Women

[sparklecat]

Well, I'm joining in a little late... but here are my two cents, for what they're worth.

First off, I'll agree with what the guys here are saying about what it takes to get most women. However, they've also said that's a generalization- which is quite true. Plenty of girls actually are interested in the nice guys... I'm with one such nice guy now, am quite happy, and have broken off contact with guys that thought they could get away with constantly being rude to me in the past. All I'd suggest is patience... you've no guarantee that you eventually will find someone good for you, sure, but then again, you might. Cultivate women as friends, and see what comes of it. If you want to pick girls up for sex once in awhile, go ahead, but don't push relationships unless you think you really do want to be with the person, and that they're interested in you for who you are. I think you know well enough that you'd never be happy in a relationship where you couldn't be yourself and be secure in the girl's love for you.

Oh, and *hugs*

 

[Arkanin]

Well, I'm joining in a little late... but here are my two cents, for what they're worth.

First off, I'll agree with what the guys here are saying about what it takes to get most women. However, they've also said that's a generalization- which is quite true. Plenty of girls actually are interested in the nice guys... I'm with one such nice guy now, am quite happy, and have broken off contact with guys that thought they could get away with constantly being rude to me in the past. All I'd suggest is patience... you've no guarantee that you eventually will find someone good for you, sure, but then again, you might. Cultivate women as friends, and see what comes of it. If you want to pick girls up for sex once in awhile, go ahead, but don't push relationships unless you think you really do want to be with the person, and that they're interested in you for who you are. I think you know well enough that you'd never be happy in a relationship where you couldn't be yourself and be secure in the girl's love for you.

Oh, and *hugs*

I really appreciate it, Sparkle. I was in a severe depression when I put this up, I wasn't myself.

I am doing better now that the prozac is kicked in. It's probably chemical, but I that's okay. Actually, I have been seeing a very nice girl since I got back to college, I have known her at my school for a long time but just since I got back we sort of started spending a lot of time together and it's gotten romantic (actually, a lot more than I normally spend around girls).

What worries me is, just last night she told me that (with a lot of hesitation) she was sexually abused. So now I have myself a whole new dilemma because I care about this girl and I want to do... whatever it is, that a guy should do, in this situation, to be a good boyfriend, that I am going to put up in the sexual abuse thread. I have a lot of experience dating girls but none with that.

Which, she said she felt like damage goods, and I said no, you're not damaged goods. And past that I just don't know what to do, I don't want to say something that hurts her feelings. I have not said very much (I am a type that doesn't say a lot until I know what to say, when it comes to relationships with girls).

*hugs back and welcomes her back to CF* it's good chillin with you sparklecat =)

 

[Johnnz]

Care and tenderness on your part,and some good counselling will do wonders.

John
NZ

 

[childoftheking]

/begin rant that I am going to wish I hadn't posted

Just a random rant. This has been eating me up today, because of a bad experience I recently had.

I respect women in a professional context. Particularly, because the only female engineers I know are exceptionally good engineers. And I would say that for purposes of social policy, women had ought to have every right (and equal salary) that men enjoy.

But I am rather disgusted with the way the courtship process works. Frankly, for the majority of my life, I have felt profoundly exploited by women on so many different levels. In retrospect, I do not think that any woman I have ever had a relationship with really respected me as another person. I feel like I was consistently sexually exploited, demeaned, and taken advantage of. Probably because my personality is not adequately suited to do... whatever the hell it is, that I have to do, to ever be appreciated by a female.

And for quite some time now I've been expected to buy women their drinks and pay for their tabs so that they can decide they like me enough to let me spend two more weeks paying for their weekends and string me on, but not enough to actually have any substantial interest in me. Which I have no inhibitions about paying for a girl's meal, and I don't have any objection to the fact that sometimes it's just not there, but nothing is as disgusting to me as the fact that it seems like so many girls have been content to brazenly exploit me for my resources when in hindsight, they weren't interested at all.

