The Negative Impact of Purity Culture

Neogaia777

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So christ was a grown up toddler? There is 0 connection between emotional maturity and purity. I'm sorry but there isn't. Unless I misunderstood you I don't see how having lots of sex is going to make you more mature. I know virgins are thought of as being clueless like tim tebow but I can attest that not all virgins are naive. Its just a stereotype.
Ahh, excuse me, he went through, felt, and suffered all the emotional turmoil and experiences of us all and all of a pure, holy, righteous God also... what made him pure is that he went through and expereinced it all, but never once succumbed to it/them or gave in...

So, he was emotionally experienced and mature, yet pure at the same time, but, he went through hell emotionally, more than any of us have, cause included in his emotional experiences, were that of a pure, righteous, and holy soveriegn God...
 
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~Anastasia~

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If anyone regrets obeying God then why are they a christian? In the end whether you instill a value of purity in a person they will do what they want. There may be some extreme cases where people have sexual hangups because a parent was too hard on them about sex but in the end we all have choices to make and there are rewards and consequences for those choices.

What are the regrets someone has for staying pure even for their whole life? Jesus did it and he set the bar. Who cares what the world thinks who cares about the pressures of society to conform. We are told not to conform to this world. Christ didn't die for fun if this is an issue of someone regretting not losing their virginity earlier because of lost opportunity or fun what did you really gain by losing your virginity? We just have no values anymore as a society. We don't care about what the bible says we only care about fitting in and following men and not God.

Forgive me, but I'm afraid you completely misunderstood what I am saying.

The main context in which I am speaking is the best way in which to pass on virtues to teenage children, for example.
 
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Paidiske

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Looking at it slightly more widely, I think purity culture has harmed the church in that it's entrenched or reinforced the idea that the church is about control. Particularly with things like pledges made at church, purity balls, accountability partners as standard, etc, there's this idea that the church is out to control people, for the sake of it.

I actually think this is one of the most harmful beliefs held about the church by people outside it, one of the biggest obstacles to people being more willing to explore faith in the church. This idea that the church sees its role as dictating your moral choices, and the priest/pastor/minister is there as moral policeman.

That's not how I understand my role at all, but I often have to work really hard to get that out of the way before I can have any sort of useful conversation. And the way purity culture was constructed really didn't help.
 
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Neogaia777

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Looking at it slightly more widely, I think purity culture has harmed the church in that it's entrenched or reinforced the idea that the church is about control. Particularly with things like pledges made at church, purity balls, accountability partners as standard, etc, there's this idea that the church is out to control people, for the sake of it.

I actually think this is one of the most harmful beliefs held about the church by people outside it, one of the biggest obstacles to people being more willing to explore faith in the church. This idea that the church sees its role as dictating your moral choices, and the priest/pastor/minister is there as moral policeman.

That's not how I understand my role at all, but I often have to work really hard to get that out of the way before I can have any sort of useful conversation. And the way purity culture was constructed really didn't help.
"Just Hold on loosely, but don't let go... If you cling to tightly, your gonna lose control..." (good song)...

God Bless!
 
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Tetra

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Looking at it slightly more widely, I think purity culture has harmed the church in that it's entrenched or reinforced the idea that the church is about control. Particularly with things like pledges made at church, purity balls, accountability partners as standard, etc, there's this idea that the church is out to control people, for the sake of it.

I actually think this is one of the most harmful beliefs held about the church by people outside it, one of the biggest obstacles to people being more willing to explore faith in the church. This idea that the church sees its role as dictating your moral choices, and the priest/pastor/minister is there as moral policeman.

That's not how I understand my role at all, but I often have to work really hard to get that out of the way before I can have any sort of useful conversation. And the way purity culture was constructed really didn't help.
Really insightful and interesting take! Never considered the impact that way. Thanks @Paidiske for that. :)
 
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teresa

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Paidske, are we, the body of believers, the body of christ according to the bible?

Therefore as His hands and feet here on earth, yes, I do believe that we represent Him.

So we teach what He taught to others.

