What's on your mind?

[Isaiah 2:22]

Thx but none of my crushes ever pan out.

I think that's normal. It's kind of rare for a crush to pan out. Or so I've heard.

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

A family member wants to set me up with this guy, but I'm not sure about it. Isn't he gonna be weirded out if she just goes up to him and asks if he's interested? We've met before, but only briefly and it was a number of years ago. How do people go about this sort of thing?

 

[bèlla]

A family member wants to set me up with this guy, but I'm not sure about it. Isn't he gonna be weirded out if she just goes up to him and asks if he's interested? We've met before, but only briefly and it was a number of years ago. How do people go about this sort of thing?

Be your normal fun loving self.

Play catch up and see what he's been doing. Stay relaxed and allow the conversation to develop organically.

As for the method, everyone has a different approach. When I match I'll mention the person, their qualities, and why I think they're a good fit.

 

[DragonFox91]

If her sister attends she’s not out of reach.

Might as well be. Maybe I can meet this sister at some point? I was thinking she could be a possiblity herself, but I don't know as much about her.

If that was your plan why were you upset your parents weren’t going?

B/c usually I go w/ them once a month.

Of course I do.

I just thought you kind of skip the crushing phase & go right to the date step.

I think that's normal. It's kind of rare for a crush to pan out. Or so I've heard.

Seems like it's either common or so rare it's impossible.

A family member wants to set me up with this guy, but I'm not sure about it. Isn't he gonna be weirded out if she just goes up to him and asks if he's interested? We've met before, but only briefly and it was a number of years ago. How do people go about this sort of thing?

So he & she don't talk very often?

 

[Niels]

A family member wants to set me up with this guy, but I'm not sure about it. Isn't he gonna be weirded out if she just goes up to him and asks if he's interested? We've met before, but only briefly and it was a number of years ago. How do people go about this sort of thing?

Awkwardly

 

[bèlla]

Might as well be. Maybe I can meet this sister at some point? I was thinking she could be a possiblity herself, but I don't know as much about her.

Maybe you should get to know her before weighing possibilities. Especially if disappointment will dampen your spirits.

I just thought you kind of skip the crushing phase & go right to the date step.

I don’t get crushes on strangers. There’s some familiarity and mutual attraction. It builds from there.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I think that's normal. It's kind of rare for a crush to pan out. Or so I've heard.

99% of crushes are a total waste of time.

 

[bèlla]

Happy March!
My coach shared this message and I’m passing it on.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am soooooo frustrated.

Maybe you should get to know her before weighing possibilities. Especially if disappointment will dampen your spirits.

Who? Her or her sister or both?

I'm never going to get dates & get GF & get engaged & get married if I don't have one I want to meet.

I don’t get crushes on strangers. There’s some familiarity and mutual attraction. It builds from there.

This is my first crush in 10 years.

 

[bèlla]

I am soooooo frustrated.

Who? Her or her sister or both?

Get to know her first.

I'm never going to get dates & get GF & get engaged & get married if I don't have one I want to meet.

I think you should focus on getting to first base with the opposite sex. Table the engagement and marriage talk until you have a viable prospect.

You’re putting pressure on yourself to find a wife when you haven’t secured a commitment. That comes first. Address the others as you move along. It’s a long road to the altar.

Step 1: Prospect & Reciprocity
Step 2: Getting Acquainted
Step 3: Dating
Step 4: Commitment
Step 5: Engagement/Courtship
Step 6: Marriage Preparation
Step 7: Marriage

 

[DragonFox91]

Get to know her first.

I'm trying

I think you should focus on getting to first base with the opposite sex. Table the engagement and marriage talk until you have a viable prospect.

Well that's what I'm saying. I need to be looking for prospects.

You’re putting pressure on yourself to find a wife when you haven’t secured a commitment. That comes first. Address the others as you move along. It’s a long road to the altar.

Step 1: Prospect & Reciprocity
Step 2: Getting Acquainted
Step 3: Dating
Step 4: Commitment
Step 5: Engagement/Courtship
Step 6: Marriage Preparation
Step 7: Marriage

I think to myself it's such a long process, even if I were to meet one now, the process is so long marriage wouldn't be at least for 10 years or so minimum.

 

[bèlla]

I think to myself it's such a long process, even if I were to meet one now, the process is so long marriage wouldn't be at least for 10 years or so minimum.

Why would it take so long? That’s too long in my opinion. If you’re marriage material the person knows within a year. Two tops. You may see longer stretches when they’re in school or very young.

