What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

@Vinter

This wasn't in your post but it's an important consideration that bears repeating.

Everything you experience at home shows up in your relationship. Good and bad. Unless you dealt with it beforehand. Your companion and children have the greatest exposure to your strengths and weaknesses. You will afflict more pain upon them than anyone else due to proximity. They see the real you. Unfiltered.

When we talk about character. You're getting a sliver of what happens behind closed doors. The shadow is more pronounced. There's no need to hide it. As a result, you see love and damage in relationships. They don't hold back.

Self-awareness is important. If you're unwilling to see your shortcomings you're resistant to change. You have to consider the impact of your actions on others. You don't want someone unconscientious. You want someone quick to forgive, apologize, and make amends. Someone who listens, hears you, and is other centered. You need to provide the same.

 

[Vinter]

Yes. I wanted more children. But I was okay if it didn't happen. I wouldn't deprive him of it. Our similarities in philosophy and upbringing are a tipping point. He had a good home environment and a close relationship with his parents. We can afford the practical stuff. Like a nanny, housekeeper, and governess. I wouldn't do it otherwise.

That's great.


He's a provider and it makes him happy. His mother was a stay-at-home wife and involved in their activities and the community. That's his example. I work from home. He's getting the same in many respects. With some extras.

That's where I am going to fall short. I want to be able to carry my future wife on hands and feet, but my income is very mediocre, so I can't realy call myself a provider.

I fund my education and expenses out of pocket. There's no financial aid. The tuition is lower. But I'm still spending six figures. God wills it so I comply.

That's like Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

It sounds expensive, but it doesn't sound like you to have to skimp out on anything.
You're realy blessed in that regard.


Yes you do. Don't be swayed by emotion. You need to see her in different scenarios. Women reveal themselves to others in ways they don't with the opposite sex. Keep that in mind.

I will keep that in mind. Thanks.

It doesn't sound shallow to me. But keep in mind, I'm with someone who dresses me and selects my wardrobe. Some would call that extreme. I ignore them. I know the reality most are living with. Women talk.

Normally I would call it over the top, but you like it and consider it normal. You do it of your own volition, you're not being forced in to it, that's a big difference.

Aesthetically she appeals. You need to see how she affects your character. Are you bettered by her presence or not? Like this.

I seek your submission, your obedience, and your surrender. In a way that you don’t lose the decorum of your ladyship. But in a way that few others can fulfill. I want your full capability, intellect, and creativity to be in service to me. And I want to foster that drive and tranquility within you to be the best you can be. You bring out my natural leadership and masculinity in me like few others do. You inspire me to a better man.

When I read that I melted. That's what you want as a man and want to hear as a woman. You should be impacted and make an impact. He mentioned the 's' word twice. Don't sign on for power struggles. Or someone who usurps your authority, leadership, or masculinity. Get a sweet girl who knows how to follow.

I doubt a danish woman would appreciate suchs words, danish women are very willful and do what they want, at least the ones I have come across. I would very much like a woman that's to the submissive side. From my experience that's a very rare breed in my country. Perhaps if I came more in Christian circles, it would make a difference.

Thank you. I love spreading seed and pouring into others and watching them blossom. There's nothing more satisfying than seeing someone come alive.

Your comment was a holy kiss. I needed it.

Thanks, you're so kind.

Message in blue, in the quoted post.
Could you please tell me how to make those grey boxes with ones text inbetween the quoted post?

 

[Vinter]

@Vinter

This wasn't in your post but it's an important consideration that bears repeating.

Everything you experience at home shows up in your relationship. Good and bad. Unless you dealt with it beforehand. Your companion and children have the greatest exposure to your strengths and weaknesses. You will afflict more pain upon them than anyone else due to proximity. They see the real you. Unfiltered.

When we talk about character. You're getting a sliver of what happens behind closed doors. The shadow is more pronounced. There's no need to hide it. As a result, you see love and damage in relationships. They don't hold back.

