Would you marry a woman who was a former stripper or X-rated star if she turned into a Christian ?

[Presbyterian Continuist]

David vs Goliath.

If we look closely at the classical statue of David, we know that he wouldn't have passed an audition. Considering Goliath, Confucious said, "Big noise small p*nis!".

 

[IcyChain]

So you are saying that Jesus is not a complete Saviour and that His work on the Cross was unfinished, even though He said it was finished?

Not at all. I am saying that Jesus did not die on the cross so that a former-prostitute could avoid an STD test before marriage. I do not see that particular verse in the Bible.

I am saying that our Lord did not die on the cross to save Christians from all forms of discipline, either discipline from secular authorities or discipline from the Lord himself. You may kindly review Hebrews 12 with respect to that point.

And I am saying that our Lord died to save our souls from eternal damnation, not so that we could have an easy life free of all punishment for the sins that we commit.

If a person breaks the law of God and he repents and puts his trust in Christ, he is totally forgiven and cleanses of all unrighteousness.

Amen. But it does not cleanse a former prostitute from herpes and HIV, unfortunately.

Concerning an STD test, I would imagine that most "professionals" would be having those on a regular basis while still involved in the "industry". If I was dating someone and I found out (through gossip) that she had a past, any demand for an STD test would kill our relationship stone dead.

Perhaps in your neck of the world. In mine, premarital blood tests were the standard practice for a very long time.

I mean, if you were a male-hooker and your bride-to-be asked you to get an STD test before marriage you seriously would be like "Nah baby. I don't have the clap! How dare you even ask? Well, I'm calling off the whole thing!"

Seriously?

 

[timothyu]

In mine, premarital blood tests were the standard practice for a very long time.

The good old days when the only worry was VD. Now it is all the STD's out there, plus a possible DNA test to see if you are siblings or a possible felon.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Not at all. I am saying that Jesus did not die on the cross so that a former-prostitute could avoid an STD test before marriage. I do not see that particular verse in the Bible.

I am saying that our Lord did not die on the cross to save Christians from all forms of discipline, either discipline from secular authorities or discipline from the Lord himself. You may kindly review Hebrews 12 with respect to that point.

And I am saying that our Lord died to save our souls from eternal damnation, not so that we could have an easy life free of all punishment for the sins that we commit.


Amen. But it does not cleanse a former prostitute from herpes and HIV, unfortunately.

Perhaps in your neck of the world. In mine, premarital blood tests were the standard practice for a very long time.

I mean, if you were a male-hooker and your bride-to-be asked you to get an STD test before marriage you seriously would be like "Nah baby. I don't have the clap! How dare you even ask? Well, I'm calling off the whole thing!"

Seriously?

Usually it is not the trade professional who has STD issues. It is the amateur who sleeps around with multiple partners. The trade profession is a well controlled industry, especially in countries where it has been legalised and has policies that ensure that traders and clients are appropriately protected. The bottom line is that most women, who have a history of multiple partners and then becomes converted to Christ, are not going to divulge their background and past sins. The way our society has gone, being a virgin on the wedding night is less likely than not.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

This isn't a salvation issue. There isn't a right or wrong answer in that sense. Christianity and romantic compatibility are different things. Much like two single people in a church aren't necessarily right for each other just because they happen to be single and Christian. It doesn't follow that they consider the person they're not interested in to be worse in God's eyes than they themselves are. At no point should it call into question one's rightness with God.

We are new creatures, but not even new creatures are necessarily romantically compatible.

Some are comfortable with marrying a former sex worker while others aren't. There are many possible reasons for this. Marriage is a personal, intimate, and practical matter. It would be wrong to force our own preferences onto others. Things like this are best left between the two individuals and God.

As for myself, never say never but it's unlikely. Compatibility is more important to me than proving to the busybodies that I don't see this as a matter of salvation. She would need to be genuinely compatible with me in other crucial ways to begin with. Not merely attractive and forgiven. Much like with anybody else that I'd consider marrying. Likewise, I wouldn't expect my own salvation to erase romantic incompatibilities. It's more important to find somebody who is the right fit than to assume that you're romantically compatible just because both of you are believers.

