what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Jeshu]

Feeling exhausted after not sleeping my full hours for five nights in a row. Crappy jet lag has me up at 12 midnight already and stopped me from sleeping properly even though i went to bed at 8pm last night, i couldn't get to proper sleeping but kept waking up and falling asleep again.

Yvonne fell sick yesterday. Spewing big time and feeling completely run down. She stayed home from work even though after 5 weeks of holidays she can't really afford not being at work for she is so far behind in her jobs that need to be done by the end of the month while the end of the month has already been. i hope she will feel better when she wakes up tomorrow morning.

Our down syndrome daughter was slightly unwell as well yesterday and stayed home with us. She wants to stay home tomorrow as well. Very unusual for Sam to want to stay home for she loves the people who work with her a lot and hates missing out. However ever since we have come back from holidays she has been very clingy and wont keep us out of her sight. i wonder if she missed us more than we realised and that therefore she wants to stay home for a bit. i suppose that is fine.

Hoping everyone is fine

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I've been having a heck of a tough time finding a proper frame for my diploma. It seems every frame I buy is cheap and flimsy, or ill-suited for adhesive strips. I thought I finally found the right one at WalMart, but I'd ignored an online review that said it was cheap junk, and fell off my wall after an hour and broke. This is seriously getting frustrating.

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[Jeshu]

i feel devastated. It seems like my good life is tumbling out of reach as my depression is rearing its ugly head. i will have to go by faith, love and hope alone again for i have nothing else left to go by.

Hoping you guys do batter than me.

 

[Lady Bug]

i feel devastated. It seems like my good life is tumbling out of reach as my depression is rearing its ugly head. i will have to go by faith, love and hope alone again for i have nothing else left to go by.

Hoping you guys do batter than me.

did you not say how you had to take a week break from 5htp? that could be causing your downturn in your emotions...

 

[Jeshu]

did you not say how you had to take a week break from 5htp? that could be causing your downturn in your emotions...

It has been a rough week Sis. i had racing thoughts just 24 hours after i stopped using 5-htp and my mood shot right up in a wild reckless kind of way. And then i fell and sinned and got stuck and then depression greeted me again, five days after i stopped using it. 2 days to go and i can start it again. Last time i stopped for a week i was depressed for 7 full days, and it took two days using it for the depression to lift again, lets hope it will work like that again.

i don't know what i could use to make this time easier. Anti-psychotics does calm my feeling world but also brings depression along it its feeling. i need to search and find something i can use full time. This is unstabilising though it does work for three weeks out of four.

How are you going dear?

 

[Lady Bug]

It has been a rough week Sis. i had racing thoughts just 24 hours after i stopped using 5-htp and my mood shot right up in a wild reckless kind of way. And then i fell and sinned and got stuck and then depression greeted me again, five days after i stopped using it. 2 days to go and i can start it again. Last time i stopped for a week i was depressed for 7 full days, and it took two days using it for the depression to lift again, lets hope it will work like that again.

i don't know what i could use to make this time easier. Anti-psychotics does calm my feeling world but also brings depression along it its feeling. i need to search and find something i can use full time. This is unstabilising though it does work for three weeks out of four.

How are you going dear?

my AD is giving me hell, but for reasons no one would ever guess...it does provide relief, but there's a side effect that is a huge, huge negative for me even though most people would label it as a positive...I'm going out of my mind not talking about it with anyone but I never have the motivation to write it out

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I hate my singleness more than anyone, and today is International Kissing Day.

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[Jeshu]

I hate my singleness more than anyone, and today is International Kissing Day.

i pray the Lord will comfort you and brings you the desire of your heart, for it is not good for a man or woman to be alone when they long for companionship.

Peace.

 

[Jeshu]

i'm happy to be alive today. i'm going through a major spiritual battle. Where sin living in me tries to make me love wrongly and not in accordance to God's truth.

