Here is a excerpt from a book posted on another forum, that was re-posted from someone twittering a book recommendation to someone else. (or something like that)
The formatting is horrid, but I think it raises some interesting things to think about, therefore worth a read. Thoughts? (besides tldr)
The formatting is horrid, but I think it raises some interesting things to think about, therefore worth a read. Thoughts? (besides tldr)
The Man Who Didn't
Believe in Love
I WANT TO TELL YOU A VERY OLD STORY ABOUT the man who
didn't believe in love. This was an ordinary man just like you and
me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He
thought love doesn't exist. Of course, he had a lot of experience
trying to find love, and he had observed the people around him.
Much of his life had been spent searching for love, only to find that
love didn't exist.
Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is
nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just
to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to have control over
humans, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and
that's why no human could ever find love even though he might
look for it.
This man was highly intelligent, and he was very convincing.
He read a lot of books, he went to the best universities, and he
became a respected scholar. He could stand in any public place, in
front of any kind of people, and his logic was very strong. What he
said was that love is just like a drug; it makes you very high, but it
creates a strong need. You can become highly addicted to love,
but what happens when you don't receive your daily doses of love?
Just like a drug, you need your everyday doses.
He used to say that most relationships between lovers are just
like a relationship between a drug addict and the one who provides
the drugs. The one who has the biggest need is like the drug
addict; the one who has a little need is like the provider. The one
who has the little need is the one who controls the whole relationship. You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in
every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other
who doesn't love, who only takes advantage of the one who gives
his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate each other,
their actions and reactions, and they are just like the provider and
the drug addict.
The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need, lives in
constant fear that perhaps he will not be able to get the nextdosage of love, or the drug. The drug addict thinks, "What am I
going to do if she leaves me?" That fear makes the drug addict
very possessive. "That's mine!" The addict becomes jealous and
demanding, because the fear of not having the next dosage. The
provider can control and manipulate the one who needs the drug
by giving more doses, fewer doses, or no doses at all. The one who
has the biggest need completely surrenders and will do whatever
he can to avoid being abandoned.
The man went on explaining to everyone why love doesn't
exist. "What humans call `love' is nothing but a fear relationship
based on control. Where is the respect? Where is the love they
claim to have? There is no love. Young couples, in front of the
representation of God, in front of their family and friends, make a
lot of promises to each other: to live together forever, to love and
respect each other, to be there for each other, through the good
times and the bad times. They promise to love and honor each
other, and make promises and more promises. What is amazing is
that they really believe these promises. But after the marriage
-one week later, a month later, a few months later -you can see
that none of these promises are kept.
"What you find is a war of control to see who will manipulate
whom. Who will be the provider, and who will have the addiction?
You find that a few months later, the respect they swear to have
for each other is gone. You can see the resentment, the emotional
poison, how they hurt each other, little by little, and it grows and
grows, until they don't know when the love stops. They stay
together because they are afraid to be alone, afraid of the opinions
and judgments of others, and also afraid of their own judgments
and opinions. But where is the love?"
He used to claim that he saw many old couples that had lived
together thirty years, forty years, fifty years, and they were so
proud to have lived together all those years. But when they talked
about their relationship, what they said was, "We survived the
matrimony." That means one of them surrendered to the other; at
a certain time, she gave up and decided to endure the suffering.
The one with the strongest will and less need won the war, but
where is that flame they call love? They treat each other like a
possession: "She is mine." "He is mine."
The man went on and on about all the reasons why he believed
love doesn't exist, and he told others, "I have done all that already.
I will no longer allow anyone to manipulate my mind and controlmy life in the name of love." His arguments were quite logical, and
he convinced many people by all his words. Love doesn't exist.
Then one day this man was walking in a park, and there on a
bench was a beautiful lady who was crying. When he saw her
crying, he felt curiosity. Sitting beside her, he asked if he could help
her. He asked why she was crying. You can imagine his surprise when
she told him she was crying because love doesn't exist. He said,
"This is amazing - a woman who believes that love doesn't exist!"
Of course, he wanted to know more about her.
"Why do you say that love doesn't exist?" he asked. "Well, it's a
long story," she replied. "I married when I was very young, with all
the love, all these illusions, full of hope that I would share my life
with this man. We swore to each other our loyalty, respect, and
honor, and we created a family. But soon everything changed. I
was the devoted wife who took care of the children and the home.