One of the best answers I read

 

[QuestionQuest74]

Usually it is not the trade professional who has STD issues. It is the amateur who sleeps around with multiple partners. The trade profession is a well controlled industry, especially in countries where it has been legalised and has policies that ensure that traders and clients are appropriately protected. The bottom line is that most women, who have a history of multiple partners and then becomes converted to Christ, are not going to divulge their background and past sins.

Why do you say most are not gonna go into their past life and sins ?

The way our society has gone, being a virgin on the wedding night is less likely than not.

 

[Sketcher]

If she is a new creation in Christ, wouldn't the "warts" be part of her that has passed away? One advantage would be that she would have no problem knowing how to go about things on the wedding night.

None of what I posted in that spoiler tag is promised to pass away until Jesus comes back, and when Jesus comes back it will be too late to get married.

Did you know that God instructed Hosea to marry a prostitute? I wonder if he thought that she would not be the right kind of person for him, but seeing that God instructed him, that settled it. He had to put his preferences aside in favour of being obedient to God.

Hosea's experience was a one-off for a definite prophetic purpose.

Yeah, and God didn't call me to do the same thing. As you said, it was a one-off for a definite prophetic purpose. It is not prescriptive for how Christians are supposed to pick their spouses or conduct their married lives. That was not a healthy relationship, she was a terrible wife to him. That was actually the point in his case, so in any context which is going to be practical to myself or any other single Christian looking for a spouse today, I see bringing up Hosea as the opposite of helpful. First you're saying the old has passed away, and second you're bringing up what Hosea did. The second is not relevant at all if the first is true of a particular person that a Christian might evaluate for marriage. If the second is relevant, then not all of the old has passed away in the person's life. God made us all perfect in placement (Ephesians 2:6) but when we get married, we're not getting where our spouses are in placement. We're getting who our spouses are in practice, which means we have to deal with all of their sins that they haven't completely ceased yet. If Ephesians 2:6 was the practice, Paul wouldn't have needed to write Ephesians 4:1-6:20.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Just for interest sake, a young woman who was a trade worker in her past, and then became converted to Christ found it very difficult to leave her past behind because of the gossips in the church who spread it around to many others in the church. Consequently, the young men in the church were warned off her, even by those in leadership. It made me wonder how a woman like her is going to leave her past behind when there are gossiping busybodies in the church who won't let her or others forget about her past? She became so lonely, she took up with a guy whose profession of Christian was very doubtful, and when she broke off with him after being physically abused by him resulting in a prison sentence for him, she was expected to forgive him. As a result when he came out of prison she re-established their relationship and the problems started up again. So she broke off with him again, fearing for her safety. A couple of weeks later, she went back to her home to collect her belongings, and he was hiding in the roof. He came down, argued with her, and then stabbed her to death with a kitchen knife.

It is a shame that she was not protected by the church and for that she paid with her life. This is the result when church busybodies and gossips brand and stigmatise a person and basically exclude them from fellowship and leave them swinging in the wind to be preyed upon by sociopathic predators who target vulnerable women.

 

[IcyChain]

Why do you say most are not gonna go into their past life and sins ?

I think maybe he's just from a different generation that has a different mindset?

I mean, I don't expect my fiance to give me a detailed run-down of every sexual encounter that she has had. But something like getting a STD test is such a minor thing to me, a complete-non event if someone were to ask me for one. Especially if I am marrying a former hooker? Honestly the idea of not getting an STD test in that scenario strikes me as almost comical. Everyone I know would think it almost insane not to get the test under that circumstance. . .

