The need to be liked and accepted

What happens when someone doesn't hopelessly chase after things as a poor man without proper use? Who wants to be friends or nice to someone as a money pit? As the Bible says the voice says "give, give"
But what do you have to offer? Do you have?

christianforumsuser said:

Don't have fellowship with sinners, even ones who say they read the Bible

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Don't fellowship with sinners, huh?

That basically means that no one can fellowship with anyone, as we're all sinners. Only one can claim to be with out sin.

nanookadenord said:

Don't fellowship with sinners, huh?

That basically means that no one can fellowship with anyone, as we're all sinners. Only one can claim to be with out sin.

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Be spiritually minded and in Him by faith
The Law is for the knowledge of sin. Not to be in sin and have endless debate to admit righteousness by His works
Which works?

christianforumsuser said:

Be spiritually minded and in Him by faith
The Law is for the knowledge of sin. Not to be in sin and have endless debate to admit righteousness by His works

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Uh, what? Maybe you can explain better what you said above?

Do you believe that you are sinless?

nanookadenord said:

Uh, what? Maybe you can explain better what you said above?

Do you believe that you are sinless?

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This thread is for Ben Collyer I think. Just read the Bible.

christianforumsuser said:

This thread is for Ben Collyer I think. Just read the Bible.

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Then I will private message you for the answer.

My oldest grandson is blind. His mother went to college after his birth and became a teacher for the blind. She sent me this link:

https://www.goalcast.com/2017/10/27/vera-jones-blind-son-taught-mother-vision/

Those who verbally abused me didn't realize that God can still use me. I learned to have compasssion for people who are ridiculed and bullied or have disabilities.

Ben Collyer said:

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

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Dear Ben ,I see you are from the UK . May I ask where you are to get an idea of the culture -it matters .

Shellfish said:

Hello Ben,
I have been a born again Christian for over forty years and have struggled with self image and not feeling truly loved by God the Father as you have. I have struggled with chronic depression since I was a child and was an emotional cripple for a good part of my life.
I have looked for worldly help with this also as you have with no permanent success.
Sin was not the issue as I repeatedly put any failures and sins under the blood of Jesus and confessed them to him and as the scripture says that he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. The peace of God through Jesus Christ was also lacking at times in my life even though I constantly strived for it.
My biggest issue it seemed was my being able to relate to God the Father. My own Father was an abusive alcoholic and I was never emotionally connected to him, even though I was able to forgive him ( which is imperative to do for a Christian to have peace in their life) through Christ and prayed for his salvation.
The only thing that has completely changed things for me was having an intimate relationship with God the Father and truly feeling his deep abiding true love for me.
When i started praying to God as my "real Papa" who loved me so much that he gave his only begotten son for me even if I alone needed a savior...then and only then did I fell his companionate Papa's love flooding over me! It happens every time that I come as a little child and sit one his knee. It says in scripture that you need to come as a little child.
Well the name Father didn't cut it for me to get close to God's heart, to have that childlike relationship that I so desperately needed.
Ben I can only tell you that i have intimacy with God the Father that I have never had by realizing that he is more then a Father( my image of what a Father was)...he is my Papa that overwhelmingly loves me. I cry a lot in his presence now and have an overwhelming peace and sense of security that I have never had. For the first time I don't need approval from man as I feel accepted and complete in God! He has given me his love for mankind and my prayer life has changed for the better. I read my scriptures daily (imperative to stay strong) with a renewed ferver and greater understanding.
In the past I have read other's comments that we shouldn't call him daddy or Papa because it is not respectful and that had kept me from experiencing his intimate love. I would have loved to be able to call my earthly father daddy or Papa but i could not because he caused me such pain and those terms of endearment (daddy, Papa) always came from people I knew that had kind, gentle, loving fathers.
Ben please get close to "Papa" God's heart and experience his special love for you alone! You are his very special and unique child that he knew before the foundation of the world and created you special for his purpose to fulfill on this earth.
Lovingly,
Shelly and "Papa"

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What are saying is very important ,as God is our oringinal father , papa,or ABBA as the Jewish people call Him .He loved them ,because they were the first people who truly understood this very personal intimate relationship He wishes to have with His children .
He is both our amazing God of all creation , and our Papa ,too .

