Is my husband controlling?

[CloeLace]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

He is controlling. He might be guilty of something and he controls you to quell that guilt I guess?

 

[CloeLace]

i constantly always feel like i'm in trouble. And how do i approach him about it?

 

[CloeLace]

He is controlling. He might be guilty of something and he controls you to quell that guilt I guess?

How do I stop feeling guilty for making him feel a certain way?

 

[HereIStand]

It's his third guy trip to Mexico in the last 10 months? That sounds like quite a bit for a married guy. It's also fair to ask what he is doing there. It's fine if you go on a trip with the gals in return. Stay in the States though.

 

[*LILAC]

Yes, everything you are saying about him leads to controlling and possibly even abusive.

 

[*LILAC]

i constantly always feel like i'm in trouble. And how do i approach him about it?

That is emotional abuse. You can simply come out and say how you feel about and see if you can compromise somehow.

 

[CloeLace]

It's his third guy trip to Mexico in the last 10 months? That sounds like quite a bit for a married guy. It's also fair to ask what he is doing there. It's fine if you go on a trip with the gals in return. Stay in the States though.

So he works really hard, he has his own business, and he tells me that the trips are motivational and that he's refreshed when he's there, and makes him work better.

He obviously makes the money, and I just feel bad if I told him that he couldn't go, cause I believe he deserves it. I just don't know how to approach him for making me feel guilty when I'm at home, and he's not here.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

That is emotional abuse. You can simply come out and say how you feel about and see if you can compromise somehow.

Sounds like he's having an affair from what experience I've had with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater and divorce is underway.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

Sounds like he's having an affair from what experience I've had with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater and divorce is underway.

And claims to be a Christian without even repenting. It's sad because he teaches well.

 

[CloeLace]

That is emotional abuse. You can simply come out and say how you feel about and see if you can compromise somehow.

I have told him. But to be honest, i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. So i feel like when I say something, it sounds like I'm overacting and I have no clue about how marriage works

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I have told him. But to be honest, i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. So i feel like when I say something, it sounds like I'm overacting and I have no clue about how marriage works

Marriage is a two-way street. Equal give and take. Yes, the husband is supposed to be the 'head of the household' but that's no excuse for treating you like an afterthought.

 

[Sketcher]

i constantly always feel like i'm in trouble. And how do i approach him about it?

This is usually motivated by some kind of insecurity. The more insecure someone like that feels, the more they feel they have to tighten their grip. However you go about this, do what you can to avoid triggering that insecurity, because if you do, that is where he will shut down, resist, and double down. If the front door is solid and barred shut, and the bathroom window is open, go in the bathroom window.

 

[CloeLace]

Ad claims to be a Christian without even repenting. It's sad because he teaches well.

I don't think he's having an affair. He literally doesn't have time for that.

 

[*LILAC]

Sounds like he's having an affair from what experience I've had with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater and divorce is underway.

So sorry to hear that!

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I don't think he's having an affair. He literally doesn't have time for that.

Ah, was postulating that a cheater oftentimes accuses the other of cheating. Psychology 101.

 

[*LILAC]

I have told him. But to be honest, i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. So i feel like when I say something, it sounds like I'm overacting and I have no clue about how marriage works

What does he say when you tell him how you feel?

 

[CloeLace]

This is usually motivated by some kind of insecurity. The more insecure someone like that feels, the more they feel they have to tighten their grip. However you go about this, do what you can to avoid triggering that insecurity, because if you do, that is where he will shut down, resist, and double down. If the front door is solid and barred shut, and the bathroom window is open, go in the bathroom window.

Yes, but his insecurities are draining me. to the point that I can't be myself because i dont want to outshine him, or make him feel like he isn't a man. I know he tells me that he loves me, but i just feel like it's getting ridiculous.

 

[HereIStand]

So he works really hard, he has his own business, and he tells me that the trips are motivational and that he's refreshed when he's there, and makes him work better.

He obviously makes the money, and I just feel bad if I told him that he couldn't go, cause I believe he deserves it. I just don't know how to approach him for making me feel guilty when I'm at home, and he's not here.

You sound like very generous woman. Don't feel guilty about being honest with him. Hope it works out.

 

[CloeLace]

What does he say when you tell him how you feel?

He says that I shouldn't feel like this cause I have it good. I don't worry about bills. He says he knows how guys are. And that all they think about is taking advantage of girls.

when i was single, every guy i talked to had full respect for me. never treated me like i was cheap.

So i don't know why he thinks if i'm out, that i would get taken advantage of?