Women

[Godsgirl481]

What I really want is an explanation for why I am rejected when I am the nice guy.

Many women reject for many reasons. The only person that can truley answer that question is the ones that rejected you. If I had a boyfriend that loved me and tried to undertand my problems...then I would never complain.

and an explanation for why I am sought after and cried over when I am the jerk who just doesn't give a damn.

maybe you aren;t as much of a jerk as they say

I am also looking for why other men have the same experiences. Most of all, I would like an explanation for why women are in such denial about it. I am not looking to make myself feel better about rejection. I am looking to stop the rejection.

Women deny stuff for different reasons. We also have different views...so it may not be denial. it is hard to speak about something when I don't know about the situation in which it happened. If you want to...explain a sistuation in your view and we can discuss it

 

[Godsgirl481]

This list came from the mens room....hope it helps

Men and women ar equal the just have different roles.
The bible teaches a woman is to praise her man. Eps 5:33b
This is need of men it is not a need of women.
When you praise a woman you are trying to get what you need and want. but this is not what a woman "needs"
What does the bible teach that A woman needs?
The woman needs Tender loving care.
The man needs to believe he is the head of the realationship.
The woman needs her husband to listen to her.
She needs you to take her problems seriously
communicate openly with her
Notice her even when you don't want sex.
Saying thank you for little the things she does.
Acting like you are interested or being interested in her life
showing affection to her
sharing your gaols and values with her
taking her out
including her in the things that you do
Trying to understand her and not lose our temper while she trys to explain her feelings
Getting involved with the things that she likes to do
just holding her and talking to her
being more tender and using kind words
accepting her the way she is
making her feel good about being a woman but moreso making her feel good about being your woman.

This all seems like a lot in comparison to a mans need but it isn't really because you can do all these things in the little things that you do.

I equate it to having a 54 thunderbird in mint condition.
You don't just do one thing to the car to keep it looking and running great. Once it is restored(in christ Jesus) you do a lot of little things to maintain it.

Your woman or your wife is far more precious than your classic car.
Show her the same kind of care and attention if not much more of the same kind of care and attention, and she will praise you to the point where you think you are invincible.

And this is what we really need as men.

I hope this blesses somebody.


Raygn

 

[ukok]

You bet I need some education. ukok, you stayed with a guy who made you feel small for six years? You couldn't figure out that you were with the wrong guy for six whole years? Why did you do that?

now it could have been that he said he'd kill me if i left him, or it could have been that we had a child together and he made life awful for him everytime i tried to leave...work it out.

Why don't you point out experiences that are contrary to my conclusions instead of supportive of my conclusions? It will do no good to ask me to believe that your experiences are the exceptions to the general rule unless you also give plenty of examples that demonstrate the general rule.

i don't have to explain anything. staying with does not equate to caring or loving a person

I don't know if women enjoy those sort of demeaning relationships. Maybe you are right and they don't enjoy them. But they generally choose them, as in your case. Why?

i didn't choose to be in such a relationship...he wasn't like that until after i became pregnant and we started living together...after i gave up my home to be with him and had nothing and nowhere to go to. Now since you think you know so much about me i shall exit this discourse. My advice to the OP is that women can not be generalised for their bad behaviour anymore than men can.

 

[goodoldboy]

My boyfriend right now treats me like a dog most of the time. he never hits me but he throws things a lot and verbally bashes me. I am still here cause for so long i was so lonely and he says he loves me. I don't know....it hurts but i think it hurts worse to be alone

Bams, why don't you find a man who will treat you right? Do you think they wouldn't want you?

 

[Godsgirl481]

Bams, why don't you find a man who will treat you right? Do you think they wouldn't want you?

I just posted my testimony in the christian section, Edification under testimonies. Go read it...it may explain a lot. I am a product of abuse so my way of thinking is tainted. I am very lonely for love...so I tend to take any abuse if I feel like they love me. I don't know....it is confusing. I am moving out on the 1st...and we will see where things go from there

 

[joebudda]

Thank you. I feel bad for being so blunt but I also feel very angry at all these generalizations of "What women want".

Please tell me how we are supposed to generalize with out generalizing.

Also since you seem to have appointed yourself expert on what women want. I ask you this.

