29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

Welcome! I am also single and always been in a relationship. How does that work? Well, nothing worked out. So do not fret. Cry for those who do not know our Lord and Savior. That is a tear worth shedding.
Be blessed.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Life is short and whatever you think a relationship can do for you it probably can't. Continually pray for peace and guidance for you to realize a relationship won't make or break your life.

 

[Going_Nowhere]

I'm 33 and I've never dated or been in a relationship before. Don't really have any advice, but maybe you can find solace in knowing that there are others your age and older who are a little unhappy being single. And hey....there are worse things in life, right?

 

[dzheremi]

Making your self-worth revolve around whether or not someone will date you is a good way to make sure that no one will date you. Cultivate your own interests for your own sake and you will eventually attract people who will find those things interesting, and maybe find you interesting by association. Granted that's if you also have the social skills necessary to talk to people and get to know them without coming off like a weirdo (which is another not being hyper-focused on being in a relationship will help with, God-willing). That's the first dual step: Become interesting, and don't be a weirdo.

Obviously take care of your personal health and appearance. It probably doesn't need to be said that most people would prefer not to date someone who looks like they've let themselves go and have no intention of getting themselves back/reeling in their bad habits.

These are really the only things that have ever worked for me, though I'm no lothario or Cassanova or whatever. I'm a one or two relationships per decade person so far, since I don't really like western-style dating. But going from the comments that ex-girlfriends made before they became ex-girlfriends (heh), they liked that I knew stuff and that I was less weird than someone with my interests would probably usually be. (I'm paraphrasing, but that was basically it.)

Well...that and the kindness and the being easy to talk to and all of the other personal stuff I don't dare to show here on the internet, where it'd be like blood in the water. But that stuff you gotta figure out on your own! I'm not giving away my best secrets for free.

Seriously, though, welcome to CF, and I hope someone here can actually help. The serious answer is to pray, but I bet you knew that already.

 

[Miles]

Today's dating scene is pretty strange. I wouldn't take your lack of a girlfriend personally. Lots of folks don't know what they want, and those who do know what they want often have a hard time finding it.

When I look at relationships, usually I see a "birds of a feather flock together" dynamic, rather than winners and losers. On average, people pair with others who are similar to themselves. Some may fly solo longer without finding others they click with or can relate to, and that's okay. It may be lonely at times, but it beats being stuck with a mismatch.

The times I've dated over the years didn't really change anything. We simply weren't right for each other. I'd rather be with somebody who is right for me. I can live with that.

People have different priorities. Come to terms with what yours are. If it's simply to get out there more, there are ways to make that happen. If you've tried those things, and the women you meet still aren't a good fit, then maybe you'll just need to be patient for a while longer. And that's okay too. It will make it more rewarding when you do meet the right kind.

 

[SigurdReginson]

There was another topic similar to this one called "Am I out of luck?" My advice for him is the same I'd say for you.

It sounds like you need to do a lot of self reflection and self help.

Conquering your self doubts, Actively seeking your ambitions/dreams, and trying to improve the quality of your life are all things a potential significant other will be drawn to. If you are looking to be in a relationship with someone, they will be looking for those qualities.

If you are looking for a Christian woman, she will want to see you have a strong relationship with god, too.

A woman isn't going to give you the happiness you crave.

Work on yourself. Become the best version of yourself you can be, and expand those boundaries as far as they will stretch. If you conquer your personal demons and become content and happy with who you are, THAT is when women will begin to notice you more when they see your earned confidence shine through.

On top of that, you will be in a better place emotionally to be a better partner to that woman when hard times hit. Life is hard enough as it is, and being unemotionally ready for the relationship you want would only complicate things more.

 

[DragonFox91]

Thank you for the responses. I understand the 'don't dwell on it' thing, but I feel like I have to b/c I have to put effort into it. If I don't, no one else will. Getting hobbies, working on myself, finding things to occupy me, only works to an extent. After 29 years, you realize it doesn't actually help & is just an attempt to ignore it, which doesn't help & probably only makes things worse. Not that I have a problem w/ those things, just it doesn't help w/ my dating problem. Trying to ignore it or pretend it's not a problem makes it worse.

 

[dzheremi]

Getting hobbies, working on myself, finding things to occupy me, only works to an extent. After 29 years, you realize it doesn't actually help & is just an attempt to ignore it, which doesn't help & probably only makes things worse. Not that I have a problem w/ those things, just it doesn't help w/ my dating problem.

