What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

I think she is more the latter... just at times she seems to humiliate herself for no reason. She even asked if I found her ugly or not.. (of course I lied) but she seemed to get some delight out of just asking it.

That’s reverse psychology. Not humiliation. She knows you’re not attracted to her and enjoys antagonizing you.

Because she's so loud and she'll often shout out personal things about me in front of others. She has a pretty powerful presence. It's not just me either.. she bosses others around.. no on else wants to argue with her either.

Big deal. They’re just words. Why does she know personal things about you? It sounds like she’s become the office bulky and no one wants to ruffle her feathers. Inaction emboldens her.

Sadly I'm the one she gives the most attention too. There are a few other males she's friendly with though. While I'd feel bad for them.. I wish she'd become obsessed with some other guy.

Non-resistance plus a willingness to be kind in spite of poor treatment trips her switch. If she faced a challenge every time you engaged she’d back off.

As a rule, people with strong personalities (or bullies in her case) won’t defer to weaker parties (in their estimation). You have to stand up to them or challenge their authority.

Thanks your words mean a lot to me.

You’re welcome.

I think you should revisit your policy on intelligent women. Her wisdom will bless you and women often befriend others like themselves or who they aspire to become. That’s the pool she draws from for advice and companionship.

Not sure how today went.. I avoided talking to her as much as possible.. yet I still had to.. and she made some friendly chit chat that I tried my best to brush off.

That’s a start. Keep it up. Hopefully she’ll turn her attention to someone else. But don’t be surprised if she reacts or increases the pressure.

 

[bèlla]

January is winding down fast. I’ve accomplished a lot and remained true to my focus on self-care in the new year. My to be done’s are falling by the wayside and its nice to check them off.

We’re focusing on manifesting dreams in February and began preliminary work today. My coach gives equal attention to inner and outer beauty. I think beautification will be my theme.

I’m working with a wellness coach to improve my diet and lifestyle. Mindful eating was a big focus in the past and I want to resume the practice and cook more often.

I haven’t done too much creatively beyond school. But that’s to be expected given the home projects. Hopefully, I can dive in next month and whet my whistle.

 

[MehGuy]

That’s reverse psychology. Not humiliation. She knows you’re not attracted to her and enjoys antagonizing you.

Yeah, but I don't know too many people who seem to get enjoyment out of that fact.

Big deal. They’re just words. Why does she know personal things about you? It sounds like she’s become the office bulky and no one wants to ruffle her feathers. Inaction emboldens her.

Over the years she's gotten me to talk somewhat and intelligently guessed the rest.

Non-resistance plus a willingness to be kind in spite of poor treatment trips her switch. If she faced a challenge every time you engaged she’d back off.

Yeah.. but I don't think I've treated her any differently than any other guy at the workplace. It'd be easier if she was a man.. but despite what feminists think.. men are naturally more gentile with women.. no matter how manly the woman acts and looks on the outside.

As a rule, people with strong personalities (or bullies in her case) won’t defer to weaker parties (in their estimation). You have to stand up to them or challenge their authority.

I hope so.. I've seen her take on strong women and seemed to thrive on the conflict. I've been challenging her rude behavior somewhat.. but she gets mad.. then later becomes friendly with me again.

I think you should revisit your policy on intelligent women. Her wisdom will bless you and women often befriend others like themselves or who they aspire to become. That’s the pool she draws from for advice and companionship.

I see. I'm not turned off by intelligent women.. it's just that if she happens to be somewhat dumb I see attraction there too.

That’s a start. Keep it up. Hopefully she’ll turn her attention to someone else. But don’t be surprised if she reacts or increases the pressure.

Only thing I can see is trying to talk her into being into another man. Although honestly I don't want to put any other man through it. I have one good friend there who might be in second line to me.. although he's probably too young for her. He's a good guy and I don't want to pass my problem onto me. Although if I left the job he'd probably take my place unfortunately.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah, but I don't know too many people who seem to get enjoyment out of that fact.

You’ve never encountered anyone who plays mind games? That’s all it is.

Only thing I can see is trying to talk her into being into another man.

If you could reason with her she wouldn’t harass you. She thrives on power and will see through the rouse. Ignoring her is best.

 

[MehGuy]

You’ve never encountered anyone who plays mind games? That’s all it is.

I see mind games.. but I also see things that will inspire people to play such games.

If you could reason with her she wouldn’t harass you. She thrives on power and will see through the rouse. Ignoring her is best.