Lengthy dating periods don’t always lead to marriage. When breakups occur the person often gets engaged a year later. Proving, they didn’t have cold feet.

Covid obliterated long engagements. Plan your day, make videos, and celebrate with loved ones later on.

 

[DragonFox91]

The biggest time eater would be realizing you actually want to date. Unless early on the two become romantically interested in each other & are quick to express it. IDK, I'm just used to it being a really, really slow process. You're probably right: after the dating step starts, it's probably a lot quicker. Maybe 5 years instead of 10. 2 seems way too fast, unless you're starting that count from the commitment step or middle of the dating step.

 

[bèlla]

The biggest time eater would be realizing you actually want to date. Unless early on the two become romantically interested in each other & are quick to express it. IDK, I'm just used to it being a really, really slow process. You're probably right: after the dating step starts, it's probably a lot quicker. Maybe 5 years instead of 10. 2 seems way too fast, unless you're starting that count from the commitment step or middle of the dating step.

It would only be five if it took 2 years to work up the courage to admit your interest. There’s no way you’d talk to someone that long and be clueless you’re attracted.

I’m counting from the point of dating. That’s when the clock starts.

 

[DragonFox91]

It depends how long & how frequently you're talking.

 

[bèlla]

It depends how long & how frequently you're talking.

I can’t recount a situation which took that long. Sometimes the person is attached to another or not interested. But routine engagement would yield a response at some point. You know if he’s a friend or there’s a spark.

That doesn’t mean you’ll act on it. But you know either way.

 

[DragonFox91]

I can’t recount a situation which took that long. Sometimes the person is attached to another or not interested. But routine engagement would yield a response at some point. You know if he’s a friend or there’s a spark.

That doesn’t mean you’ll act on it. But you know either way.

That's true. I've just never had that happen.

You really don't think 2 years is rushing it? I WANT to get married but think 2 years would be rushing it. I joke w/ my friend 'I want to be engaged within a year!!!' but I'm not serious about it.

 

[bèlla]

That's true. I've just never got that far.

You really don't think 2 years is rushing it?

There was an article on Boundless about this years ago. It addressed the problem of lengthy relationships with no commitment in sight. He hasn’t proposed and years are passing. Some force ultimatums and others breakup.

Realistically, most people are in the same vicinity. If you get together once per week and a few extras during vacations that adds up. You’re talking throughout the week. That’s a lot of contact.

If marriage never comes to mind that’s a problem. What are you doing? If you don’t see yourself marrying them you need to let them go. But many don’t. They’re comfortable and don’t want to be alone. Now they’re stuck in a nowhere relationship when they could be with someone willing to commit.

You’re not going to know someone in five years. Experts will tell you that. When you’ve got ten in the bank you’ve seen a lot. They may surprise you every now and then. But less so as time passes.

 

[DragonFox91]

There was an article on Boundless about this years ago. It addressed the problem of lengthy relationships with no commitment in sight. He hasn’t proposed and years are passing. Some force ultimatums and others breakup.

Realistically, most people are in the same vicinity. If you get together once per week and a few extras during vacations that adds up. You’re talking throughout the week. That’s a lot of contact.

If marriage never comes to mind that’s a problem. What are you doing? If you don’t see yourself marrying them you need to let them go. But many don’t. They’re comfortable and don’t want to be alone. Now they’re stuck in a nowhere relationship when they could be with someone willing to commit.

You’re not going to know someone in five years. Experts will tell you that. When you’ve got ten in the bank you’ve seen a lot. They may surprise you every now and then. But less so as time passes.

It's just urging on the side of caution, trying to get more life experience together. It's not that you're not intending to get married, or don't want to, or don't see yourself married to them, it's just trying to cross t's & dot i's. & I'm someone who would want to rush it. Just not sure it's really the smart thing to do. 10 does seem excessive & might ruffle the partner's feathers if they don't want to wait that long, but 2 seems rushing. 2 is so quick a time.

 

[bèlla]

It's just urging on the side of caution, trying to get more life experience together. It's not that you're not intending to get married, or don't want to, or don't see yourself married to them, it's just trying to cross t's & dot i's. & I'm someone who would want to rush it. Just not sure it's really the smart thing to do. 10 does seem excessive & might ruffle the partner's feathers if they don't want to wait that long, but 2 seems rushing. 2 is so quick a time.

You’re trying to establish rules and protocols before you’ve entered the fray. You need to see how you are in a relationship and understand your comfort zone. Then you’ll know the cadence that suits.