Friends it is hard to love true when our hearts are not 100 percent true yet. It has been a major battle which left me cut in two behind.

Me who loves to do God's will, and that in me which doesn't want to God's will, but only loves for self and is untrue to God's commandments.

i so hope that lawlessness living within me will soon die out of my heart and i will only love true like our Lord Jesus does and never be untrue again. Oh how i long that my divided heart would be united to serve His name! Like the psalmist also longs for. For only then can i praise God with all my heart. As it is my heart is still divided.

Psalm 86:11-13
Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead.


Oh when will He rescue me from this body of death and give me an ever faithfully loving heart instead of a sinful one?

Please pray i will remain true to Jesus and not fall into temptation.

Thanks.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

i pray the Lord will comfort you and brings you the desire of your heart, for it is not good for a man or woman to be alone when they long for companionship.

Peace.

I've been messaging someone on a dating site, and while she doesn't seem to object to chatting with me, I also don't sense she's really wanting to take it any further.

 

[Jeshu]

I've been messaging someone on a dating site, and while she doesn't seem to object to chatting with me, I also don't sense she's really wanting to take it any further.

i think that it must be very hard to find a partner across the internet because you never really know who the person on the other side is. Most people know that words have a tendency to be read by what the reader is looking for and if that doesn't materialise for them then interest weans quickly.

While in real life we can get to know a person in good and in bad deed, such is much more powerful. In real life we can get to know a person just as they talk to us but as well how they talk to others and about others. You can much easier see what lives in their heart because you see a person not only in word but also in deed. On the internet such is far less visible.

What i find interesting is that often times our lives in one place has kind of expired when it comes to a partner. Like i prayed for a girl to love but didn't find the woman of my dreams there but more than 16,000 kilometres from the place i had been looking for her when i prayed my prayer. Interesting enough later my wife told me that if she had known me when i was a cild she would have more than likely never married me and how she had very early on in her life already determined which boys she didn't want to get married to and which ones she did. The same as it had been with me i suppose. Yet because she didn't know me when we fist met, and therefore didn't judge me, she loved me for who she got to know and has loved me ever since in both good and bad.

i have seen that going to a new place and meeting new people in new settings is really powerful in bringing people together in good relationships. Especially when it is more than just a holiday. Looking for our partner in another Church, volunteer's place, or other good cause running place, as there we find people who love and care, can be a very fruitful exercise.

i have seen countless people find partners when they moved to a new place and found fresh blood. A place where they had not been rejected or had themselves not rejected possible suitors. i found that those for people who didn't advertise themselves as a single people, like the internet does, but just serving their neighbour in love and getting to know the right person while doing that, works best. A lot of (God) loving people i know have found (God) loving partners in people serving places and cemented good and lasting relationships.

Just something i observed in my life working with people.

Peace.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling down and out. i don't feel like living any longer like this but i can't force Jesus to do what He hasn't done yet. Eating dung right now. My own!

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[Jeshu]

I’m sorry you don’t feel like living anymore Jeshu! I struggle with thoughts like that too even when everything is good.

i haven't felt this bad for ages. i had a big fall and i can't seem to pull myself out of it. i simply had enough of myself when i'm like this.

As if Jesus is looking at me struggling without caring about me. i know that isn't true but it still feels like that.

My heart is sinking like a brick.

 

[Tempura]

Feeling down and out. i don't feel like living any longer like this but i can't force Jesus to do what He hasn't done yet. Eating dung right now. My own!

Keep on living still. Our life isn't ours, after all, and your gift of encouragement is needed by many, though right now you need it so much yourself, dear brother.

