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Featured Is my husband controlling?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by CloeLace, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
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    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Hi, as I'm writing this, my husband is on the plane coming from mexico with his best friends and i'm picking him up in a couple hours. He left 5 days ago, spending 4 nights there. So here's the problem, somehow, he is able to make me feel guilty for going out with my girlfriends one of the nights he's gone. I have my "location" on at all times. He doesn't have his on. And I am not allowed to go on girls trips, this is his 3rd time to Mexico in the last 10 months with his buddies. Granted, we've been going through some marital troubles.

    everytime i say it's not fair that i'm not allowed, he said it's different cause I'm a girl.

    So here I am typing cause I have extreme anxiety, like i did something totally wrong, but i didn't. I need some advice. I'll update you guys when I see him tonight
     
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  2. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    He is controlling. He might be guilty of something and he controls you to quell that guilt I guess?
     
  3. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    i constantly always feel like i'm in trouble. And how do i approach him about it?
     
  4. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    How do I stop feeling guilty for making him feel a certain way?
     
  5. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

    +3,003
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    It's his third guy trip to Mexico in the last 10 months? That sounds like quite a bit for a married guy. It's also fair to ask what he is doing there. It's fine if you go on a trip with the gals in return. Stay in the States though.
     
  6. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,853
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    Yes, everything you are saying about him leads to controlling and possibly even abusive.
     
  7. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,853
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    That is emotional abuse. You can simply come out and say how you feel about and see if you can compromise somehow.
     
  8. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

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    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    So he works really hard, he has his own business, and he tells me that the trips are motivational and that he's refreshed when he's there, and makes him work better.

    He obviously makes the money, and I just feel bad if I told him that he couldn't go, cause I believe he deserves it. I just don't know how to approach him for making me feel guilty when I'm at home, and he's not here.
     
  9. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like he's having an affair from what experience I've had with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater and divorce is underway.
     
  10. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    And claims to be a Christian without even repenting. It's sad because he teaches well. :|
     
  11. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I have told him. But to be honest, i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. So i feel like when I say something, it sounds like I'm overacting and I have no clue about how marriage works
     
  12. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    Marriage is a two-way street. Equal give and take. Yes, the husband is supposed to be the 'head of the household' but that's no excuse for treating you like an afterthought. :(
     
  13. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +5,308
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    This is usually motivated by some kind of insecurity. The more insecure someone like that feels, the more they feel they have to tighten their grip. However you go about this, do what you can to avoid triggering that insecurity, because if you do, that is where he will shut down, resist, and double down. If the front door is solid and barred shut, and the bathroom window is open, go in the bathroom window.
     
  14. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I don't think he's having an affair. He literally doesn't have time for that.
     
  15. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,853
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    So sorry to hear that!
     
  16. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    Ah, was postulating that a cheater oftentimes accuses the other of cheating. Psychology 101.
     
  17. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,853
    Canada
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    What does he say when you tell him how you feel?
     
  18. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
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    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Yes, but his insecurities are draining me. to the point that I can't be myself because i dont want to outshine him, or make him feel like he isn't a man. I know he tells me that he loves me, but i just feel like it's getting ridiculous.
     
  19. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

    +3,003
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    You sound like very generous woman. Don't feel guilty about being honest with him. Hope it works out.
     
  20. CloeLace

    CloeLace New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    He says that I shouldn't feel like this cause I have it good. I don't worry about bills. He says he knows how guys are. And that all they think about is taking advantage of girls.

    when i was single, every guy i talked to had full respect for me. never treated me like i was cheap.

    So i don't know why he thinks if i'm out, that i would get taken advantage of?
     
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