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Featured The Negative Impact of Purity Culture

Discussion in 'Christian Philosophy & Ethics' started by Tetra, Jan 9, 2017.

  1. RayJeena

    RayJeena I'm physically phfffft Supporter

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    And then if they say they've "disowned" their son / daughter, that's when ideas of ownership come to light. Though how can one disown someone they never really owned in the first place is beyond me.

    -
     
  2. kevintri99

    kevintri99 New Member

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    what about the guy
     
  3. fide

    fide Member of His Body by grace

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    What you have just written does not make sense:
    "So you're suggesting I have to make purity an idol (purity culture), or I'm promoting promiscuity?!? I'm sorry but that doesn't make sense."

    No, I'm saying that (1) you ought not make anything an idol. (2) You ought not to dissuade anyone from what is a virtue - purity.
    Whatever it is that you find wrong, dangerous, then fine - warn people against making that false value an idol. BUT purity is NOT a false value - it is a true value, it is a virtue.

    Perhaps (and I hope) that you merely have not chosen the best words to describe what you want to describe. Some writers actually choose to misuse words to get people to read what they have written! But to speak of the idolatry of what is a Christian virtue (purity) is hardly the way to express Christian faith. To say that "nothing is wrong" with being a virgin is hardly the way to invite people into a discussion of Christian orthodoxy.

    I don't want to try to guess what you actually meant - but just responding to your words, I'd want to say that ambiguity in matters of religious truth is a dangerous thing. Clarity - precision - is helpful. Ambiguity, on the other hand, invites people to fill in the blanks themselves - and this can and does lead people astray. Some writers actually want this! I hope you did not.
     
  4. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    I did share some of my own experiences in this thread, and of course, you're welcome to share yours too! I was just hoping to get more women due to women being the focus of purity culture.

    Here was my experience.
    The Negative Impact of Purity Culture
     
  5. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    Maybe we have a misunderstanding, purity culture is about making purity an idol... I am against that.
     
  6. Paidiske

    Paidiske Bodily member Staff Member Purple Team - Moderator Supporter

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    If I may, I might point out that "purity culture" as Tetra is talking about it was/is a movement mostly within conservative evangelical circles. Members from other denominations/traditions will probably have experienced a completely different culture around questions of purity, and thus might well be confused by comments here because their experience doesn't line up with what's being described.

    This is not what I think is happening. "Purity culture" - as the mostly conservative evangelical movement I described above - carried a lot of messages which were very negative and damaging towards girls/women in particular but also men. It inculcated shame in a psychologically unhelpful way, and did not provide an avenue for the removal of that shame. It led people to attempt to reject parts of themselves, rather than integrate them into a maturity which acknowledged sexuality as God-given and good and expressed it appropriately.

    I think on the whole the assumption is that most men are not virgins and the question doesn't even arise. But if a man is not a virgin it doesn't carry the same sense of him being "second-hand goods" who won't provide the same satisfaction to the new "owner."

    Emotionally I think some women feel more secure knowing that they aren't competing with another woman in their partner/husband's memory.
     
  7. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    Can I just create the threads and let you defend them? :) You do a much better job explaining. Excellent post @Paidiske
     
  8. Tallguy88

    Tallguy88 Proud to be an American! Supporter Staff on LOA

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    My friend girl's (not girlfriend) mom had the rules for her kids dating like this:

    1. No dating before 16.
    2. Dates will be somewhere where a trusted adult is.
    3. No shutting your door when a date is over.

    Basically it was to prevent shenanigans. This was the rules for boys and girls.
     
  9. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    I want to support Tetra as the purity culture is a well know movement in evangelical conservative Christian circles. To say he doesn't know what he is talking about speaks in my mind that that person doesn't know what is happening in this segment of Christianity. After all, it isn't a new thing and its been know about and talked about for a decades now.
     
  10. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, if you didn't grow up in it, you might think we were talking about something else. It's a very specific subculture of evangelical Christendom.

    My little girl is 8 and is already asking me when she can date in the future. lol I have no idea what to say.
     
  11. Tallguy88

    Tallguy88 Proud to be an American! Supporter Staff on LOA

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    "Never!"
     
  12. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    It's funny you say that!!

    We were walking down the street when she asked me. School had just let out and we were walking towards a stop light... I said "why don't we ask these young ladies (maybe 17/18 years old) at the light what they think is a good age is?", my daughter said "YES!!" thinking they'd be on her side. So I asked the group of girls what they thought, and they all said at the same time... "you want nothing to do with boys!". I tell ya I bust out laughing. :D
     
  13. fide

    fide Member of His Body by grace

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    OK - guilty as charged! I have no familiarity with the language or issues of this "very specific subculture of evangelical Christendom". I left that world over two decades ago, and I think it must have arisen after that.