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

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If your personal happiness depends on how others perceive you, you're bound to be really disappointed in life.

If we look at the life of Jesus the man as an example, I think we'd all agree that he was a very good person, a loving person, a compassionate and enlightened person, with every positive attribute that one could hope for in a human being. For all his his wonderful attributes and for all his compassionate efforts during his life on Earth, the "crowds" decided to torture him, nail him to a cross and kill him.

Nobody is really ever going to fully "know" you, know what's in your heart, know what kind of person you really are, etc. They'll have various "beliefs" about you that will change over time, that will go up and down, and often won't be anything close to accurate.

I'd suggest that you stop looking for "approval" from others for starters. Just do what you know in your heart to be right, be loving and compassionate towards other, trust yourself, and don't worry about how others perceive you. Humans are fickle and unpredictable. Their beliefs will never be 100 percent accurate and you could never hope to please everyone all the time. Even Jesus himself couldn't make everyone love him all the time while he walked this Earth, so how could you or I ever hope to do so?

I'd suggest that you take up meditation, and communicate your feelings to God inside, and learn to relax. If you haven't read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, I'd highly recommend that book. He explains how most people either waste their time and energy by dwelling on the past, or they fret and worry about the future, and they tend to miss the experiences in life that are actually happening right before them in the present moment. That's a horrible trap that tends cut one off from happiness, and we all do it to ourselves to some degree or another.

I'd suggest that you spend less time thinking about and processing your past. You can't change it and it doesn't sound that great anyway. Try to focus on keeping your mind, your attention and your awareness on the present moment and on people that you're interacting with in the present moment. Get out in nature more often. Listen to the birds singing. Watch some sunsets and some sunrises and focus your attention on what's happening before you in the present moment. Just be loving towards others and don't worry about their opinions about you.

Whatever you do, do *not* judge yourself based on how other judge you. Christ himself couldn't make everyone happy all the time while in human form, so please don't use such a fickle criteria to judge yourself. That's bound to be disappointing and it can only lead to heartache and depression. Just do your best and let the chips fall where they may as it relates to how others perceive you. God knows what's in your heart, but other human beings certainly do not. God loves you too, even if nobody else does, and even if you don't love yourself. Remember that.

Some people read the most profound things and say "yeah I know all about this"
I spoke to a man once and he said the Bible was "common sense"

I have no idea how to spell this out without God's way

If I told you man to man what good would it be or what good am I by nature
In dating or business interviews people put on nice clothes and put on their best show and act so sweet. In marketing too. People do whatever the mass does, sin and all. It's normal to them and not called sin. It gets darker and blurred and before long a small compromise and disobedience can put someone like Adam in this world. But Jesus Christ is the New Adam, a Living River.
People might treat someone nice as they have something to gain from them. Lots of relationships are disposable and cold these days once someone decides to do what they want selfishly. People should be able to forgive and give. If you want advice how to smile or be confident, you might as well buy from some peddler. If it works, great.

Dear Ben Colliyer. God is Love, and God Loves us, you included. In Matthew 22:35-40: Jesus tells us: The first and great Commandment is Love God with all thy hearts, with all thy souls, and with all thy minds. The second is like it, Love thy neighbour as thyself." In verse 40 we are told: on these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. God wants our love and compassion, Love God forst and love our neighbour, ( all we know and all we meet) love them as we would be loved, treat all as we would love to be treated. Give up all selfish desires and wants, and start loving and caring. Love is very catching, and before we realise, we will be the loving men and women which our Father in Heaven wants.
Jesus our Saviour, died that we might live, Jesus will lead us back to God, JESUS IS THE WAY. Let us all keep asking for Love: Matthew 7: 7-10: Ask and you shall receive, we ask for Love and Compassion, then we thank God and start loving and caring. God will BLESS us greatly. Why not give it all a try, Ben. God wants loving sons and daughters, and Love is very catching. I say this with love and send greetings. From Emmy, your sister in Christ. God will greatly love you.

