29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

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[Single Dude]

I am over the hill so to speak and never dated don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[DragonFox91]

He did have the desire to improve. But I think he got tired of the hard work involved, and everything this past year came down on him like a ton of bricks. My anxiety is miles better than it used to be for sure.

Aww, that's sad. Maybe when the pandemic ends & things reopen, the desire will be rekindled.

Do you think getting older & more experiences have helped w/ your anxiety?

Not always. There's a lot of co-ops and groups that just meet for the kids to play and/or learn together. They usually plan different activities for each meeting, so there's always variety and the children get exposure to different sports, games, hobbies, etc. There are also teaching co-ops, especially for older children. So one of the ones I was at, we learned history, literature and creative writing from different parents of other pupils. It was very helpful for my mom to be released from some of her responsibilities when we got older and subjects became more intense.

I didn't know they did that! That's very good then. That's my biggest concern w/ homeschooling. I know people say 'everything I learned in school is useless', but that's not true at all. Among other things (I could list a whole bunch, but due to the topic at hand, I'll stick to this), you learn how to interact w/ others. Those w/ Different likes, different abilities, different walks of life, those in authority, sharing, communicating, those that like you & those that don't, etc. etc.[/QUOTE]

 

[DragonFox91]

I am feeling optimistic the past few days. I don't know if it's because going to that "singles" ministry that appears to be being a good fit, or if chatting on here, or what, has helped, but it's evident I wasn't putting God at the center.

Also, one thing I've noticed, why so many more men here then women?

 

[Single Dude]

God knows what is best for you. I tell that to myself everyday.

 

[DragonFox91]

I do hope it's not being single forever tho.

 

[Single Dude]

Look on the bright side the right one is coming. Issac had to wait until 40 and still God brought him the Lady. He was out in the field worshipping God.

 

[DragonFox91]

Look on the bright side the right one is coming. Issac had to wait until 40 and still God brought him the Lady. He was out in the field worshipping God.

Maybe.

But yes, the Bible is full of those kinds of examples like your Issac one.

Moses was 50 I think by the time of the exodus. Abraham was pushing 90. Even Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was 30. (I'm not sure on this one, but I tend to think of Paul at least middle aged when he converts)

I tend to think of Joseph. He lost everything. He was betrayed by his brother & sold into slavery & imprisoned. Things looked awful for him. Little did he know, he'd become a little less than Pharaoh.

I was recently told something like "It's almost like God's preference for something good is that it has to take time."
(It was something like that, it sounded so strengthening the way he said it)

 

[Single Dude]

Like I said before God knows what's best for you and will provide in His time.

 

[pc_76]

Huh? Are we living in the same year of 2021? I don't think humanity has ever been more obsessed with sex than it is now. Premarital or otherwise. If anything, there is too much emphasis on licentious behaviour in the modern world. Which is probably part of the reason there are so many more single people than there used to be. Why get married and have a meaningful relationship if you can just bonk people and dump them when they become inconvenient instead. This results in those who maybe aren't as outgoing or attractive getting left behind. Because who wants to have a relationship with them if there are so many other choices out there? I don't know if you realized it, but you actually have the solution right there within your post. The solution is not more premarital sex. It is a return to tradition. Every man has a wife and every woman a husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 How would it be beneficial for Christians to become even more worldly, if worldliness has shown itself to be a false god which merely makes our lives more difficult?



But it seems like the OP of this thread wants a meaningful relationship, not what you are suggesting. So how would this be helpful to him? Or are you speaking more for yourself?



To be blunt, God is not a vending machine where you can press a button and He dispenses what you most desire at any one time. He doesn't bend to your wishes and whims. His laws are eternal and unchanging. The world changes constantly. Sometimes some of His laws are made more difficult to follow by the different weaknesses humanity finds itself embroiled in at different times. But we are still asked to obey and trust Him.

What I'm trying to get at is that more and more, your two options is only pretty much to either stay chaste OR be left-behind in the game. It's similar way with other activities too, not just dating/marriage or the intimacies that come with that - The story about having to decide to take the mark of the beast or not comes to mind. I agree that a society overly-obsessed with sex isn't the greatest or ideal, but that is the reality we have to face today. And even if society at large did want to start taking steps to go more traditional again, change will take at least a generation to "normalize" again. That's just life, sometimes you have little choice except adapt to the circumstances or live on but be "left-behind" or held back in everything else.

