Ach, it's been a while since I posted. I was at a wedding this weekend, so I didn't have access to my computer. And I'm going to be far more honest in this post than I'm comfortable with, so I will probably slink down and hide after I click the post button. Because I am full of shame.
I have...
My reading this morning took me to Matthew 18:19-20. When two or more people gather to pray for God's will, their prayers will be answered. This has so many applications for me right now. I need to pray for my relationship, for my boyfriend to find a job, and for direction on my future. I...
This morning I read Matthew 16:5-12 and it made me laugh because I am so like the disciples. They forgot to pack food and were panicking about what to eat. Then Jesus said "Beware the leaven of the pharisees." They were so confused, thinking "What are we supposed to eat, then?" Then Jesus...
I did not make it to 10 days clean, although it was fully in my power to do so. I gave up trying because I was so hurt yesterday. It's no excuse. I'm just so... weary. I'm ready for life to slow down. I'm ready to not be working 2 jobs.
This morning I came across two things in my reading...
I woke up this morning in a bad mood. I always wake up in a bad mood, but this morning especially so. I cried through my entire 3 mile walk. Yes, I added an extra mile just for more time to cry. I picked at my boyfriend for a couple hours because I hate it that we are still long distance...
This morning I read Matthew 9-11. 10:16 says that Jesus is sending us out into the world. We are to be wise yet innocent. I take this to mean that I need to be wise in my interactions with people (especially at work) and watch what I say, but I also need to stand firm to maintain by...
I have been 8 days clean. I wanted to fall yesterday but God gave me the strength to despise my sin and stand firm.
I feel God's call on my life to teach others, and it is no longer only a call to teach children. No, I am supposed to teach everyone about Christ and His love. I am so unworthy...
This morning I received the opportunity to fall back into my sin, but for the first time I was the one to resist. By the grace of God, I was able to resist and I am now seven days clean. This is where I am getting nervous because I have never made it past this point today. Extra prayers sent...
I have been rather enjoying my time not teaching Sunday school because it has allowed me to focus on what God is teaching me. I have been able to put time and energy into getting free from my sin and I am 6 days clean today. I love being able to go deeper into God's word and learn from...
I am doing things a little differently today in that I am posting to my blog before writing in my journal. There are a lot of thoughts and questions circling in my head and I am still trying to process through them.
This morning I read 2 Timothy 1-3. I was searching for the answers to my...
I have now been clean for four days. I wanted to fall this morning but have not done so yet. May God give me the strength to keep resisting.
Today I read Galatians 4-6. Verse 5:1 says that Christ has set us free, so we should not let anything make us slaves again. It is so easy to become a...
Today I am three days clean from my sin. I almost fell last night but God gave me the strength to withstand.
Today I read Galatians 1-3 and a few things popped out at me. Galatians 1:11 says that God gave Paul the gospel. It didn't come from man. This means that the gospel is the truth, not...
I know I have posted an excessive number of blog entries today, but I keep thinking and I have to get the thoughts out.
All over the Bible there are reminders that God has us where He wants us for a purpose. Esther was named queen "for such a time as this" so that she could save her people...
This one is probably the most emotional one I will write.
My whole life, I have been taught without words that I am not worth anything. That I am an object to be used by men. When I was 6, the neighbor's teenage son touched me and made me touch him. When I was 12, a visiting missionary...
So I know the last entry was super long and I'm sorry. I will try to keep this one shorter.
My family has never had very much money. Part of that is because my parents had a lot of credit card debt in the beginning, part is that my dad does not have a very high paying job, and part is that my...
Today, I am proud to announce that I will have been virtually pain free for 9 months on July 12. Many of you know, I would come on here every few weeks or months and be in agonizing pain, or on heavy painkillers and incoherent while in agonizing pain. God has touched my body (and my life in...
This morning in my devotions I finished 1 Peter and came across 1 Peter 2:12... "Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us."
Our society is rapidly deteriorating. This has been...
It is a beautiful Sunday today. The sun is shining and it is HOT! We are sweating bullets outside and shivering in the AC inside. Somehow, they managed to make the church comfortable this morning, which made it easier to focus on what the pastor was saying.
For some reason, I have become...
I know that as a teacher in a public school I'm supposed to remain unbiased. But I'm not. I love the children, and I will do everything in my power for them, but I have a problem with many of the immigrants around here. Not all. But many of them. And I know my arguments here are weak...
Pain is blinding. It makes it so you can't see the good things. I have memories of the good things, but those are painful too.
I have the physical pain. Every cyst is another two weeks on my back in pain. Or, more accurately, in the fetal position. Crying because it hurts so badly. And...