What's on your mind?

[DragonFox91]

Well this is depressing. Another co-worker is leaving. Moving to MS.

 

[DragonFox91]

The lack of female response is the problem. You’re not meeting women who want to connect with you. Even in routine activities. Like going to the store or grabbing coffee.

That comes down to three reasons:

A failure to take the initiative.
A failure to reciprocate.
A failure to connect.

I don't try in routine activities, correct.

If you aren’t taking action when you see someone you’re attracted to nothing will change. You said you wanted to meet someone in church. And you were told (and acknowledged) the dearth of single women in small groups.

There should NOT be a dearth of single women in small groups.
I would take action when I see someone I'm attracted to.

Up until the point you believed the girl was a possibility you were fine with that. Even when you were advised to spread your net. You said no.

I want to spread my net.

People meet prospects in different ways. When they’re out and about, pursuing hobbies, through events, work, friends, church, or through dating sites, social media, or forums.

Correct

You’re looking for a Christian. It’s easier to start with a Christian setting if you don’t want to weed through unqualified suitors. However, as @Sophrosyne noted, most online venues saw their numbers drop when Facebook took off.

Correct

That doesn’t mean you can’t meet someone in a forum. But it isn't the place most singles hangout online. Christian or otherwise. This site is no different. Many of the women posting here are in relationships or vetting suitors. Very few have lengthy periods of singleness with no traction from the opposite sex. The issue appears to affect men more than women in the church.

Correct, which is why trying more forums seems like a waste

Using a dating site or online source may not be your cup of tea. But your circumstances may require different solutions. If you have a hard time putting yourself forward this may be a better medium.

 

[bèlla]

There should NOT be a dearth of single women in small groups.

Do you think single women should participate in small groups to avail themselves to single men? I really hope the answer is no. I hope you don’t believe we’re responsible for easing someone’s dating woes.

 

[DragonFox91]

Do you think single women should participate in small groups to avail themselves to single men? I really hope the answer is no. I hope you don’t believe we’re responsible for easing someone’s dating woes.

Of course not. That's absolutely ridiculous. I think they should be going regardless. If Christ is in their life, they should want to be going to church & attending small groups. They should want to be going to small groups. Why is there a dearth of single women?Shame on the churches for not encouraging that. It's a BIG problem. & then churches scratch their head & wonder why people aren't at church or small groups.

I guess they think like you do.

 

[bèlla]

Of course not. That's absolutely ridiculous. I think they should be going regardless. If Christ is in their life, they should want to be going to church & attending small groups.

Small groups are a modern phenomenon. People gathered on Sundays. There was greater fellowship outside of church. We were neighborly back then and less mobile. Many remained in the same place. They had lifelong connections which enhanced their relationships.

I don’t believe anyone is required to join a small group. Some find them enjoyable. Others seek fellowship through different avenues.

I don’t think there’s a dearth of single women in church. I think the majority aren’t hanging around to socialize. Nor are they ignoring single men. They’re encountering them elsewhere.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Small groups are a modern phenomenon. People gathered on Sundays. There was greater fellowship outside of church. We were neighborly back then and less mobile. Many remained in the same place. They had lifelong connections which enhanced their relationships.

I don’t believe anyone is required to join a small group. Some find them enjoyable. Others seek fellowship through different avenues.

I don’t think there’s a dearth of single women in church. I think the majority aren’t hanging around to socialize. Nor are they ignoring single men. They’re encountering them elsewhere.

I agree. Since men are the ones normally to "make the first move" attractive single women likely don't have to do anything but "dress the part" when they want offers and attention, they don't need to go online or attend the "meet" markets at churches which can often be literally "littered" with more "pagans" than Christians.

 

[DragonFox91]

Small groups are a modern phenomenon. People gathered on Sundays. There was greater fellowship outside of church. We were neighborly back then and less mobile. Many remained in the same place. They had lifelong connections which enhanced their relationships.

exactly. Enter small groups.

I don’t believe anyone is required to join a small group. Some find them enjoyable. Others seek fellowship through different avenues.

Where?

I don’t think there’s a dearth of single women in church. I think the majority aren’t hanging around to socialize. Nor are they ignoring single men. They’re encountering them elsewhere.

The incentive isn't to meet single men

 

[DragonFox91]

I agree. Since men are the ones normally to "make the first move" attractive single women likely don't have to do anything but "dress the part" when they want offers and attention, they don't need to go online or attend the "meet" markets at churches which can often be literally "littered" with more "pagans" than Christians.

It doesn't matter. I'm not talking from a dating perspective. They should be going to church anyways, whether it be service, small groups, Sunday school, whatever the church does. Just like the men.



If you're talking from a dating perspective, what's their solution? Barhopping?

And wrong. I hear all the time online many women struggle on dating sites too.

