Unequally yoked, all of a sudden.

[jimmyl]

I posted awhile back (I think it was on the marriage restoration forum). That issue has been resolved, but the problems are not all fixed. A while ago, I think it's been about a year, my wife of 10 years told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and was thinking she might leave me. She doesn't have a job or anyplace to go, so she hasn't left, but we have been living as if we aren't married. Now she has told me that she has been faking being a christian her whole life, and is ready to admit that she is agnostic. It's not a great surprise, as she has always been reluctant to talk about spiritual matters with me and for the last year has avoided going to church. She has also confirmed that she definitely going to leave me, and is looking for a job. I don't know what to do about it, or if I should do anything about it. I know she is scared of losing all her old friends and suffering the disapproval of her parents (both of our fathers are pastors, but I doubt she's too concerned about my parents disapproval). I'm a complete mishmash of emotions. I love her very much, and have basically devoted the last 10 years to being the best husband I could be, and she has acknowledged that I was a good husband, but she has never felt anything for me and says she only married me because the church told her she should get married and I seemed like a safe choice. I've spent most of our marriage feeling neglected and hurt but trying hard to make things work and part of me is dying inside over this while another part of me is thinking "at least the hurt might stop after she's gone." And of course I feel horribly guilty about even thinking that.

Anyway, I don't even know that anyone can give me advice about this, but I have nobody to talk to about it. I guess I could use prayer.

 

[myanchor]

Jimmyl let the trash take itself out. I'm writing from the perspective of her saying this and her cheating on you and the dirtbag coming up so she can live with him. LET HER GO, PROTECT YOUR KIDS AND YOUR HEART.

I will be praying for you and them. And that the Holy Hound (Holy Spirit) will be after her.

 

[Tee_w]

[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]I can equate to the feeling of dying inside, I think this is because you are feeling estranged from your wife. It is a horrible feeling I've experienced it myself. However it will pass.[/FONT]


[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]I think that by now you should have unburdened yourself before God in prayer. He already knows about all the details of the situation. He is probably wating for you to hand the whole situation over to Him, anyway and leave it there with Him to sort out. [/FONT]


[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]You know one of the most powerful prayers we can pray is, 'help.'[/FONT]


[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]There are two scriptures that have come to mind as I've wrote this.[/FONT]
[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]The first is Jeremiah 29:11 and the second is 1 Peter 5:7 (Amplified version.) Hope that encourages you.[/FONT]


[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]Blessings,[/FONT]
[FONT=Palatino Linotype, serif]Tee[/FONT]

 

[redneckmedic]

If you really love her, and can't imagine living without her.... THEN FIGHT FOR HER! Show her that she is the most important thing on earth to you... one deed at a time.

If not....you already lost.

 

[Maviga]

Pray. Pray. Pray.
You cannot chance her, but you can ask God to chance her heart.

 

[Janelb08]

If you really love her, and can't imagine living without her.... THEN FIGHT FOR HER! Show her that she is the most important thing on earth to you... one deed at a time.

If not....you already lost.

I agree. Lack of mutual faith is not grounds for divorce in the Bible, though it does say if the one who is not saved wants to leave, let them. But, if you want her to stay, and if you feel living without her would be worse than her leaving, then fight for her. Obviously, she still may choose to leave, and if she does, it will be her choice with no fault on you. If you think her staying would be worse, then I don't think fighting for her would be the best idea. But, anyways....just my two cents.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

I'm very sorry for your situation. And I've been in a similar situation unfortunately, except I was in your wife's position.

My first husband, I only married because of a "should" situation. This is what I should do... it was complicated and I won't derail your thread with the details. But what ended up happening is that one day I had to face the hard and fast reality that I did not love my husband and we could not live a happy life together.

I am very happily remarried and the best decision my ex husband and I ever made was to part ways and create happy, separate lives for ourselves.

Sometimes bad situations have good at the end. I don't mean to be overly-optimistic and cause you distress in thinking about this kind of a path (the dissolution of the marriage, I mean), but I honestly believe in making the best out of any situation.

