29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

It was in full swing back then, just not as far along.

I hear it swings back & forth, but it never swings back to our side as long & it swings far less frequently.

I remember dial-up Internet. People couldn't call you when you were on the Internet unless you had a second phone line. People would still spend hours online.

That's true, & watching hours of TV on end was common too.

The Internet became the third wheel. You don’t realize how many couples spend more time online than together. Even in the same house.

They find a spot and come everyday like regulars. I used to assume they were single. But the majority of people in online communities are married. Young and old; working and retired.

I saw a lot of breakups and affairs and developed a rule because of it. If I’m in a relationship I limit my time in online hangouts. If we get serious I quit.

The ones who couldn’t leave usually fell apart. It was like a crutch.

Do you think sharing just one device would be a good idea? Hard to do it w/ smartphones these days, unless one partner got a flipphone, but maybe TV & computer could be shared? IDK. It's just a thought.

 

[bèlla]

Do you think sharing just one device would be a good idea? Hard to do it w/ smartphones these days, unless one partner got a flipphone, but maybe TV & computer could be shared? IDK. It's just a thought.

You don’t have to go that far. Balance is key.

If you like online communities that’s fine. But it shouldn’t diminish time with your spouse. For me, togetherness is foremost. He gets my attention. Time alone is a different matter. Even then I’d have restraints.

That’s why I joined a homemaking community. The structure is purposeful. It isn’t a hangout. That’s something I’ll continue when settled.

I’m committed to gatherings. Spending time with friends and loved ones or doing something fun is a priority. I don’t want us parked in front of computers.

Technology has a place. But I don’t want to build our lives around it.

 

[pc_76]

In what way do Satan's actions still stand after his time is up? All these things and this life will pass away and there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth. Revelation 21:1 God wipes the slate clean, but we get to keep our souls and personhood and enjoy His presence forever. Do you mean that you will be cheated of knowing what it would be like to be married/in a relationship?

I was thinking mainly about the last part, in this specific context.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was thinking mainly about the last part, in this specific context.

That's good you're curious about Satan & acknowledge his existence, but IMO you need to focus more on individuals making their own decisions, acting from their own accord based off what they choose & not b/c some evil force is telling them to.

 

[DragonFox91]

I feel like I'm wasting my life, like it's just passing me by

 

[Noxot]

I feel like I'm wasting my life, like it's just passing me by

it sucks not knowing a grand purpose. it sucks feeling trapped in a hamster wheel. in some ways a majority of people waste a lot of their life on simply existing for sustenance, status, sex and shelter. what are your major trait motivations?

 

[DragonFox91]

I have no idea what you mean by that. I'd just like GF & be married someday w/ a family & I'm not getting that so feel like I'm wasting my life. Every hour that goes by is an hour not going to that.

 

[DragonFox91]

I try everything.

 

[bèlla]

I have no idea what you mean by that. I'd just like GF & be married someday w/ a family & I'm not getting that so feel like I'm wasting my life. Every hour that goes by is an hour not going to that.

Your life is meaningless because you’re single?

 

[Noxot]

I just figured if you understood your major personality motivations which give you meaning and you utilized, integrated and implemented in the direction of your goals that you would not feel like you are wasting time but rather building up to that which you want. your goals seem rather simple, it leaves open a huge door for the billions of women in this world.

I hope you won't idealize things too much cause it can create an extra burden on you even if the more ideal is truer in the long term due to the constant perfecting we can have with God. but the suffering is real, it is better to have those good things you want than to be without. it is not within Gods nature to withhold anything of great worth to us if they are worthy of us. life has no guarantees. there is much suffering in this world and the possibility of being forever alone is a real one. the greater the idealization of marital love you hold to the slower things might come about.

suffering and fulfillment are both reflections pointing towards God. if you are strongly striving for and are competent then it would seem rather impossible to not find a decent woman. not ever having dated is certainly a con. women might think something is amiss with you, imo. don't let them know. appearing pathetic is not good for early impressions.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am so stuck.

I've been doing really well the past few days, even yesterday after another attempt exploded in my face, but tonight, I just feel so........like it's wasting away.

I just figured if you understood your major personality motivations which give you meaning and you utilized, integrated and implemented in the direction of your goals that you would not feel like you are wasting time but rather building up to that which you want. your goals seem rather simple, it leaves open a huge door for the billions of women in this world.

I hope you won't idealize things too much cause it can create an extra burden on you even if the more ideal is truer in the long term due to the constant perfecting we can have with God. but the suffering is real, it is better to have those good things you want than to be without. it is not within Gods nature to withhold anything of great worth to us if they are worthy of us. life has no guarantees. there is much suffering in this world and the possibility of being forever alone is a real one. the greater the idealization of marital love you hold to the slower things might come about.

suffering and fulfillment are both reflections pointing towards God. if you are strongly striving for and are competent then it would seem rather impossible to not find a decent woman. not ever having dated is certainly a con. women might think something is amiss with you, imo. don't let them know. appearing pathetic is not good for early impressions.

You'd be amazed at the bolded. I'm terrified of the Underlined.

Yes, I work on myself. I feel like I've checked off every box on 'How to Get a Girlfriend' lists & I still am stuck. I'm running in circles. It blows up in my face. I jump thru hoop after hoop after hoop.

Your life is meaningless because you’re single?

I mean time's passing me by & I never make progress w/ this so I feel like it's wasting.

 

[bèlla]

I've been doing really well the past few days, even yesterday after another attempt exploded in my face, but tonight, I just feel so........like it's wasting away.

You spent weeks building it up. That made the let down more disappointing.

