- May 11, 2015
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Heaven is going to be a wonderful place. Still God is doing a work in us to prepare us. If we go before our time we will not be fully mature and able to appreciate all that He has and wants for us. So we need to be patient to allow God to do all of the work He is wanting to do in our life so we can be fully mature and producing fruit.HELLO TO ALL MY CF FRIENDS. THANKS FOR PRAYING FOR ME.
I haven't been here in a while. For several years I tried to be a friend, a minister, and a help to others. I wish so much that I could do that again. Maybe soon.
In the past 7 years I have had 4 major surgeries and on a separate occasion I had an undiagnosed lung infection, and my oxygen was at 55% when paramedics came. I spent 7 days on a ventilator/life support. When I woke I had a hypoxic brain injury from the length of time without sufficient oxygen.
My body is literally falling apart. I have severe complex degenerative disk disease which has almost cost me the use of my hand. I've had 3 spine surgeries/fusions and 8 disks replaced.
My shoulder and hip get regular shots until we need to do those surgeries. I'm only 51!!
Nine years ago I was running 3 miles 3 days a week; going to yoga class twice a week and using small weights.
Each surgery has required a minimum of 12 to 18 months of recovery - each time. As soon as my body was healed from the last surgery, I was being scheduled for the next one.
Just 5 weeks ago I had unexpected surgery to remove ovarian cysts the size of a honey dew melon and a grapefruit. They did a full hysterectomy at the same time, took out my appendix and another surgeon repaired a hernia.
It's far from over unless a miracle of healing comes. I love the Lord no matter what happens to me. I don't try to understand why... I just know how He saved me and that is enough.
I'm going back to my surgeon next week - good lord.
I have started thinking lately that it may not worth living if I end up unable to ever regain my health. I cannot live knowing I can no longer contribute but be a burden to my husband who has been wonderful to me. I know these thoughts are probably not rational but the chronic pain has a way of opening up a whole new set of ideas.
I'm on morphine, percocet, gabapentin and medical marijuana. If I were not able to get these drugs for my pain, I would just leave it all behind.
I want to feel better. I need to feel better. I want to be my old self again.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME WHATEVER THE LORD PUTS ON YOUR HEART. THANK YOU EVERYBODY. I LOVE YOU ALL SO DEARLY AND MISS GETTING ON CF LIKE I USED TO.
Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."
Acts 5:31 "And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name."
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