As another note, its become as hard to get just sex in itself, let alone a complete relationship.

 

[DragonFox91]

What I'm trying to get at is that more and more, your two options is only pretty much to either stay chaste OR be left-behind in the game. It's similar way with other activities too, not just dating/marriage or the intimacies that come with that - The story about having to decide to take the mark of the beast or not comes to mind. I agree that a society overly-obsessed with sex isn't the greatest or ideal, but that is the reality we have to face today. And even if society at large did want to start taking steps to go more traditional again, change will take at least a generation to "normalize" again. That's just life, sometimes you have little choice except adapt to the circumstances or live on but be "left-behind" or held back in everything else.

As another note, its become as hard to get just sex in itself, let alone a complete relationship.

Stay chaste then. That's a game that's okay you get left behind in. If God desires, he may turn the tables so you don't stay left behind. He likes seeing those behind come out on top.

A complete relationship should come before sex.

 

[Agnos]

But yes you're right, I do have value to people

No, bud. You missed the point. They don't get to decide that. Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. You establish it for yourself.

 

[Agnos]

A complete relationship should come before sex.

This may come as a shock to you but that's something we can agree on.

How do you define a complete relationship?

 

[pc_76]

In my generation and lifetime, apparently God plans to snuff out this universe too. I don't know who here believes that the next life will also take place in the recreated universe similar to this one vs. not. Even then, people seem to believe that marriage, relationships, including sexuality and physical intimacy, will not be restored. Maybe it would have been better if God decided to intervene in human's free will anyway and stopped Adam and Eve from eating the fruit and letting sin enter the world. Then today, we would have all gotten to be able to enjoy that kind of relationship, children, family, etc. especially if it looks like it won't be restored in the next life to come.

Also Satan seems to have a lot more power in this universe. This seems to be the story of this world: God created perfect -> Satan is granted dominion over this world -> evil that doesn't abate and gets much worse and worse -> end times come. I always observe that its the most corrupted that get off scott-free with their crimes while the good or wholesome people always get the short end at their expense in this world and that stands until the bad people die or the world is snuffed out completely. No difference.

I wish this God wasn't so complicated, and his ways could be straightforward and consistent. That means if I directly say I want a woman, I'll get a woman eventually without being "left-behind" in it and if I wanted that sort of thing in Heaven, I'll be guaranteed to have it as stated - no more no less.

 

[DragonFox91]

In my generation and lifetime, apparently God plans to snuff out this universe too. I don't know who here believes that the next life will also take place in the recreated universe similar to this one vs. not. Even then, people seem to believe that marriage, relationships, including sexuality and physical intimacy, will not be restored. Maybe it would have been better if God decided to intervene in human's free will anyway and stopped Adam and Eve from eating the fruit and letting sin enter the world. Then today, we would have all gotten to be able to enjoy that kind of relationship, children, family, etc. especially if it looks like it won't be restored in the next life to come.

Also Satan seems to have a lot more power in this universe. This seems to be the story of this world: God created perfect -> Satan is granted dominion over this world -> evil that doesn't abate and gets much worse and worse -> end times come. I always observe that its the most corrupted that get off scott-free with their crimes while the good or wholesome people always get the short end at their expense in this world and that stands until the bad people die or the world is snuffed out completely. No difference.

I wish this God wasn't so complicated, and his ways could be straightforward and consistent. That means if I directly say I want a woman, I'll get a woman eventually without being "left-behind" in it and if I wanted that sort of thing in Heaven, I'll be guaranteed to have it as stated - no more no less.

I struggle w/ similar thoughts on occasion. Especially 'the corrupted get off scott-free.' Especially from supposed believers. But remember no one is perfect & you have blessings to count as well. The Father loves both.

You don't know God won't give you a woman. Have you lived all your life yet? Are you able to say to the Almighty what he has in store for you? Maybe he will give you a woman. Maybe you're not ready for one yet. Right now only he knows what he'll do for you. You need to be happy & content w/ what you have & live in faith according to his other promises he's given you. Don't worry about heaven or the after-life. Stay focused on this life. Watch God work in this life & be amazed!