When people hear about Him from us and are converted, then they go about trying to live their new lives, with the help of the Holy Spirit and also from fellowshipping with us.

I gain strength to carry on the good fight by being alongside other believers at church.

In order to help teach and instruct in the ways of christ,

I'm seeing accountability partners as helpers that we are free to accept. The help is there if we want to make a choice to commit to overcoming various weaknesses.

I see love involved in this, not control.
 
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Received

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Purity Culture Definition:
Purity culture has an obsessive focus on virginity before marriage and on maintaining emotional purity that pervades fundamentalism and evangelicalism, made visible in purity balls, purity rings, purity pledges, and modesty teachings.

It ties your worth as a person to your virginity, not who you are in Christ.

NOTE: Remember, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, but there is something wrong about making virginity an idol, and that's what purity culture does.


As a millennial, the church was obsessed with purity culture during my childhood, you might remember books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, who now himself admits it was a mistake.

In a recent article by Ruth Graham:


I just picked up a new book titled Damaged Goods by Dianna Anderson... looking forward to reading it.

Purity Culture had a negative impact on my life, on my marriage, and I'm a male. I can't even image the imagine the negative impact on women. :( Purity balls, rings and the like, in my opinion are super weird and sometimes gross.

I am interested in responses from women on this one, and how purity culture impacted them?


The whole dang thing is legalism, i.e., forcing a change in action without the change in character toward Christlikeness through spiritual disciplines.

It's also a sort of negative reverberation for evangelical Christendom focusing so much on more superficial sins (i.e., anything sexual) rather than the bigger ones (e.g., pride). The church doesn't really know how to get a handle on the bigger sins because it doesn't know how to go about being a disciple of Jesus, in turn because it has no concept of the spiritual disciplines, instead focusing on a post-mortem Get-out-of-Hell-free theology. So what does it focus on? Those things that some members are able to handle and others aren't. It's the married preachers, youth pastors, and others in the church who emphasize purity, at least historically, and so put down a somewhat hypocritical gauntlet revolving around sexuality in the most sex-saturated society in history, all the while deeper sins (like pride, envy, ungodly anger, etc.) are given a quick touch on a Sunday sermon as opposed to an entire industry as with sex-related books for teens and young adults, and these deeper, more "mortal" sins are nowhere nearly as heavily emphasized as the more superificial, "venial" ones like those surrounding sexuality.

Rest in peace, Dallas Willard.
 
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teresa

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My changes in action come from first changing my character by the renewing of my mind, heart and soul, through Christ Jesus.

However, even though I love God so very much, I still fall to sin.

So having support and help fom my fellow beleivers, doesnt strike me as being false or bad or just for show.

These are my fellow brothers and sisters in christ helping myself and others in the flock to walk the walk, and not to stray.

I see this as an act of true love
 
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Paul Yohannan

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While it is true the couple performs the sacrament of matrimony on themselves, a priest is required to witness it, or a dispensation given to be married in some other way. Secret marriages are forbidden due to the issues they used to cause.

Interestingly, in the Eastern churches (EO, OO, Assyrian), the priest performs the sacrament on the betrothed.
 
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Paul Yohannan

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I'd like to clarify though, in your opinion, are girls less good if they made a mistake and had premarital sex? I just noticed you said good girls go fast.

Strictly speaking, yes, but the same applies to men. Also, the Orthodox Church will not ordain remarried men or men married to remarried women.
 
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Paidiske

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u2spicy, I think the problem comes in when we try to force the behaviour when it's not what people would otherwise choose.

Accountability partners are good, if you want to be accountable and to hold yourself to a standard. If they're imposed on you because you "should" have one, but there's no desire from the heart, they can be a problem. Same with pledges and balls and all the rest.

And I think this is what the world sees; that purity culture took people too young to be ready to be making these decisions, and tried to mould them in a certain way, without either providing the necessary supports or having good pastoral responses to the inevitable failures. And people ask themselves if that's what they want for themselves or their children, and decide that it is not; and really I can't blame them (after all, I've rejected attempts of others to control me, too!)

