29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

I am totally stuck. IDK what to do. Nothing I try works.

And I don't get why this is such a struggle for many people. It's like you're either someone going on a date once a week, or you're lucky if someone says Hi back. It's beyond frustrating, it's depressing, it's demoralizing. Where are so many people going wrong???? It seems like so many of them are doing everything right.

 

[bèlla]

It’s impossible to get a thorough assessment without interaction. Whether that’s physical or Skype is up to the person. You need to see them, listen to their discourse, and observe their body language.

That’s what the opposite sex encounters. Many people are more comfortable expressing themselves in text and don’t behave the same in person.

As for your question, the biggest contributors to singleness are:

• Unrealistic expectations
• Unrealistic targets
• Unattractiveness
• Insecurity
• Lack of confidence
• Poor communication skills
• Desperation
• Bad attitude
• Limited finances
• Mental health challenges
• Health problems

Everyone has struggles. Some impact the dating process more than others. We’re choosing the flaws we can live with.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

It’s impossible to get a thorough assessment without interaction. Whether that’s physical or Skype is up to the person. You need to see them, listen to their discourse, and observe their body language.

That’s what the opposite sex encounters. Many people are more comfortable expressing themselves in text and don’t behave the same in person.

As for your question, the biggest contributors to singleness are:

• Unrealistic expectations
• Unrealistic targets
• Unattractiveness
• Insecurity
• Lack of confidence
• Poor communication skills
• Desperation
• Bad attitude
• Limited finances
• Mental health challenges
• Health problems

Everyone has struggles. Some impact the dating process more than others. We’re choosing the flaws we can live with.

~bella

I feel like you have to be perfect. If not you don't have a chance.

But then I guess I see all kinds of people - some w/ all those above attributes - in relationships, & I just want to bang my head against the wall.

 

[bèlla]

I feel like you have to be perfect. If not you don't have a chance.

But then I guess I see all kinds of people - some w/ all those above attributes - in relationships, & I just want to bang my head against the wall.

We don’t have to be perfect. Your observations are correct. People mate with those issues and more.

We’re looking for investors. Someone willing to commit in spite of our shortcomings. The pluses must outweigh the minuses in their eyes. That’s it in the nutshell.

You’re touching on something I’ve mentioned in the past. If singles were guided by Christian principles the majority would be paired. If Christlikeness was the lone barometer everyone could find a partner.

It’s the other stuff keeping you single. We’re all sinners with stumbling blocks. No one would be left out if we saw our brothers and sisters as God does. You’d accept the imperfection and trust Him with it.

Saying it is easier than walking it out.

 

[DragonFox91]

We don’t have to be perfect. Your observations are correct. People mate with those issues and more.

We’re looking for investors. Someone willing to commit in spite of our shortcomings. The pluses must outweigh the minuses in their eyes. That’s it in the nutshell.

That & some unforgivables are forgivable depending on the person. Doesn't mean they're settling. Just that for whatever reason, they're able to see the person as God does.

You’re touching on something I’ve mentioned in the past. If singles were guided by Christian principles the majority would be paired. If Christlikeness was the lone barometer everyone could find a partner.

It’s the other stuff keeping you single. We’re all sinners with stumbling blocks. No one would be left out if we saw our brothers and sisters as God does. You’d accept the imperfection and trust Him with it.

Saying it is easier than walking it out.

Definitely. I agree. I've thought it too. But we're part of the world.

 

[bèlla]

That & some unforgivables are forgivable depending on the person. Doesn't mean they're settling. Just that for whatever reason, they're able to see the person as God does.

Exactly. I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone many times.

Definitely. I agree. I've thought it too. But we're part of the world.

True. I’ve encountered a lot of financial/career insecurity. Trying to find the needle in the haystack is tiring. I’m making it hard on myself. The solution is simple.

 

[VCR-2000]

Also, in the long-term God may have won, but at the "expense" of everyone losing and suffering in the shorter term here. You can't restore or reverse the consequences of some things, like if any kind of sexuality and relationship structures are wiped out in the afterlife.

