understand we're given different gifts: example being single has allowed me freedoms a married man wouldn't have, but I would think if someone worked at it enough they could at least get friendzoned or even go on a date or two. Unfortunately singles who struggle w/ dating tend to get the advice of 'suck it up' but other struggles is it's 'you are who you want to be.'

 

[trophy33]

Understand we're given different gifts: example being single has allowed me freedoms a married man wouldn't have, but I would think if someone worked at it enough they could at least get friendzoned or even go on a date or two. Unfortunately singles who struggle w/ dating tend to get the advice of 'suck it up' but other struggles is it's 'you are who you want to be.'

Dating and marriage are overrated. In this century in western countries there are not many reasons to date or to get married.

At least for men. Women seem to be more traditional in their thinking, having biological urges to have children or to find a provider.

 

[pc_76]

And society is pretty awful today. So many men are even checking out of the dating market and giving up all together. So Satan has almost won. I wonder if the early church people ever imagined this scenario today.

 

[trophy33]

And society is pretty awful today. So many men are even checking out of the dating market and giving up all together. So Satan has almost won. I wonder if the early church people ever imagined this scenario today.

What does singleness have to do with Satan? Dating is a modern concept, people did not date century ago.

Also, when we see how many members even here on CF are divorced, it does not seem the probability of a happy marriage is high, anyway.

Divorce rate between Christians is higher than between atheists - above 50%.
And half of marriages that hold are unhappy (50% of people who are not divorced were unfaithul to their spouse).
This makes only 25% of marriages to be "successful".

Not a situation one should haste into or cry that he does not have it.

 

[pc_76]

I was pondering the passages in Mark & Matthew where Jesus discusses this yesterday. I'm not too familiar w/ End Times theories, but "At the time of the resurrection" stood out to me. That could be a very different spot from the New Earth we are given for eternity in the very very end. The resurrection of the dead? Jesus's return resurrection? Perhaps he is talking about one of those times & in the New Earth there will still be sexual intimacy and/or marriage.
Do not despair, friend. Personally, I'd rather see the flesh conquered but maybe there is room for it somewhere down the line. We are given new bodies after all (bodies are good therefore) & Adam & Eve even before the Fall were created male & female. I can't see something so intregal to the whole race & considered good by God just being wiped out. There's got to be something.

Also "like the angels in heaven". But we know from Genesis part of the reason for the Flood was b/c the 'sons of God' (traditionally angels) were lusting after ' 'daughters of men' (traditionally women).

If people keep insisting to me that "there will be no [X] in Heaven because we will no longer need/desire it and everything will be perfect" then I say that I am content and enjoy my mediocrity as a being.

 

[DragonFox91]

If people keep insisting to me that "there will be no [X] in Heaven because we will no longer need/desire it and everything will be perfect" then I say that I am content and enjoy my mediocrity as a being.

Do you at least get to meet singles? What are your experiences w/ it lately?

 

[pc_76]

Do you at least get to meet singles? What are your experiences w/ it lately?

I didn't meet singles that much. All I have mostly is my place of work.
On social media, most of the females especially the ones I think are attractive, are already taken in some way or have even been with another man before. I know a handful of younger females in my own area alone that have at least one child and were never in wedlock. It's sad that it seems to be more common for young men to be celibate and single than young women.