Who'd You Choose: Girl Who Messed Up Sexually but Repented..or the One ALWAYS Clean?

[Dave-W]

God would not do that though

Of course He would. He even did it in scripture.

Losing virginity is not a mistake or messing up its a conscious choice between two people unless it's rape..

or molestation. (which happened to my wife as a small child)

So you think God did NOT bring her to me?

 

[Teslafied]

Losing virginity can be a mistake. Unless you have done it you may not understand. For example you can go to kiss someone, next thing you know you had sex and its over. For me it happened that fast. Its like you black out to what your doing and by the time you realize what you did its to late. Hence its a mistake. Granted most of the time the person knew what they were doing.

As for idolatry. We all have idols in one way or another. We may not even notice our idol is an idol though. Mine was being into conspiracies. I was part of a forum that was full on thousands on theories. NWO. 9-11 and all stuff like that.

At the time I didn't even realize it was my idol. But the devil knew conspiracies were a perfect way to get us away from God. I spent alot of my time wrapped up guessing who was part of the NWO, who did 9/11 and so on. To the point of I focused on it more then God.

And it also made me live in some fear of the future. Which is what the devil wants. I feared the cops, the government and things that made no sense. Glad I am away from that though.

Kissing is a choice - not a mistake. And no you don't just black out and do it. I kissed my husband before we got married and yet we still didn't black out and just have sex as you put it. - we made a conscious decision to remain pure. If you abide in Christ sin cannot reign in you.

Knowing the truth about what our own government did to us on 9/11 is not idolatry it's being smart.

 

[Teslafied]

Of course He would. He even did it in scripture.

or molestation. (which happened to my wife as a small child)

So you think God did NOT bring her to me?

Let me rephrase; in the case of Molestation AND rape.

 

[CCHIPSS]

God would not do that though... God would rather we remain pure and to marry another who is pure. Now this isn't to say that we aren't allowed to marry non virgins, but I doubt God would bring a non virgin into our lives to marry unless In the case that they were wrongfully put away by their ex spouse through means of adultery / divorce etc.

Wanting to marry someone pure is not idolatry whatsoever, idolatry is an idol and an idol is something one worships other than God. Last I checked virginity is an honorable thing far from idolatry.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a virgin. It is the same way that we want our spouse to be humble instead of proud. We want our spouse to be forgiving instead of vengeful. etc.

But at the end of the day God will sent us whoever He wants to be our spouse. When God calls, we have to drop our ideals and instead embrace God's calling.

There are some lucky people who get exactly the person they hoped for. This is a blessing from God. However these are rare. And in these cases there are less opportunities to practise unconditional love, because their spouse is too perfect.

To some God gives this. To others God gives that. All is good.

The only thing we know is God will not sent Christians a non-Christian spouse. God will not go against his own words.

 

[BadHabit]

If I were in the market:

I'd prefer a woman who had made her mistakes, learned from them, repented of them, and lived each day to not make them again. I am no angel myself, and I have no business being a woman's first sexual experience. Sex should be enjoyable, and what I used to do couldn't hardly be called sex by any definition.

 

[LinkH]

When Paul commanded that young widows were to remarry wouldn't that also be telling men to marry young widows?

I wouldn't say that, but it kind of assumes there is a 'market' for young widows, that is, that some Christian men would want to marry them. I'd imagine Christian widowers with kids might have some reasons to marry Christian widows who'd had experience with children, for example.

But there is no command, 'Thou shalt marry a widow.'

A widow who has only been with her husband who was faithful to him to death is a more desirable background, IMO, than a woman who has slept with dozens and dozens of men.

Marrying a man who has never served hard time in prison is preferable to marrying a man who has been in prison. Marrying a man who has never been addicted to crack cocaine is preferable to marrying someone who has.

That doesn't mean that those who have repented of promiscuity, former prisoners, or those who have been addicted to drugs can't get married. But it's not preferable. From the Bible, we can see that virginity is preferable when compared to a promiscuous background.

 

[Hank77]

I wouldn't say that, but it kind of assumes there is a 'market' for young widows,

Paul said young widows were to remarry. Who, pray tell, would she marry if it was some how inappropriate, by God's standard, to marry a widow?

But there is no command, 'Thou shalt marry a widow.'

Sheesh....never said that or meant to implied that.

 

[Jason Sanders]

I don't think it matters one way or the other if my future wife is a virgin or not. God has forgiven us of all our sins through Jesus' sacrifice- who am I to judge someone God has proclaimed clean?

Being a virgin at the moment you conceive your marriage is great, but it isn't the most important thing, else there wouldn't be any good and joyful marriages for those who chose to have sex outside of marriage (or were raped). God wants us not to focus on the things of this world but on the things above, and in this I find that God doesn't give one lick about how "pure" someone is/was when they got married- after all, WE (the Church) are the Bride of Christ and WE were more filthy than a woman's discarded tampon, soaked in period blood in God's eyes before He made us pure.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I'd prefer a woman who had made her mistakes, learned from them, repented of them, and lived each day to not make them again.

