What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

That would explain why if you don't marry 'young', you don't.

That isn’t true. My daughter’s in the same age group and doesn’t have a problem meeting suitors.

So there's wolves at church groups but not specialty groups. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

It’s about personal choice. If they don’t want to hang with singles they don’t have to. It’s that simple.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I’m sorry things are difficult. Why don’t you add a request to the prayer wall.

Is that a subtle suggestion to avoid the trend? You can say it.

I will get through in time, God knows what is going on and either he will help or I will struggle more and perhaps be stronger for it. If God wants you to be strong often he makes you "weight" for things to happen.

 

[bèlla]

What happens then is men & women look outside the church, find someone who's not a believer, fall for them, & get corrupted. Happens way too much.

Single women whom men find appealing don’t have to limit themselves to one venue for prospects. They have multiple avenues to connect with the opposite sex.

They aren’t selecting unsaved men. You’re not seeing them because they’re doing other things or spending time with someone.

 

[DragonFox91]

I wouldn't go as far to say you don't have a chance but it is kind of like being last at an all-you-can-eat buffet you often only find what others don't like or want and reasons vary as to why some things you life just aren't there and things you don't... are. I think that most of the impulsive or the driven people end up getting connected earlier in life and deplete the single population of those ages and those who are older are often more mature and patient and picky and less desperate, essentially have no problem turning down people who for any reason just don't "click" with them. As men get older some don't want leftovers nor desire to be saddled with a fractured premade family (children) nor want the drama of a divorced woman. As you get even older the majority of attractive people have already married and have kids and those who are available have divorced and end up foolishly "seeking" number 2 from the same moldy mold as their former spouse (which likely isn't you).

True, I guess, but there's LOTS of 'good' single women out there. I know there are.

I haven't figured out the balance of trying things without looking desperate as "my being myself" is often clumsy when I'm attracted to the opposite sex. Women can see through men who are desperate and often the better ones can also see "damaged" goods which more often than not those who are much older and single.... are.

I couldn't tell you. I don't even meet single women. Maybe they really aren't out there. There's always an excuse.

That isn’t true. My daughter’s in the same age group and doesn’t have a problem meeting suitors.

So what am I doing wrong? How is she meeting all these suitors she has?

 

[DragonFox91]

Single women whom men find appealing don’t have to limit themselves to one venue for prospects. They have multiple avenues to connect with the opposite sex.

makes sense. But I'm talking single women period.

They aren’t selecting unsaved men. You’re not seeing them because they’re doing other things or spending time with someone.

No kidding!!!! That's the whole problem!!

 

[bèlla]

I think that most of the impulsive or the driven people end up getting connected earlier in life and deplete the single population of those ages

True.

and those who are older are often more mature and patient and picky and less desperate, essentially have no problem turning down people who for any reason just don't "click" with them.

Absolutely true.

As men get older some don't want leftovers nor desire to be saddled with a fractured premade family (children) nor want the drama of a divorced woman.

That’s true for both.

Women can see through men who are desperate and often the better ones can also see "damaged" goods which more often than not those who are much older and single.... are.

Absolutely.

 

[Sophrosyne]

True, I guess, but there's LOTS of 'good' single women out there. I know there are.

Yes there are a lot of them but the "unused" ones drop very quickly as they approach their 30s many are single moms or divorced or not attractive to most men.

I couldn't tell you. I don't even meet single women.



So what am I doing wrong? How is she meeting all these suitors she has?

If you have fish in a pond that are looking for food, do you "hang out" where the food has "hooks" on it or do you go to places where the best food is or do you as many fishermen say go live in the depths and wait for food to pass by. Women have to shop like all of us they go out and buy food and gas for their cars and clothes only the richest ones don't do this often. The problem is that one has to be good at "picking them up" and attractive women have often by default have gotten very good at being slippery.
I really am not the one to be giving advice about dating or women here I can only tell you my observations and experience. I think you may be better suited to talk to married people especially husbands that aren't rich or attractive that are married to women that are attractive. I've already heard if you want to learn, learn from people who have shown success vs those who only talk about it and I'm essentially a "talker" in this area and don't pretend to be a ladies man..... far from it.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes there are a lot of them but the "unused" ones drop very quickly as they approach their 30s many are single moms or divorced or not attractive to most men.

