What are some red flags in dating & relationships

[Mountainmanbob]

A man without a real job. Huge red flag.

He may be lazy and looking for a sugarmama.
Tell daughters to stay clear.

A lady at work married one of those guys and he has never went to work. 25 years later now. He is happy enough just helping her spend her small amount of money.
M-Bob

 

[Anguspure]

Missionary dating refers to meeting somebody that is not born again and still dating them with the hope and desire that some day they will be born again.
Usually it does not work out.

Christian dating non Christian hoping they will change in time.

M-Bob

Yes....disasterous!

 

[miggles]

when they don't act interested in your life.

 

[Emmylouwho]

Miggles! Where ya been? Whatever do you mean by that?

 

[Ahermit]

Wanting.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

when they don't act interested in your life.

....Yes, that is definitely a red flag! Good call, miggles!

And to add to this we might consider in connection to this scenario that the other person not only refrains from being interested in your person, interests, or life goals, he/she also wants all of your attention and expects all of the gratification that comes by way of their requirement for YOU to be fully vested and interested in ... their life, person and goals!

Yeah, these things are "Red Flags"!

 

[Thir7ySev3n]

What do you think are some red flags in dating/relationships
For both both Men/Women

Red flags are:
When the woman is not willing to do these things, Ephesians 5:22-24
When the man is not willing to do these things, Ephesians 5:25-30

Anything else anyone tells you is merely human, and worthless if you're asking for particularly Christian counsel on the will of God for your marriage. Watch Dr. Phil if you want to eat pig food.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

One that will attend church with you.

Track record should be seen.

Some will go to church with you and then once married kind of let you know they really don't go to church.


M-Bob

 

[bèlla]

The absence of real-time friendships. If all of their connections are through the computer, you need to discover what’s preventing them from forming healthy friendships and acquaintances.

Many relationships struggle when the Internet has primacy in the partner’s life. I’ve seen many fall apart for this reason.

~Bella

 

[LoricaLady]

I cannot give you all the red flags, but will point to some that are the most alarming. Look up characteristics of those who turn out to be domestic abusers.

Now the most concerning people are those who are secret narcissists, sociopath and psychopaths. (Many psychotherapists say that all domestic abusers fall into those categories one way or another.)
The narcissists can be very deceiving initially and engage in something called "love bombing". They act like you are their dream come true and want to move too quickly into a deeper relationship. When they have you hooked, they transform into pretty monsterish characters. They are all over the place, too.

Here are some resources.

Of course prayer for guidance from the Holy Spirit is always the best approach of all.

 

[LoricaLady]

....Yes, that is definitely a red flag! Good call, miggles!

And to add to this we might consider in connection to this scenario that the other person not only refrains from being interested in your person, interests, or life goals, he/she also wants all of your attention and expects all of the gratification that comes by way of their requirement for YOU to be fully vested and interested in ... their life, person and goals!

Yeah, these things are "Red Flags"!

These are also classic characteristics of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's all about them - though they may deceive people initially about that.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

These are also classic characteristics of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's all about them - though they may deceive people initially about that.

Yep. It's definitely a plus for a single person to learn about the signs of disorders like Narcissism, Sociopathy, and/or Psychopathy, among others. They're not always easy to spot and, if the red flags are ignored, any of these can be cause for future bouts with unhappy relationships.

On the other side of the coin, this reminds me of another red flag we might add to the ongoing list: the potential date says to you, and insists upon, that you're a narcissist, leaving you speechless, and then proceeds to tell you about how you need some help. Yes, this too can be a 'red flag.'

Then, there's a third side to all of this: as "Christian single people," we probably also need to realize that 'red flags' don't necessarily or always need to be considered as 'deal breakers.' We all have our personal struggles as people, we all fall short and not only have psychological 'ticks,' and we also have sins which we have to contend with, but we all need empathy, understanding, compassion, insight, and help. If these last things can't be mustered by both single persons as they date each other, then that is a 'red flag' for both of them to ponder over.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

These are also classic characteristics of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's all about them - though they may deceive people initially about that.

Hi LoricaLady, I added just a tinsy-wincy little bit to my post above.

 

[LoricaLady]

Hi LoricaLady, I added just a tinsy-wincy little bit to my post above.

Yes, I agree with what you say. Again, the most important thing, though, is to seek the Lord in prayer for guidance. He knows everything and we never do.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Yes, I agree with what you say. Again, the most important thing, though, is to seek the Lord in prayer for guidance. He knows everything and we never do.

Yes, that is the most important thing! Well said!

 

[bèlla]

I think the popular practice of equating suspect behavior with psychological disorders is reckless and unloving. Most people have no clinical training and would be better off addressing the behavior in plain speech.

And as @2PhiloVoid noted, some things aren’t dealbreakers. We have differing levels of tolerance and should be comfortable with the person as-is. Some bad traits may fall away and others may not. Choosing the flaws you can live with creates a happier environment for both.

~Bella

 

[LoricaLady]

I think the popular practice of equating suspect behavior with psychological disorders is reckless and unloving. Most people have no clinical training and would be better off addressing the behavior in plain speech.

And as @2PhiloVoid noted, some things aren’t dealbreakers. We have differing levels of tolerance and should be comfortable with the person as-is. Some bad traits may fall away and others may not. Choosing the flaws you can live with creates a happier environment for both.

~Bella

The people in the videos above are psychotherapists who have had decades of experience. They are describing what they have seen in their practices and in the literature. People can learn from what they have learned, or not. They can heed their warnings or not. Up to them.

 

[bèlla]

The people in the videos above are psychotherapists who have had decades of experience. They are describing what they have seen in their practices and in the literature. People can learn from what they have learned, or not. They can heed their warnings or not. Up to them.

I am speaking of every day people and specified that in my comment. It is a popular slur. While it may hold true in some cases, labeling someone with psychological disorders without proof is slanderous and unChrist-like.

~Bella

 

[LoricaLady]

I am speaking of every day people and specified that in my comment. It is a popular slur. While it may hold true in some cases, labeling someone with psychological disorders without proof is slanderous and unChrist-like.

~Bella

Well, yeal. It is best not to say negative things about people in general if we can avoid it. It's also true though that you don't get "proof" that someone is a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. They rarely will submit to brain scans and psychological tests for such disorders. If they do, why would most announce their disorder, the proof, to others?

You are right that we should not slander others. But I think we also need to inform others of the dangers that are out there from things like domestic abuse characteristics, and the disorders named above. To do that is not slandering anyone. It is simply pointing out correlations and warning people, or oneself.

We can always say about someone "It seems to me this person is exhibiting classic behavior patterns associated with...." domestic abusers, narcs, sociopaths, psychopaths... "Here is why I think that... You may want to do some more research on those topics and see what you learn so that you can avoid being hurt if there is a future danger."

That is different than just saying "He is a narcissist!" or whatever.

 

[bèlla]

It is simply pointing out correlations and warning people, or oneself.

The comment wasn’t directed to you. There is a lot of information available about the disorders and a plethora of social media memes and hashtags.

We can always say about someone "It seems to me this person is exhibiting classic behavior patterns associated with....

I don’t use that verbiage. I address my feelings and the impact their behavior is having. I don’t play armchair psychiatrist. Others may prefer different expressions.

~Bella