It sounds like your daughter need a different group of people to associate with. I don’t know where you live, but I live on the West coast in a very liberal city where the idea that there are standard roles for men and women would be vilified. To be different, to be other than a white christian heterosexual male is glamorized. Perhaps you live in a conservative town, obviously you liven a place where being different is not praised or supported thus your daughters inability to fit in, I can assure you she would have had no problem fitting in and being accepted in a liberal city like mine.
In my city, people do not claim transgenderism, or non binary because of an inability to fit in, often the opposite it true, many people who would fit in traditional roles try to be something they are not in an effort to fit in.
I can see why you have the views on this issue due to your experiences with your daughter, and maybe where you live, this might be a common reason; but where I live, an inability to fit or be appreciated in is not the reason; and I suspect these issues are more common in a liberal city like mine than in a city like yours.
Thanks for sharing
Ken
BTW; what does it mean to identify as " non-binary"?
I understand what you're saying, Ken, but that's going the wrong direction... in your "liberal" town, people have fully embraced the non-scientific and false notions about Gender and have just decided to affirm everybody in their self-delusion (so that everyone can feel good about themselves together!).
I have no interest in affirming false narratives or made-up genders. And if someone is struggling with their gender-identity, it's not the correct solution to get them into a social context where lies are offered to assuage their shame or discomfort with themselves.
My daughter is not a non-woman. And no matter what any group of people decide, telling her it's OK for her to deny her God-given gender is not loving. It's not right. It's not good. It's not helpful.
We
should reject the notion that all women must have matching qualities that define their person, their skills, interests, tendencies or whatever. But we should
not reject the notion that Gender is actually and physically binary... male or female.
The really odd thing is that while I fully reject gender-based stereotypes, it is not I who is guilty of propagating them... but rather it is those who claim to
hate the gender-stereotypes that are
most dependent upon them to define themselves... by what they are NOT!
Ask a "trans woman" how they know they are not male... and they are forced to invoke all sorts of male-stereotypes that they are
not to assert that they are not male. For me it's really quite simple... do you have a penis? Good. You're male. No stereotype... no expectation that you like sports and hate housework or anything else like that. Don't have one? Good. You're female. No stereotype or expectations that you have to "act" like whatever I or anyone else describe as "feminine." Case closed. I'm cool... you're cool. What's the problem here?
No... those people who don't identify as their body-assigned gender
depend on the stereotypes... else they have
absolutely no basis upon which to claim what they are NOT... or what they think they ARE.
I literally had this conversation with my daughter... for years, we taught her that she did NOT have to conform to societal expectations about gender or such characteristics. We never pressed her into "girly" type activities or interests. And for a long time, she too would decry all the stereotypes and labels and expectation that existed in society. BUT... when she told us that she no longer identifies as a woman (or as a man... "non-binary"),
only then did she start trying to tell me how important and useful the "labels" were after all! In other words, she finally found a new label/stereotype that she felt like fit her, so she was claiming it as her own.