Self-awareness is important. If you're unwilling to see your shortcomings you're resistant to change. You have to consider the impact of your actions on others. You don't want someone unconscientious. You want someone quick to forgive, apologize, and make amends. Someone who listens, hears you, and is other centered. You need to provide the same.

Thanks. I'm going to bed soon. So I will reply properly to this post tomorrow.

 

[Rigatoni]

Here's my first plush bee.

I think the pattern turned out pretty good. The only changes I need to make are: make the antennae facing the opposite direction so they look less like horns, and make the chin a little smaller since it was a little too big.

That turned out awesome! I love the design, and would even be willing to buy one myself.

 

[bèlla]

Message in blue, in the quoted post.
Could you please tell me how to make those grey boxes with ones text inbetween the quoted post?

Click reply. Place [q] quote (write it out) at the beginning of the portion you want to respond to and do the same at the end [/q].

Do that for each section you want to quote.

 

[Multifavs]

That turned out awesome! I love the design, and would even be willing to buy one myself.

Thank you! Next I'll make a bigger plush bee with a few changes made, and then maybe I can make some to sell!

 

[bèlla]

That's where I am going to fall short. I want to be able to carry my future wife on hands and feet, but my income is very mediocre, so I can't realy call myself a provider.

Provision includes elements beyond money. A small income can go far with prudence. You don't have to be a breadwinner to provide. Few can live on one income.

In all fairness, he has multiple income streams and no debt. He attended school in state to keep expenses low and funded grad school out of pocket after benefits. I don't have a mortgage, car note, etc.

That's like Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. It sounds expensive, but it doesn't sound like you to have to skimp out on anything. You're really blessed in that regard.

My calling cost me a lot financially. I wasn't always making money. I bled cash for years and denied myself to fund the classes, resources, and equipment. I'll hesitate for myself. But I'll spend the money for my business without blinking. That's how my mind works. God first, bella second.

Denial is easy for me. The Lord combats it by placing people in my life who bless and encourage me to do things for myself. I use birthdays and holidays strategically. My family contributed too. It's bigger than me. I'm laying the groundwork for legacy.

Normally I would call it over the top, but you like it and consider it normal. You do it of your own volition, you're not being forced in to it, that's a big difference.

Normal bores me. I don't want crazy either! I need someone who lives life to the fullest. Not hiding in a corner or sitting on the sidelines. Or worried about opinions. That's the upside of mentoring. You hear a lot. I still have my ear to the ground in women's groups. Most people have stale or unfulfilling relationships.

Little to no attention. Little to no sex. Arguments aplenty. The majority aren't happy at all. I've sat in Christian confessionals...aka bible studies and prayer groups. They spill the beans. I don't want the same.

Nobody's perfect. You're choosing the flaws you'll deal with. He has challenges and so do I. But they're not the sort that end marriages. We've earned one another. He deserves a woman like me. The reverse holds true.

I doubt a danish woman would appreciate such words, danish women are very willful and do what they want, at least the ones I have come across. I would very much like a woman that's to the submissive side. From my experience that's a very rare breed in my country. Perhaps if I came more in Christian circles, it would make a difference.

Willfulness opposes respect and admiration. He's competing in the world. He shouldn't have to jockey at home. I have no problem ceding to a worthy man. He's my covering. My welfare is his priority. Why would I despise that?

Christian women aren't very submissive. They're just as bad as the rest. And equally tired and disheartened. I don't listen to them. I look at their lives and the quality of their companion and relationship first. How a woman speaks about her man is telling. He may be tight lipped but she's not.

Submissive women have a scent. It's in their conversation and carriage. She won't encourage you to end your marriage, disrespect your spouse, or validate your nonsense. She's the voice of wisdom. Those are the women I befriend.

Having a companion who esteems you, affirms your masculinity, values your guidance, supports your dreams, encourages and comforts you, delights in physical intimacy, sings your praises to others, and champions you spiritually. Who wouldn't want that?

You minister to your man on all levels. Wise women know this.

Thanks, you're so kind.