Why does the “bad boy” not have problems with women?

Why does the “nice guy” never get a break?

Yes these are generalizing. There is no other way to talk about the issue.
In general the nice guy is the guy that gets walked all over and the “bad boy” is the one who actually get the respect of women.

Also you seem to think I live such sad life. Do you think I should change and live to your standards since you seem to have it all figured out? Should I just pick a women and jump right into a relationship and if that don’t work jump right into another one. With this method how do you find out who you are as an individual? Or would it be a more logical decision to shop around to find a better match.

 

[MsShinobu]

Joebudda you don't really even want my opinion. So please don't ask if you aren't serious about it.

For one somtimes self-proclaimed "nice guys" only think they are nice but are actually whiny, self-absorbed jerks. I doubt many women want that. I really get tired of these guys online who always bemoan how they are "nice guys". If a guy was such a nice guy then why would he turn to deceitfulness? Doesn't sound so nice to me. The topic creator admited to being deceitful and using women out of "frustration". So it's okay to be a jerk to women as long as you've been hurt by them?

Nice men don't get women? Huh that's new to me. I see many married couples, you telling me those are all bad guys? Like I said it's just something men sometimes use to make themselves feel better.

How do "bad guys" get women? Because they are deceitful. The one lady here pointed out when she first met her Boyfriend he was not an abusive man, it wasn't until further in the relationship that he revealed his true self.

You seem so adamant in thinking that all women want abusive men. In all honesty I feel your failed past relationship has turned you this way.

 

[funyun]

I do...but I see it from another angle since I am female and not male. What he doesn't realize is that first off...not all women are like that...just like not all women are like me....and second...men have a lot of faults too. Set your standards high...and don't settle for second best. I have learned that you can be more lonely with someone who doesn't really love you than you can just being alone....if that makes sense

Arkanin's experiences have shown him that women are as he is describing them here (if they were not, he would not be describing them thus). Though I agree with you that not all- in fact most- women are not as he describes, why should he believe us? It's like one of us claiming the sky is blue to a color-blind person. He has never seen a blue sky, so why should he believe it really is blue? (though, of course, there is still much reason to believe the sky is blue anyway)

And I've never seen Arkanin say men do not have faults as well.

 

[Arkanin]

Most everyone's advice has been constructive and I appreciate it. But Shinobu, if you want to be an ass or mess with me or something, I don't exactly know what your problem is, I just don't have the time or patience or self esteem.

The main thing here is, if you are going to complain about the opposite sex then just don't bother. Just don't have any relationships, or could it be no one is strong-willed enough to live a life of celibacy? Or possibly is it because one wouldn't have anything to complain about?

Yes, I'm considering that. OTOH, I will be misreable living a life of celibacy.

No one is saying that women like pricks, btw. At least, I don't think so. I think they go for the funny / overly confident / successful / leader controller / emotionally detached types. To generalize.

Which that's not bad, per se, but that's not me. That said, yeah, I agree that I should probably just be myself irregardless of the consequences.

 

[MsShinobu]

Your self esteem is bad, your self esteem is bad, we get it. However, I don't understand why one moment you say you are confident in your looks and that they are not a problem with you attracting girls but then you go on to say you have low self esteem and that your looks are a problem.

Both me and my Boyfriend have come to the conclusion long ago that you just wanted to whine.

You feel used, you feel hurt, you have low self esteem boo hoo you think you are the only one? I've been telling you this WHOLE TIME that you need to CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. There is more in life then you and you need to realize that it's not all about you and you need to feel for other people and not just for yourself. Have you tried medication? Tried going to a doctor to seek help for depression? Or do you just like being depressed?

You want to know why you can't attract a woman without pretending to be someone else? It's because you are too into yourself. I can guarantee that until you change your attitude you are not going to find happiness in your life. Learn to stop being so selfish and buck up man.

 

[joebudda]

Your self esteem is bad, your self esteem is bad, we get it. However, I don't understand why one moment you say you are confident in your looks and that they are not a problem with you attracting girls but then you go on to say you have low self esteem and that your looks are a problem.

Both me and my Boyfriend have come to the conclusion long ago that you just wanted to whine.

