what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Tarvorok]

Glad to have you here though. Lot of compassionate people in here, and everyone knows what depression is. One good thing about it though, not about depression itself but how God can work with and through it. Nothing is as invaluable as God's love, and when we have nothing else, it becomes easier for us to see it, even unknowingly stumble towards it and He's pulling us all the same. It's weird how He seems to work at times. I'll say a prayer for you, for you to get more companionship and comfort.

You liked video games didn't you? I'm booting up Civ V right now to pass the time until the stores open.

The Civ games are fun, I’m more of a retro Star Wars gamer though, like classic Battlefront II and Empire at War.

Most of my entire Steam catalog is Star Wars stuff.

 

[Tempura]

The Civ games are fun, I’m more of a retro Star Wars gamer though, like classic Battlefront II and Empire at War.

Most of my entire Steam catalog is Star Wars stuff.

Is Jedi Academy retro enough? I tinkered a lot with that one and Jedi Knight 2. Old games were great, you could just change numbers and parameters of the config file and do a lot of "modding" on the fly that way.

 

[Tarvorok]

Jedi Academy is amazing, easily one of my top five favorites of all time. I feel like Republic Commando doesn't get enough love by the community though, I can replay that game over and over, love the commands and tactics.

 

[Tarvorok]

Is Jedi Academy retro enough? I tinkered a lot with that one and Jedi Knight 2. Old games were great, you could just change numbers and parameters of the config file and do a lot of "modding" on the fly that way.

Missed the quote on the last one, sorry.

 

[Tempura]

Missed the quote on the last one, sorry.

Hah don't worry about it, I knew you were replying to me. Bit of a hassle sometimes to get the old games to work. I think I struggled for about 6-7 hours to get Total Annihilation to work on WIN10. But as annoying as it is, it's good to have challenges, especially for someone like me who often just doesn't do anything. Small, meaningless victories are nice when dealing with depression. Luckily God handles the bigger and more meaningful ones!

 

[Tempura]

Grateful. God is good.

 

[Yusuphhai]

pray for all in sufferings.

 

[Press On]

Hi BlessedMommy05,

Nice to see you on here. Hope you are doing well. Blessings!

 

[Tempura]

Oh yeah, I noticed BlessedMommy too. Hope she's okay.

 

[Jeshu]

Oh yeah, I noticed BlessedMommy too. Hope she's okay.

Hi BlessedMommy05,

Nice to see you on here. Hope you are doing well. Blessings!

Many blessings your way @BlessedMommy05

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling okay today, a little anxious still but only low key at the moment. Yesterday was mainly okay, i did drop somewhat in the afternoon though and i haven't reached the wellness levels i had yesterday morning and Friday. So good to have a break for a few days, but of course i never want to go back down again but inevitable my lows come back.

i've been talking with God about doing me over a little bit more. So many things in my life where i still fall short and also where i still fall for wrong. i realised that listening to mental speculation about a situation or person(s) always leads to getting the situation wrong somehow.

i see that in reality speculation quickly builds on what is not really true, and therefore is always a false prophet in its directions and predictions within our hearts and minds.

As a matter of fact the speculator in me was exposed as the false prophet of my life before Jesus cut him out of me with the Sword of His truth. i've decided to try and learn not to ever speculate on anything or any one any more ever. No matter how crafty satan throws his net.

A hard thing for me to learn. Often my mind is not disciplined enough not to speculate about something or someone. i know i have to stay in the truth of God's loving Spirit if i want to understand what is happening and what i ought to do, speculating doesn't fit in that picture, but knowing His truth and being loving and truthful does. That leads to life in abundance i know from experiences to be true.

Mental illness makes not listening to speculation very hard to do. For in each of my moods i have to overcome the speculator. In my manic mood i was often completely overrun by the speculator, often in my down moods as well. Much to learn.

How do you guys deal with speculation in your life, or is it only my problem?

 

[sea5763]

Well, got to love when your own family makes you feel like a complete failure, even at Christmas. That and I sent out Christmas texts to people, no replies. Pretty much the same trash over and over and over again, no change, no hope, always alone.

That’s sad I’m sorry

 

[Tempura]

How do you guys deal with speculation in your life, or is it only my problem?

I'm not sure brother. My mind is often racing, trying to look at things in various ways. Perhaps give me an example of what kind of speculation you're talking about? True or made up, doesn't matter, I'm just trying to understand the point a little bit better.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm not sure brother. My mind is often racing, trying to look at things in various ways. Perhaps give me an example of what kind of speculation you're talking about? True or made up, doesn't matter, I'm just trying to understand the point a little bit better.

i mean speculation in our thoughts about what will happen in the future. Often this are predictions what will happen if we don't do this or that thrown at us by the accuser. Or speculation about what people are going through or thinking or feeling. Even speculation about what God is thinking or feeling about us or others. Speculation what will come my way when i do this, or stop doing that, are also really normal in my life.

