I read this today regarding friendship…
The lowest level of friendship is that of acquaintance. A friendship of acquaintance is based on occasional contact with very basic and general knowledge of each other.
With an acquaintance you talk about the weather, the kids, how your favorite teams did, how school is going, how work is going—general topics that won’t cause the person to feel threatened or that you are trying to pry.
The next level above acquaintance is casual friendship. Relationships at this level are based on common interests, activities, and concerns. Casual friends meet more frequently than do acquaintances, and in avenues that are more personal: playing tennis or racquetball, quilting or sewing, bird watching, studying astronomy, going to clubs or participating in common hobbies.
One characteristic of casual friendship is the freedom to ask specific questions concerning personal opinions, wishes, dreams, and goals. They begin to praise and encourage each other in their achievements and accomplishments. Their attraction is more toward their common interests than toward each other emotionally,
Casual friends are not serious about each other emotionally. Their friendship is nourished by the pleasure they derive from shared interests.
Close friendship is based on mutual life goals and friends at this level enjoy the freedom to suggest mutual projects towards reaching goals. Most people never get this far in their relationships.
Another characteristic of close relationship is that it is the first relationship that involves genuine common fellowship. Fellowship implies mutual interests and life goals because friends are fellows who are on the same ship together and therefore traveling the same direction. We can only have fellowship with people who are headed in the same direction we are.
Close friends pursue mutual goals and most often share similar values, ideals, and worldviews. Each friend becomes directly involved in helping the other succeed. Either through advice, referring them to a source that can help, or by giving them personal, financial, or material assistance.
Close friends take more than a casual interest in their friends’ welfare; they get involved. At this level we have moved beyond “I hope you make it” to “I’m going to help you make it.”
The fourth and highest level of friendship is that of intimate friendship and fellowship, where friends are committed to the development of each other’s character. It is here where true intimacy begins to take place—intimacy of spirit and mind rather than body—a “connectedness” in which friends not only work together on shared interests but walk together in oneness of spirit.
Such intimacy among friends requires the freedom to correct each other, which is why this level is so risky. Being open to correction means making ourselves vulnerable, and many people are not willing to do that. Consequently, they never experience true, intimate friendship with anyone.
Just as with close friends, but to an even greater degree, intimate friends share the same vision, the same life goals, and are walking in the same direction.
The presence or absence of commitment is the main way to distinguish between levels of friendship. Acquaintances and casual friendships carry little to no commitment and the ebb and flow of life constantly takes some of them out of our sphere of influence and brings others into it.
Close and intimate friendships are committed to the long-term. Intimate friends are committed to the development of each other’s character. That means that they are driven to do everything in their power to help each other be better than the day before. We need to ask ourselves, “Do I have that kind of friend? but even more importantly, “Am I that kind of friend?”
True and intimate friends look out for each other’s welfare. They are not afraid to say, “Don’t do that, because it's not good for you.” They will not say or do anything or put pressure on each other that could lead to damaged or compromised character.
Intimate friends love each other enough not to let sin, errors, or wrong direction go uncorrected. They respect and trust each other’s welfare and greatest good.
Friendship is not a gift, but is the result of hard work. Christ-like character is not built overnight. It comes only through committed effort. Friends working together to achieve these common goals will find success easier than those who try to do it alone. Mutual encouragement and accountability make a big difference in how quickly we progress toward our goal.
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