What's on your mind?

[SarahsKnight]

Thank you also. I appreciate it. Blessings dear.

*gives knight's salute to Sampa*

 

[bèlla]

Thank you for asking. It will be a process. I'm sure. There's always silly questions of "what I did wrong", or "why did it work for him Lord and not me?"

Perhaps it’s because a part of you desires the same but rarely voice it. He represents the type of man who wants a lady on his arm who aids his growth and advancement. And you want the same.

The previous comment about the mayor or policeman's wife echoes this. You find it appealing. Your feminine essence has a scent. You don’t have to change. You need someone who appreciates that flavor. To prove this point I’ll share something I received yesterday.

You asked if I met someone. I did. I connected with a cute redhead who like you embraced femininity and the domestic lifestyle. She wore dainty dresses rather than ripped jeans, was an amazing baker, and we spoke about what life in a Cotswold cottage with a garden would be like.

But unlike you, she lacked the desire for service and submission, as well as a growth mindset, the grit that comes from picking yourself up after failure, and the zeal to embrace new experiences, which are some of the ingredients that make you such an amazing person. I have discovered these aspects are so critical in the partner I want to dedicate myself to and for the life I want to lead.

As you can see, there’s nothing wrong with her. Many men would love to have the same. He expresses why she isn't suitable. But you need the what to understand. That follows.

I want your full capability, intellect, and creativity to be in service to me. And I want to foster that drive and tranquility within you to be the best you can be. You bring out my natural leadership and masculinity in me like few others do. You inspire me to a better man.

Now you see the problem. She’s a domestic goddess but he needs more than that. She doesn’t want to do more. She’s content where she is. For the person desiring a stay-at-home wife and mother she’s perfect.

Femininity isn’t a slam dunk.

 

[Niels]

Thank you for asking. It will be a process. I'm sure. There's always silly questions of "what I did wrong", or "why did it work for him Lord and not me?" My friend was surprised and said she hopes he can be happy this time.
Ironically my neighbor asked about him last Saturday and I just didn't have much thought about him...but still knew I wasn't totally over him.
I know the reality and it's not as fairytale as it appears...

You didn't necessarily do anything wrong. Compatibility is more nuanced. Even if both parties are good people who do the right things, that doesn't mean they're a sufficiently good match to warrant a lifelong commitment.

It's also worth noting that some people jump from one dysfunctional relationship to another. That doesn't mean they're doing things right.

Now you see the problem. She’s a domestic goddess but he needs more than that. She doesn’t want to do more. She’s content where she is. For the person desiring a stay-at-home wife and mother she’s perfect.

Agreed. People have different needs and preferences. Insufficient compatibility doesn't mean that either party is tragically flawed.

 

[sampa]

Perhaps it’s because a part of you desires the same but rarely voice it. He represents the type of man who wants a lady on his arm who aids his growth and advancement. And you want the same.

The previous comment about the mayor or policeman's wife echoes this. You find it appealing. Your feminine essence has a scent. You don’t have to change. You need someone who appreciates that flavor. To prove this point I’ll share something I received yesterday.

You asked if I met someone. I did. I connected with a cute redhead who like you embraced femininity and the domestic lifestyle. She wore dainty dresses rather than ripped jeans, was an amazing baker, and we spoke about what life in a Cotswold cottage with a garden would be like.

But unlike you, she lacked the desire for service and submission, as well as a growth mindset, the grit that comes from picking yourself up after failure, and the zeal to embrace new experiences, which are some of the ingredients that make you such an amazing person. I have discovered these aspects are so critical in the partner I want to dedicate myself to and for the life I want to lead.

As you can see, there’s nothing wrong with her. Many men would love to have the same. He expresses why she isn't suitable. But you need the what to understand. That follows.

I want your full capability, intellect, and creativity to be in service to me. And I want to foster that drive and tranquility within you to be the best you can be. You bring out my natural leadership and masculinity in me like few others do. You inspire me to a better man.

Now you see the problem. She’s a domestic goddess but he needs more than that. She doesn’t want to do more. She’s content where she is. For the person desiring a stay-at-home wife and mother she’s perfect.

Femininity isn’t a slam dunk.

Thanks for your wise council. Service and submission is something I have to work on. But in the prior example I felt he was pushing for more physical intimacy at a faster rate then I think is my level. Of course there's so many other factors. But I do know that service and submission is an area I will constantly have to pray on.. since sometimes my walls can be possibly exasperating to the guys that I am really attracted to.