That’s the heart of your dilemma. There’s no middle ground. You’re euphoric or somber. Your mind and heart are overworked.

 

[Noxot]

I am so stuck.

I've been doing really well the past few days, even yesterday after another attempt exploded in my face, but tonight, I just feel so........like it's wasting away.

You'd be amazed at the bolded. I'm terrified of the Italics.

Yes, I work on myself. I feel like I've checked off every box on 'How to Get a Girlfriend' lists & I still am stuck. I'm running in circles. It blows up in my face. I jump thru hoop after hoop after hoop.

all of it turned into italics. if it is true that you are doing all you can then it's at least not your fault. it's either
1.divine providence
2.the right woman is lead too far astray to realize that you are good for her
3.or no one has yet clicked with you well enough

it is weird though cause you sound like a winner. it makes me think that there has got to be some major thing that pushes women away from you. for me I display myself as low status constantly which is an obvious turn off and yet every once in a while some woman will show interest in me. surly women have shown interest in you if they have in me.

 

[DragonFox91]

You spent weeks building it up. That made the let down more disappointing.

W/ this particular topic, the down is the norm, so it's just a return to the norm.

That’s the heart of your dilemma. There’s no middle ground. You’re euphoric or somber. Your mind and heart are overworked.

hmmm

 

[DragonFox91]

all of it turned into italics. if it is true that you are doing all you can then it's at least not your fault. it's either
1.divine providence
2.the right woman is lead too far astray to realize that you are good for her
3.or no one has yet clicked with you well enough

I underlined the section that was meant to be italics. (What's the point of the italics button if it just italicizes everything???)

It's #3. Although probably some #1 too but let's just stick w/ #3.

it is weird though cause you sound like a winner. it makes me think that there has got to be some major thing that pushes women away from you. for me I display myself as low status constantly which is an obvious turn off and yet every once in a while some woman will show interest in me. surly women have shown interest in you if they have in me.

Aww, thanks to the bolded.

Right now the biggest problem is I'm simply not really meeting any single women my dating age range.

 

[DragonFox91]

Why is getting dates so hard???????

Nothing I try works.

Very frustrated today

 

[MehGuy]

Why is getting dates so hard???????

Nothing I try works.

Very frustrated today

I probably asked you this before but depression has killed my memory.. but..

Are you asking women within your league? Are you widening your dating pool?

Are you short? Or not the most pleasant face? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it shouldn't be that hard to get interest and dates from a few women. Look at some of the taken men out there, lol.

 

[DragonFox91]

I probably asked you this before but depression has killed my memory.. but..

Are you asking women within your league? Are you widening your dating pool?

Are you short? Or not the most pleasant face? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it shouldn't be that hard to get interest and dates from a few women. Look at some of the taken men out there, lol.

We touched on it, but I didn't know you had depression.

To recap:
Right now I'm not really meeting single girls. That's the biggest problem at the moment. Before, my anxiety wasn't controllable enough around girls of any kind. But now my anxiety's controllable (believe me, it is), I'm not meeting girls even when I expand social circle.

Not short. Average height. Big/long nose worst facial feature. Used to be really slim, which w/ the anxiety was a really bad combo, but I've gained weight (metabolism slowing, eating more, lifting weights) so that's helped & I'm at a weight I'm happy w/.

 

[MehGuy]

We touched on it, but I didn't know you had depression.

Yeah.. pretty severe depression.. my interactions on here are often a blur.. so don't be offended if I totally forgot something we talked about a day or two ago.

To recap:
Right now I'm not really meeting single girls. That's the biggest problem at the moment. Before, my anxiety wasn't controllable enough around girls of any kind. But now my anxiety's controllable (believe me, it is), I'm not meeting girls even when I expand social circle.

Not short. Average height. Big/long nose worst facial feature. Used to be really slim, which w/ the anxiety was a really bad combo, but I've gained weight (metabolism slowing, eating more, lifting weights) so that's helped & I'm at a weight I'm happy w/.

Lol.. nothing wrong with a long nose..

What kind of women are you seeking. if a average guy had to rate her looks out of a 1 to 10 what would they be? If you're shooting too high I can see a problem.. but if you're being realistic.. I'm really at a loss.

You said you were shy before? Although you strike me as someone who at least approaches women. Am I right?

 

[DragonFox91]

Yeah.. pretty severe depression.. my interactions on here are often a blur.. so don't be offended if I totally forgot something we talked about a day or two ago.

Wow. Any reason? Or just because?

Lol.. nothing wrong with a long nose..

Uhm, it's not a GREAT trait.

What kind of women are you seeking. if a average guy had to rate her looks out of a 1 to 10 what would they be? If you're shooting too high I can see a problem.. but if you're being realistic.. I'm really at a loss.

You said you were shy before? Although you strike me as someone who at least approaches women. Am I right?

Even tho I was shy, men were always easy. I was shy & had bad anxiety, but I could make friends easy enough w/ other men if I wanted to be their friend. I was part of extracurriculars & church clubs & met friends that way.

W/ women......maybe not as well as I should've. But sometimes I did. I think now I could do a lot better. It's as much finding one I want. I have a type that I'm looking for & it's not always easy finding that type. Maybe I should just give up on that, but if I do, values will clash & I won't want her or be happy w/ her.

Past 2 crushes (1 now [if you could call it that, hopefully it's not in the past], & 1 10 years ago), they're not hot, but they're definitely cute or pretty. I don't think they're out of my league. The one 10 years ago liked me, at least as a friend. I just didn't think we'd be compatible. She never really saw my anxiety side & I didn't think she'd want someone like that. The way I am now, I bet I'd ask her.