The reason I bring this up is because your wife has apparently -made- her decision, and that is a decision to be respected. She is going to leave you, she has stated it to you, and you now have to prepare for this reality. "Fighting" for someone who doesn't love you will only cause you both a lot of pain and hurt. While I'm not a fan of "giving up," I am a fan of walking away from situations that are exhausted and are ready to be folded up, rather than driving the situation into the ground long after it's dead.

Understand that I'm sensitive to how difficult this must be. But the most love you can show your wife now, is to allow her to move on and be happy. This is something my ex husband understood more than I ever thought he would.. and he did me a great justice by working with me jointly on a divorce and making the transition smooth instead of difficult.

I hope you are able to create a happy life for yourself. I know nothing I can say right now will ever lift the cloud of despair I'm sure you feel regarding this situation, but please just keep this in mind: There is an amazing life ahead of you still, no matter what happens.



PS: My current husband is agnostic, and we are blissfully happy together. Differing faith does not create unhappiness... unhappiness stems from so many other reasons.

 

[christianstoic]

I posted awhile back (I think it was on the marriage restoration forum). That issue has been resolved, but the problems are not all fixed. A while ago, I think it's been about a year, my wife of 10 years told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and was thinking she might leave me. She doesn't have a job or anyplace to go, so she hasn't left, but we have been living as if we aren't married. Now she has told me that she has been faking being a christian her whole life, and is ready to admit that she is agnostic. It's not a great surprise, as she has always been reluctant to talk about spiritual matters with me and for the last year has avoided going to church. She has also confirmed that she definitely going to leave me, and is looking for a job. I don't know what to do about it, or if I should do anything about it. I know she is scared of losing all her old friends and suffering the disapproval of her parents (both of our fathers are pastors, but I doubt she's too concerned about my parents disapproval). I'm a complete mishmash of emotions. I love her very much, and have basically devoted the last 10 years to being the best husband I could be, and she has acknowledged that I was a good husband, but she has never felt anything for me and says she only married me because the church told her she should get married and I seemed like a safe choice. I've spent most of our marriage feeling neglected and hurt but trying hard to make things work and part of me is dying inside over this while another part of me is thinking "at least the hurt might stop after she's gone." And of course I feel horribly guilty about even thinking that.

Anyway, I don't even know that anyone can give me advice about this, but I have nobody to talk to about it. I guess I could use prayer.

Did she ever mention why she's doing all this?

 

[kisapuckett]

Definitely prayer. Pray that God speaks into her heart so that she may be saved. I know this is quite difficult, my prayers are with you.

 

[Conservativation]

Let her walk...let the unbeliever go.....

Make proactive steps to protect yourself and kids if you have kids....protect your rights and your ability to support them.

 

[Luther073082]

Seeming how this post is from over a year ago, I'm wondering if the situation has changed at all.

If it hasn't, then I agree with Cons, you need to start moving on legally protecting the right to your children (if you have any) and retaining some of your property.

You don't have to file for divorce, but if its on the way then you need to be ready.

 

[Key]

I hope that he let her go without a fight. Some times you need to let them go and realize that it was just not meant to be.

Find a good woman that shares your views, wants to be with you and wants to grow old with you.

Do not let this crush you, you can overcome this and make a better life for yourself in all things. We all make mistakes and we all have troubles, but blunt honest separation is a good thing in some cases and this seems like the case.

But that is just my feelings on it.

 

[barefoot/inthe/kitchen]

If you really love her, and can't imagine living without her.... THEN FIGHT FOR HER! Show her that she is the most important thing on earth to you... one deed at a time.

If not....you already lost.

I have to agree with this too. I am in a rough marriage, but I am holding on for dear life. Have you seen Fireproof? I;m sure you have, but have you tried the love dare? You have a great chance here, while she still lives with you. Good luck, i truly feel for you. Especially when you said that if she leaves at least the hurting will finally stop. I know that feeling, don't give up.