Ach, it's been a while since I posted. I was at a wedding this weekend, so I didn't have access to my computer. And I'm going to be far more honest in this post than I'm comfortable with, so I will probably slink down and hide after I click the post button. Because I am full of shame.
I have been fighting against my sin for a long time now. I always come back to it and then hate myself and then get better and then come back in an endless cycle. It drives me nuts.
There are so many aspects of my sin that make it an ugly cancer in my life. The first is that God says you shall not commit adultery. What is this sin but adultery? Therefore I am sinning against God. Jesus also says that you shall not lust because it is the same as adultery. I lust after my boyfriend all the time. This is also a sin against God.
Another aspect is that whenever I pleasure myself I am stealing a piece from my husband. It is his place to do that under the marriage covenant, not mine before the marriage covenant. I am also stealing from my boyfriend each time I try to get him to fall with me. I am stealing his innocence and his purity and his joy with his future wife. This theft is a sin against my boyfriend, his future wife (even if it's me), my future husband (even if it's my boyfriend), and God.
I am also committing the sin of rebellion. I know God's commands, but I am choosing to disobey each time I fall.
Finally, I am committing the sin in James 4:17, where it says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." I know I am supposed to flee when temptation comes, but I don't. I allow myself to revel in my daydreams, to savor the unsavory scenes in my books.
So today is a new day. No, I did not fall yesterday, but I am going to mark today as the point of a new commitment. Lord, take my purity and keep it safe in You. Renew my strength to stand in Your truth. Forgive me for not doing so enough. Guide me and teach me.
I have been fighting against my sin for a long time now. I always come back to it and then hate myself and then get better and then come back in an endless cycle. It drives me nuts.
There are so many aspects of my sin that make it an ugly cancer in my life. The first is that God says you shall not commit adultery. What is this sin but adultery? Therefore I am sinning against God. Jesus also says that you shall not lust because it is the same as adultery. I lust after my boyfriend all the time. This is also a sin against God.
Another aspect is that whenever I pleasure myself I am stealing a piece from my husband. It is his place to do that under the marriage covenant, not mine before the marriage covenant. I am also stealing from my boyfriend each time I try to get him to fall with me. I am stealing his innocence and his purity and his joy with his future wife. This theft is a sin against my boyfriend, his future wife (even if it's me), my future husband (even if it's my boyfriend), and God.
I am also committing the sin of rebellion. I know God's commands, but I am choosing to disobey each time I fall.
Finally, I am committing the sin in James 4:17, where it says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." I know I am supposed to flee when temptation comes, but I don't. I allow myself to revel in my daydreams, to savor the unsavory scenes in my books.
So today is a new day. No, I did not fall yesterday, but I am going to mark today as the point of a new commitment. Lord, take my purity and keep it safe in You. Renew my strength to stand in Your truth. Forgive me for not doing so enough. Guide me and teach me.