That's not a problem I've had to face.

If you have fish in a pond that are looking for food, do you "hang out" where the food has "hooks" on it or do you go to places where the best food is or do you as many fishermen say go live in the depths and wait for food to pass by. Women have to shop like all of us they go out and buy food and gas for their cars and clothes only the richest ones don't do this often. The problem is that one has to be good at "picking them up" and attractive women have often by default have gotten very good at being slippery.
I really am not the one to be giving advice about dating or women here I can only tell you my observations and experience. I think you may be better suited to talk to married people especially husbands that aren't rich or attractive that are married to women that are attractive. I've already heard if you want to learn, learn from people who have shown success vs those who only talk about it and I'm essentially a "talker" in this area and don't pretend to be a ladies man..... far from it.

Bolded part 1: I have no idea. As I was saying, there's always an excuse when I try something & it's not working.

Bolded part 2: lot of married men don't understand the problem. Times changed from the dating world older men experienced. & men the same age or younger tended to have met in college somehow. I'm past that stage.

 

[bèlla]

So what am I doing wrong?

I think a lot of relational struggles Christians are experiencing happen for three reasons:

Lack of marital preparation by parents. They were never instructed about the opposite sex or what they’re seeking in a companion.

Interpersonal challenges. Insecurity, social awkwardness, unresolved trauma, and limited socialization.

Unrealistic expectations. Due to ignorance and religious teachings.

How is she meeting all these suitors she has?

She’s well rounded and personable. She’s not obsessed with men or getting married. Every decision isn’t based on meeting someone. She knows how to enjoy herself and be enjoyable.

And she’s playing the long game. Delayed gratification isn’t hard. She’s focused on something of greater value to her future spouse than bemoaning singleness.

She knows her worth and it isn’t based on a man or being someone’s wife. And that’s very attractive.

Unlike most, she isn’t going it alone. We’re helping and she welcomes our input.

 

[bèlla]

The problem is that one has to be good at "picking them up" and attractive women have often by default have gotten very good at being slippery.

That’s hilarious. You won the Internet.

 

[Sophrosyne]

That's not a problem I've had to face.

Bolded part 1: I have no idea. As I was saying, there's always an excuse when I try something & it's not working.

Bolded part 2: lot of married men don't understand the problem. Times changed from the dating world older men experienced. & men the same age or younger tended to have met in college somehow. I'm past that stage.

Yes, many meet while in school that is a common place and activities are set up there to encourage socializing.
You have pretty much identified the frustrating problem facing all of us as we slip and fall on sliced pineapples and that is "socializing" is what mostly leads to dating and more and I'm not even sure what that is now because we have this IDIOTIC MORONIC "coined" phrase by some demented people called "social distancing". I think that pretty much describes what I think is frustrating and stressing out endless amounts of singles now. In most places you can't even see what the face of someone looks like, a man or woman looking for clues as to what someone is thinking all but had blinders over their eyes when it comes to facial expressions and at 6 feet trying to see peoples eyes "deeply" is more of a challenge. Does a guy now have to do a "break dance" to get attention in a see of our faceless society where it is no longer "correct' to hold hand as you are frowned upon to invade someone's "force field" of 6 feet imposed upon us as "being" the new social.....
GRRR I still get very irritated when I hear that phrase. I call "social distancing" shunning as when I was a kid when you were deemed as "unworthy" of being around people distanced themselves from you... you could call it social outcasting even as far as I think the damage it is doing to young singles I feel sorry for them and think that we could have some mental problems in the future with people who have been forced to remain distant to people in order to protect not themselves but mostly very old people who aren't the main part of the population that needs to be social. There I just ranted on and on..... blah.

 

[Sophrosyne]

That’s hilarious. You won the Internet.

yeah.. now I have a Gore-y trophy to prove it....

