What's on your mind?

[Tone]

you have to protect your crawlspace.

I should have known when she began to condemn my music...

 

[bèlla]

I should have known when she began to condemn my music...

You have to be your own man. Couples influence one another but there's a fine line. Some people try to turn their partner into their ideal instead of finding it. You can't let that happen. You have to be willing to say enough. So she knows it's a no fly zone. You're not a project.

All of this comes back to respect. You can't be all-in until you know its solidified. Just because I like someone doesn't mean I respect them. I'm not alone in that.

You don't get humility, surrender, etc. if she doesn't respect you. Trying to give it when its lacking is hard. It feels forced. When you respect someone you flow. Reeling yourself in is easy.

Music falls under the minor stuff. Shut up and let him enjoy it.

 

[bèlla]

@Tone

Just because a person says they want you doesn't mean they've chosen. I'm gonna use my situation as an example and share how I'm handling it. Things I'm doing that may not be evident.

You have to know they're worth it. That makes the hardships easier to bear. You know what you're fighting for.

I've chosen him. Time is of no consequence. I know how to wait. I'm going to play this hand no matter what. I'm not afraid to fail. Even if I do, I'll keep trying until he tells me to stop. Because he's worth it.

I'm fortifying my mind. That's why I post the music. I'm reinforcing certain principles. I don't entertain the possibility of failure until I'm confronting it. I dwell on the good and will probably start praying soon.

Whatever comes my way is immaterial. Distractions and temptations aren't a factor. Because I've chosen.That degree of resignation takes time. It doesn't happen overnight.

I put this out there so you'd have something to draw from. That's how it looks when someone accepts their fate. When they truly believe they were made for him. Everything changes.

Grounding is a constant. You don't have your head in the clouds. You're consciously aware of your decision. Up until the point when they do the same. They like you. But you'll know when you're chosen. She'll emit a peace that's unmistakable.

 

[Tone]

you'll know when you're chosen. She'll emit a peace that's unmistakable.

Yeah, this is a great way to put what I so wanted to feel from her.

There's not really anything I can do to cause this in a woman is there...?

Maybe prayer and fasting?

 

[Subject to God]

Maybe take a month off to really focus on what you'd like to do with the ending. Then when you come back, lose the concept of page counts and write it backwards.

If nothing else, writing backwards will make the foreshadowing easier.

I heard of a man asking God what he could do with peanuts, he ended up with over 400 products....

 

[DragonFox91]

I watch one semi-atheist video on YouTube & now my recommendation list is all atheist videos.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah, this is a great way to put what I so wanted to feel from her.

Thank you. I hoped I wasn't saying too much. When you mentioned music it came to mind.

There's not really anything I can do to cause this in a woman is there...?

Maybe prayer and fasting?

I've felt this way on three occasions. The common denominator is settledness. I believed in them and it allowed me to see myself in relation to him. What they added to my person. The merger of energies that produced oneness. And why they're able to guide me.

My barometer isn't the man per se. But what he's producing inside of me. Deservedness is part of that. He must be a prize and regard me in the same way. You can't have inequity. Both partners must believe they've won the lottery. Esteem is the road to settledness. You value what you've found and you're content.

Your existence can't be defined by companionship. It weakens you. If life is meaningless without someone by your side you'll allow things you shouldn't put up with for the sake of togetherness.

You need two whole components to form a union. Each party must have a clear estimation of their worth and how the relationship enhances them. Not because you want to settle down. But 'this' person makes it possible for you to do so.

You can't be afraid to be alone or remain in situations that compromise your person. When you place too much emphasis on being in a relationship bad things happen and you expend effort in places that aren't worth it.

The first step to getting that is drawing a line in the sand. You can't be swayed by potential. You have to weigh the moments and see where they're leading and build to that end.

I've chosen because I can be myself with him. He's not trying to put me in a Christian mold. He respects my core and restrains himself to protect my heart. He doesn't want to hurt me and he says it. I know my place with him. It isn't of my making. He defined my roles. I know what he wants from me.

He's open. He doesn't hide from me and he's not an enigma. He's very transparent. He wants me to see him. He keeps me accountable. If I say I want something or he asks he expects me to do it. And he's going make sure I did. The reason I have a bike is because of him. He made me buy it and asked about my rides every day.

He has a standard for himself and his woman and he spells it out. He doesn't sweep things under the rug. He tackles them head on. Including my shortcomings. And he has a full life. With or without me. Singleness didn't impede him. He understood he's looking for a unicorn and took opportunities when they came. But he never stopped living or spent his days lamenting being alone.