 

[sampa]

You didn't necessarily do anything wrong. Compatibility is more nuanced. Even if both parties are good people who do the right things, that doesn't mean they're a sufficiently good match to warrant a lifelong commitment.

Thank you, yes. Thank you for your council and assurance. My mind knows this but my heart weeps at being so close to compatibility. It will be a time thing. I think I glorified him more than he really is

It's also worth noting that some people jump from one dysfunctional relationship to another. That doesn't mean they're doing things right.

Very true and this could possibly be that or third time is a charm and they will work together through issues, maybe one harder than the other.

 

[DragonFox91]

Tonight I have to make a phone call that may be difficult. I am trying not to get too anxious about it but I think I know my stuff.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for your wise council.

You’re welcome. It provided an opportunity to debunk a few things. Hearing it from a man was best.

But in the prior example I felt he was pushing for more physical intimacy at a faster rate then I think is my level.

If you’re uncomfortable with his advances or physicality you should say so. You don’t have to grin and bear it.

But I do know that service and submission is an area I will constantly have to pray on.. since sometimes my walls can be possibly exasperating to the guys that I am really attracted to.

Boundaries have a purpose but they shouldn’t be a jailer. The right suitor will make you feel at ease. You’ll open as you grow in acquaintance.

Submission—in relation to the opposite sex—should be compelled. He should stoke the flame through his presence. Otherwise it feels forced and flow is lacking. You’ll know when it happens. You’ll want to do things for him and enjoy it too.

While I waited to hear from him I sent a note with recipe ideas for dinner parties. Or I’d paint a picture of the perfect day with images and prose. I shared a snapshot of the life we wanted through gifs. And passed along music too. I don’t do that for everyone. They don’t compel that response. I even made a scrapbook page of his reply as a memento.

God worked things out. Don’t dismay.

 

[bèlla]

Tonight I have to make a phone call that may be difficult. I am trying not to get too anxious about it but I think I know my stuff.

Good luck on the call. ~praying for your success

 

[Vinter]

So I fasted for the 24 hours as I planned, back on Monday.

I don't feel different and yet I do. There were some verses in the Bible I guess I could say I stumbled upon them, I think I was led to them by God as they meant something to some of the things I prayed for.

I prayed for alot of things. I prayed for forgiveness and I prayed for wisdom and being brough closer to God and live a better Christian life. That's where the Bible verses come in.

I prayed my fondness for material gains will vanish. I do spend more than I should. That prayer got heard as I have listed things for sale wich I would not have contemplated selling just a week ago. I also get a thrill now at the thought of saving money and not go on a spending spree, wich is new to me. Before I wanted to burn my money as soon as had them.

There are still plenty of material things I could sell off and make money on it wich I have not listed for sale yet, but each day I find something that I am ready to part with where I would rather have the money.

The other thing I prayed for is a family. I have lived a very empty life and have not married and gotten kids. I feel an urge to do so. If God's plan does not involve me getting kids, at least a woman I can share my life with, as I am beginning to feel a void in my very being wich I can't ignore.

Still I am a work in progress, but for once I feel like I'm going somewhere that willl lead to something better.

 

[DragonFox91]

Tonight I have to make a phone call that may be difficult. I am trying not to get too anxious about it but I think I know my stuff.

It was fine. Bumpy, but overall not as hard as I thought it'd be

 

[GodDoesListen55]

why won't this darn headache just go away? i need sleep so bad!

 

[DragonFox91]

Bleh. My friend wants me to go w/ him to a flea market on Labor Day. I never buy anything. Everything's always sun-faded or worn down. & we have to leave really early.

 

[bèlla]

Bleh. My friend wants me to go w/ him to a flea market on Labor Day. I never buy anything. Everything's always sun-faded or worn down. & we have to leave really early.

Why don't you choose the restaurant? A fun place you can go when you're done.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Please pray for me to make it through the next seven days of work that I have to do in a row starting tomorrow, with no trouble or difficulty. The upside, however, is that for two of those days - Tuesday and Wednesday night shift - I can be in the company of ... her .... ^-^

* that "Dream Weaver" song suddenly plays somewhere in the distance*

 

[sampa]

Charm schools were a mainstay during my childhood. They would have been a big thing during his too. Some were standalone programs or a course of study offered through modeling schools. Today, you can find etiquette programs of different durations. Some are one day, weekend, or a few weeks. Most cover the basics and may include regional nuances depending where you take them.

Thanks for the information. Something I hope I can do someday and hopefully financially it would be something like a one-day course.