Well said, you can't force Him or hurry Him. You know His will is good, and He knows far better all circumstances than you do, at all times. We also know we sometimes can't force ourselves to change in these things. The more we try, the more bitter we become. I hope you're given peace soon, and you let go of this. No amount of kicking ourselves helps. Kick a broken machine long enough as it starts falling apart even more. Do not despair. Lay down the arms, wait on the Lord, and quietly trust His promises and love in Jesus Christ that surpasses ALL understanding. We can find peace and rejoice even in suffering like this, not just persecution, and offer it as a living sacrifice. Rest in Him, as you are, He knows it all. He knows best. You are His child, and He knows how He will deal with your troubles, no matter how deep they go. You can rest and let Him work, and then go on loving your neighbor which you know how to do by His grace. I know we don't always believe alike, and if we go far enough, all of our faiths are always a little bit different. I don't want to annoy you, because I often repeat myself, and I respect the fact you are my elder, but I'm sure you know this. Our Lord is the same though, and even if we were weak, He will help us stand. He is enough.Don't believe your condition, don't believe all your feelings, don't stare at your wound and agonize why it isn't healed yet. It will be. It will be. Christ is enough.

Going to bed now. God bless you. Prayed for you and everyone else in here.

 

[Jeshu]

Keep on living still. Our life isn't ours, after all, and your gift of encouragement is needed by many, though right now you need it so much yourself, dear brother.

Well said, you can't force Him or hurry Him. You know His will is good, and He knows far better all circumstances than you do, at all times. We also know we sometimes can't force ourselves to change in these things. The more we try, the more bitter we become. I hope you're given peace soon, and you let go of this. No amount of kicking ourselves helps. Kick a broken machine long enough as it starts falling apart even more. Do not despair. Lay down the arms, wait on the Lord, and quietly trust His promises and love in Jesus Christ that surpasses ALL understanding. We can find peace and rejoice even in suffering like this, not just persecution, and offer it as a living sacrifice. Rest in Him, as you are, He knows it all. He knows best. You are His child, and He knows how He will deal with your troubles, no matter how deep they go. You can rest and let Him work, and then go on loving your neighbor which you know how to do by His grace. I know we don't always believe alike, and if we go far enough, all of our faiths are always a little bit different. I don't want to annoy you, because I often repeat myself, and I respect the fact you are my elder, but I'm sure you know this. Our Lord is the same though, and even if we were weak, He will help us stand. He is enough.Don't believe your condition, don't believe all your feelings, don't stare at your wound and agonize why it isn't healed yet. It will be. It will be. Christ is enough.

Going to bed now. God bless you. Prayed for you and everyone else in here.

Thanks brother for your prayers and care of me. Not sure why I feel so bad this morning. I'm so incredible deep down right now. All I want is to die. I placed my desires higher than Christ. I am a nobody really, just a miserable sinner who has run out of grace.

I can't seem to find my good life in Christ back. I think Jesus came last night and took me away in my faith and left me behind. All I can find is my miserable me. I know I have always been a miserable sinner and have hurt God, myself and others being around. I think I'm going to Hades soon. My doom is written about throughout Scripture. And the worst is I don't even care. I hate my life. I hate being alive. I can't even cry for myself.

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[Jeshu]

I’m sorry youre feeling that way. I often struggle from time to time thinking I’m going to hell when I die. I have to remind myself that I’m not dead yet. I’ll found out for sure after I die. Try to hang in there Jeshu. I know this life can be rough but it’s not for forever

Thanks for caring. i realise that i had a psychotic episode this morning. i only just found myself back. Feeling very miserable but i know Jesus loves me and got me through this. i think i try and force Jesus hand killing me a sinner i'm so fed up with being like that.

i went back on the 5-htp this morning. If that doesn't stop this from happening then i'm going to take anti-psychotics. i can't afford loosing my mind when i feel so low. i might harm myself. The reason i have not taken them yet is because they make me more depressed and i can hardly cope as it is and i hope the 5-htp is going to kick in soon.

i haven't been this down for ages.

Been in contact with my wife all morning and she has been guiding/praying me through this episode, (as well as you friends here,) Thank God for is gifts to me.

Thanks for the prayers.