So are you. Sweet dreams.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Your comment was a holy kiss. I needed it.

Holy kisses of any type are good between believers no matter what gender pairing is involved. In fact, I think it would be good for brothers to be willing to do so between themselves a lot more often, especially. ^-^

 

[bèlla]

Holy kisses of any type are good between believers no matter what gender pairing is involved. In fact, I think it would be good for brothers to be willing to do so between themselves a lot more often, especially. ^-^

I agree. I was feeling a little sad and Vinter cheered me up. That was God’s doing.

 

[bèlla]

@Vinter

In light of your comment about provision, I added an article I think you’ll appreciate. There are many ways to lead and serve your spouse.

 

[Tone]

The entire concept of 'decaf' actually REALLY iritates me. Just like nicotine free chewing tobacco or non alcoholic beer.

What can I say? I enjoy killing myself. Slowly.

Yeah...head games...


We gotta spit it out.

 

[GodDoesListen55]

People really need to stop making me nervous over this darn 5K! It is for charity, my family is gonna be with me and it is not a race, despite it being called a "5K"!! Ugh!

 

[SarahsKnight]

People really need to stop making me nervous over this darn 5K!

I read that too fast and thought you said "nervous over this darn SK!" ^-^

I was like, wait, what did I do?

 

[Rigatoni]

I made a post in this thread the other day basically venting that I regretted becoming a Christian. Honestly that's kind of true. There are some things I expected to have received from God by now over these 12+ years of walking with Him, and it feels like He just keeps messing with me and tripping me up, rather than meeting those needs / desires. It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make me a bad Christian or a heathen, it just makes me human. The life of a Christian can really suck, especially if you feel neglected and constantly led on by the Lord throughout the whole experience.

I can't abandon Him, and still feel a level of impulse to continue to live for the Lord. But it's not the same.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I made a post in this thread the other day basically venting that I regretted becoming a Christian. Honestly that's kind of true. There are some things I expected to have received from God by now over these 12+ years of walking with Him, and it feels like He just keeps messing with me and tripping me up, rather than meeting those needs / desires. It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make me a bad Christian or a heathen, it just makes me human. The life of a Christian can really suck, especially if you feel neglected and constantly led on by the Lord throughout the whole experience.

I can't abandon Him, and still feel a level of impulse to continue to live for the Lord. But it's not the same.

If we had it easy, we'd have no story to tell. And by the time you're in your late sixties with a silver beard, a tweed hat and a pipe, those stories are all you're really going to have; for those struggles you've been through (and are going through) are your richest currency.

It's best to just get in the moment, get your head down, and push on through. There's no 'better life' or 'greener pasture' - everything is happening correctly, on time - as it should. Right now.

 

[ReesePiece23]

^ To continue from the above (in a more generalised manner)

The knight's armour only appears shiny because he has NEVER been into battle. The pencil only looks sharp because it has done ZERO work. So it's better in the long run to reach the point of exhaustion JUST so that you can push through the pain barriers into new territory. Albeit, looking dishevelled and well worn.

Let go of this boyish fantasy of wanting to be 'godly' and pure like a superhero; the only way to live is to live with an open mind, and to understand you will always be the little fish swimming among the sharks. So start getting comfortable with it.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Yeah...head games...


We gotta spit it out.

Or 'meat free' chicken nuggets.

Just buying those is a freudian slip. You're basically saying "I don't actually want to be a veggie. I just feel shoehorned into giving up meat because I have no backbone."

 

[Niels]

Weekend plans are on my mind.

I made a post in this thread the other day basically venting that I regretted becoming a Christian. Honestly that's kind of true. There are some things I expected to have received from God by now over these 12+ years of walking with Him, and it feels like He just keeps messing with me and tripping me up, rather than meeting those needs / desires. It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make me a bad Christian or a heathen, it just makes me human. The life of a Christian can really suck, especially if you feel neglected and constantly led on by the Lord throughout the whole experience.

I can't abandon Him, and still feel a level of impulse to continue to live for the Lord. But it's not the same.

