• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

29 & Never Dated

Status
Not open for further replies.

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
6,214
3,797
33
Grand Rapids MI
✟277,299.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
I'm trying to go thru my life to find experiences where God could've been preparing me for a girlfriend & wife or telling me it'll happen. I know I shouldn't be doing something like this, in case he wants me to be single my whole life, but I can't help but be hopeful, & maybe he's not as silent on it as I tend to think.
 
Last edited:
  • Optimistic
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
6,214
3,797
33
Grand Rapids MI
✟277,299.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Ugh, I'm posting a lot here.

This morning I feel defeated & like I failed. As I said, I feel like I lost. I lost out @ my dream.

I feel like a little kid still

Today I have company coming over, so that could help. Could also make it worse.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

Isaiah 2:22

Active Member
Jun 4, 2016
307
325
Canada
✟24,522.00
Country
Canada
Gender
Female
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Maybe someone has mentioned this already in the thread, but I haven't read all of it. Please don't take this the wrong way, DragonFox, but do you think that maybe the women you are meeting can sense your desperation? Desperation is incredibly off-putting in a man. Most women can smell it a mile away. I know I can. I've been pursued by desperate men before and it's not fun. One of them I 100% would have dated if it weren't for the fact that he reeked of it (plus his mother was not someone I wanted to have as an in-law, but that's beside the point). I'm not saying you are pursuing unwilling women. It seems like you are very respectful if they aren't interested, which is good. But if you're giving off vibes that scream: "I NEED a girl. now!", even when you just meet them casually, like at the groups you are going to, most women will shut you down. Even if they would have been interested in you otherwise. It's difficult to explain exactly what men do when they are desperate to be in a relationship that is so off-putting. Maybe... it's almost like they are trying too hard to be impressive? And they're super clingy? I don't know. Maybe another woman with more experience can tell you.

Perhaps it would be best to learn to be content in your current state, so that when you DO meet women in the future, you won't be scuttling your ship by letting them sense how unhappy you are to be single. I know this is not easy, because I've been there myself. But put some of that energy that you are expending on bemoaning your lot in life towards other things that you enjoy instead, and I'm sure you will be much more attractive to women.
 
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
6,214
3,797
33
Grand Rapids MI
✟277,299.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Maybe someone has mentioned this already in the thread, but I haven't read all of it. Please don't take this the wrong way, DragonFox, but do you think that maybe the women you are meeting can sense your desperation? Desperation is incredibly off-putting in a man. Most women can smell it a mile away. I know I can. I've been pursued by desperate men before and it's not fun. One of them I 100% would have dated if it weren't for the fact that he reeked of it (plus his mother was not someone I wanted to have as an in-law, but that's beside the point). I'm not saying you are pursuing unwilling women. It seems like you are very respectful if they aren't interested, which is good. But if you're giving off vibes that scream: "I NEED a girl. now!", even when you just meet them casually, like at the groups you are going to, most women will shut you down. Even if they would have been interested in you otherwise. It's difficult to explain exactly what men do when they are desperate to be in a relationship that is so off-putting. Maybe... it's almost like they are trying too hard to be impressive? And they're super clingy? I don't know. Maybe another woman with more experience can tell you.

Perhaps it would be best to learn to be content in your current state, so that when you DO meet women in the future, you won't be scuttling your ship by letting them sense how unhappy you are to be single. I know this is not easy, because I've been there myself. But put some of that energy that you are expending on bemoaning your lot in life towards other things that you enjoy instead, and I'm sure you will be much more attractive to women.
Oh no, if anything, I think my desire isn't being communicated. But I've never thought I've gotten to a level w/ a woman where that desire can be communicated. I've said in previous posts, I never feel there's really a spark. I've only ever tried pursuing a couple women, & at that point, it was more to get to know them a bit better, kind of wanting to see if something could develop more than what it was. I also run into issues of simply being too shy to try. I appreciate the insight, tho.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
6,214
3,797
33
Grand Rapids MI
✟277,299.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
There was a girl I hadn't seen at the church I go to w/ the 'singles' ministry. I talked to her. She's a student at the local Christian college, she told me what she's studying, is from a different state, among other things. I told her I went to a secular college & if God calls you to a secular college for your major, he'll find ways to work there, among other things. We talked about living so close to Canada (me) & Mexico (her) & joked about that. It went well. We talked probably about 15 minutes, then her ride was leaving so she had to go. :relaxed:
 
Upvote 0

TenthAveN

Puppies are an acceptable form of currency.
Jun 18, 2020
564
472
North Texas
✟57,006.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
There was a girl I hadn't seen at the church I go to w/ the 'singles' ministry. I talked to her. She's a student at the local Christian college, she told me what she's studying, is from a different state, among other things. I told her I went to a secular college & if God calls you to a secular college for your major, he'll find ways to work there, among other things. We talked about living so close to Canada (me) & Mexico (her) & joked about that. It went well. We talked probably about 15 minutes, then her ride was leaving so she had to go. :relaxed:
I pray and hope it goes well with you.
 
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
6,214
3,797
33
Grand Rapids MI
✟277,299.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
You responded to my thread. I hope and send prayer that it eventually works out for both you and I.
I get VERY concerned it won't for me. We'll have to see, tho. My friend says God has 3 answers when you ask him a question: "yes", "no", or "wait."

