Count Your Blessings

I woke up this morning in a bad mood. I always wake up in a bad mood, but this morning especially so. I cried through my entire 3 mile walk. Yes, I added an extra mile just for more time to cry. I picked at my boyfriend for a couple hours because I hate it that we are still long distance, and I especially hate it that we have to be long distance for two more years at the very least. It's not his fault. It's no one's fault. That's just how it is. We are where God wants us right now. So I guess I'm kind of angry at God for it.

I then went to work and found out that one of my kids is in trouble. Well... there's a long story attached to that. But basically... I had to make a call. One of those ugly calls that rips your heart out. That call alone is enough to make it a bad day any day. But to make matters worse... I had to send that child back into a bad situation because there is NOTHING I can do.

And then I went home. And I called my brother. Because he left for basic training for the army today. And we won't hear from him until mid-December. It's hard because... well, do I need to explain that? It's just hard.

So... I gave up on being clean. I fell. And the whole time I knew exactly what I was doing. I guess I mostly did it out of spite. I was angry and hurt and so I fell. To be completely honest, I was probably trying to get back at God for having a crappy day. Which doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Is it his fault that I'm complaining? Is it His fault that He has placed me in a position to help this child, to love this child when no one else will? Is it His fault that He placed my boyfriend in my life to encourage and strengthen me, and allows me to encourage and strengthen my boyfriend? Is it His fault that my brother is following God's call to serve our country and keep us safe? Hardly. It's just my own sinful self complaining.

So what did God do? Reach out to me. He brought to mind that song "Count Your Blessings." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ox75f3HWBA Oh, there are too many to count. Who am I to complain in the face of God's blessings? Forgive me, Father!

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Bumble Bee
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