 

[DragonFox91]

Also, in the long-term God may have won, but at the "expense" of everyone losing and suffering in the shorter term here. You can't restore or reverse the consequences of some things, like if any kind of sexuality and relationship structures are wiped out in the afterlife.

Everyone?

But for a lot of people, it's their choice if they want to lose & suffer. Some people, traumas & struggles draw them closer to God.

 

[VCR-2000]

Everyone?

But for a lot of people, it's their choice if they want to lose & suffer. Some people, traumas & struggles draw them closer to God.

I guess "everyone" was a little exaggerated.

 

[VCR-2000]

I don't see any justice for this unfairness.

 

[VCR-2000]

At this point I just want God to bring a partner of my kind of preference directly to me. It's getting too late on this planet, and according to Revelation things are going to literally be Hell on earth. So on either side it looks like I potentially can't fulfill my dream desires at all.

 

[DragonFox91]

At this point I just want God to bring a partner of my kind of preference directly to me. It's getting too late on this planet, and according to Revelation things are going to literally be Hell on earth. So on either side it looks like I potentially can't fulfill my dream desires at all.

If you're thinking that, you're probably not in a state that would benefit the girl. Don't you want to be the best you can be for her?

Also, you're focusing too much on the End Times. Live life. God calls us to enjoy it.

 

[DragonFox91]

Maybe I'm too traditional. IDK. I can't compromise my beliefs tho. I wouldn't be happy w/ that.

 

[VCR-2000]

Maybe I'm too traditional. IDK. I can't compromise my beliefs tho. I wouldn't be happy w/ that.

Who are you responding to? Also, I am traditional in many things, even though on some other things I'm closer to liberal on.

 

[bèlla]

At this point I just want God to bring a partner of my kind of preference directly to me. It's getting too late on this planet, and according to Revelation things are going to literally be Hell on earth. So on either side it looks like I potentially can't fulfill my dream desires at all.

If the world is ending why do your preferences matter?

 

[DragonFox91]

Who are you responding to? Also, I am traditional in many things, even though on some other things I'm closer to liberal on.

I'm not responding to anyone. It's my thread, & I had that thought & wanted to post it, so posted it. But thank you for responding

Being traditional, I mean in regards to my religious beliefs. Those probably do hurt to an extent.

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

Maybe I'm too traditional. IDK. I can't compromise my beliefs tho. I wouldn't be happy w/ that.

I very much doubt this. There are many people out there who value tradition and want a traditional partner. It's just finding them that is tough.

 

[DragonFox91]

"Put yourself out there"

I'd just stress to those in college & younger, work your tail off to find future wife when you're young, b/c when you get older, it ain't happening, you don't have a prayer. So whatever it may be: bars, church groups, school, extracurriculars, etc. Minute you graduate & your education is done, it's as good as done.

 

[MehGuy]

"Put yourself out there"

I'd just stress to those in college & younger, work your tail off to find future wife when you're young, b/c when you get older, it ain't happening, you don't have a prayer. So whatever it may be: bars, church groups, school, extracurriculars, etc. Minute you graduate & your education is done, it's as good as done.

My experience is the opposite. While I was never an incel, I do find the older I become the more interest I garner from women. Compared to ten years ago I have since filled out and have more muscle mass, and my skin is slightly more rough and masculine looking. My personality is much more level headed and confident since I've had the time to know myself and what I want in life.

The truth is that many men in their early twenties still look like dorky teenagers with soft baby looking skin. By the time they hit 30 many of them look more like adults and have a more masculine edge to them. Women around our ages who are still single tend to also be a little more forceful and take more of an initiative in asking us out. The dynamics start to change.

 

[DragonFox91]

My experience is the opposite. While I was never an incel, I do find the older I become the more interest I garner from women. Compared to ten years ago I have since filled out and have more muscle mass, and my skin is slightly more rough and masculine looking. My personality is much more level headed and confident since I've had the time to know myself and what I want in life.

The truth is that many men in their early twenties still look like dorky teenagers with soft baby looking skin. By the time they hit 30 many of them look more like adults and have a more masculine edge to them. Women around our ages who are still single tend to also be a little more forceful and take more of an initiative in asking us out. The dynamics start to change.

You can't meet them after you graduate tho.

I wish someone had told me that.