Unless you started trying to date people when you were a newborn, it probably hasn't been 29 years that you've been coping with this problem. And anyway, it isn't for the sake of getting a girlfriend that you would do any of these things, right? Better to do them for yourself so that you actually become someone who you like regardless of whether or not anyone dates you, since whether you're part of a couple or not, the one person who you'll be spending 100% of your life with is yourself. So you cultivate your own interests not as an attempt to ignore some problem, but because it's good and healthy to do, and as a bonus it gets you to stop being hyper-focused on your relationship status as though you've got to 'solve' that before you can do anything else (if it helps in your romantic life, great, but that's essentially a bonus on top of becoming a better person). Besides, women, if they themselves have been on the dating circuit long enough, can usually tell when a guy is putting on a front or otherwise attempting to manufacture interests for the sake of presenting himself as something he's not, and nobody likes entrapment.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Unless you started trying to date people when you were a newborn, it probably hasn't been 29 years that you've been coping with this problem. And anyway, it isn't for the sake of getting a girlfriend that you would do any of these things, right? Better to do them for yourself so that you actually become someone who you like regardless of whether or not anyone dates you, since whether you're part of a couple or not, the one person who you'll be spending 100% of your life with is yourself. So you cultivate your own interests not as an attempt to ignore some problem, but because it's good and healthy to do, and as a bonus it gets you to stop being hyper-focused on your relationship status as though you've got to 'solve' that before you can do anything else (if it helps in your romantic life, great, but that's essentially a bonus on top of becoming a better person). Besides, women, if they themselves have been on the dating circuit long enough, can usually tell when a guy is putting on a front or otherwise attempting to manufacture interests for the sake of presenting himself as something he's not, and nobody likes entrapment.

100% this. ^^^

 

[Sketcher]

Been 29, still never had a relationship. I know that's a lot of pain.

If I knew the way out, I probably wouldn't still be eligible to post in this subforum. What I can offer is the knowledge that what a lot of guys think will help them will often be yet another dead end.

 

[Petros2015]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Tricky in the Covid age; if it were a normal time I would say look for events that you would imagine taking someone nice to and that you would enjoy (I use Facebook events for this, there can be quite a lot, or Meetup).

Stuff like this
Come Visit the Wolves of Speedwell! - Wolf Sanctuary of PA
(I went there pre-Covid, but you get the idea)

Share it on facebook, invite friends. Then, you have something already in mind for someone who is interested, that you are heading to anyway. And, if you go alone, you are someplace interesting for you and you might meet someone interested in the same thing. 'Would you like to get some coffee with me sometime?' is usually safe and a nice way to get to know someone. Taking an interest in them helps. Everyone has their own stories, trials, struggles, joys. But most people don't have *anyone* that takes the time to get to know them, listen and care.

Put away vid games and things like that; I lost years in virtual worlds and gaming - if the only thing you have to offer a person is not being present for them, they will return the favor.

 

[DragonFox91]

 

[sampa]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

From what I've read it sounds like that if one thing isn't working then we need to try something different. Some of it could just be what we tell ourselves also. And if you look hard enough I'm sure that there's some lies that you've told yourself and believed. And you have to push some of those things aside and put on a new frame of thinking. Your identity in Christ is a good place to begin.

Otherwise I've never been in a really serious relationship or one that went beyond two months, but this past year I have been serious about making changes. But also continuing to grow as a person and to learn from others and cultivate stronger relationships around me. The healthier I am in relationships and those that I surround myself with, the more chances I have of finding that healthy and whole person in Christ that I can be a suitable helpmate for. Not only that, but the friendships and those around me benefit from my outward focus instead of inward.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

I did not go out on some dates until I was 31. No relationship yet and I'm 42 and I am sick of singleness. (I started the thread "Am I out of luck") My advice is pray, go to God with your concerns, trust and have faith in Him (I know,, easier said than done) and be patient and keep your eyes open for a women you would consider approaching.

 

[DragonFox91]

I think a lot of you don't understand how frustrating this is.

I did not go out on some dates until I was 31. No relationship yet and I'm 42 and I am sick of singleness. (I started the thread "Am I out of luck") My advice is pray, go to God with your concerns, trust and have faith in Him (I know,, easier said than done) and be patient and keep your eyes open for a women you would consider approaching.

Where I get really sad is there's men & women older than me who are in the same position. It just makes me think why should I be different from them?

 

[Sketcher]

I think a lot of you don't understand how frustrating this is.


Where I get really sad is there's men & women older than me who are in the same position. It just makes me think why should I be different from them?

You want to be different from us, trust me. Just be the right kind of different. As bad as I have it, everything else could be the same with alimony payments on top. Or worse.

 

[Lost4words]

Trust in Jesus. Put your concerns to Him. Lay them at His feet. He will help you.

God bless you

 

[DragonFox91]

Today was my Christmas party w/ my family. I felt lonely.

 

[DragonFox91]

It's horrible. If you've never been in a relationship but have wanted one your whole life, & don't know what it's like, you have no idea what that feeling is like. I've maybe had 2 girl friends my whole life. Both ended. I don't even know what going on a date is like. I don't know what kind of woman would be interested in me. Right now it's none. It hurts. Whether it be school, work, or church groups, nothing. God's silent on it.