My husband continued to
develop his career and his success and image outside of home was
more important to him than our family. He lost respect for me, and
I lost respect for him. We hurt each other, and at a certain point I
discovered that I didn't love him and he didn't love me either.
"But the children needed a father, and that was my excuse to
stay and to do whatever I could to support him. Now the children
are grown and they have left. I no longer have any excuse to stay
with him. There's no respect, there's no kindness. I know that even
if I find someone else, it's going to be the same, because love
doesn't exist. There is no sense to look around for something that
doesn't exist. That is why I am crying."
Understanding her very well, he embraced her and said, "You
are right; love doesn't exist. We look for love, we open our heart
and we become vulnerable, just to find selfishness. That hurts us
even if we don't think we will be hurt. It doesn't matter how many
relationships we have; the same thing happens again and again.
Why even search for love any longer?"
They were so much alike, and they became the best friends
ever. It was a wonderful relationship.
They respected each other, and they never put each other
down. With every step they took together, they were happy. There
was no envy or jealousy, there was no control, there was no
possessiveness. The relationship kept growing and growing. They
loved to be together, because when they were together they had alot of fun. When they were not together, they missed each other.
One day when the man was out of town, he had the weirdest
idea. He was thinking, "Hmm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But
this is so different from what I have ever felt before. It's not what
the poets say it is, it's not what religion says, because I am not
responsible for her. I don't take anything from her; I don't have the
need for her to take care of me; I don't need to blame her for my
difficulties or to take my dramas to her. We have the best time
together; we enjoy each other. I respect the way she thinks, the
way she feels. She doesn't embarrass me; she doesn't bother me
at all. I don't feel jealous when she's with other people; I don't feel
envy when she is successful.
Perhaps love does exist, but it's not what everyone thinks love
is."
He could hardly wait to go back home and talk to her, to let her
know about his weird idea. As soon as he started talking, she said,
"I know exactly what you are talking about. I had the same idea
long ago, but I didn't want to share it with you because I know you
don't believe in love. Perhaps love does exist, but it isn't what we
thought it was." They decided to become lovers and to live
together, and it was amazing that things didn't change. They still
respected each other, they were still supportive of each other, and
the love grew more and more. Even the simplest things made their
hearts sing with love because they were so happy.
The man's heart was so full with all the love he felt that one
night a great miracle happened. He was looking at the stars and
he found the most beautiful one, and his love was so big that the
star started coming down from the sky and soon that star was in
his hands. Then a second miracle happened, and his soul merged
with that star. He was intensely happy, and he could hardly wait to
go to the woman and put that star in her hands to prove his love
to her. As soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment
of doubt. This love was overwhelming, and in that moment, the
star fell from her hands and broke in a million little pieces.
Now there is an old man walking around the world swearing
that love doesn't exist. And there is a beautiful old woman at home
waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradise that once she
had in her hands, but for one moment of doubt, she let it go. This
is the story about the man who didn't believe in love.
Who made the mistake? Do you want to guess what wentwrong? The mistake was on the man's part in thinking he could
give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and his
mistake was to put his happiness in her hands. Happiness never
comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love
coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out
of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness,
she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his
happiness.
No matter how much the woman loved him, she could never
make him happy because she could never know what he had in his
mind. She could never know what his expectations were, because
she could not know his dreams.
If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands,
sooner or later, she is going to break it. If you give your happiness
to someone else, she can always take it away. Then if happiness
can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love,
you are responsible for your happiness. We can never make
anyone responsible for our own happiness, but when we go to the
church to get married, the first thing we do is exchange rings. We
put our star in each other's hands, expecting that she is going to
make you happy, and you are going to make her happy. It doesn't
matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be
what that person wants you to be.
That is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning.
We base our happiness on our partner, and it doesn't work that
way. We make all those promises that we cannot keep, and we set
ourselves up to fail.
But I like the point about not making others responsible for your happiness and it coming from within, that is so true. Also the image of all those people exchanging rings and then expecting happiness and understanding from the other person! Of course setting out to put the other person's happiness before your own - if both people do that of course - is much better 
