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My First Blog Entry
- Author Bluerose31
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I have been praying to Jesus that he fill me with his love so that I can feel peace. I have not been well mentally but Jesus is sustaining me. Today when praying I received the sense that Jesus will completely heal me from my torture. I could feel his love and I could feel that he was upholding...
One of my brothers is having a pool party at our house. His girlfriend is here now helping him prepare. My other brother and his girlfriend will be at the pool party too. I feel a bit left out because I don't have a boyfriend and I wont be going to the pool party because of my PTSD and anxiety...
It rained some today, which I am very grateful for. The rain reminds me of Jesus and his mercy. I am glad to be saved by God. I am glad to be a born again Christian. I am grateful to have Jesus. He is like cool rain on my skin. I wish it rained every day. Today I thought about how Jesus has...
Today I read some of my Bible. I was feeling sad because of things Ive experienced in life. I felt Jesus comforting my spirit. I felt him remind me that he loves me and did not want me to experience what I had. I talked with Jesus about praying for my abusers. He let me know that in praying for...
Today I felt Jesus with me. He is my best friend now. I prayed to him this morning that he would reveal some of my wounds and show me how to heal them. Jesus revealed to me that one of my painful wounds is that I cared a lot about the people who ended up hurting me. Jesus helped me understand...
I was meditating on Jesus today. I was praying to him asking him to guide me. I have been feeling the importance of forgiving my torturers. They took a lot from me but I know Jesus will do his best to bring it all back to me. The story of Job shows me that even though the devil took so much from...
I am finding a lot of comfort in reading my Bible. I am trying to be more like Jesus, who was forgiving and a healer. I have been thinking about my abusers a lot. I imagine they had to be in a extreme amount of pain to do what they did to me. I feel anger toward them often but I ask Jesus to...
Today I have a counseling appointment. I am praying that it goes well. I read the Bible some this morning and I prayed for my kidnappers. I feel strange when praying for her but I know she is suffering and that is why she was so evil toward me. She acted like the devil. I, on meditating on Mary...
Yesterday I had a bad breakdown. I felt I was no longer Christian, or not a real Christian. I cried and was very upset. I prayed to Jesus, that he help me understand what happened to me. He lead me to his word and I read some of psalms. He showed me through scripture that he does care about my...
I have been feeling depressed but I have tried my best to rely on Jesus. I know he knows how damaged I am. I have a small Bible I have been reading. I have been reading Psalms and seeing how David relied on God. I also have read some of Job. I feel Jesus is with me when I read his word. I have...
Today was a harder day. I was able to go to church but was not able to concentrate well. I kept remembering all the things done to me by my kidnapper at church. It was hard to remember those things. It just showed me how much I was and am hated by my kidnapper. I have been listening to Christian...
Today was a hard day. I was looking at older pictures of myself, before the kidnapping and rape and seeing how much peace I had. It hurts me that the woman who kidnapped me did this to me. She had a lot of hatred toward me because I am Christian. She made me Christian, through making me...
Today I wanted to think about Mary. I found a beautiful picture of her and wanted to meditate on her kindness. I feel a connection with Mary because she is feminine and soft. I feel Mary would understand all my sufferings and would try her best to heal me, like Jesus. When I meditate on Mary I...
Today was a hard day but I tried to stay close to God during it. My body has been hurting some. I also had a lot of memories of my abuse. I prayed to Jesus to help me feel better and I felt he was with me today. I read the Bible with my mom and I listened to Shawn McDonald, a wonderful...
Day by day I heal from my ritual abuse. I read it can take up to 10 years to heal from ritual abuse. I think someone never fully heals from ritual abuse. I have been thinking about all the things done to me by the woman who kidnapped me.
She was a Satanist but said God loved her even though she...
I have been seeking Jesus as my comforter. Some days are harder than others. Today I just wished that I had not endured the abuse I have experienced. Today I just want to write about Jesus as comforter. Here is a verse I felt that talks about his ability to comfort:
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear...
Today started off okay for me. I prayed with my mom today which helped me a lot. We read some of the Bible together. I have been feeling a little better recently. I know that the ritual abuse was not my fault. I just wish it never happened. Jesus let me know today that he will heal me soon and...
I have been feeling sadness because of my kidnapping. I have been feeling worthless but Jesus makes me feel comforted. I feel he knows everything that has happened to me and wants me to be well. Jesus has told me that much of my healing will happen soon and that I do not need to be afraid. He...
I just wanted to write about my time in the hospital some. I realize that Jesus has been with me in every hospital visit I had, but this time I felt his presence most. I had a IV in my arm to antidote the overdose, it was very painful and had to be left in my arm for 21 hours. I felt Gods...
I have been praying for my torturers, as Jesus has told me that it would help me soften my heart. It is not easy to pray for the people who hurt me so badly but praying for them helps me feel a bit better, as I am certain it is helping to heal them. I know that one day the torturers will be well...
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