Ben Collyer said:

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

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Bro what everything in this beautiful world is spiritual...look at the earth orbiting without anything supporting it...do you think there isn't any spiritual force behind it? Look how perfectly round the moon is, Do think there isn't any engineer behind it? What i can say is believe in God and he will take away all your burdens, he created every one for a reason...look in this big world You have a fingerprint that nobody can match...be happy and praise him ...always pray and put your mind to what you know best and you will be happy...also try helping the needy person..or share what you've got..open you heart and happiness is awaiting you.

Ben Collyer said:

Great answers so far! Question: Did God create man with a need for social acceptance, or is our need of acceptance only satisfied in the acceptance of the Lord himself?

put another way: Is the driving need for people to like me a result of my unbelief of Gods love

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I would say humans were created with a desire to be appreciated. Whether a Christian or not. Show me the person who is content knowing that nobody appreciates them! We were not made to be isolated creatures that's for sure.

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

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I am sorry you are having these struggles. I will pray for you. God bless you.

Maybe I shouldn't have responded so many times here
Or written that length
God wants perfect sons. No matter what, He is the only One who will help
If man never knew a bit bitter, or a bit conflict, what place would love have?
If supported like woman are so weak! Only God can say that without adding "no offense" as He has a purpose
To never know or understand, or think you do as far as limits go!
Men express and it hurts...
You must go where you belong...as long as men (and female) have had their use

If I have only known the mind of an outcast and madman...not some sheltered high class...though seeing it...It's an outer appearance
What hero is there if he's not of God
Trying to be the captain written of in the Bible but losing out on all the spiritual, hopefully to desire for it by Him
As if people can continue in the abstract daily sacrifice mere animals had our iniquities on them. But Jesus had it passed, so man can be born again

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

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You have avoidant personality disorder like I do. Its the extreme form of social anxiety and has a strong grip on one's mind forcing them to feel the effects of delusional beliefs. Had a emotional traumatic childhood with a single mother leaving me scared of not being approved/liked by others since in turn I was always afraid of her disapproval and verbal lashing since I never did anything right.

One thing I can advise is stop pornography/non-marital [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Constantly flooding your brain with dopamine makes your receptors resistant decreasing your overall mood/motivation/etc.. causing increased depression/anxiety. For some reason my libido up and disappeared so I have it easy resisting this great sin I use to be addicted to. The effects are great when your dopamine receptors return back to normal. I have more confidence/less anxiety about others/dont put women on a pedestal. This of course isn't limited to porn. Constant dopamine release from video games/drugs/etc.. produces the same effect.

I've been lifting weights for 5+ years and closing on 8% bodyfat, but it had no real noticeable effect unlike No-Fap where I see and feel a big difference. As far as the core of the issue, im still on the fence if its a chemical inbalance of dopamine in the brain or just a mindset one forms deeply. I say this because dopaminergic drugs completely get rid of it, but not a substitute or solution at all.

You also have the basic instructions to overcome obstacles in life:

1. Read the Bible everyday
2. Pray everyday
3. Fellowship with other believers

Hi Ben, i hope you gotten a lot of great advice so far. Im exactly the same way. I talked to a chaplain a few months back, and one verse he gave me thats been helping is Romans 5:3-4 among all the other great guidance that was shared. Any voice that tells you youre not good enough, its a lie. Flat out. I love you brother.

Dear Ben Collyer. God is Love and God Loves us all. Jesus died that we might live, and Jesus is our Saviour, He is our Way. I have mentioned it all before, but it is VERY IMPORTANT. God LOVES US. and God is LOVE. Jesus tells us in Matthew 22: 35-40: The First and great Commandment is LOVE GOD with all thy hearts, with all thy souls, and with all thy minds. LOVE our Heavenly Father.
The Bible tells us: give up all selfish and unloving words and deeds, Love God with all our beings, and love our neighbour as we love ourselves. That is straightforward, and God is our Heavenly Father, God is LOVE. Love is also very catching, love will surround us and flow from us. Ask God to help us and we CANNOT go wrong. Love God and love our neighbour, love each other, as we love ourselves. That is what God wants from us, and God will LOVE us always. Satan will run away from all love and compassion, we know that for sure, the Bible, God`s Word to us, tells us so. I say this with love, Ben. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.