Maybe it is just me who speculates a lot on things even making my mind up about something that i don't know the facts about.

For years i lived in fantasy land that much is clear to me.

 

[Tempura]

i mean speculation in our thoughts about what will happen in the future. Often this are predictions what will happen if we don't do this or that thrown at us by the accuser. Or speculation about what people are going through or thinking or feeling. Even speculation about what God is thinking or feeling about us or others. Speculation what will come my way when i do this, or stop doing that, are also really normal in my life.

Oh no, you're not alone in this at all. It's not just you. In fact it's quite clear, when we look at others, they're doing the same. It's this kind of speculation that leads to all kinds of confusion, fear and restlessness, isn't it? It's everywhere. And I'm glad you mentioned it because it has its hold on me as well. Right now in fact, I was just "speculating" before I read your reply.

"I have to do this, I have to know that, I must not think of this, they must of think of that, does God think of this, and if He does why does he say that there? Must I think of this? Is this what I'm not supposed to be or do? Why doesn't this work, or does it work and I'm just not seeing it? Or does it not work? Should I do something?"

It's not far off from the kind of worrying Christ told us to avoid, I think. God lets us live one day at a time. And even if I sometimes say that it's good to just let God be God, because we're not up to the task, I sure ain't very good at following my own advice. So thanks for this brother, I can see clearer now.

 

[sea5763]

i mean speculation in our thoughts about what will happen in the future. Often this are predictions what will happen if we don't do this or that thrown at us by the accuser. Or speculation about what people are going through or thinking or feeling. Even speculation about what God is thinking or feeling about us or others. Speculation what will come my way when i do this, or stop doing that, are also really normal in my life.

Maybe it is just me who speculates a lot on things even making my mind up about something that i don't know the facts about.

For years i lived in fantasy land that much is clear to me.

Yeah I struggle with worrying about the future often my psychologist has a fancy term for it called catastrophic thinking

 

[Jeshu]

Oh no, you're not alone in this at all. It's not just you. In fact it's quite clear, when we look at others, they're doing the same. It's this kind of speculation that leads to all kinds of confusion, fear and restlessness, isn't it? It's everywhere. And I'm glad you mentioned it because it has its hold on me as well. Right now in fact, I was just "speculating" before I read your reply.

"I have to do this, I have to know that, I must not think of this, they must of think of that, does God think of this, and if He does why does he say that there? Must I think of this? Is this what I'm not supposed to be or do? Why doesn't this work, or does it work and I'm just not seeing it? Or does it not work? Should I do something?"

It's not far off from the kind of worrying Christ told us to avoid, I think. God lets us live one day at a time. And even if I sometimes say that it's good to just let God be God, because we're not up to the task, I sure ain't very good at following my own advice. So thanks for this brother, I can see clearer now.

Yes precisely that is what i meant brother. When i first began to suspect the anti-Christ, false prophet, dragon and the prostitute as well as the son of lawlessness where spiritual forces rather than physical beings i identified 'The Speculator' in me as the false prophet always second guessing, so many predictions and assumptions. Ever since then i have been on guard but see that in my fleshly existence and through depression such forces don't die very quick. Though in my faith i am learning to ignore the predictions of the 'false prophet' i still often fall for speculative thoughts. A hard one!

Yeah I struggle with worrying about the future often my psychologist has a fancy term for it called catastrophic thinking

Yes catastrophic thinking is real false prophet stuff and fires our fears no end. Depression is really good at bring such thinking about isn't it? However in reality it is never as our fears envision things, reality/truth is/tells always different. To always check our thoughts past Scripture spoken in the Spirit of love is the safest way to deal with catastrophic thinking i reckon but yes i do often fall for such thinking when down low.

 

[Tempura]

Depression is really good at bring such thinking about isn't it?

Yes. And we can ask ourselves: when has this kind of pointless speculation helped us? When has this been a necessity for me to get to the next day?

 

[Jeshu]

Yes. And we can ask ourselves: when has this kind of pointless speculation helped us? When has this been a necessity for me to get to the next day?

Indeed brother it is an enemy of the cross and of our well being as far as i'm concerned. Speculative mind always follows worldly ways of thinking and has no eye for the spiritual. Have you noticed how the accuser, unfaithful love(s) and the speculator run rampant together within the human heart? While faithful to God's love resists it all?

i have spend hours speculating on what might happen, all it did was fuel my unfaithful heart and/or my fears. Yet how hard is it to stop speculating? Unbelievable!

 

[Tempura]

Yes. Whenever I just believe that God is perfect love, and that it's not just a nice way to call Him, only then can I be at rest, and I can love my neighbor through His love. Whenever I don't, I'm troubled and confused, and I end up locking myself up in a cage with condemnation. All I can do in that cage is to try and run away from it.