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes, many meet while in school that is a common place and activities are set up there to encourage socializing.
You have pretty much identified the frustrating problem facing all of us as we slip and fall on sliced pineapples and that is "socializing" is what mostly leads to dating and more and I'm not even sure what that is now because we have this IDIOTIC MORONIC "coined" phrase by some demented people called "social distancing". I think that pretty much describes what I think is frustrating and stressing out endless amounts of singles now. In most places you can't even see what the face of someone looks like, a man or woman looking for clues as to what someone is thinking all but had blinders over their eyes when it comes to facial expressions and at 6 feet trying to see peoples eyes "deeply" is more of a challenge. Does a guy now have to do a "break dance" to get attention in a see of our faceless society where it is no longer "correct' to hold hand as you are frowned upon to invade someone's "force field" of 6 feet imposed upon us as "being" the new social.....
GRRR I still get very irritated when I hear that phrase. I call "social distancing" shunning as when I was a kid when you were deemed as "unworthy" of being around people distanced themselves from you... you could call it social outcasting even as far as I think the damage it is doing to young singles I feel sorry for them and think that we could have some mental problems in the future with people who have been forced to remain distant to people in order to protect not themselves but mostly very old people who aren't the main part of the population that needs to be social. There I just ranted on and on..... blah.

definitely. the crisis making the problem worse.

I think a lot of relational struggles Christians are experiencing happen for three reasons:

Lack of marital preparation by parents. They were never instructed about the opposite sex or what they’re seeking in a companion.

Interpersonal challenges. Insecurity, social awkwardness, unresolved trauma, and limited socialization.

Unrealistic expectations. Due to ignorance and religious teachings.

Doesn't matter if I'm unable to meet them.

She’s well rounded and personable. She’s not obsessed with men or getting married. Every decision isn’t based on meeting someone. She knows how to enjoy herself and be enjoyable.

And she’s playing the long game. Delayed gratification isn’t hard. She’s focused on something of greater value to her future spouse than bemoaning singleness.

She knows her worth and it isn’t based on a man or being someone’s wife. And that’s very attractive.

Unlike most, she isn’t going it alone. We’re helping and she welcomes our input.

Yes but how is she meeting them???

 

[bèlla]

Yes but how is she meeting them???

While she’s outside. She strikes up conversations and responds to people who talk to her. There’s a lot of men (and women) in the area in her age range. Everyone’s home and they cross paths. And she’s very outgoing.

 

[DragonFox91]

While she’s outside. She strikes up conversations and responds to people who talk to her. There’s a lot of men (and women) in the area in her age range. Everyone’s home and they cross paths. And she’s very outgoing.

what do you mean?

 

[bèlla]

what do you mean?

She goes outdoors a lot for fresh air. So do most in the area. They’re exercising, grabbing coffee, lunch, shopping, or going to the store while most are working. You come into contact with others often.

I live in an area where many come to shop, eat, and have fun. Her chances of meeting someone are higher due to the demographic and neighborhood attractions. And there’s a LOT of churches. Most denominations are represented and in walking distance.

She’s never met anyone from the Internet or used a dating site.

 

[Sophrosyne]

She’s never met anyone from the Internet or used a dating site.

Smart woman

 

[DragonFox91]

She goes outdoors a lot for fresh air. So do most in the area. They’re exercising, grabbing coffee, lunch, shopping, or going to the store while most are working. You come into contact with others often.

I live in an area where many come to shop, eat, and have fun. Her chances of meeting someone are higher due to the demographic and neighborhood attractions. And there’s a LOT of churches. Most denominations are represented and in walking distance.

She’s never met anyone from the Internet or used a dating site.

That could explain the division between us this afternoon. It's not like that here. & I love exercising outside, going out for lunch, going to the mall, etc.

 

[bèlla]

That could explain the division between us this afternoon. It's not like that here. & I love exercising outside, going out for lunch, going to the mall, etc.

If she doesn’t meet someone it isn’t the end of the world. She knows it will happen and she’s heading overseas with me. She shares a lot of interests with guys. Gaming, tech, golf, crew, and crypto. That’s the latest.

 

[bèlla]

@public hermit

What’s for dinner? Whatcha grilling?