Why are you single?

[Stanfi]

Thanks, Craft. I really do wish I hadn't taken the chance though. I'm embarassed to say I ever did. Also, churches tend to look down on 'singles' who are in the 'divorce' category. (well, at least in my own personal experience)

My experience has been if your over 30, and single regardless as why, then you are often looked down upon. As in "there is somethig wrong with you.." sort of thing. Just because you are not legally bound to someone doesn't necessarily mean that you are a freak of nature.

 

[Stanfi]

Look in the mirror at your reflection until you can say something positive about yourself and then say,while still looking in the mirror, "Jesus loves ME!"

What does it mean, if the mirror broke when I held it up??


I know it's important to know who we are in Christ, to know what are ministry on earth is, and all that. However, when it comes to dating, it a whole different game. I have intentionally done some experimenting. I have found that I can be friends with an attractive married woman, because she is not looking at me as a potential mate, she looks and notices other qualities I have, which would make me a good friend to have.

When it comes to the single woman of equal potentitial, I get the boot. Just the way the game is played.

 

[sing4him]

Actually, I'm single "again". The reason being I was in an almost 7 year abusive marriage and finally got out. That was 16 years ago and I really haven't been looking. This may sound like I'm bitter but I think the reason I haven't been looking is in my mind "I was burned once and that was enough".

 

[kelco]

Look in the mirror at your reflection until you can say something positive about yourself and then say,while still looking in the mirror, "Jesus loves ME!"

The mirror breaks when I look in it. And sometimes I think (and yes I know that this is very bitter and very wrong and yes I am doing the best that I can to change what I can) if Jesus loved me so much He wouldn't have made me this ugly.

 

[Craft]

The mirror breaks when I look in it. And sometimes I think (and yes I know that this is very bitter and very wrong and yes I am doing the best that I can to change what I can) if Jesus loved me so much He wouldn't have made me this ugly.

Most people only see what is on the outside, it is what is on the inside that counts. Do you like yourself? I hope the answer is yes, because that is the only thing that matters. To allow someone else to see what is on the inside is the hardest thing that you can do, it makes you vunerable, but it also allows them to get close.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

The mirror breaks when I look in it. And sometimes I think (and yes I know that this is very bitter and very wrong and yes I am doing the best that I can to change what I can) if Jesus loved me so much He wouldn't have made me this ugly.

((((((((kelco))))))))))

 

[Jenster]

Actually, I'm single "again". The reason being I was in an almost 7 year abusive marriage and finally got out. That was 16 years ago and I really haven't been looking. This may sound like I'm bitter but I think the reason I haven't been looking is in my mind "I was burned once and that was enough".

I understand, sing4him. Though I have not been in a bad marriage, I was in a four-year bad relationship. I'm STILL getting over it. I'm willing to try again, but my standards are stricter this time around. I just don't wanna be THAT disappointed ever again....

 

[Jenster]

Thanks everyone for sharing openly and honestly. While some of us are content to be singles, others of us are struggling with it and with self-esteem.

I appreciated Tumbleweed's challenge, so I wanted to offer another one. The Bible gives instruction on developing gratitude:

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are noble, whatsoever things are right, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are admirable; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ... and the peace of God will be with you.

I would like to challenge you to look in the mirror and find things about yourself (either inside and outside) that are:

1. True
2. Noble
3. Right
4. Pure
5. Lovely
6. Admirable
7. Virtuous
8. Praiseworthy

Examples: 1. "I am caring." 2. "I am responsible." 3. "I will help little old ladies cross the street." 4. "I have an honest character." 5. "I've always had pretty clear skin." 6. "I am statuesque." 7. "I've devotedly led Bible study for three years." 8. "I give generously to charity."

In this challenge, you can take time to think of things, but you can't just answer, "Eh, nothing." God really doesn't make junk, so let Him speak to you about all the wonderful qualities you have that He loves.

 

[wildthing]

Look in the mirror at your reflection until you can say something positive about yourself and then say,while still looking in the mirror, "Jesus loves ME!"

Last time i did the mirror thing it melt down....Not because I'm good looking just because it heard about my rep.

 

[Craft]

I am officially single and never married at age 42. I guess you could say a number of things have led to this:

First, I have never been one to go out and socialize and feel comfortable in group or social settings. I guess you could say I am someone who is quite content to stay at home and read on a Saturday evening. At the same time, I am quite independent and enjoy the freedom of single life.

Another contributing factor is the fact that, as a Christian, I have gone through a number of trials and tribulations that have been Job-like in their capacity. It has been my experience that God puts us through trials to mature our character and faith; that being said, I have never met someone who has gone through what I have or could relate to it.

Perhaps I do not have a lot of confidence around the opposite sex. While I am certain not the only person here to say this, I fear women do not find me attractive. One women rejected me on the basis of this alone. (I cannot help but think- How Shallow!)
I am no Brad Pitt but do have a lot of good qualities. At the same time, I have known women who make good friends- just nothing went beyond that.