Encouragement is good, but it has to speak to the heart of what someone already wants; trying to encourage someone into something they don't want is going to backfire badly...
 
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teresa

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Paidiske

I'm having an aha moment!

People have to have the heart first.

I get what you're saying now.

I'm a new Christian, don't you know, so I'm struggling to understand so much.

But what you mean is that it's all in the heart.

Aw, gee, feeling warm fuzzies now!

Thank you, and forgive me for having senior moments.

Thank you for helping with understanding :oldthumbsup:
 
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Paidiske

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No apologies necessary! We're all in a different place along this walk.

One thing I'm very aware of, as someone who is happily married, is that I have little personal insight into the struggles of long-term single people. I often refer them to single colleagues for in-depth conversations, because I just don't know their struggles in the same way.
 
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redleghunter

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I'm a father myself, and it's not easy trying to teach a young girl how to navigate in the world.

Purity Culture for men I think looked a bit different. I remember it being very sex negative... almost like the worst thing I could do was have sex with someone. Even looking at a girl was instantly thought of as lusting after her. So we had men's meetings, accountability partners, etc. Everything about sex was shameful and discouraged. I was a virgin when I got married at 20, and I suppose I'm not afraid to write this, the first time we did have sex, I actually felt bad, like I did something wrong.

Sounds like growing up in an Irish Catholic home. I have some experience with that.

Ceremonies and group sessions aside, the Holy Scriptures call us to purity.

We as Christians should be teaching our children that fornication is wrong, and adultery is wrong.

It's tough being a young person living in the society man created. The simple rural life of people in past centuries had ages 15 and up treated as adults. Young people married younger to raise large families so they could survive. More kids more hands on the farm and more farming done. Better harvest.

Today most young people don't even consider marriage until late 20s or even 30s. Careers demand a lot. They have to eat and pay rent too.

So it's really hard for the young folks going back to the 80s on IMO.

Both my Christian nieces married young during college and graduated college. They are also having children younger which means healthier pregnancies and healthier children.

It's amazing what happens when we move closer to God's design and not man's design.
 
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redleghunter

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It was not until the eleventh century that the church insisted that all Christians be married by the church. Historically marriage is a covenant between two people. It is more recent that church and/or state have insisted that they witness and legitimize the union. Neither the church or the state marries the couple --- they marry each other.
Frankly the parents were quite involved in the West and East.

But you have it right. The families would get together throw a party and wait for evidence of consummation.

Much simpler in that era. People married a lot younger, got a plot of land and were on their own.

Not many young people today or in my generation would survive. Perhaps those in rural areas would.
 
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redleghunter

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One thing I forgot to mention in my original post, is that purity culture also is about the oppression of women, or the promotion that woman are property.

In a purity ball, it's a pact to her father she will be "pure" until her wedding night, where the father will then pass ownership of the daughter over to another man.
You have a source for this ownership agreement?
 
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rockytopva

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Matthew 22:11-14King James Version (KJV)
11 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:

12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.

13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

14 For many are called, but few are chosen.
 
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teresa

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Just another thought upon reflection....

I'm often advised to do the behavior first, even though I'm not yet quite wanting to do it.

My pastor told me that if I just keep doing the behavior alongside with counselors and sisters and brothers helping me, that I will come to be able to do the behavior naturally.

Something like "fake it to you make it" ideology?

For example, I may not want to give a public speech due to shyness, but if I take advice and prompting, and after practicing and such, I must get up and do it, even with trepidation....faking confidence if I need to, until confidence naturally comes along as a new trait.
 
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Paul Yohannan

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It was not until the eleventh century that the church insisted that all Christians be married by the church. Historically marriage is a covenant between two people. It is more recent that church and/or state have insisted that they witness and legitimize the union. Neither the church or the state marries the couple --- they marry each other.

This is of course inaccurate as an examination of the ancient canon law (see the Pedalion of St. Nicodemus the Hagiorite) would reveal.
 
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