You feel used, you feel hurt, you have low self esteem boo hoo you think you are the only one? I've been telling you this WHOLE TIME that you need to CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. There is more in life then you and you need to realize that it's not all about you and you need to feel for other people and not just for yourself. Have you tried medication? Tried going to a doctor to seek help for depression? Or do you just like being depressed?

You want to know why you can't attract a woman without pretending to be someone else? It's because you are too into yourself. I can guarantee that until you change your attitude you are not going to find happiness in your life. Learn to stop being so selfish and buck up man.

Do you feel better now.

Does it give you some feeling of power when you demean someone else. I really hope you don’t treat your friends like this.

I will pray for you.

 

[MsShinobu]

....................................

 

[Arkanin]

S --

You have problems. And bad past experiences with insecure men. Fine. Create your own thread. If you want to insult me for no reason and try to demean me, go post it somewhere that I won't be looking. Because that is not fruitful. And I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is whipped, something that I was begining to suspect from the tone of your posts (bad for both of you, as I've been in that sort of relationship and it isn't healthy).

You think demeaning someone is telling them that they need to change their life? That they are living a vicious cycle? He could change his life for the better but is he even trying?

I already agree that I need to change something, I just don't know how or what other than to try to be myself which doesn't work. And telling me I'm an insecure whiny pathetic ******* isn't how.

So shoo.

i didn't choose to be in such a relationship...he wasn't like that until after i became pregnant and we started living together...after i gave up my home to be with him and had nothing and nowhere to go to. Now since you think you know so much about me i shall exit this discourse. My advice to the OP is that women can not be generalised for their bad behaviour anymore than men can

I agree, the statement that women want abusive men is something that bitter guys with their hearts sort-of in the right place made up. And I don't think goodoldboy has a reasonable perspective of how to attract women.

But women rarely gravitate to the typically understood nice guy, another simple reality. It's easy to get bitter at this fact, when you just don't have confidence and that's what you have to have.

 

[MsShinobu]

..........................

 

[Arkanin]

So your true colours are shining thru eh?

It's funny you think he's whipped because he has an opinion of you. Suddenly that means he's "whipped", it sounds to me like you just want to say that because you want to negate my opinion. Once again you are blaming everyone else but yourself. Also it seems you are trying to mak this thread about me. I never asked for you to talk about me. This thread is about you and you wanted all the attention right? I don't want attention, that's why I'm not making threads whining about things.

You come here with lies. If you are going to lie to people do you expect them to act kindly in return?

If you have nothing constructive or meaningful to say, then go away. If you do have something useful to say, then just say it. And I'll say a lot of people here have had something useful to say (Evee, Joe, as examples).

Trying to tell me that I am a bad person and a liar and jerk and that I crave attention ad nauseam isn't constructive. In fact, it isn't just unconstructive, it's hurtful. And it takes me a lot of restraint to not respond in turn if you'll pardon me. What did I lie about?

 

[Godsgirl481]

Arkanin...you wanna go on a date???? LOL

Sorry if my opinions sounded rude...I have just recently been kicked to the curb by a guy...and it hurts. just been reading other posts...and felt guilty.

 

[Arkanin]

Arkanin...you wanna go on a date???? LOL

Sorry if my opinions sounded rude...I have just recently been kicked to the curb by a guy...and it hurts. just been reading other posts...and felt guilty.

It's too bad you don't live near me, if you did that would be fun

I don't think your opinion is rude at all, it's true that there are nice women out there. I just gotta figure out how to find them.

 

[Godsgirl481]

I am so ready to give up on guys all together. Not only did my boyfriend kick me out and hates my guts...but I found out last night that he has been cheating on me for sometime now. Now I have to figure out a way to get to the doctor have all these stupid test done again....I'm so sad

 

[Arkanin]

I dunno Bams, I don't think you should give up. I think people have streaks of bad luck. Frankly, I think that when I wrote this post I was very chemically depressed and now the Prozac has/is kicking in. So maybe you will start having some good days, too. And I really appreciate the encouraging advice all of you guys gave me.

 

[Godsgirl481]

I am really glad that the Prozac is helping you...anti-depressants do nothing for me...but i do tend to have a lot of bad luck