    If you folks know what it means, fine, and I'm sorry to have crashed the discussion. (I still don't like the term, however. It still is misleading, to me...)
     
  14. Tallguy88

    Tallguy88 Proud to be an American! Supporter Staff on LOA

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    Is a purity ball like a cotillion?
     
  15. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    No worries Fide, you didn't crash it man, conversations like this are good!! :)

    It was around the early 90's when this subculture arose. It wasn't just about purity, most people would think that was a good thing. It was more about being obsessed with purity, purity was everything, and it used shame as a tactic to influence people and their actions. It tied your worth as a person to your virginity. Women who were virgins were desirable, and women who weren't were impure and dirty. So if you were a girl who kinda messed up, you'd end up feeling worthless.

    I think people had good intentions deep down, but many people who grew up in it ended up kinda messed up.
     
  16. Tetra

    Tetra Well-Known Member

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    Not to sure what a cortillion is, but purity balls came just after my generation. We were the start of the movement, but purity balls continue to this day. It gained attention after a bunch of photographs got released that were kinda weird with fathers and daughters at these balls.

    If you get a chance to watch it, this is actually a really good documentary, that is fairly unbiased, and family friendly (no swearing etc). It interviews different people, some positive experiences, some negative.
     
  17. dhh712

    dhh712 Mrs. Calvinist Dark Lord

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    I hadn't known a purity culture existed until now. I am pleased to see that by what you are saying it appears that there is a renewed popular interest in no sex before marriage; that is a very good and biblical thing to do. It is a good thing however to keep in mind, as you said, to not turn this thing into an idol. Men and women come to Christ at different times in their lives and just because a woman has become converted at an earlier age and has not lost her virginity before marriage doesn't make her anymore "pure" than an older woman whom Christ has found while she had been a partaker of casual sex (or just plain intimacy before marriage with a long-time partner).

    My own background is of the latter and it actually has not affected me much, the purity culture that is. Christ found me when I had been a long-time atheist and had thought the sanctity of marriage was all nonsense. After I had become converted I of course wish I hadn't done those things, just like I wished I would not have had sinned in many ways. Yet I was not treated as an outcast by my husband when I met him, nor was I treated by anyone else as an outcast or someone less pure at the churches I went to (of course I didn't divulge any details of my prior personal romantic life, but I would always mention if the topic came up that I had been an atheist for nearly 20 years before being converted).

    So I think it is a good reminder to all Christians, especially those who from an early age believed upon Christ to not look down on others for having their conversion come at a later time in their life and, prior to that, acting just as an unregenerate heathen would. Remember that we all fall short of the glory of God and all were enemies of him until he softened our hearts. From our conversion onward we become new creatures in Christ and whatever pureness we have, it is only by his righteousness which he has given to us that we have it.​
     
  18. Widlast

    Widlast Well-Known Member

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    I'm not quite sure what "purity culture" is, but I'm tempted to dismiss anything with "culture" in the title as modern blather and nonsense. Do you intend to demean the idea of purity while you are dismantling this so called culture?
     
  19. Jason0047

    Jason0047 Agent for Christ

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    I never even heard of such a thing as purity balls. Crazy. But I do not think it is much of a problem as say those who think they can have sex outside of marriage. That is a problem that is a lot worse in today's day and age. For the wide spread acceptance of porn and open sex is invading our culture. Are we to look in lust at every person of the opposite sex we see? Surely not. Jesus said that if a person looks upon a woman in lust they commit adultery and they even could be potentially cast into hell fire bodily by committing such a sin (obviously with no repentance of course). Adultery was about cheating on your wife. So the sin goes to the heart of one's thoughts or desires. Fornication is having sex before marriage. So it is possible to do this sin your heart, as well. Sex or sexual thoughts is reserved for marriage according to the Bible.

    As for what to say to your daughter in who she can date: Tell her that she she should only date a fellow Christian man who desires to follow Jesus and His good ways. If she has not accepted Christ yet, than I would encourage her to focus on doing that before dating somebody that they would want to potentially marry. For without Christ at the center of the marriage, there is no real glue to make the relationship truly stick together (Especially when the storms of life come at them).


    ...
     
  20. FireDragon76

    FireDragon76 Well-Known Member

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    The purity promoted by purity culture is not the sort of purity that you'ld find as an ideal in the greatest examples of Christian saints. Some of the early Church fathers said that one can be a virgin, and not be a virgin inwardly.

    If anything, this is a bronze age value wrongly imposed on modern society, about fathers controlling daughters so that they will be good marriage material and bring in influence and a dowry (who does dowries and arranged marriages anymore?). Yes, it's the ideal to be a virgin when you get married, but real life is complicated. And you aren't damaged goods just because you aren't a virgin. There's plenty of men and women out there who aren't so judgmental.
     
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