I think she genuinely wants a man. Just her knowing I've been single for so long.. part of her thinks I'm desperate or something.

 

[public hermit]

I think she genuinely wants a man. Just her knowing I've been single for so long.. part of her thinks I'm desperate or something.

I told you she was flirting. Lol.

 

[MehGuy]

I told you she was flirting. Lol.

I know she flirts at times.. still I don't quite get her psychology in others. Other than having lower inhibition and just can't help saying things that are swirling in her head.

 

[bèlla]

I think she genuinely wants a man. Just her knowing I've been single for so long.. part of her thinks I'm desperate or something.

Did she tell you that?

Most people date in their twenties. You don’t encounter long stretches of singleness unless something happened, r/t demands like school, or they’re taking a break (due to dating a lot or coming out of a long-term relationship).

When that isn’t the case there’s a problem (lack of or limited prospects) or they’re holding out for something else. Including courtship.

Not having a girlfriend/boyfriend is a new phenomenon. That isn’t something we used to hear or see with younger people. I’ve asked older men and women and they said the same.

 

[public hermit]

I know she flirts at times.. still I don't quite get her psychology in others. Other than having lower inhibition and just can't help saying things that are swirling in her head.

Not to be mean, but you may be expecting too much. She sounds reliably unpredictable.

 

[MehGuy]

Did she tell you that?

Most people date in their twenties. You don’t encounter long stretches of singleness unless something happened, r/t demands like school, or they’re taking a break (due to dating a lot or coming out of a long-term relationship).

When that isn’t the case there’s a problem (lack of or limited prospects) or they’re holding out for something else. Including courtship.

Not having a girlfriend/boyfriend is a new phenomenon. That isn’t something we used to hear or see with younger people. I’ve asked older men and women and they said the same.

She seems pretty obsessed with my singleness.

 

[MehGuy]

Not to be mean, but you may be expecting too much. She sounds reliably unpredictable.

Expecting what?

 

[public hermit]

Expecting what?

"Getting her psychology in others" as you put it. It sounds like she's bouncing all over. But, perhaps there's a pattern you could discern, for what it's worth.

 

[bèlla]

She seems pretty obsessed with my singleness.

It isn’t the norm. Either she likes you or she’s trying to figure out what you’re doing to turn off women. As you mature you see couples of every stripe and realize singleness is rarely about the other person. It’s the impediment preventing them from finding a companion.

 

[MehGuy]

"Getting her psychology in others" as you put it. It sounds like she's bouncing all over. But, perhaps there's a pattern you could discern, for what it's worth.

I think she knows not many men like her romantically and lashes out on that.

 

[MehGuy]

It isn’t the norm. Either she likes you or she’s trying to figure out what you’re doing to turn off women. As you mature you see couples of every stripe and realize singleness is rarely about the other person. It’s the impediment preventing them from finding a companion.

I don't turn other women off though. I could be in a relationship now if I wanted. These past few years I've simply pursued no one nor really had the desire to do so. Although that seems to run in my family.. most of my aunts and all my sisters are the same. As women they certainly have no issue getting a man if they wanted too.

 

[bèlla]

I don't turn other women off though. I could be in a relationship now if I wanted.

She sees a young man with a long stint of singleness. Few will assume you’re taking a timeout. They’ll think you’re struggling to find someone.

 

[MehGuy]

She sees a young man with a long stint of singleness. Few will assume you’re taking a timeout. They’ll think you’re struggling to find someone.

I don't think so. A few women at my work have already come onto me and she lashed out on me about that. The most I gather from her is she thinks I'm really shy or not a heterosexual.

I already tried explaining to her about my family history and my personal trouble developing feelings for someone. Although she only seems to partially believe that.

 

[Tone]

You know you're getting old when you're like, "You know, I'm gonna shave all my facial hair off so I look younger."-- and it doesn't work...


Not that I'm there yet, i just took 10 years off!

But the thought occurred to me that there could come a day when the above scenario happens...

 

[MehGuy]

You know you're getting old when you're like, "You know, I'm gonna shave all my facial hair off so I look younger."-- and it doesn't work...


Not that I'm there yet, i just took 10 years off!

But the thought occurred to me that there could come a day when the above scenario happens...

Depending on how gray the beard is.. shaving off can add a few years to some men.. lol.

 

[Tone]

Depending on how gray the beard is.. shaving off can add a few years to some men.. lol.

Yeah, I had a bunch (well, not that much) of gray coming out, but I also noticed that I had some red hairs as well. I noticed this before, of course, but there seemed to be more.