For me it was the opposite. I waited till I got married, just to desire to do the very thing I was taught was wrong.I, too, was a virgin till marriage.
The downside for me was that it was only after I had gotten myself locked into marriage that I discovered I wasn't really into sex. No wonder it was so easy for me to wait!
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You are undoubtedly correct. My comments were directed at Christians in this issue.ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:I think in general in this secular society we live in its more common for those who decide to go the purity route to face oppression than those who have sex with new partners each week.
Allow me an observation. Non-believing men are probably no more, and no less, willing to have sexual relations with a willing woman. (As a Christian, one would hope Christian men are less willing, but that doesn't seem to bear out, sigh...)Tetra said:I'd like to clarify though, in your opinion, are girls less good if they made a mistake and had premarital sex? I just noticed you said good girls go fast.
Actually does. What other option is there from purity? The opposite is promiscuity. purity shouldn't be shunned because its talked about in the bible and Jesus preaches upon it... I already explained that being molested or even having sex (mistakly..or even just falling short) doesn't really make one impure ...Wait what!? No one mentioned anything of a sort!! The negation of purity culture doesn't mean the promotion of promiscuity.
Nothing wrong with purity, why do you think people have an issue with purity? The issue is with the idolatry of purity, as I have said before.Actually does. What other option is there from purity?
Nothing wrong with purity, why do you think people have an issue with purity? The issue is with the idolatry of purity, as I have said before.
Just because I don't think people should make an idol out of purity, does not mean I support promiscuity. I'm sorry, logically this doesn't make sense.
Also it seems you have no issue with the blatant idolatry our culture has with sex either. How can you disapprove or one and not the other?Nothing wrong with purity, why do you think people have an issue with purity? The issue is with the idolatry of purity, as I have said before.
Just because I don't think people should make an idol out of purity, does not mean I support promiscuity. I'm sorry, logically this doesn't make sense.
The Bible uses a very serious tone with respect to sexual immorality.Purity Culture Definition:
Purity culture has an obsessive focus on virginity before marriage and on maintaining emotional purity that pervades fundamentalism and evangelicalism, made visible in purity balls, purity rings, purity pledges, and modesty teachings.
It ties your worth as a person to your virginity, not who you are in Christ.
NOTE: Remember, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, but there is something wrong about making virginity an idol, and that's what purity culture does.
As a millennial, the church was obsessed with purity culture during my childhood, you might remember books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, who now himself admits it was a mistake.
In a recent article by Ruth Graham:
I just picked up a new book titled Damaged Goods by Dianna Anderson... looking forward to reading it.
Purity Culture had a negative impact on my life, on my marriage, and I'm a male. I can't even image the imagine the negative impact on women.Purity balls, rings and the like, in my opinion are super weird and sometimes gross.
I am interested in responses from women on this one, and how purity culture impacted them?
Well it depends on how you define "sexual purity". If we define it as being a virgin, then you are either a virgin or not.... without sexual purity..what else do you have?
Please point me to a post where I said that's okay... if you're going to say I have no issue with something... I'd expect some evidence.Also it seems you have no issue with the blatant idolatry our culture has with sex either.
I don't know if it would even be my business what someone does in this regard. I suppose I'd treat it like any other sin.Are you okay with premarital sex? Casual sex? Or having sex whenever as long as you repent?
Very true.The Bible uses a very serious tone with respect to sexual immorality.
I have, but figure that would be for a different thread. As a man who waited till he was married, I was affected negatively by purity culture, not society, hence this thread.Have you considered the negative impact of impurity on society? For we live in a virtual Sodom and Gommorah culture.
I think it's more implicitly stated in purity culture vs explicitly stated. No one will say "I own my daughter", they will just act as they do.You have a source for this ownership agreement?
"In patriarchy, a father owns a girl's sexuality," notes psychologist and feminist author Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. "And like any other property, he guards it, protects it, even loves it."