 

[Sketcher]

Just for interest sake, a young woman who was a trade worker in her past, and then became converted to Christ found it very difficult to leave her past behind because of the gossips in the church who spread it around to many others in the church. Consequently, the young men in the church were warned off her, even by those in leadership. It made me wonder how a woman like her is going to leave her past behind when there are gossiping busybodies in the church who won't let her or others forget about her past? She became so lonely, she took up with a guy whose profession of Christian was very doubtful, and when she broke off with him after being physically abused by him resulting in a prison sentence for him, she was expected to forgive him. As a result when he came out of prison she re-established their relationship and the problems started up again. So she broke off with him again, fearing for her safety. A couple of weeks later, she went back to her home to collect her belongings, and he was hiding in the roof. He came down, argued with her, and then stabbed her to death with a kitchen knife.

It is a shame that she was not protected by the church and for that she paid with her life. This is the result when church busybodies and gossips brand and stigmatise a person and basically exclude them from fellowship and leave them swinging in the wind to be preyed upon by sociopathic predators who target vulnerable women.

When you're on the Internet, that's not going away, and people are going to talk about you after you're out of the industry whether they are Christian or not. And anyone who would get together with you deserves to know what it is they are getting into. Richard La Mora did that, his wife used to be in the industry and he knew about it. He did not choose what I would choose, nor what I would recommend choosing, but he made his choice and I wish them the best. There are other former sex workers who claimed to be Christian for a while, but they relapsed into sexual immorality and in some cases, industry work. Clearly, any Christians who took risks on them made the wrong decisions.

The tragedy in the case you presented is the violence. That was clearly a case in which more should have been done to protect the victim of violence so that she would not die.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Why do you say most are not gonna go into their past life and sins ?

There are people in our churches who are voyeurs who get off on hearing about people's sinful pasts and they just love hearing testimonies that involve very descriptive past lives. Unfortunately there are inexperienced Christians who feel that they have to give detailed past lives to show what they have been "rescued" from by Christ. The unfortunate byproduct is that the listeners get free information about a person's past and they form an unconscious judgment on that person that affects that person's involvement, especially admittance to the central social faction of "respectable" church members. And the gossips have a field day spreading that information around those who love to hear juicy gossip. Wise believers don't divulge their sinful pasts when giving testimony. They concentrate on what Christ has done for them on the Cross rather than what they have done before believing the Gospel and receiving Christ as Saviour.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

When you're on the Internet, that's not going away, and people are going to talk about you after you're out of the industry whether they are Christian or not. And anyone who would get together with you deserves to know what it is they are getting into. Richard La Mora did that, his wife used to be in the industry and he knew about it. He did not choose what I would choose, nor what I would recommend choosing, but he made his choice and I wish them the best. There are other former sex workers who claimed to be Christian for a while, but they relapsed into sexual immorality and in some cases, industry work. Clearly, any Christians who took risks on them made the wrong decisions.

The tragedy in the case you presented is the violence. That was clearly a case in which more should have been done to protect the victim of violence so that she would not die.

The first point is that not every person who claims to be a Christian is genuinely converted to Christ. John said that, "They went from us because they were not with us in the first place. If they were with us, they would not have gone from us."

Another reason is that the first few weeks of a new convert's involvement with the church is crucial to whether they go on to be ongoing stable church members or not. If a person with a checkered sinful past becomes the victim of church gossips and does not get the support they need to be bonded into the fellowship, they end up falling away with disillusionment because the love they expected was not there. So they go back to their previous circle of friends and acquaintances where they had a closer bond.

 

[Sketcher]

Another reason is that the first few weeks of a new convert's involvement with the church is crucial to whether they go on to be ongoing stable church members or not. If a person with a checkered sinful past becomes the victim of church gossips and does not get the support they need to be bonded into the fellowship, they end up falling away with disillusionment because the love they expected was not there. So they go back to their previous circle of friends and acquaintances where they had a closer bond.

That I do largely agree with. She should have had a spiritual home and refuge in the church. And there are many former sex workers who do. I don't believe that this sort of work if it's on the Internet can be kept a secret. As I have said before, I will welcome anyone into the church, but that doesn't mean I will date just anyone in the church.

 

[RDKirk]

It makes one wonder, if that is the new Christian standard, that expecting or desiring non promiscuity or even virginity straight out, is the real problem, what are Christians going to gravitate to in terms of practice? When all the reassurance, grace and acceptance rests on those who have engaged in the sin, the motivation for maintaining the Christian standard lessens.

