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I'm so mad and angry, I've been planning my road test since 2016. Yes that long!
But something has always gotten in the way, last year we had a broken down car that wasn't safe, or I didn't have enough money ...but mainly inconveince..
Like today my mom worked the night shift..so she was...
Well, the guy I liked online isn't texting back... I'm just a bit down. I feel deep down it wouldn't work because we are on 2 different wave lengths...
And probably 2 different people, but it still would have been nice to meet him.
But after this, no more dating not even online dating..until...
I ended up meeting someone I like but I have to let him go. He's nice,sweet, decent, chill, has a degree,drives, works, is smart.
He likes me but... I know deep down I won't be able to keep up with him.
I feel like its always like this... I always meet great guys, whether it's online, in...
I just got finished talking with a friend ,for 2 hours, helping him with relationship issues and I can see the strains its taking on him...I can honestly say I'd rather be single till I'm a better person and what the other expects of me. I put my own self through the ringer enough as it is(...
I haven't even started and I'm already recoiling but that's because I know what I need to work on. After talking to some guys , they value a girl that is intelligence, so I have to brush up on that, and someone that's comfortable in their own skin...
That for me is going to be harder because...
..so far there's a hand ful of guys I'm talking to online, some are slow at replying. I've been thinking of just forgetting about online dating all together and just put my trust in fate. ( if it's meant to be, ill be with whoever)
But there's this super cute guy I'm talking to, but he's...
This makes my third trying to return these cute tan ,lace up booties.. But for some reason it doesn't show up on the receipt.
I see it but some how the cashiers dont, they even look it up on the computers and it doesn't show up.
I told my mom and she says you're probably meant to have those...
I feel I'm traveling down a road few choose to travel. One, because not many will admit to feeling envy and they demonize others who are honest for experiencing these feelings as all normal humans do. Two, because I was so behind in life.. I had no choice but to watch other walk ahead of me...
I finally got in contact with my cousin...she was happy to hear from me. In glad I texted and congratulated her...
She has so many plans for the future and it made me realize. I need plans of my own. There are so many movers and shakers in the world ,.,it makes me realize how stagnant I am and...
As I was taking my brother to work, I looked up at the night sky.. Something about it made me feel like ... Under this vast sky my problems are minute... That the night sky stretches farther than my issues and can hold them all .
Under it , I just felt like...I was where I needed to be... That...
Well my dad is back for the weekend and I know it bothers my mom alot and I can tell. I bought food for everyone ...and when we got home my mom didn't help me carry the food in she just storms off...
I can't do it, I always do it. I love my mom so much but I hate how I have to hold everything...
One of my coworkers was absent today, she had to take care of her sick kids....so I had the office all to myself. It was nice to blast some Tinashe while working on monthly reports. Also, I did a few things for my coworker since she couldn't physically be at the office today...
It made me happy...
Well, at work what I do is call clients and check up on their work progress and notate everything. This one client was an elderly minister, I stayed on the phone with him longer than I should have. 30 minutes to be exact...
But he told me something really encoruaging( we got on the subject or...
Okay, I came home some hours ago from the library and I thought, oh hey.,,ill clean my room.
Then I started to sweep near my window sill and there was nothing but crawling bugs with wings that lined my sill..
I freaked out so bad I could barely form words lol... So now lets rewind... A week...
My dum-dum brother almost burnt the house down by putting pizza on for 10 minutes in the microwave ....thank god I didn't go to sleep. There was so much smoke in the freaking house... I have 3 brothers.. A 27 yr old,19 year old and 10 year old...
Guess which one who did it..
You guessed it...
Lololol..
I feel so blessed right now in this very moment. New place, new bedroom suite, new job ,new school and I just got a new 2016 car that drives like a dream.
The lord has been good to me.
Like all these blessings in one sitting , I feel like god loves me :) like maybe he's paying me...
Well I'm in the office of my new job, I really hope I can grasp everything. In still waiting for whoever is supposed to train me.
In working off of 2 hours of sleep, studying is on my mind.
I hope being busy will keep these nightmares at bay.
This is the best time of my life..I literally...
..Today I'm soooo excited! So many neat things are happening..for one school starts tommorow, my Job the day after and I'm getting a new bedroom suite today.
More than anything the fact I'm starting school just fills me with an immeasurable amount of hope and happiness because I only have a...
Doesn't that emoji look like a Yaris? Lol
Anywho, I was feeling so down the latter part of my day because something happened( which I don't have the patience to write) that sort have made me spiral into sadness.
It reminded me of my current state, dependent and well...dependent. Honestly its...
... Its 5am and I haven't slept. I don't know if I can beat or even,manage my anxiety.....
I find myself slipping back into old ways, almost panicking like I used to years ago.
Classes start in 11 days.
I'm just tired of this, if I never had anxiety it would make my life a little bit...