I respect that. He doesn't want to be my orbit. That's what happens when you put too much emphasis on relationships. Life revolves around them. Your highs and lows are tied to them.

And as Kanye said, no one man should have all that power. You can't be enslaved to the want for companionship. Its never sated. You're giving place to fear, insecurity, and heartache.

You've gotta shut that down. Don't listen to people who talk like that. You won't attract a prize by depending on others for your happiness. And if you do you won't be able to keep her.

Go make your mark on the world and enjoy it. You'll meet a lot of people in the process. As you grow, you'll realize some of things you thought you needed you don't need at all.

Pray and fast if you want. But more than that just chill. That's more attractive.

 

[Tone]

Thank you. I hoped I wasn't saying too much. When you mentioned music it came to mind.



I've felt this way on three occasions. The common denominator is settledness. I believed in them and it allowed me to see myself in relation to him. What they added to my person. The merger of energies that produced oneness. And why they're able to guide me.

My barometer isn't the man per se. But what he's producing inside of me. Deservedness is part of that. He must be a prize and regard me in the same way. You can't have inequity. Both partners must believe they've won the lottery. Esteem is the road to settledness. You value what you've found and you're content.

Your existence can't be defined by companionship. It weakens you. If life is meaningless without someone by your side you'll allow things you shouldn't put up with for the sake of togetherness.

You need two whole components to form a union. Each party must have a clear estimation of their worth and how the relationship enhances them. Not because you want to settle down. But 'this' person makes it possible for you to do so.

You can't be afraid to be alone or remain in situations that compromise your person. When you place too much emphasis on being in a relationship bad things happen and you expend effort in places that aren't worth it.

The first step to getting that is drawing a line in the sand. You can't be swayed by potential. You have to weigh the moments and see where they're leading and build to that end.

I've chosen because I can be myself with him. He's not trying to put me in a Christian mold. He respects my core and restrains himself to protect my heart. He doesn't want to hurt me and he says it. I know my place with him. It isn't of my making. He defined my roles. I know what he wants from me.

He's open. He doesn't hide from me and he's not an enigma. He's very transparent. He wants me to see him. He keeps me accountable. If I say I want something or he asks he expects me to do it. And he's going make sure I did. The reason I have a bike is because of him. He made me buy it and asked about my rides every day.

He has a standard for himself and his woman and he spells it out. He doesn't sweep things under the rug. He tackles them head on. Including my shortcomings. And he has a full life. With or without me. Singleness didn't impede him. He understood he's looking for a unicorn and took opportunities when they came. But he never stopped living or spent his days lamenting being alone.

I respect that. He doesn't want to be my orbit. That's what happens when you put too much emphasis on relationships. Life revolves around them. Your highs and lows are tied to them.

And as Kanye said, no one man should have all that power. You can't be enslaved to the want for companionship. Its never sated. You're giving place to fear, insecurity, and heartache.

You've gotta shut that down. Don't listen to people who talk like that. You won't attract a prize by depending on others for your happiness. And if you do you won't be able to keep her.

Go make your mark on the world and enjoy it. You'll meet a lot of people in the process. As you grow, you'll realize some of things you thought you needed you don't need at all.

Pray and fast if you want. But more than that just chill. That's more attractive.

Yeah, I need a chill woman, these last two were really wound up.

 

[Tone]

Yeah, I need a chill woman, these last two were really wound up.

*I don't know that I've completely given up on the last one, but I'm seeing how she responds.

 

[bèlla]

*I don't know that I've completely given up on the last one, but I'm seeing how she responds.

Now you know the signs. Is she calmer than the other?

 

[Tone]

Now you know the signs. Is she calmer than the other?

Well, she was until our last encounter. She kinda lost it when we were getting the shuttle bus washed.

But, previous to this, I had the thought that the former one (the Soprano) was a preparation for the last one (the model/actress). I was like, oh yeah, she was the stretching I needed for this more reasonable one.

And I'm not saying that I had my back up on the wall...I was tangoing as well...

Maybe I just stepped on her toes a bit too much.

Maybe this is where the preparation you speak of fits in. To continue with the metaphor, I need to enroll for some Tango lessons...or something.

Or maybe I need to reassess what I really like..I may be more of a Mamboer...

 

[bèlla]

Maybe I just stepped on her toes a bit too much.

In what way?

Maybe this is where the preparation you speak of fits in. To continue with the metaphor, I need to enroll for some Tango lessons...or something.

Probably a bit of both. The question is, who can handle you? And what trips your switch?