Yup, these things make us human. Expectations are a common source of stress, regardless of one's faith. the thing is, even when we get what we expect, the reality of those met expectations doesn't necessarily live up to what we hoped for. I get what you're saying, though. It's easy to find fault, or wish our circumstances were different, both looking inward and looking outward. One way around this is to find things to be thankful for regardless. There's no shortage of amazing things in this universe, regardless of its fallen state. Some of which might otherwise be overlooked, but are enough to last many lifetimes if we seek them out. Meanwhile, as you're appreciating the blessings, take steps to improve your situation.

 

[bèlla]

Pinning someone to the top of the page in iOS messenger is one of their better additions.

 

[Vinter]

@Vinter

This wasn't in your post but it's an important consideration that bears repeating.

Everything you experience at home shows up in your relationship. Good and bad. Unless you dealt with it beforehand. Your companion and children have the greatest exposure to your strengths and weaknesses. You will afflict more pain upon them than anyone else due to proximity. They see the real you. Unfiltered.

When we talk about character. You're getting a sliver of what happens behind closed doors. The shadow is more pronounced. There's no need to hide it. As a result, you see love and damage in relationships. They don't hold back.

Self-awareness is important. If you're unwilling to see your shortcomings you're resistant to change. You have to consider the impact of your actions on others. You don't want someone unconscientious. You want someone quick to forgive, apologize, and make amends. Someone who listens, hears you, and is other centered. You need to provide the same.

I am on the forum much later tonight than I thought I would be. I will reply to this post tonight and reply the other posts tomorrow.

Sound advice. I many ways I had a good childhood, but it was certainly not without flaws. All I can say is, the way I was brought up in certain areas, is not how I would bring a kid up.

Self acknowledgment is a good thing. I do believe I have self ackowledgment. There are things about myself that took a long time for me to realize, but once I realized them, I also had an urge to do something about it. For example quitting porn, quitting spending money on material gains, comics being the big sinner.

Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Many times I read a comic, instead of reading the bible. But God has helped me. I am slowly getting rid of my comics. I pray to God to free me from my enthreallment I have for worldly possessions. the wheels are slowly turning, but they are turning in my favor. That is God's doing. I used to get a kick out of getting a comic for my shelf, now I am relieved when I get space on the shelf.

Self awareness, I believe I have self awereness , I am much more in tune with who I am today, than I was in the past. I do make mistakes, but I can also acknowledge it and I am aware enough to know when I am I out of bounds. I feel it, when I do soemthing that is beneath me and should lead with a better example.

"You don't want someone unconscientious. You want someone quick to forgive, apologize, and make amends. Someone who listens, hears you, and is other centered. You need to provide the same."

That's exactly what I want. I do need to provide the same and I want to. As I write this there is one thing that lingers in my mind. I get easily irritated and do raise my voice. It only lasts for a minute or two just as quick as I get mad I get good again, but I can say some mean things in a couple of minutes. That's one of the things I dislike about myself, because I do know better.

Proverbs 25:28
A man without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls.

This has a direct line to my childhood. As a kid if I didn't listen she would slam all the kitchen doors on the kitchen cupboard, because my mom knew I did not like loud noises. My mom is very easy to anger. She could let is fester and suddenly explode over something days after. I am not like that because I hated that as a kid I never knew when she was going to explode the next time.

I just get mad right here right now, buy why get mad at all. Espcially if I find a woman that exudes gentleness and kindness, it would rub off on me and would feel downright ashamed for raising my voice to a woman that only wishes the best for me. So that is something I need to kick now rather than later, because my future wife deserves better.

When it comes to my upbringing I'm I could come up with other examples that may stick out like a sore thumb. I am sure I will open up about it in time.

In my mom's defense she didn't have the best upbringing herself, so in many cases she probably didn't know any better. I know she loves me and even though she was a single mom with low to mediocre income she always managed to give me the same things as the other kids so I didn't wind up looking like the poor kid.