I'd like to see you get one too. I don't like seeing people struggle w/ this. It's not right.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: pc_76
Upvote 0

pc_76

Well-Known Member
Dec 27, 2018
1,126
400
33
PA/New York
✟127,062.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Seeker
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
What else do you have going on in your life, though? I'm not a lady, but the ladies I know have all had stories in the past of having to rid some loser from their lives who didn't seem to have any motivation to do anything beyond dating them. If you're hyper-focused on your own romantic situation, it may be seeping through in your approach to this entire topic and torpedoing whatever chances you might have, whereas if you have your own life and interests outside of dating and that are not engaged in for the sake of dating, you'll not only seem like a more well-rounded and well-adjusted person to other people, you'll probably also just be happier overall, since you won't be so concerned with this one aspect of your life not going as you'd like it to.

I mean, I'm basically a decade older than you and haven't dated anyone in three years, and yeah, it definitely does get lonely sometimes, but I'm to the point where while I wouldn't mind if I found someone, I'm also having too good a time developing my own interests and hobbies and such to really give my romantic status any more room in my life than it should reasonably occupy. Sure, it's there, but so is a lot of other stuff: I'm learning to read French, I'm making sure to get at least an average of an hour of physical exercise in per day (no small feat in the middle of a pandemic that forces everyone to stay inside), I'm learning to cook healthier meals, etc. It's going pretty well so far, knock on wood. Should I meet someone later, presumably by then I'll be able to cook us some good meals, talk about French literature or whatever, and maybe even be in better shape, too. And if I don't, I can still do all of those things, just for myself. And that's good too, because they're good skills to have in general.

Is there anything preventing you from adopting a similar outlook, other than the obvious depression that accompanies feeling like a loser? You're not a loser, by the way. With the 'hook up' culture and various (ahem) alternative ways of envisioning the relationship as an arrangement that we see these days, it's probably better not to hang your self-image on that sort of thing. If anything, maybe you should order up some drinks and a little cake or something to celebrate not losing half your stuff or having to pay anyone alimony or child support in your 20s, both of which can definitely make you feel like way more of a failure than avoiding them will. Take it from any of the people I know who had kids with their high school sweethearts or first serious post-school partners: there aren't a lot of upsides to having a toddler to look after when you're 22 (or even younger; Lord have mercy). You've dodged that particular bullet. Good work!
Thing is that the alimony payments and other payments are not ideal. Nobody wants to pay alimony payments or that sort, but at the same time we physiologically desire a mate. Its just an unfair system.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: linux.poet
Upvote 0

pc_76

Well-Known Member
Dec 27, 2018
1,126
400
33
PA/New York
✟127,062.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Seeker
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
I don't know yet. I am sorry you feel so bad though and I hope you feel better. I don't feel as bad or perseverating on it as much as I used to, but sometimes I still feel the frustration.
 
Upvote 0

Isaiah 2:22

Active Member
Jun 4, 2016
307
325
Canada
✟24,522.00
Country
Canada
Gender
Female
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Oh no, if anything, I think my desire isn't being communicated. But I've never thought I've gotten to a level w/ a woman where that desire can be communicated. I've said in previous posts, I never feel there's really a spark. I've only ever tried pursuing a couple women, & at that point, it was more to get to know them a bit better, kind of wanting to see if something could develop more than what it was. I also run into issues of simply being too shy to try. I appreciate the insight, tho.

It's not necessarily something that you would be doing consciously. It's just a "vibe" (for lack of a better word) that people can have when they want a relationship badly. Women do it unconsciously as well, I think.

On the second part, you might be better off if you asked out a woman without getting to know her too well first. Lest you hit the dreaded "friend zone". I know there's a lot of debate about whether or not such a thing exists, but it's possible. Best not to take chances. Totally understand about the shy part, though. I have the same problem talking to men I like so they often don't "get" it and think I hate them instead. lol
 
Upvote 0

TenthAveN

Puppies are an acceptable form of currency.
Jun 18, 2020
564
472
North Texas
✟57,006.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
It's not necessarily something that you would be doing consciously. It's just a "vibe" (for lack of a better word) that people can have when they want a relationship badly. Women do it unconsciously as well, I think.

On the second part, you might be better off if you asked out a woman without getting to know her too well first. Lest you hit the dreaded "friend zone". I know there's a lot of debate about whether or not such a thing exists, but it's possible. Best not to take chances. Totally understand about the shy part, though. I have the same problem talking to men I like so they often don't "get" it and think I hate them instead. lol
Timidity is most definitely an obstacle for me.
 
Upvote 0

Isaiah 2:22

Active Member
Jun 4, 2016
307
325
Canada
✟24,522.00
Country
Canada
Gender
Female
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Timidity is most definitely an obstacle for me.

It sucks, doesn't it? I blame my anxiety and the fact that I was homeschooled from grade 3 all the way to grade 9. Homeschooling wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that I was already shy beforehand and my parents are homebodies, so we weren't like some homeschooling families visiting with friends and attending events 24/7. Not that I'm resentful towards my parents for making that decision. Maybe it was better for me in the end.
 
Upvote 0

TenthAveN

Puppies are an acceptable form of currency.
Jun 18, 2020
564
472
North Texas
✟57,006.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
It sucks, doesn't it? I blame my anxiety and the fact that I was homeschooled from grade 3 all the way to grade 9. Homeschooling wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that I was already shy beforehand and my parents are homebodies, so we weren't like some homeschooling families visiting with friends and attending events 24/7. Not that I'm resentful towards my parents for making that decision. Maybe it was better for me in the end.
Usually when I meet a girl I like, i just start hanging around them, and it gradually goes from friendship to relationship, though you have to have “the conversation” eventually. But the last few times it’s happened, I ended up just completely dropping most communication with them, and there’s an inexplicable loss of interest. That was before I knew that I tested highly in the depression category, so maybe that explains it. I guess introverts go about it differently.
 
Last edited:
  • Informative
Reactions: linux.poet
Upvote 0
Status
Not open for further replies.