Or maybe I need to reassess what I really like..I may be more of a Mamboer...

I don't dance. I like a man who operates from a position of strength and confidence whose will is stronger than mine. I can bring all of me cause he can handle it. I don't want the cookie. We're gonna leap. That's how you keep the fire burning. It doesn't grow cold or stale.

I'm looking for a certain energy. Like the solo in the Beatles remake I posted.

 

[Tone]

In what way?

Well, I've been pondering this...

Im thinking they got some big toes cause they had (aimed to) to fill some big shoes, as far as their lifestyles.

This is what puzzles me, because I aim to leave a very light footprint, yet leave a place better than how I found it.

Basically, they are from a whole other echelon, speaking worldly.

We did connect very well on a spiritual plane though.

It was "the little foxes that spoiled the vineyard"...minors like the music criticism mentioned. Also other things...mannerisms, and ways of speaking.

They wanted a streetwise man, yet molded to what they were accustomed to.

Very independent women who have their program down to a science.

Probably a bit of both. The question is, who can handle you? And what trips your switch?

A very humble woman.

I don't react well when I'm being patronized.

I'm looking for a certain energy. Like the solo in the Beatles remake I posted.

I'll have to look it up.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Oy vey. This second vaccination's got me feeling like I'm a mix between being drunk and having a mild cold.

 

[Rigatoni]

Was reminiscing about my experience on another forum, which unlike CF was primarily game-related and hostile to anything Christianity-based. I ended up posting content that not only was meant to inspire fellow artists and players, but also to evangelize, even in ways I didn't expect. God used it and blessed it, and hopefully it reached many people in that community.

It's strange how divided people were regarding whether to like my work or not. It was also almost impossible for religious debates to start up sooner or later when talking about the content I shared. It's somewhat comical how threads sooner or later divulged into arguments and name-calling.

It was a different time back then. Many called themselves atheists yet still seemed reachable, like they were on the fence and simply reacting to negative circumstances in their life. Some even ventured into Christian circles, such as Biblical facebook groups, just to mess with Christians. Yet even then most seemed reachable.

As I look back, I still see all the name-calling, harassment, ridicule, etc. that I and many others endured, and would still respond the same way I did back then. I would say that while you are insulting us and God, He still loves you and payed for every sin / crime against Him that you would ever commit. He drank your Hell, your punishment, so that you could be free forever. You do have a choice of where you will spend eternity, but just know that God went to extremes and still does so that you don't have to go to Hell. Many hold that against Him and claim He's unjust or unloving, but we have a choice and He has to be the source of both love and justice. Otherwise nothing would make any sense. He is beyond patient with us and is longsuffering, waiting for us to come back to Him with open arms. He would rather sacrifice His own Son in our stead then spend eternity without us.

Nowadays though, things just seem and feel different. It's almost like that fence is gone and everyone has already settled into their decision, while many Christians endure intense difficulties and trials. Hopefully the offer of grace still stands though. But at times I wonder.

 

[bèlla]

Well, I've been pondering this...

Im thinking they got some big toes cause they had (aimed to) to fill some big shoes, as far as their lifestyles.

If they're high rollers or aspire to be that and it isn't your thing you'll butt heads. You can be successful without living like you're ballin'. But some people want that. It can be destructive for some and have little effect on others.

When it comes to that the most important factor isn't the money. It's why they're doing it. Is it a reflection of taste and appreciation? Or are they trying to prove something? Are they bandaging a problem materially or looking for acceptance?

I like quality. But possessions don't define me. When I buy something it has a purpose. It doesn't have to be the most expensive item to meet my needs. That doesn't change the fact there are things I like that some would consider extravagant. But I don't have a car note, mortgage, job that may end, etc. I live within my means.

The second part of that question is can they afford it? Some people want to be subsidized. Their tastes don't align with their pockets. A lot of women believe that should come from a man. There are a few who are self-supporting. They don't need him to fund their lifestyle. Unless they're high wage earners that's usually not the case.

They want to mimic the things they see. So you want him to buy you some Louboutins. They're $800 dollars. Or they want to be like Kim and have a slew of Birkins. They start at $10K.

I don't believe in raising people's stations. I give them what they can handle. That level of investment must be earned. No one should think they deserve a Ferrari because you can afford it. That's an insult to what it took to get there.

Women like that will have you in the poorhouse. You do that for a wife. Not a girlfriend.

This is what puzzles me, because I aim to leave a very light footprint, yet leave a place better than how I found it.

If you don't have a desire to provide that for your companion or share an interest in having the same you should avoid them.

