Featured What are some red flags in dating & relationships

• Lack of an active, daily, committed relationship with Jesus
• Controlling behaviors
• Jealousy
• Aggressiveness
• Pride
• Neediness
• Bad treatment (or relationship) with their parents
• Disrespect

Those are the few that immediately came to my mind.

 

Here's a great article on good flags to watch for (the absence of which are bad flags):

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/choosing-the-right-one-to-marry-2.htm

These differences are a factor in much marital dissatisfaction.

Also, you want a partner who will negotiate productively for an outcome you are both enthusiastic about, not one who is willing to coerce your giver into giving them their way. Two more articles on that:

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/the-giver-and-taker.htm
https://www.marriagebuilders.com/the-policy-of-joint-agreement.htm

Your dating experiences will prove out if the other person is willing (or able) to negotiate pragmatically until you arrive at an outcome you are both enthusiastic about. If they cannot do that with you, I would recommend they are not a good candidate for marriage to you at this time.

 

Takes some time to get to know a person.

How is their walk? Do they talk the talk and walk the walk as well?

Certainly none of us are perfect .... but generally speaking is there honesty in what they say and do their actions reflect that?

 

Oh goodness! Well, let me think back, like way back to when I was dating. Let's see...

1) The date is immature and plays mind-games to "see" if you're interested but has no intention whatsoever of ever going out with you, and you later learn that this girl does this same thing to other people as well ... simply because she has a self-esteem problem. And she does this even though she already knows that you're desperately lonely.

2) The date is already involved with another guy and has gotten pregnant by him. Of course, you only hear all of this through an unrelated third party who is nice enough to "let you know, buddy!"

3) She tells you she has a boyfriend...............as she's there on the other side of the table at the expensive restaurant, cheerfully munching down and drinking what you're extravagantly paying for.

4) She VERY quickly buddies up to you on the Church bus since you're the 'newbie Christian' as it travels on its way to the weekend Youth Retreat. She gives you inviting, seductive looks with her eyes and beckons you to French kiss her. (Oh, did I say this is on a church bus? Why yes it is!) ....a week later, as you're walking down the hallway at school, you say "Hey [her name here!]" No response. You say it again, three more times even louder and some other students begin to kind of look at you funny. She continues on, apparently not hearing a single time you've called out to her in your excitement......as she continues to touch and caress the shoulder of what looks like another, older guy.

Yes, these kinds of things might be, although not necessarily be, things to consider as "Red Flags!"

 

Greetings,

Anything taken to excess can be problematic. We all fail from time to time. But consistent patterns of unkindness, dishonesty, and no connection with the Lord would warrant concern.

I am especially sensitive to demands which limit my time and attention to the individual at the expense of my work, calling, and ministry to others. Dominance, isolation, and manipulation are troubling behaviors I wouldn’t ignore.

~Bella

 

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Also:
A lack of care (both of themselves and of the one they are with);
Unwillingness to communicate honestly.

 

How far they go when they get mad or upset about something.

 

Talking about their past sins in a nostalgic, rather than a repentant, way.

No desire for spiritual growth; thinks they're already 'good.'

Says they're a Christian but doesn't actually do Christian things. Look for action as evidence of faith, not empty words.

God bless!

 

Another would be that the potential date is overly critical of other Christians in other denominations who are not exactly in line theologically with his/her avowed denomination and then he/she therefore decides to eschew those other Christians because.....they fall short of the glory of God. Yeah, that's a "Red Flag," too, but I'd probably take the red flag in that case and start waving it at him/her, profusely.

 

The same holds true for ourselves - how mad or upset we get when something happens

 

I have seen it both ways. Had a very angry wife, and could see it coming from the beginning.
Then I also became very angry....maybe she should have seen that.

 

Understand those cycles. Learned to apologize for how I've said something. Found it can help put things back to a level where things can actually be discussed.

We had an argument on the way to church. There's no need going in til we take care of this!

 

This works if there is forgivness on the other side. So there's another red flag: lack of forgivness.

 

True. Think it's wise to discuss how to handle conflict when we're not in the middle of a blowup A couple we know BOTH apologize before 10 PM whenever they have any typr of disagreement. That's how they apply that Scripture about not letting the sun go down on your wrath.

 

Never date or marry a nonbeliever.
Missionary dating doesn't work.
M-Bob

 

Now I am gutted. It seems my only hope is that way.

 

Married a non believer once, what a nightmare.
M-Bob

 

"Praying for unbelievers including asking Yahweh to remove the blinders from their minds.

"...for their minds have been blinded by the god of this age, leaving them in unbelief. Their blindness keeps them from seeing the dayspring light of the wonderful news of the glory of Jesus Christ, who is the divine image of God."
II Cor 4:4