I don't understand the point you're making.

"...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..."

So, yeah, we already know all the reassurance, grace and acceptance rests on those who have engaged in sin, and everyone has sinned...so why does that lessen the motivation for maintaining the Christian standard?

 

[RDKirk]

You are right. Remember the parable of the wicked servant who was forgiven a debt he could never repay, but went and had a fellow servant put in jail in order to retrieve a much smaller debt from him. Isn't that what many Christians do to those, especially women, who have a checkered past? If Christians don't forgive the past mistakes of fellow believers, will God ultimately forgive them of the debt of sin they owe Him?

Interestingly, this was the only parable Jesus immediately explained to the crowd...and He did so in extremely harsh terms. It's almost as though He intended for people to get this one.

 

[RDKirk]

Another reason is that the first few weeks of a new convert's involvement with the church is crucial to whether they go on to be ongoing stable church members or not. If a person with a checkered sinful past becomes the victim of church gossips and does not get the support they need to be bonded into the fellowship, they end up falling away with disillusionment because the love they expected was not there. So they go back to their previous circle of friends and acquaintances where they had a closer bond.

One church I attended back in the early 90s had a specific ministry to sex workers. At first their thought was merely to do street preaching in the red light district, but the very first Saturday night they did so, one woman seemed to have an interest, but then walked away.

But that made them realize they had not actually prepared for success. They had hoped and prayed for success...but hadn't prepared for it. So, if a prostitute responded to the gospel, what were they going to do? Just pat her on the head and say, "Be sure to come to church tomorrow?" So, she was going to go back to her pimp (where else did she have to go?) and when he demanded "his money," was she going to say, "I'm a Christian now...I don't do that anymore?" Talk about having the gospel choked out by the cares of the world!

So, they went back to the pastor to talk it out. Within a week, out of the resources they already knew they had in the church, they had secured a string of confidential safe houses, rooms made available by older members who were empty nesters. They had members who were trained therapists, doctors, counselors, lawyers, cops...all willing to donate their services. They had businesspeople willing to provide jobs and job training.

That next Saturday night, they went back out. As soon as they set up the podium to start preaching, they heard a shout from down the block. It was that same woman from the previous week, running toward them. At one point, she stumbled in her stilettos, yanked them off, threw them into the street, and ran up to them in bare feet. They told her, "You new life begins right now" and took her off the street that night.

The next Saturday, street preaching got...interesting. The pimp had found out she had last been seen "with those street preachers" and intended to get her back. That's when the Security Ministry the church had already built came in handy.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

That I do largely agree with. She should have had a spiritual home and refuge in the church. And there are many former sex workers who do. I don't believe that this sort of work if it's on the Internet can be kept a secret. As I have said before, I will welcome anyone into the church, but that doesn't mean I will date just anyone in the church.

A woman's past is immaterial when it comes to choosing a life partner. It is whether the two of you are compatible and are able to happily make the same commitment to each other. A woman can be absolutely godly with a pure background and yet be incompatible and make your life hell on earth.

 

[Confused-by-christianity]

I don't think it's unhelpful; it's definitely a tonne better than having a list of things that, once done, automatically disqualify someone. In general, if we're talking about romantic relationships, I'd be looking also at potential to be a good team together.

So you'd maybe say, when choosing a partner, you account for:

Spiritual values
And
personality compatibility

???

 

[mikeforjesus]

I believe I was mistaken that it is wrong to deliberately choose a person not with similar past only if can not find because that way encourages sin and is dangerous if maybe ones former partners who must not have been married to to even think of it come against you so must do background check for making room as bible says for leaven to grow is wrong so ought not to be practiced in the church. The video from casting crowns I would interpret may mean just to accept in the church.

 

[Paidiske]

So you'd maybe say, when choosing a partner, you account for:

Spiritual values
And
personality compatibility

???

Amongst other things, yes. But definitely both of those would need to be in there.