Basically, they are from a whole other echelon, speaking worldly.

Whenever there's inequity three questions come to mind:

- Are they generally interested
- Or going through a rebellious phase
- Or unable to get the one they want

If you're high maintenance mister moneybags isn't hard to find. All you need to do is spend 5 and join a club and you'll meet him. But you have to come with 1 of 3 things: be a 10, born in the right family, or have money. Otherwise, you'll probably be a side dish. The downside with him is darkness. The bigger the number the smaller the pond. That's all you're dealing with.

It's really important to pay attention to the things people admire in relation to dreams, lifestyle, activities, famous people, and so on. They're painting a picture. If everything is expensive all you need to know is who's buying. Social media is a good place to see this. The things they like may be unrealistic. But telling nonetheless.

It was "the little foxes that spoiled the vineyard"...minors like the music criticism mentioned. Also other things...mannerisms, and ways of speaking.

You don't have to be prim and proper to be a gentleman. But if polish is your thing it will be hard to compromise. M is out there. But you wouldn't know that by looking at him. He's very polished. Suit and tie. Clean shaven. Nails trimmed. Well spoken. No tattoos, piercings, etc. His house is immaculate. That isn't because a woman lives there. It was always that way. He expects the same from his companion. He would never have a woman with ink or piercings. D is more extreme. He's wearing cuff-links. Both are very exacting. They'll never bend on this.

I value polish but I'm not as bad as them. I can't minister to people if I'm that far gone. Everyone isn't top drawer. That could alienate some. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings because of their circumstances. You can't help who you're born to. Some people have to play catch up. If you want to be with him you have to accept he's a work-in-progress if he desires to change.

It can't be her idea. It must be yours.

They wanted a streetwise man, yet molded to what they were accustomed to.

Why would you sign up for that? You'll end up being henpecked.

Very independent women who have their program down to a science.

Hypergamy is real and easy to spot.

A very humble woman. I don't react well when I'm being patronized.

Leave the wildcats alone. People like the idea of lions because they want to tame them. But if you've seen them in action you'll know they're ruthless. They love the kill.

That doesn't mean she can't be humble. But keep in mind she's extreme. When the pendulum swings she goes in the other direction. Towards surrender. She'll have the same fire, passion, and fervor you saw in her lion state. But its redirected.

I think you'd be happier if you found a nice girl who loved the Lord and build together. Don't try to punch too high. She's going to make you work to meet her standard. Don't be afraid to ask what's your number. What they equate to living comfortably.

Then you'll know if the connection is feasible. You won't waste your time on a girl looking for richie rich.

 

[Tone]

If they're high rollers or aspire to be that and it isn't your thing you'll butt heads.

While they came from affluence they spoke of forsaking it in Kingdom pursuit.

The material was the easy thing to part with or be parted from, but I think the entitlement remains.

You know me, I can live bare bones, I'm a minimalist by circumstance and choice.

I live nomadically out of a van and I love it.

the most important factor isn't the money.

Indeed.

. You do that for a wife. Not a girlfriend.

Yeah, I would have acquiesced much more if she was my wife.

She seemed entitled to my treating her as such after I expressed interest that way.

If you don't have a desire to provide that for your companion or share an interest in having the same you should avoid them.

Providing a lavish lifestyle?

Yeah, I don't believe in such. I desire a woman who can look with me to our Provider and take care of Kingdom Business first.

This is what they said they were ready for, but I know it's got to be hard to shed the pampered outlook.

I can't minister to people if I'm that far gone. Everyone isn't top drawer. That could alienate some. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings because of their circumstances

They're awesome as far as reaching out to anybody, we did street ministry together.

This is where I connected most with them.

I guess they could put their polish to the side anywhere except when it comes to their romantic interests.

You'll end up being henpecked.

This is what it felt like.

You won't waste your time on a girl looking for richie rich.

Oh no, no girl will come to me for that.

 

[bèlla]

While they came from affluence they spoke of forsaking it in Kingdom pursuit.

Oh, I see. How did they intend to forsake it?

The material was the easy thing to part with or be parted from, but I think the entitlement remains.

Privilege brings its share of challenges and that's one of them. The easier things are the more you're out of touch. I don't hear no often. I think it messes with my head sometimes. I get interesting ideas. Like 4 story closets. And it makes sense. But you need a counterpart to reel things in.

I won't say what I've come up with in its place.

But I was upset when he denied it. The idea was modified. But I felt it shouldn't be. I wasn't asking him to fund it. Since I wasn't I didn't think he had the right to say no. At the time that position seemed correct. I was looking at it from my perspective. But there's two people involved and I was wrong.