Thats why I talked about pros and cons. I had sex....alot with a woman before my wife. At the time I was distant from God and busy hating Him and the world. Some of pros of someone whos not a virgin is she at least knows how sex works, what she may like and as you said she has learned from her mistakes and matured in Christ. On the other hand the pros of a virgin are she will be your first. You will learn together about the body and sex. You grow sexually as a couple. Not that we should choose just because of those pros of course. I think my wife only had sex once or twice before we met. She she was still new to sex, so we've grown in that field.

And if your not a virgin you can at times live with guilt because you realize what your future spouse may think. Though I always said if they think less of me then they aren't the kind of christian I would marry. We all have our issues/sins we do. For some its drinking, for others its sex...etc.

 

[Teslafied]

Thats why I talked about pros and cons. I had sex....alot with a woman before my wife. At the time I was distant from God and busy hating Him and the world. Some of pros of someone whos not a virgin is she at least knows how sex works, what she may like and as you said she has learned from her mistakes and matured in Christ. On the other hand the pros of a virgin are she will be your first. You will learn together about the body and sex. You grow sexually as a couple. Not that we should choose just because of those pros of course. I think my wife only had sex once or twice before we met. She she was still new to sex, so we've grown in that field.

And if your not a virgin you can at times live with guilt because you realize what your future spouse may think. Though I always said if they think less of me then they aren't the kind of christian I would marry. We all have our issues/sins we do. For some its drinking, for others its sex...etc.

This is why we have Christ huh... His blood cleanses us like the verse says ~ come let us reason together though your sins be as scarlet I will make them white as snow.

 

[Dave-W]

Sex should be enjoyable,

Agreed. But is marrying a virgin who is one by reason of taking the opposite attitude a good thing?

By that I mean one who HATES the whole idea of being sexual with anyone or even thinking about sex.

Before anyone asks - there are many reasons to want to get married that have little to do with sex.

 

[Armoured]

Shalom

This post should speak for itself..

But for any of the men and ladies out there (especially those looking for a spouse), I was curious as to what your thoughts would be. Because for anyone involved in things such as "TRUE LOVE WAITS" conferences, though I appreciate them, has anyone ever found it odd that many times the emphasis is placed on those who've never messed up as the ULTIMATE in PURITY? And those with the stories of "Well, we waited till we got married to become intimate.....and it's the Best.." are the ones that get exalted? And yet, for those ladies that've had children born out of wedlock, involved in prostitution/raped, or other things where there was sexual misconduct, the stories of those women ending up in solid marriages and relationships are not as highlighted as much---as if they never get a "And they lived happily ever after..."?

And in all realness, how often have many men said "If I had to choose between a girl who messed up sexually and one who never did, I'd go with the pure one....she's more Holy"?

Choose the one you love, and don't fixate on people's prior relationships. If you want to be with her, and she wants to be with you, that's the important thing.

 

[Teslafied]

I guess it does go both ways... We shouldn't shame those who have lost their virginity but we also shouldn't force those who are to give into temptations.

 

[LinkH]

Agreed. But is marrying a virgin who is one by reason of taking the opposite attitude a good thing?

By that I mean one who HATES the whole idea of being sexual with anyone or even thinking about sex.

Before anyone asks - there are many reasons to want to get married that have little to do with sex.

How typical is that of virgins, though? I suspect that for many people who feel that way, it is the result of molestation or other traumatic experiences. Maybe there are some virgins who were taught that sex was evil and dirty who think that way.

 

[Dave-W]

Maybe there are some virgins who were taught that sex was evil and dirty who think that way.

Actually that was the hallmark of the so-called "Purity Movement."
Do a google search on "damage from the purity culture" and you will see what I mean.

It was taught in churches that if you felt "sexy," then you should make yourself sick or angry or something else in order to help fight temptation. After a few years of that it becomes so ingrained that many find it impossible to overcome after they get married.

You may puke every time you start to get aroused, but at least you were still a virgin when you got to the wedding.

 

[Dave-W]

And another thing - you have to define what you mean by "virgin."

One book I read said anyone who ever masturbated should NOT be considered a virgin since they already knew what sexual arousal and release felt like.

 

[DZoolander]

I haven't bothered to read any of the replies.

I'd go with the girl that I was happiest/most compatible with. Given the way Christianity handles "messing up sexually" - it's an overly broad term that could encompass anyone from a girl/guy who had simply lost her virginity to her long term loving boyfriend, to someone who had just masturbated, to a crack harlot that had sold herself on the street for years in order to get her fix.

I'd put whatever "messing up" she'd done into context - and then weigh it against how well we got on.

 

[DZoolander]

Why I'm bothering to reply to a 3 year old post, now that I checked, is beyond me. lol

 

[Dave-W]

Why I'm bothering to reply to a 3 year old post,

Its a zombie thread that lives again.

"Its alive! its alive!"

 

[DZoolander]

Yep. lol