Even my ex-fiance. Which was probably the most meaningful relationship I've ever had. I have been slowly realizing that I was basically exploited and expected to be someone I am not, that the person I truly was was unappreciated. And I was still expected to surprise her with gifts. I can't remember her ever actually trying to do something nice for me, or being there for me. Jeeze. Try to tell me you care somehow. Make me breakfast in bed one day because I did it twice for you last week. Just string together some beads you bought at Michael's. Really. Just one time in my whole life, do something nice. Just one girl. Ever.

And I quit going for the dangerous women a long time ago. They're not my type, I try to find nice ones. And I found this basically consistently has happened with the nice ones, too. Then again, I'm not greatly attractive and I don't have the greatest muscles, so I guess there are probably plenty of guys who have an easy time being appreciated. I'm just never going to be one of them, and that's another one of those things that's simply sickening.

I am sorry, folks. I am just having one of those days when I want to go puke with raw unadulterated despair at how disgruntlingly one-sided this entire process has been for me personally. I know it's been that bad for plenty of women, too. I almost am envious that gay people don't have to go through this, although I'm most definitely straight.

But my point is that at the end of the day, after feeling exploited time after time by women, and remaining almost consistently completely unappreciated, I find it hard to doubt the misogyny that the bible teaches. Frankly, I'm slowly, day after day, getting more and more of a mind to say that it is a small piece of wisdom. The only time that I have ever been significantly successful with women was when I used manipulative and misogynistic tactics, and no... I don't ever throw myself at women, I'm not needy. I just never am liked for who I am unless I use a variety of nefarious misogynistic tricks.

/end rant that I am going to wish I hadn't posted

I like women, especially in a professional context. I love hanging out with the girls I knew at my work. And just about all the women I meet who are old seem pretty mature and nice. My mom is great to hang out with. But I have felt endlessly and consistently exploited with respect to this area. I just feel terrible and I need to get this out of my system. Somebody give me some faith in the opposite sex.

Well, being that I am a woman I know how some women can be, but not all of us are like that. I had some pretty bad relationships before I married my Godsend, and I will tell you that I was close to giving up on all men. I prayed to God for a good man, and 2 years later my loving husband came along. Don't give up...In God's time, the right one will come along.

 

[~Wisdom Seeker~]

I agree, the statement that women want abusive men is something that bitter guys with their hearts sort-of in the right place made up.

But women rarely gravitate to the typically understood nice guy, another simple reality. It's easy to get bitter at this fact, when you just don't have confidence and that's what you have to have.

Hi Arkanin

I agree that the stereotypical diatribe that women don't like "nice guys" because they are more attracted to "bad boys" who are mean and abusive, is pretty obviously an urban legion that some lonely, imbittered guy who in trying to make sense of being rejected , made up. It's just patently untrue. I've never met a woman who desired to be with an abusive neandrathal who wasn't mentally unstable herself.

Also your statement about women rarely gravitating towards typically nice guys is also a myth. I know many women that fell in love with their best friend. It happens all the time.

Women are all different. We're probably even more diverse than you men. We are constantly changing and adapting. That is our nature. You can not, and should not ever think that all women are one way or another way. Judge us individually. Even one woman seldom fits into one catagory for more than a milisecond.

Finding your perfect partner is trial and error. I myself have dated all kinds of men, strong, artistic, brooding, macho egomaniacs, Intellectual genius', overacheivers, underacheivers, shy, quiet, loud, outgoing, gorgeous and completely ordinary looking... before finding a man who I could see spending the rest of my life with. And he's a genuinly nice guy.

Different types of women like different things. And until that woman figures out what she likes, And what kind of personality meshes with her own, (which usually takes several years), she'll go out with lots of different types of men. Love happens. It's not something you plan. You just have to keep optimistic and open to it.

My advise to you old friend is to not waste your time trying to figure out "why" it's not happening for you this very second. And not allow yourself to take it all personally as if every woman has to like you or something is wrong with you or them. Live your life. Be kind and open and have a good attitude about life. It usually starts with being pleasant company. But from there, it's different for everyone.

 

[All4THALORD]

You really don't need to mess around with women right now. Just begin to seek God and He will put you with the right women.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not to your own understanding.