Just because you've never married doesn't mean you didn't want children. Health issues notwithstanding. Technological advances make it possible. Perhaps he was giving you an opportunity to share your heart without judgment.

Makes sense. I will have to revisit that question that he asked me to see if that's why.

can't do it myself. It's too much work and I don't want to be overwhelmed. I like old places but I love modern conveniences. I prefer eco-friendly buildings. I'll see what I find. A combination of growing my own food and a farming collective is a goal.

I can understand that. It's not for everyone doing everything solo. My Hope is that I can marry and have somebody who wouldn't mind helping me with those things or financially is in the position to hire.

I don't want someone who feels he has to pastor his wife or be her bible instructor. It's heavy handed. But if I respect his leadership and he desired to deepen our spiritual growth I'd be on board. It's all about the "L."

Okay I understand now.

I don't mind being on display and providing an example for others. I enjoy that. But I don't want a religious man. Once you present yourself as a holy roller you've gotta keep it up. There's no perfect Christian, wife, or family. I won't play the role. That's a r

Yes, very true!

I've had an interesting exchange with someone and I thought of you. He's very polite and gentlemanly. 50, 6ft, 175-180, tall and slender, appears attractive based on the crops. Well spoken, intelligent, loves to travel, hike, cycle, and plays guitar and lives in a cool place. Polished and complimentary. But not excessively. Uses honorifics too. He's definitely old fashioned. He seems really nice. I don't know what he does for a

Sounds interesting. Have you had any more correspondence with him?

 

[sampa]

Submission—in relation to the opposite sex—should be compelled. He should stoke the flame through his presence. Otherwise it feels forced and flow is lacking. You’ll know when it happens. You’ll want to do

I think I could agree on this

worked things out. Don’t dismay.

So if I read that right are you now starting a relationship with somebody from the past?

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for the information. Something I hope I can do someday and hopefully financially it would be something like a one-day course.

One day classes are commonplace. I'd glean from etiquette books and save courses for things that require hands-on assistance or feedback. Image consultants are another option. They cover similar ground and help with appearance and presentation. That may be a better starting point.

I can understand that. It's not for everyone doing everything solo. My Hope is that I can marry and have somebody who wouldn't mind helping me with those things or financially is in the position to hire.

When you're twenty it's fine. But you have to make accommodations when older. Raised beds (on legs) are a great example. Look at my pointers post on the Tradwife thread. If gardening is a priority get someone who will. Either they're doing it or always wanted to.

Sounds interesting. Have you had any more correspondence with him?

Yes. He writes me every day. He wants to marry. I don't know enough to say he's a catch. But he's kindhearted and polite. Hopefully he'll find the right one.

Everything's changed. One day I'm single and the next I'm talking to D. We've been on parallel paths over the last year. God was working behind the scenes to bring us to this point. We're planning a future now. Three years have passed. Time apart didn't lessen the connection. God matured us to strengthen the pairing. There's a greater emphasis on the spiritual too. There's a quote by Anain Nin that really describes us.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

I needed someone who wasn't afraid to challenge me. Who saw my beauty and a comma; not a period. If he's too enthralled he'll assume that's as good as it gets. When you're on a similar trajectory you're not afraid to raise the bar because you've done the same yourself.

When you're vetting someone the number one question is why? Why do they need a man/woman like me? Why do I need them? Never choose someone who likes the idea of you. They'll never utilize your gifts and talents. You'll be bored. Some people are collectors. They want to boast. My guy/girl looks like this, is doing this, etc. None of it is benefiting them. It feeds their ego.

You want the person who can't live without the things you offer.

 

[bèlla]

So if I read that right are you now starting a relationship with somebody from the past?

Yep.

 

[GodDoesListen55]

Seriously about to just give up on love altogether, what's the point anyway?!

 

[SarahsKnight]

Please pray for me to make it through the next seven days of work that I have to do in a row starting tomorrow, with no trouble or difficulty. The upside, however, is that for two of those days - Tuesday and Wednesday night shift - I can be in the company of ... her .... ^-^

* that "Dream Weaver" song suddenly plays somewhere in the distance*

View attachment 305357

Not doing well today as far as behaving like a knight goes, everyone. I can blame it on the atmosphere of work in the first place all I want, but ultimately it is my responsibility to be better than that just like it would for anyone else. Please pray for me to be far more exemplary in my words and behavior tomorrow.

I do thank you, the good Miss @GospelS , for what you said of me here a few weeks ago. I was not deserving of such high edification, but you certainly do inspire me to keep striving to better meet such standards.