Is my husband controlling?

[Senkaku]

yes, guilt tripping is the easiest way to determine when someone is controlling. You need to confront him on these things as soon as possible. Tell him how you feel. ask him those questions in a neutral tone. "How come i need my location on at all times but you don't?" "why is it wrong for me to go out with friends, but not you?" stuff like that.

Also, you must take responsibility for your actions. the only control he has over you are the areas you've given him to control, so stop giving him that power, control freaks will just walk all over that and take more and more ground when that happens. The guilt tripping will come, just to warn you, thats how they thrive. I'm not telling you to be disrespectful to him or hostile or anything, just saying to confront the situation with openness and honesty, it's not fair to you to have all of this pressure on you, he needs to know how this is making you feel.

 

[akaDaScribe]

If it was my daughter's intention to be faithful and godly, yes. I didn't say there are not obvious problems. But is the husband the only one in the wrong? Is it biblical to let your spouse be dragged through the mud? It is better to be innocent in the issue.

Obviously things need to be dealt with. And I didn't say she should keep it to herself. I said she should go to her pastor, if they submit to one. First things first. And other Christians should not get involved in bad mouthing.

I don't mean to come across harsh. I hope i didn't and i hope i don't now.

When a person who is being abused comes forward, they are already afraid and 2nd guessing themselves. To tell that person that they should not have, can cause that person to withdraw and continue receiving the abuse. If this was the only way she felt safe bringing up the problem, so be it.

Most people experiencing the abuse don't bring up the worst things that are happening initially. Chances are, if this is what she has said, worse things have been done.

I appreciate that there are 2 sides to every story, but given the information we have, it is completely reasonable to be supportive in letting her know that she does not have to put up with abuse and that fellow Christians do not find it to be an acceptable behavior.

And to answer your other question, yes it is possible for the husband to just be the only one wrong. I don't have to be doing anything wrong to get robbed on a train.

And a piece of fatherly advice. If your daughter is in an abusive situation and come forward to get out of it, be grateful that she did. If you want to talk to her about what could have been done differently, do it after getting her out of the situation.

 

[wonderkins]

Just so it's clear, I don't think the husband is right for the actions described. It should stop. But the wife needs to be innocent in the problem.

I also think that my daughter coming to me with this kind of news would be different than taking it to the internet. Essentially anonymous or not.

 

[akaDaScribe]

Just so it's clear, I don't think the husband is right for the actions described. It should stop. But the wife needs to be innocent in the problem.

I also think that my daughter coming to me with this kind of news would be different than taking it to the internet. Essentially anonymous or not.

Honestly, it would hurt my heart a bit if my daughter didn't come to me, but i would rather her begin the process of getting help somewhere rather than to stay in that cycle.

I guess all I was trying to say is even if you disagree with her posting here vs some other method of seeking help, it is better not to come down on someone in a fragile state and potentially have that person withdraw and remain in the situation.

If a person is psychologically abused and one of the tactics is to make the person feel like it's their fault, faulting that person for coming forward in any arena could be damaging because the person is in a hyper-sensitive state.

Or in other words, bad timin man.

 

[*LILAC]

Hope the OP is OK since she hasn't responded back yet.

 

[LoricaLady]

Another thought occurs. Mexico is very associated with drug trafficking. Let's pray that if the husband is involved in any such thing, that the wife will not be implicated, and let's just pray for her well being in general.

 

[carolina16]

he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

What it is the difference between a woman and a man in going out with friends? I call this male chauvinist.

he is able to make me feel guilty

I have my "location" on at all times.

He is manipulating you, mentally. He is in sin, and going to have to repent to the Lord and apologize to you. He can see that you have low self-esteem. I recommend that you read verses and see sermons about self-love. Pray for your marriage, please. I will be praying for you .

 

[Open Heart]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

This is toxic jealousy. My guess is that he is controlling in other ways as well. Tell him it's nonsense and you're not going to put up with it. Tell him if it bothers him, the best thing is for the two of you to go to marriage counseling, but that bullying you simply isn't going to work anymore.