HELLO TO ALL MY CF FRIENDS. THANKS FOR PRAYING FOR ME.
I haven't been here in a while. For several years I tried to be a friend, a minister, and a help to others. I wish so much that I could do that again. Maybe soon.
In the past 7 years I have had 4 major surgeries and on a separate occasion I had an undiagnosed lung infection, and my oxygen was at 55% when paramedics came. I spent 7 days on a ventilator/life support. When I woke I had a hypoxic brain injury from the length of time without sufficient oxygen.
My body is literally falling apart. I have severe complex degenerative disk disease which has almost cost me the use of my hand. I've had 3 spine surgeries/fusions and 8 disks replaced.
My shoulder and hip get regular shots until we need to do those surgeries. I'm only 51!!
Nine years ago I was running 3 miles 3 days a week; going to yoga class twice a week and using small weights.
Each surgery has required a minimum of 12 to 18 months of recovery - each time. As soon as my body was healed from the last surgery, I was being scheduled for the next one.
Just 5 weeks ago I had unexpected surgery to remove ovarian cysts the size of a honey dew melon and a grapefruit. They did a full hysterectomy at the same time, took out my appendix and another surgeon repaired a hernia.
It's far from over unless a miracle of healing comes. I love the Lord no matter what happens to me. I don't try to understand why... I just know how He saved me and that is enough.
I'm going back to my surgeon next week - good lord.
I have started thinking lately that it may not worth living if I end up unable to ever regain my health. I cannot live knowing I can no longer contribute but be a burden to my husband who has been wonderful to me. I know these thoughts are probably not rational but the chronic pain has a way of opening up a whole new set of ideas.
I'm on morphine, percocet, gabapentin and medical marijuana. If I were not able to get these drugs for my pain, I would just leave it all behind.
I want to feel better. I need to feel better. I want to be my old self again.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME WHATEVER THE LORD PUTS ON YOUR HEART. THANK YOU EVERYBODY. I LOVE YOU ALL SO DEARLY AND MISS GETTING ON CF LIKE I USED TO.
Dear Sister,
You are of great value to the Lord and even in your suffering He has you here for a reason. I am praying that your health will return to your body as I can see your hope is firmly established in your spirit.
courage said:
It's far from over unless a miracle of healing comes. I love the Lord no matter what happens to me. I don't try to understand why... I just know how He saved me and that is enough.
Your faith is really quite lovely dear sister and of inestimable worth to God and to others; as well as your family which goes without saying. You have endured much but your faith in the Lord appears to remain strong and that is a testimony to us all. When my mom was dying of cancer her faith remained strong through that trial as well. Some members of the family were going through some rough spots at that time and she would always encourage them with her faith, even though her health issues kept her confined to home for the most part. She told me, "You know I realize that God is keeping me here for them". We would say well don't forget mom we love you sticking it out for us as well. She lived far longer than expected, well over a year longer and even her hospice workers were impacted by her deep faith. It was a beautiful faith in the Lord that she possessed; really like a great treasure and it sustained both her and our entire family. Whenever I find myself missing her I always fall back to the beauty of her simple but powerful faith in Christ. That was our true inheritance of love. A week or so before she slipped away she told us that she had a dream where Jesus told her He was taking her home. He did but what a beautiful race filled with loving memories she left us. Being a Christian means never having to say goodbye as we have such blessed assurance. But as for you God has sustained you thus far and you are right to trust Him for what remains for to Him you live and are a radiant example of His love. As Paul said:
2Co 5:1 For we know that if our earthly house,
this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven
2Co 5:4 For we who are in
this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.
2Co 5:8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
This is our great and well founded hope we have in Christ, which I know you possess but as Peter said, we all need to remind one another of.
2Pe 1:13 Yes, I think it is right, as long as I am in this tent, to stir you up by reminding
you,
But remember we are also here for each other sister. So I will pray to Father in Jesus Name for your physical restoration and for the benefit of your family that loves you dear sister.
To Live Is also Christ to those who surround us
Philippians 1
19 For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,
20 according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
21 For to me, to live
is Christ, and to die
is gain.
22 But if
I live on in the flesh, this
will mean fruit from
my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell.
23 For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. 24 Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you.
25 And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith,
26 that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.
May the Lord bless & heal you, Pat