"Let the heavens be glad & the earth rejoice. And let them say 'The Lord Reigns!' 1 Chronicles 16:31

Satan does have power & authority now. But only to the extent God allows for his glory.

This may come as a shock to you but that's something we can agree on.

How do you define a complete relationship?

It's difficult for me to define TBH b/c I've never been in a relationship.

Developed. A long time has passed. They know EVERYTHING about each other. Have been thru multiple trials w/ each other. They're already one in other ways.

 

[DragonFox91]

I started good today, now I feel sad. I wish finding a date wasn't so hard for me. I wish I could meet one at church

 

[zoidar]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

I don't date, I do coffee.

I just take coffee with people that I like to get to know better. From there things might happen or might not happen. I take it really easy, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. We are not looking for just a girlfriend right? But a partner for life. My approach takes away a lot of the tension.

 

[DragonFox91]

Of the 3 churches I go to, the guy:girl ratio amongst singles is horrible. Does anyone notice a similar phenomena at churches they attend? Does anyone have any theories why this could be?

The churches I went to growing up, same thing.

The only time it wasn't was the college ministries I attended, where the split was about even. (Even then, the girls tended to be in relationships, the men weren't)

I don't date, I do coffee.

I just take coffee with people that I like to get to know better. From there things might happen or might not happen. I take it really easy, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. We are not looking for just a girlfriend right? But a partner for life. My approach takes away a lot of the tension.

Good attitude

Me liking coffee is actually a relatively recent development. Need it so much in the morning

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

Do you think getting older & more experiences have helped w/ your anxiety?

Absolutely it has. Is it the same for you?

Also, one thing I've noticed, why so many more men here then women?

Weird, isn't it? I noticed it as well. I sort of expected the opposite when I started posting here. Where are all the women hiding?

Of the 3 churches I go to, the guy:girl ratio amongst singles is horrible. Does anyone notice a similar phenomena at churches they attend? Does anyone have any theories why this could be?

That's very strange. I've always experienced the opposite at the churches I've attended. More single girls than single guys, almost without exception. Which I thought was due to the statistical fact that there are simply more female believers than male, but maybe not. It could just be a perception thing? Like, there are actually equal amounts of both, but it seems like there are more of one or the other, depending on what gender you are? Or maybe it's because I'm in Canada and you're in the States? We should switch locations. lol

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

What I'm trying to get at is that more and more, your two options is only pretty much to either stay chaste OR be left-behind in the game. It's similar way with other activities too, not just dating/marriage or the intimacies that come with that - The story about having to decide to take the mark of the beast or not comes to mind. I agree that a society overly-obsessed with sex isn't the greatest or ideal, but that is the reality we have to face today. And even if society at large did want to start taking steps to go more traditional again, change will take at least a generation to "normalize" again. That's just life, sometimes you have little choice except adapt to the circumstances or live on but be "left-behind" or held back in everything else.

As another note, its become as hard to get just sex in itself, let alone a complete relationship.

I feel like this is where that old Christian saying to "be in the world, but not of it" comes in. And the equally tired cliche of being the change that you want to see in the world. Sorry, this isn't very helpful. But I do understand your frustration, even if I think you are better off staying as you are. I don't think these modern "relationships" are all they're cracked up to be. You'd get a moment's pleasure and nothing to show for it afterward, except maybe heartbreak and an STD.

I wish this God wasn't so complicated, and his ways could be straightforward and consistent. That means if I directly say I want a woman, I'll get a woman eventually without being "left-behind" in it and if I wanted that sort of thing in Heaven, I'll be guaranteed to have it as stated - no more no less.

But then he wouldn't be God. He would be a creation of your own whims. Like the Roman or Greek gods. Just larger than life humans with all the same foibles and simplicities as humanity. You may as well not have a god at all if you want one like that. Refer to my previous post re vending machines.

I think the unknowableness of God is one of the appeals of being a Christian. He may at any moment have something up His sleeve that you literally cannot imagine in your finite mind. Isaiah 55:8-9