Is my husband controlling?

[CloeLace]

You sound like very generous woman. Don't feel guilty about being honest with him. Hope it works out.

thank you. i'm curious of how tonight goes

 

[*LILAC]

thank you. i'm curious of how tonight goes

After all you've posted, I'm curious too and pray things will be sorted out soon.

 

[akaDaScribe]

It sounds like you have fear. What are you afraid of?

 

[Christian_Follower]

Short answer, yes controlling... Good news is that it didnt take yrs to find out... You need lots of serious prayer from any and all people, especially those around you who know and love you

I'm at a loss for words right now because my flesh wants to beat sense into him, but that wont help

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Seriously now, any husband who be doing stuff like that is up to no good.

 

[SaNcTaMaRiA]

Your husband is not only controlling he is neglecting you. Three trips to Mexico in a year and doesn't take his wife? You deserve better. You're a grown up. You're allowed to go out with friends. From what you are saying he isn't a very good husband.

 

[Christian_Follower]

I'm not trying to sow seeds of distrust, but this is a serious matter... May i ask your ages and how long you been married

 

[disciple1]

Yes, but his insecurities are draining me. to the point that I can't be myself because i dont want to outshine him, or make him feel like he isn't a man. I know he tells me that he loves me, but i just feel like it's getting ridiculous.

or make him feel like he isn't a man.

1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.


What's going on isn't fair, but that's between you and him.

 

[sfs]

I have told him. But to be honest, i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. So i feel like when I say something, it sounds like I'm overacting and I have no clue about how marriage works

This part is particularly worrying. It sounds like classic gaslighting: he's making unreasonable demands, and making you feel like you're the crazy one. As for what he says about how guys are -- that's complete bunk. Sure, there are guys like that out there, but it's certainly not all of them, and what does that have to do with going out with other women? I wouldn't dream of treating my wife the way you're being treated.

 

[dreadnought]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

I disagree with the remark that it's different cause you're a girl. You should each follow the same rules.

 

[Marie1980]

Wow what a control freak !! Very suspicious and very untrusting partner. Wow. I would honestly say that there's some secrets he's hiding from you, you seem like a good wife you probably don't deserve this kind of abuse.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

The behaviour is controlling, but it is had to tell what you should do. You will need to just test the waters a little, see how far you can take things before it cause problems for you. By that I mean you should stand up for your right to be able to go out with friends, but no push so hard that he reacts. Maybe as a suggestion take your husband out with your friends one time so he can see what type of people they are, it may quell his fear. In the bible Jesus parents questioned Him as to why he was teaching in the temple at a young age, they were concerned for His welfare. It says in the bible that Jesus became subject to them, Jesus could have rebelled and continued His ministry, but submission to parents was seen as important by Jesus. The bible does suggest that Christian wives should submit to their husbands. I would suggest that if things become tense, and your husband just will not allow your outings, submit to it, but ask your friends around to your place when he is there again so he can get to know them, it may open up doors to let you go out in future.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

My wife says that thinkers are doers. Whatever he is trying to accuse you of is most likely what he is guilty of doing. Perhaps this causes stress for him and he wants to push that stress off on you rather than to deal with it himself.

 

[archer75]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

Your husband is extremely controlling. It sounds very likely that he is doing 'secret' things on these trips.

Please see a professional counselor if you can. It is very hard to deal with these situation.

 

[LoricaLady]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

To be real honest I think you need to research the profile of domestic abusers. They often want to control, and isolate, their spouses. Putting them on a guilt trip for no good reason is also very common. The real problem is that such behaviors can escalate. I pray you will be given wisdom on how to deal with this so things don't get worse, and even turn around.,

 

[LoricaLady]

To be real honest I think you need to research the profile of domestic abusers. They often want to control, and isolate, their spouses. Putting them on a guilt trip for no good reason is also very common. The real problem is that such behaviors can escalate. I pray you will be given wisdom on how to deal with this so things don't get worse, and even turn around.,

P.S. I also agree with those above, though, who feel he is probably having some kind of an affair and/or up to no good in other ways. His attempts to make you live in anxiety may be due to his need to get you off his back about any potential revelations. Mho.

 

[LoricaLady]

P.P.S. If you can access funds without his knowing about it, I would have a private investigator check him out. Collect all the documentation you can that might be useful if you decide to go for a divorce.

 

[wonderkins]

Even with his faults, is it any better that you've allowed your husband to be bad mouthed on this thread? The Bible says for husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands.

This sounds like a matter to bring to your pastor if you have one, after talking to your husband first of course.

 

[crixus]

Controlling people rarely change their ways. If both people in a couple don't respect one another then they shouldn't be together. Like the old song say's, love is two way street.

 

[Andrew77]

Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight

You need help. You need some serious counseling. And next time he says you can't go out with your girl friends, you say "tough snot buster"... and walk out.

He's not your slave owner. You are married couple, not an indentured servant.

I can't stand guys like this.... you need help. You need more help than an online forum can provide.