Bottom line: tech's taken over everything & I hate it.

 

[bèlla]

I agree. Since men are the ones normally to "make the first move" attractive single women likely don't have to do anything but "dress the part" when they want offers and attention, they don't need to go online or attend the "meet" markets at churches which can often be literally "littered" with more "pagans" than Christians.

Dressing the part is part of it.

Yes to all you’ve said. How are things your way?

 

[Sophrosyne]

It doesn't matter. I'm not talking from a dating perspective. They should be going to church anyways, whether it be service, small groups, Sunday school, whatever the church does. Just like the men.



If you're talking from a dating perspective, what's their solution? Barhopping?

I think they do go to churches... but avoid groups that "wolves" like to frequent entirely. I think often single women stay away form but the general service till they are married but what do I know?
As fare as a dating solution... I'm at a loss for recommendations if I were to make one I would be seen as a hypocrite as I've probably been single longer than most here.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Dressing the part is part of it.

Yes to all you’ve said. How are things your way?

Things are difficult and stressful but when you see pineapple slices everywhere now on top of everything I guess it is the "new normal".

 

[DragonFox91]

I think they do go to churches... but avoid groups that "wolves" like to frequent entirely. I think often single women stay away form but the general service till they are married but what do I know?

You could be right. & that's terribly sad.

Could explain why if you don't marry 'young', you don't have a chance after that.

As fare as a dating solution... I'm at a loss for recommendations if I were to make one I would be seen as a hypocrite as I've probably been single longer than most here.

There isn't a solution. You're either good getting dates & they pretty much walk into your lap, or you try everything & jump thru hoops & nothing changes.

 

[bèlla]

exactly. Enter small groups.

If small groups add to your spiritual growth go to them. But you can’t expect others to do the same. They have to honor what resonates with them.

Where?

Wherever they’ve determined to invest their energy. You can meet Christians everywhere if you open your mouth.

My sewing class and business groups were full of believers. As is my homemaking community. I’ve met some on Fitbit. Striking up conversations is all it takes.

 

[DragonFox91]

If small groups add to your spiritual growth go to them. But you can’t expect others to do the same. They have to honor what resonates with them.

That's the point of small groups!

Wherever they’ve determined to invest their energy. You can meet Christians everywhere if you open your mouth.

My sewing class and business groups were full of believers. As is my homemaking community. I’ve met some on Fitbit. Striking up conversations is all it takes.

B/c straight men join sewing classes

 

[bèlla]

I think they do go to churches... but avoid groups that "wolves" like to frequent entirely.

Yes.

I think often single women stay away form but the general service till they are married but what do I know?

Or stick to specialty groups for college members or women.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes.

That would explain why if you don't marry 'young', you don't.

Or stick to specialty groups for college members or women.

So there's wolves at church groups but not specialty groups. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

 

[bèlla]

That's the point of small groups!

You can’t dictate someone’s spiritual practices.

B/c straight men join sewing classes

You have a one track mind.

 

[DragonFox91]

You can’t dictate someone’s spiritual practices.

What happens then is men & women look outside the church, find someone who's not a believer, fall for them, & get corrupted. Happens way too much.

And then, if we're lucky & they are both believers, they don't attend church again. Paul calls lukewarm Christians a thing.

Then churches wonder why attendance falls & everyone in the congregation is 60+, & so many churches end up boarding up & closing.

You have a one track mind.

?

 

[bèlla]

Things are difficult and stressful but when you see pineapple slices everywhere now on top of everything I guess it is the "new normal".

I’m sorry things are difficult. Why don’t you add a request to the prayer wall.

Is that a subtle suggestion to avoid the trend? You can say it.

 

[Sophrosyne]

You could be right. & that's terribly sad.

Could explain why if you don't marry 'young', you don't have a chance after that.

I wouldn't go as far to say you don't have a chance but it is kind of like being last at an all-you-can-eat buffet you often only find what others don't like or want and reasons vary as to why some things you life just aren't there and things you don't... are. I think that most of the impulsive or the driven people end up getting connected earlier in life and deplete the single population of those ages and those who are older are often more mature and patient and picky and less desperate, essentially have no problem turning down people who for any reason just don't "click" with them. As men get older some don't want leftovers nor desire to be saddled with a fractured premade family (children) nor want the drama of a divorced woman. As you get even older the majority of attractive people have already married and have kids and those who are available have divorced and end up foolishly "seeking" number 2 from the same moldy mold as their former spouse (which likely isn't you).

There isn't a solution. You're either good getting dates & they pretty much walk into your lap, or you try everything & jump thru hoops & nothing changes.

I haven't figured out the balance of trying things without looking desperate as "my being myself" is often clumsy when I'm attracted to the opposite sex. Women can see through men who are desperate and often the better ones can also see "damaged" goods which more often than not those who are much older and single.... are.