When it's time for dads and daughters to take the pledge (some informally exchange rings as well), the men stand over their seated daughters and read aloud from parchment imprinted with the covenant: "I, [father's name], choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity…." The men inscribe their names and their daughters sign as witnesses. Then everyone returns to their meals and an excited buzz fills the room.
Listen to Hanna's story in the documentary (it starts at the time when her story begins):They also assert that purity balls define a woman's worth by her virginity rather than her whole being, actions and attitudes, and emphasize her role as a possession to be passed by her father to her husband.
It's only idolatry if not rooted in Christ.Nothing wrong with being "pure", but I do think there is with the idolatry of purity. It's out of that idolatry we see the negative impacts.
Don't know how old you are.I think it's more implicitly stated in purity culture vs explicitly stated. No one will say "I own my daughter", they will just act as they do.
Listen to Hanna's story in the documentary (it starts at the time when her story begins):
She has to take the boy she's interested in to her father for inspection. you see, it's not about teaching her how to determine for herself what to do, she's not able to do that. She has to rely on her father to determine what is best for her. She cannot be autonomous.
Listen to the end of the documentary where Jessica says she's happy she didn't marry the man her parents picked out for her. It was simply assumed within purity culture she was just to marry the person that her parents "picked for her at 21".
I'd encourage you to research more on this topic and how it relates to ownership, there's some really interesting research on it.
Thank you for describing your experience.Don't know how old you are.
However, traditional families Christian or not had stringent standards on who and who was able to date a daughter or son. Believe me when I say a mother in an Irish Catholic family has a big influence on who a son dates.
I am also reminded of the interrogations my father put my sister's suitors through, with a drop dead time of return. Usually if my parents did not know the parents of the young man, there was higher scrutiny.
That's how things were done prior to and a few years after the counterculture sexual revolution. Not to mention widespread use of contraceptives and abortion on demand.
Let's contrast what most parents do now. They hand the keys to the car and say "have fun, and come back safe." Or just drive teens to an unsupervised party.
Some parents are more concerned about their teens being popular and having friends to keep them "happy."
It is my assessment these purity movements are a reactionary movement to the pendulum shift instituted by the sexual revolution.
Perhaps the pendulum is swinging the other way now, and the end result will be fathers and mothers more involved in who their children date and associate with.
This may lead to fewer STDs, teen pregnancies and out of wedlock children. At least amongst Christians who root chastity in their faith in Christ. There may be fewer abortions as well.
Again, nothing wrong with being a virgin... I was when I got married, it is however, denouncing the idolatry of purity.
These aren't really analogous."Nothing wrong with being a virgin"? Well, I'm glad you can go that far. - But this is hardly worthy praise for a Christian virtue: purity. You also wrote above, "The negation of purity culture doesn't mean the promotion of promiscuity." (post #78) This sort of statement leads me to imagine a parallel comment such as,
"The negation of moral law doesn't mean the promotion of a culture of moral lawlessness, or amorality."-- Really? It doesn't? I say it exactly does.
As Christians,Thank you for describing your experience.
I think I agree and that's what I mean when you said "Perhaps the pendulum is swinging the other way now". I guess what I'm talking about in this thread, is how the pendulum swinging has hurt me (or others).
Some in the thread seem to think I'm advocating promiscuity, I'm not, I'm advocating balance. How can we find a reasonable balance where the pendulum sits dead center?
I did everything "right" waiting till I was married, and purity culture really did a number on me.
"But what message does it send to that same girl (to have) Daddy publicly announcing to the world in her presence that he alone controls her sexuality until marriage?"
Maybe "control" isn't a fair word to use in all or even most of these cases. But the abstinence pledges taken at purity balls do set up fathers as the guardians of their daughters' purity. We begin to see a pattern here—a pattern that helps explain why so many people are disturbed by what happens at purity balls. Between the fancy outfits, the dances, and the vows, it almost looks as if the daughter is being encouraged to treat her father like a bridegroom.
I think a LOT of people are really misunderstanding much of what is being said here.Wait what!? No one mentioned anything of a sort!! The negation of purity culture doesn't mean the promotion of promiscuity.
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