Jesus And Ritual Abuse Healing

Today was a hard day. I was looking at older pictures of myself, before the kidnapping and rape and seeing how much peace I had. It hurts me that the woman who kidnapped me did this to me. She had a lot of hatred toward me because I am Christian. She made me Christian, through making me repeatedly do Christian things like read the Bible, listen to Christian music, watch Christian movies, wear a cross. And then she hated me for being Christian and would abuse me while I tried to be Christian. I was pagan before this abuse. I realize I have been persecuted for my faith in Jesus. It is very painful to have been persecuted. The only place I have to talk about these things is in Christian Forums. I am very glad to have this site. I have grown to love Jesus and want to emulate Him. I am trying to forgive my abusers, to soften my heart but it is very difficult. Jesus has let me know in my meditations with him that the woman who tortured me was very mentally unwell, and that she is a psychopath. That has helped me some in forgiving her and praying for her. I pray for her everyday even though it is painful. Jesus is with me when I pray for her. Jesus also let me know that she was jealous of my soft heart and wanted to make my heart hard like hers. Jesus let me know that I don't have to worry, that my heart will stay soft.