You know me, I can live bare bones, I'm a minimalist by circumstance and choice. I live nomadically out of a van and I love it.

Wow, I know several who've done it. One person lived on a boat. I started looking at RVs this year. I really like them. The ones on the Mercedes chassis are my favorite. That's enough for 2 people.

Yeah, I would have acquiesced much more if she was my wife.

She seemed entitled to my treating her as such after I expressed interest that way.

Did you want to do that?

Providing a lavish lifestyle?

Yeah, I don't believe in such. I desire a woman who can look with me to our Provider and take care of Kingdom Business first.

This is what they said they were ready for, but I know it's got to be hard to shed the pampered outlook.

Were they putting God on the back burner?

That's why I advocate telling the truth. Even if you don't like the answers. It sounds like there's a dichotomy. If you want to be pampered admit it. That won't stop you from serving the Lord. But you have no business entertaining a man who wants simplicity and trying to change him.

Everything has a price and you have to count the cost. The price you pay for being miss pampered is leaving him alone. You can't browbeat him. Whether the desire is appropriate is between you and God. But while you have it and you know you feel that way you have to choose accordingly.

Maybe you provided the spiritual nourishment they couldn't get elsewhere.

They're awesome as far as reaching out to anybody, we did street ministry together.

This is where I connected most with them.

I used to do that. It was part of my preparation. He'd give me divine assignments when I went out. That's why I was able to minister to the homeless guys.

I guess they could put their polish to the side anywhere except when it comes to their romantic interests.

Everybody can't do everything. Your makeup, mentality, experiences, and gifting play a part in what you can tolerate. That's why should's are dangerous. You've gotta start where you are and move towards the point you're seeking.

For me the starting point is missional. Not romance. If we can't help one another accomplish our purpose there's no reason for pairing. I'm not trying to pick up a hindrance. Look at John Wesley. It can happen.

Just because someone's fervent for God doesn't mean you should marry them. Especially if the things He desires from you they're not interested in. You want a partner not a power struggle.

I believe in practicality. It prevents you from romanticizing the idea of togetherness. Someone looking my way has a lot to consider. Can you move overseas or do you have responsibilities that require you to remain put? Can you travel frequently? Are you aware of the visa requirements for the countries I'm considering? How will you earn a living?

That's common sense. You can't tell me God will provide. That's not an answer. Addressing things forthrightly is a sign of maturity and responsibility. A good leader would say, based on my research, xyz. If that's the path you intend to take you begin making preparations so you can do it when the time comes.

Some people like to fly by the seat of their pants. I can't do that. I have a timeline. I won't be derailed by wishful thinking. That's why seeing things as they are not as you want them to be is very important.

Those girls aren't being honest with themselves about who they are and the life they're seeking. If God doesn't want them to have it He'll stop them. But pretending you're something you're not is a waste of time. And right now they want the good life. You're not looking for the same. It wouldn't have taken long to figure it out.

Something else is swaying them. The desire for companionship, spiritual connection, etc. It influenced them to the degree where they lied to themselves. Usually the answer is; I don't want to be alone.

When you're trying to be about His business you don't have time for drama. You don't need someone weighing you down, stressing you out, or making you cry. That's a distraction. And distractions must be eliminated. They become thorns later on.

Most people don't put Kingdom work first. The majority will compromise. Especially in matters of the heart. Don't be surprised when you encounter people who say one thing and do another.

It's like Meatloaf said...I'll do anything for love. But I won't do that. Everybody has a line. When you're missional you have to know how far you're willing to go and where you struggle. So you can find someone with a similar distance.

All Christians don't have a desire to do what you're attempting. You need a hunger to do it. I understand because I'm doing the same. But I'm not the only one. There's others out there. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll run into them.

 

[angelsaroundme]

Nowadays though, things just seem and feel different. It's almost like that fence is gone and everyone has already settled into their decision, while many Christians endure intense difficulties and trials. Hopefully the offer of grace still stands though. But at times I wonder.

I think there are always people seeking God and letting Jesus into their hearts. Those thinking about God and even turning to God may be hesitant to speak about this since its increasingly controversial. Atheism is seen as going with the flow of secular society, while Christianity implies you may not be on board with the direction the world is heading. So Christians can become a target in some cases whether or not they say anything other than mentioning they are a Christian.

 

[Tone]

Statistically we would've never met, baby girl, cause I'd be dead...

This kind of encapsulates things.