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Featured What are some red flags in dating & relationships

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Notmyname, Oct 8, 2019.

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  1. Notmyname

    Notmyname New Member

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    What do you think are some red flags in dating/relationships
    For both both Men/Women
     
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  2. Kris Jordan

    Kris Jordan Member

    149
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    • Lack of an active, daily, committed relationship with Jesus
    • Controlling behaviors
    • Jealousy
    • Aggressiveness
    • Pride
    • Neediness
    • Bad treatment (or relationship) with their parents
    • Disrespect
    Those are the few that immediately came to my mind.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
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  3. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +1,117
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    Here's a great article on good flags to watch for (the absence of which are bad flags):

    https://www.marriagebuilders.com/choosing-the-right-one-to-marry-2.htm

    These differences are a factor in much marital dissatisfaction.

    Also, you want a partner who will negotiate productively for an outcome you are both enthusiastic about, not one who is willing to coerce your giver into giving them their way. Two more articles on that:

    https://www.marriagebuilders.com/the-giver-and-taker.htm
    https://www.marriagebuilders.com/the-policy-of-joint-agreement.htm

    Your dating experiences will prove out if the other person is willing (or able) to negotiate pragmatically until you arrive at an outcome you are both enthusiastic about. If they cannot do that with you, I would recommend they are not a good candidate for marriage to you at this time.
     
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  4. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

    +2,057
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    Takes some time to get to know a person.

    How is their walk? Do they talk the talk and walk the walk as well?

    Certainly none of us are perfect .... but generally speaking is there honesty in what they say and do their actions reflect that?
     
  5. 2PhiloVoid

    2PhiloVoid A Crash Test Dummy's work is never done! Supporter

    +5,104
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    Oh goodness! Well, let me think back, like way back to when I was dating. Let's see...

    1) The date is immature and plays mind-games to "see" if you're interested but has no intention whatsoever of ever going out with you, and you later learn that this girl does this same thing to other people as well ... simply because she has a self-esteem problem. And she does this even though she already knows that you're desperately lonely.

    2) The date is already involved with another guy and has gotten pregnant by him. Of course, you only hear all of this through an unrelated third party who is nice enough to "let you know, buddy!"

    3) She tells you she has a boyfriend...............as she's there on the other side of the table at the expensive restaurant, cheerfully munching down and drinking what you're extravagantly paying for.

    4) She VERY quickly buddies up to you on the Church bus since you're the 'newbie Christian' as it travels on its way to the weekend Youth Retreat. She gives you inviting, seductive looks with her eyes and beckons you to French kiss her. (Oh, did I say this is on a church bus? Why yes it is!) ....a week later, as you're walking down the hallway at school, you say "Hey [her name here!]" No response. You say it again, three more times even louder and some other students begin to kind of look at you funny. She continues on, apparently not hearing a single time you've called out to her in your excitement......as she continues to touch and caress the shoulder of what looks like another, older guy.

    Yes, these kinds of things might be, although not necessarily be, things to consider as "Red Flags!" :dontcare:
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
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  6. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +4,786
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    Greetings,

    Anything taken to excess can be problematic. We all fail from time to time. But consistent patterns of unkindness, dishonesty, and no connection with the Lord would warrant concern.

    I am especially sensitive to demands which limit my time and attention to the individual at the expense of my work, calling, and ministry to others. Dominance, isolation, and manipulation are troubling behaviors I wouldn’t ignore.

    ~Bella
     
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  7. yeshuaslavejeff

    yeshuaslavejeff simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

    +8,942
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    Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, the components of your ...

    https://biblehub.com › colossians

    You must put to death, then, the earthly desires at work in you, such as ... For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the ...
    Romans 8:13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die ...

    https://biblehub.com › romans

    But you will live, if by the help of God's Spirit you say "No" to your desires. ... For if you live after the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the ...
     
  8. Anguspure

    Anguspure Kaitiaki Peacemakers NZ Supporter

    +1,527
    New Zealand
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    Also:
    A lack of care (both of themselves and of the one they are with);
    Unwillingness to communicate honestly.
     
  9. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    +2,836
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    How far they go when they get mad or upset about something.
     
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  10. The_wanderer 40

    The_wanderer 40 New Member

    18
    +31
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    Talking about their past sins in a nostalgic, rather than a repentant, way.

    No desire for spiritual growth; thinks they're already 'good.'

    Says they're a Christian but doesn't actually do Christian things. Look for action as evidence of faith, not empty words.

    God bless!
     
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  11. 2PhiloVoid

    2PhiloVoid A Crash Test Dummy's work is never done! Supporter

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    Another would be that the potential date is overly critical of other Christians in other denominations who are not exactly in line theologically with his/her avowed denomination and then he/she therefore decides to eschew those other Christians because.....they fall short of the glory of God. Yeah, that's a "Red Flag," too, but I'd probably take the red flag in that case and start waving it at him/her, profusely. :redcard:
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
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  12. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

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    The same holds true for ourselves - how mad or upset we get when something happens
     
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  13. Anguspure

    Anguspure Kaitiaki Peacemakers NZ Supporter

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    I have seen it both ways. Had a very angry wife, and could see it coming from the beginning.
    Then I also became very angry....maybe she should have seen that.
     
  14. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    +2,836
    Non-Denom
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    Understand those cycles. Learned to apologize for how I've said something. Found it can help put things back to a level where things can actually be discussed.

    We had an argument on the way to church. There's no need going in til we take care of this!
     
  15. Anguspure

    Anguspure Kaitiaki Peacemakers NZ Supporter

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    This works if there is forgivness on the other side. So there's another red flag: lack of forgivness.
     
  16. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    +2,836
    Non-Denom
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    True. Think it's wise to discuss how to handle conflict when we're not in the middle of a blowup A couple we know BOTH apologize before 10 PM whenever they have any typr of disagreement. That's how they apply that Scripture about not letting the sun go down on your wrath.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
  17. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +7,578
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    Never date or marry a nonbeliever.
    Missionary dating doesn't work.
    M-Bob
     
  18. Anguspure

    Anguspure Kaitiaki Peacemakers NZ Supporter

    +1,527
    New Zealand
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    Now I am gutted. It seems my only hope is that way.
     
  19. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +7,578
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    Married a non believer once, what a nightmare.
    M-Bob
     
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  20. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    +2,836
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    "Praying for unbelievers including asking Yahweh to remove the blinders from their minds.

    "...for their minds have been blinded by the god of this age, leaving them in unbelief. Their blindness keeps them from seeing the dayspring light of the wonderful news of the glory of Jesus Christ, who is the divine image of God."
    II Cor 4:4
     
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