I think this pretty much sums things up.

Some times just take a chance, ask one of the ladies out for a second time. If for nothing else, to enjoy yourself, you never know, but friends do make the base of a solid relationships.

 

[Pointman7]

Have you ever felt you are under some kind of curse? Whatever happen to "God's perfect will for our life" or "God will bring that person in your life." Is there divine intervention with marriage? or we on our own? Survival of the fittest? I guess when we are in heaven looking back on this it won't matter. But is sure does hurt right now.
Being shy makes me look unfriendly, as my co-worker just explained to me. Jesus had to go get his disciples, they did not come to him. I need to be more assertive.

 

[Jenster]

Awww, Pointman7. I sure hope you're not under a curse! I believe our marital status is probably part God, part us. Some Christian singles lecturers definitely say that people shouldn't expect to do nothing and have God deliver their loved one to their doorstep. God's never promised each person a mate. But at the same time, it seems perfectly natural to want to marry and spend your life with a special person. And I believe God honors that if it is His will and we are obedient to His ways and timing.

Ive been learning to overcome shyness myself! One hurdle I had to get over was the idea that "shy=bad" "extraverted=good." Obviously, I did observe that people enjoy being around the lighthearted, funny people, so sometimes it's been tough to accept that I'm not that way but that I can be socially "successful" too.

One thing I learned was that socializing has to do with skill more than "feeling." You're co-worker's right in that other people might perceive a shy person as unfriendly, but that's because the shy person isn't giving off commonly understood social signals - like eye contact, open postures, smiling, an audible "hello!" If the signals aren't there, then people get confused. They don't know if the shy person wants to talk or doesn't want to talk. So they just don't bother the shy person.

 

[Pointman7]

Thanks Jenster for the wise counsel. Hard to break out of the comfort zone. Although, I like the idea of God delivering her to my doorstep. That would make it alot easier.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I've wondered about a family curse from time-to-time.

However...why I am single....because I am still trying to undo all of the emotional damage inflicted by my dysfunctional family. Once I am cool with who I am then maybe someone else will see me in the same light. Yeah, right.....

 

[Jenster]

However...why I am single....because I am still trying to undo all of the emotional damage inflicted by my dysfunctional family. Once I am cool with who I am then maybe someone else will see me in the same light. Yeah, right.....

Understood, HoosierCanuck. Plenty of "issues" need to be unraveled before we get into a relationship, or else there'll be problems. (I'm speaking from experience here!) No one wants to feel like they're the person who is bringing the relationship down.

I really do believe that once you're cool with who you are, a very special guy will see that, take notice and cherish you for it.

 

[stepha1]

It can't hurt to read it. I got married and was married for two years. Left my husband two months after our 2 year anniversary. My family thinks that I should never get married again. They thought I should have not gotten married the first time. They figure that I can take care of myslef and kids so why do I need a man. Being married to me is more than sharing the bills. It is sharing a life. It is being that best friend. I hope and do pray about meeting that person and I have faith that God will take care of that part of my life in his time. I am not giving up on finding love but I am trying to let God take control. It is hard to give up that control but I know I can fully rely on Him to take care of me. People may let me down but He will not. I just have to let Him take control of every aspect of my life. It is hard but I am making an honest effort to do it. I believe I am letting go more and more each day and letting Him take control. That is the way it should be. Be Blessed!!

 

[uniquetadpole]

I just emerged out of an 8 year abusive relationship...not interested in trying again...besides...God told me when I was 13 that I was never having kids...so even though I have been fighting all these years...I think it is time to finnally let go and let God. And to top it all off I was diagnosed this past summer with Asperger's Syndrome...which is a form of Autism, I have been facing the reality of not been successful at taking care of myself...so how can I burden anyone else with that on top of it all...Don't think that marriage or a family is a part of my future. I just need to find out what is and stop chasing fluffless dreams.

 

[mwb]

Jenster, you give this forum so much life with your insights.

I'm still single because I haven't met anyone yet. Now, my searching consists of trying to meet women I think are nice that I encounter in my daily life. This is not easy since the situations are not the most advantageous to saying hello to a total stranger. The other resource is meeting women through online personals. I actually think this isn't a bad idea if people are honest in their profiles. Personals allow me to screen people based on their age, religious beliefs and interests. I have chatted online with a few women but none have really materialized into anything yet.

 

[Stanfi]

I've wondered about a family curse from time-to-time.

Hmmm, maybe that's it!

 

[stepha1]

I tried the online dating thing. Meet a nice guy that developed into a friendship. Can't complain about that. Wanted to get more out of the online dating but got a good friend out of it- better than nothing. You do have to be very careful with it though.

I think a lot has to do with attitude. You know that self-fulling prophecy.